the rhea

I have some bad, borderline sinister diarrhea going on here. It could be stress related, or possibly related to the questionable red wine I drank much of last night. It recalls the diarrhea of ca. 2001, when I chugged a mini bottle of Sutter Home, discovering too late that the bottom quarter was just chunks. The next day was the stuff of legend. But let's break the current situation down:

BUBB: What is the worst part about your diarrhea?
KYLE: Y'know Bubb, it's not the GI pain, the suffering, or the immobility.
BUBB: What is it, dog? The smell? The SMELL !!!?!!
KYLE: Nope. It's the sting. Those first wipes cause...abrasions.
BUBB: Anal abrasions, dog?
KYLE: You betcha. Then the next time around, guess what? It leaks in. Gets right in there and burns. And burrrrrns...
BUBB: Mmmm.....

A train of thought about pursuits

I need something awesome to do. It should be enjoyable and worthwhile. Ideally there is some creativity to it, but ideally this creativity is not fully mental.

If I had my ideal, it would definitely be the ol' write a book. Tough to embrace that goal after 9 hours of reading though. Keep looking.

Musical instrument would score high in the worthwhile dimension. I don't have a lot of music in me, but something to try. Sax is too loud. Harmonica is nice and portable. Talking drum. yeahhhh.

I need a hookah and a talking drum. Then i'll be beat cool, which isn't bad.

I should make something. An instrument would be nice. I'll go to that scrap box place and see if I get any ideas there. What else would be a good creation... Picture frame. Nintendo games holder. Anal intruder.

Meditation is a good one, but not something I'll really be able to look forward to or be excited to take a night off for.

I could recontinue my pursuit of homeless-guy-wisdom. Sure.

Social games like the rejection contest is a good one. Kinda need a partner in crime for that though. Do I know anyone that would be down for that type of thing here? Could do it long distance with one of the cousins I suppose. Then write the experiences, maybe make a blog and eventually a novel... nice. Sp what other social games would be cool? Unrequited staring contests. The bad pick-up line challenge. Lying to strangers kind be amusing, but unlikely to lead to a whole lot of social wisdom. Same goes for things like, only speak in questions, fake accent day, etc. Maybe a bar crawl where I have to get in a conversation with the first person i see at every bar.

I could write a book where I go up to 1000 random people and say, "give me some wisdom"

Urban Survival was always pretty appealing. I could adapt it by having people drop me off in random places with no money, and see how long it takes me to complete 5 challenges. Like an urban scavenger hunt. Yeah, urban scavenger hunt! Hard to do that for just a few hours on some weekday night though. I'm straying from me goal here.

I could decorate my walls somehow. Paint? post-its with thoughts on them? That would be kinda creepy. Cool too though. I could just draw little designs with a fine tipped sharpie. Not bad.

I wish I could draw. Writing comic strips for student newspaper would be pretty sweet. I could use photoshop or something I guess. Too much computer staring already though.

What other cool physical things could I make in my apartment? Sewing? I wonder if I could make a tiny pinball game. Legos? Widdling has the advantages of knives but the disadvantage of woodchips. I could combine body parts of different stuffed animals into hybrid stuffed animals and perform sick stuffed animal genetic experiments. Good one. Not sure what I'd do with the stuffed animal mutants though. Ebay? I think this is the best idea yet. Might as well throw some numbered certificates of authenticity in there. what else... I could make one of those marble games where you turn nobs and avoid obstacles. Nice. I wonder if I could get all the parts of a watch shipped and then make that. Would need some tiny tools though.

I could invent some sort of dart game against myself. Kinda depressing though. Being a badass at darts would be nice I guess. Inventing a board game is a good one. Perhaps a mixture of "would you rather" and "rock-em sock-em robots."

Cooking would be nice and worthwhile. Only worth doing before meals though, which is no good. Unless I cooked some sort of beverage.... I could make my own tea blends...

I'll check this out tomorrow and see what still makes sense.

just overheard out my window

(this is all drunkenly screamed. there is a dramatic shit in tone 80% of the way through though, as it goes from a sense of pain to a great optimism)

I NEED ASPIRIN! Fuck! FUCK! Ice Creammmm!

My Hero

Kurt Vonnegut

A Sports Illustrated exerpt about Kurt Vonnegut:

He was an SI man! This from his son Mark Vonnegut's introduction to Armageddon in Retrospect, a collection of unpublished pieces by his father: "He was not good at being an employee. Back in the mid-1950s, he was employed by Sports Illustrated, briefly. He reported to work, was asked to write a short piece on a racehorse that had jumped over a fence and tried to run away. Kurt stared at the blank piece of paper all morning and then typed, 'The horse jumped over the f------ fence,'' and walked out, self-employed again.' ''

Inspiring.

Brant, after weighing all other options, in

My story is not a sad one. My life has been pretty good for a while. I am in an obsessive, productive phase. I am totally absorbed with learning about money and gambling. I manic-depressively have been sucking up information trying to come up with new ideas. This was most likely turned on due to rejection. In the last couple of years a lot of my musings have been focused on the idea that anyone is capable of achieving anything they wish. When we are in grade school teachers tell us that we can be anything we want when we grow up, yet many people are envious of other people's situations. I don't get it. Where is the lapse? When does a person give up on his goals? More importantly, why do some people look at somethings as too daunting to begin. For example, it drives me fucking crazy when people make excuses as to why they are not good at something..."well, I'm just not good at math"...well the problem lies not within your ability to do arithmatic, it lies in your ability to try hard, to begin a daunting journey towards a goal, your lack of self-confidence. We all have the resources at our fingertips to become professional mathmaticians if we would like, you can take open-source MIT courses, learn on youtube, or read a friggin' book. Why are so many people overweight? I don't get it, why don't you have enough confidence in yourself to put down the cheeseburger and run? I postulate that all of our inner-selves should be arrogant, narcissistic monsters. Humility on the outside and a scorpion on the inside. My favorite movie right now is There Will be Blood. The guy is haunted by oil and money. I want to punch slow people in the face. If you want something handed to you, I'm going to hand you my excrement while I use your spine as launching pad to devour the top-rung. Get excited and destroy.

Anyway, that's what I have been thinking about lately. Of course I am unable to practice what I preach. I am trying to become more resilient to quiting when I study, when I exercise, resilient to laziness, but I have a long way to go. I waste many mornings with my mind still functioning half-assed. Also, I have not really achieved anything so I cannot preach with any credibility.

Rubb, on creativity: I think it was naive of myself when I used to think that I could get by on creativity alone. I think the more realistic pathway to a life well lived is become a master of your field( or hobby) first. Once you have achieved this then it is time to begin training your mind to wander (i.e. drugs, dreaming, depravation). You have to first stand upon the backs of your predecessors, then form new synapses. A suggestion: the sober mind is much more facile than the poisoned. I beleive that on occasion you need to go berserck and show your brain that your not afraid to punish it, but doing this is easy and mindless, one should not . Instead learn something new.

I'm bored of my own writing

Rubb: In

I was going to write something about how I too am hitting some lows. But Captain Ron? Jesus Kyle. There's not much lower than that.

CounsinFun: I've been planning on writing a blog for a while about coming up with some fun shit to do while we're all out there for the wedding. Jeremy's birthday is May 21, so we'll definitely get into something (bars or camping) that night. I'm around the week after the wedding, and suggest some backpacking. There has been some talk of traveling by river, specifically the Green River from southwest colorado to moab. I have been planning to research this possibility a bit more before writing about it, but oh well. Let me know if you think it would be a good idea. I know it's possible to rent rafts in Colorado and return them in Moab, but we have the problem of high water and not knowing shit about rafting.

My Life: I've been completely dominated by school for as long as I can remember. It's very mentally demanding so when I'm not doing it, I just want to watch stupid shit on television or get hammered. This belief that the time I spend not working should be a complete mental vacation is definitely problematic, and definitely the reason why I haven't blogged or done much of anything else worth doing for a while. 3 more weeks..

Research Findings: I've made two this year, which is strong. 1 is that people make inferences based on other people's memory. So if I hear about a bad restaurant experience from someone that took place a long time ago but they remember it very well, then I think it must have been really bad. Not soo surprising, but might be influential because it's the first to show that this occurs.
The other finding is about psychic numbing. When people are given a good thing and the opportunity to trade for another good thing, they generally don't trade, because they like their first thing, and this is called the endowment effect. When you give someone 8 good things and the opportunity to trade for 8 other things, trading rises to 50%, because when there's a bunch of them, people get less attached. However, it's different when these things are negative. When you give them 8 negative things and the opportunity to trade for 8 other negative things, they almost always stay with their original 8. It's a hrad decision and one they don't want to think about, so they just turn off and stay with the status-quo.
This was actually a quite amusing experiment to run. We needed something negative that we could give to experiment subjects, and we needed a lot of them. It's hard to get away with inflicting anything painful on them, and we didn't want to give them something that they would just throw away.
We decided to tell subjects that it was a taste-test for experimental flavors of yogurt. So we mixed 16 positive flavors of yogurt (cinnamon, mango), and 16 negative flavors of yogurt (horseradish, anise, chili, tarragon, celery salt, sage, mustard, onion, wasabi...) We actually made these yogurts, made packaging for them, and made over a hundred people eat them. Fun stuff. A few gagged, which made me gag.


What else. I had "the talk" with my girlfriend fairly recently. She accused me of having a fear of commitment. My response was that my fear of commitment is like my fear of snakes. It's not something I want to get over.

I haven't been grocery shopping in months and I eat either jimmy johns or subway every single day.

I saw The Slackers a few nights ago. Awesome band. Ska. Check it. Seeing Soulive saturday probably.

I'm a complete beer snob.

I plan to get my adventure on in late july / early august. might be as small as a few weeks in colorado or as big as a month in katmandu. compromise of 3 weeks in south america is probably the most likely. Anyone interested? Dates are flexible, and I know the possibility of some Jake-back mountain rises the later I can push it back.

I've vowed to be more artistic. To make something with my hands. 3 more weeks... Also more passionate, expressive, adventurous, spontaneous, etc.

I'm here

I'm here, Cheese. Hi. I've too been busy hitting new lows to blog. Broken electrode problems, speech deadlines and stress, terribly sore feet from indoor soccer after a 7 year non-exercising hiatus, and a nasty gash on my head from slamming into a door frame after too much wine. I really hit rock bottom when, flipping through tv stations, I found the best thing to watch was Captain Ron...and then grew upset when it was delayed due to a basketball game. Man oh man.

Am I the only one left in the cuzzin blog?

2 things that are just as much fun as I remember them being long ago.

Computer Paint

I made this awesome cartoon yesterday while I was bored at work.

Fuckin Legos

I found a huge box of my old legos at my parents house. Grace and i have been playing the hell out of them. I'll even build lego shit while she's sleeping(and yes I know how big of a loser I am now). Every bit as fun as I remember.

Yelling at the wind.

Sometimes I wish I could yell at entities that couldn't possibly hear me, much less respond to me. Sometimes these entities are inanimate objects, sometimes they are large corporations, and sometimes they are just figments of my imagination. Examples:


The Yellow Pages

Hey Yellow Pages, don't you know that nobody uses you anymore? Don't you know that there's this thing called the interweb where you can get any bit of information you need in seconds? Like phone numbers.....and addresses? You fucking idiot. So stop showing up on my doorstep every six months all new and stupid. I don't care about you anymore. Dick.


Wind

Oh you're a sneaky fucker. Why is that its so painfully obvious when you're working against me but I can never tell if you're actually helping me along the way? I hate you because you're in my face and yet I still can't see you. Oh, and thanks for blowing dirt in my eyes the other day. And I really appreciate it when you flip my umbrella inside out. Nobody likes you except maybe people who sail and no one with any self respect sails.


Zits

What the hell is your purpose?? Seriously, I can't think of any reason why a painful, red, exploding demon on my goddamn face would help me, but thats just me. And by the way, I'm fucking 32 years old! Leave me the fuck alone already! I could make a case against the existence of god purely based on pimples.

Marijuana

I don't remember why I'm mad at you.

The TV

I know you can't hear me but I'm gonna yell at you anyway you fucking sell out. What happened to good wholesome programs like the Dukes of Hazzard(minus the implied racism), Knight Rider(guy talks to a car, love it), Thunder Cats(kinda gay but cool anyway), and Three's Company(awesome 80s guy living with two bimbos)?


Now my choices are shows like: Desperate Housewives(sounds great), The Real Housewives(as if the "fake" ones weren't bad enough), Keeping Up With The Kardashians(apparently the only requirement for celebrity today is a "leaked" sex tape), Pokemon(you're better off puching your kid in the face than letting them watch this shit), and American Idol(this show just proves how stupid human beings are). And this is just the tip of the iceberg on the crap out there.

So fuck you TV, everyone is retarded now because of you.

Wait

I've become totally obsessed with Tom Waits (again). Dee's response to this news: "oh, no."

I'm diving deeper into the catalog this time 'round, but my favorites at the moment are Closing Time (for his meloncholy), Nighthawks at the Diner (for his diner lounge side), and Rain Dogs (for his quirky)...if you make it through this one, and like it, you'll find the last song to be amongst the greatest album closers ever. Right up there with The End from The Doors first album...he kind of has that same hypnotic lead-man thing going on actually here.

And in related news, more nipples.

ATTENTION COUSINS!!

nipples




that is all.

The Sandwich Prize

In case anyone was wondering, the prize of the sandwich contest that i dominated all of your sorry asses in (lettuce? please.) was "the world's smallest care package." It contained "everything i'll ever need" which is:

-1/8 ounce of dehydrated tobasco, ear plugs, a mystery pill, pot seeds, a wet nap, lipton, a bottle opener, money (1 penny), food (one teddy gram), a button, some lotion, a bandaid, a tum, and a mysterious white ball, and air.

thanks matt. i'm chewing the teddy gram as i write this.

Gear Testers

Both Outside Magazine and Backpacker Magazine are doing gear review contests where you submit a sample review for the chance to get published in their respective magazines. Backpacker's prize is actually a full 12 month reviewer job and a chance for more. I thought it would be a fun thing to try:

http://www.backpacker.com/backpacker_gear_tester_contest/gear/12734?utm_source=newsletter01&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=newsletter01

http://outside.away.com/outside/gear/gear-army-index.html

Cournoyer Cuzzins blogging since 2005

I just noticed that we have been blogging since 2005! wewwhoo! You should go back and look at some 2005 ones they are still very funny. Here is an excerpt of one that is particularly relevant...whipitjjface... "whipitjjface, I believe is really into breasts. That is wonderfully clever. Personally, I am more of a fourth or fifth-tier porn viewer where forays with scat and urine are not uncommon. I got hit on last night in a bar...pretty fatly modest looking girl. I also have noticed your guys affluency for lists or "best of"s here's an entry for you BEST ADVERB(I think): Fatly"

Research Help

Every now and then, I get fun brain-storming projects for school. A professor and I come up with a research project or test, and then get into the details of trying to determine the perfect something to give to subjects for an experiment.

Right now, what we need is this:
We're going to give something to subjects. Something they don't want. But it can't be anything that could get us in trouble, like serious pain or humiliation. The final difficult catch is that it has to be something that can exist as either one, several, or a pack of several. The "pack" or the "several" shouldn't cost more than $5 or $10.

A few of the examples I've come up with:
-gross candy, such as gummy bandaids. (cheap, easy to pack, but not that aversive).
-unpleasant sounds that they have to listen to. (good, easy, but hard to pack...maybe 1 song, ten songs, whole cd)
-something embarassing, like tampons for guys.
-another survey (1 page, 10 page, a ten page survey)

Feel free to help if you want. I'm happy to talk about the hypothesis if you're interested.

Observation

Farting while doing sit-ups is not such a good idea.

Best Caption Wins!

Finish the sandwich contest

Peanut Butter and ________ sandwich.

Winner of my choosing gets a surprise gift in the mail. Limit one entry per person.

linkery

http://www.yesbutnobutyes.com/archives/2007/03/top_15_unintent.html

i like the #1 the best, so much so that i am suspicious of editing.

For the Smiths

I know you smith kids will appreciate this nice little party trick.

Turn a Match into a Rocket

Tightly wrap the head of a paper match with a small piece of tinfoil. Take a needle and pierce the tinfoil at the very tip of the match head. Place the match on the mouth of an empty bottle. Hold a flame to the tinfoil for a few seconds. Liftoff! (Number 3 on the diagram)

In You, Endo

You know what, there is a lot of sexual innuendo associated with tools. First of all, tool, of course. But there are so many others. Screw, hammer, nail, nut…I greased up my tool, screwed her from the top, hammered her from the bottom, worked her from behind, nailed her from the side, then nutted and bolted. Really, there are few items that aren’t in use as innuendo, but perhaps they should be. Let’s see now. I took one look at her washer, and decided then and there I would wrench it one day with my hot glue gun. No? How about: ooooh, my, hand me a tape measure and that tube of white caulk!

Best Rant Ever

http://www.hulu.com/watch/56636/saturday-night-live-really-michael-phelps

www.hulu.com rocks by the way.

I need a display name

I would like a display name that is a play on my real name, Jeremy Charles Smith. mike literus is only funny for, well, not very long. i need something pleasing yet sophisticated. something that rolls off the toungue and yet still sounds like a poorly executed fart joke.

any suggestions?


I also like the last blog post about acronyms. if you, my beloved cousins, are so inclined, i would like to propose another creative seed. someone give me a defination for the word flog or flogger.

BMW

I need help with a humorous meaning to the acronym BMW (the car). The real acronym stands for Bavarian Motor Works but I'm looking for a humorous alternative. Anything goes.

OBAMA'S HUGE PACKAGE DOES LITTLE TO STIMULATE

President Barack Obama's king size package may not provide the stimulation lady liberty needs. One reputable source is quoted as saying, "although the package looks big, its basically just nuts!" How deep will the package penetrate? A source close to the president said that people will feel the trickle down from the package in their hands, though most of it will be received in their pockets. Yet, skeptics of his package say the two main pieces are are so close to taint. "When he blows it I am going to take it on the chin," said another. After personally observing the package I have learned of this funny looking part of the package that is sandwhiched between pork and the "legs" of the package. Just as this article was being printed, a bisexual street walker exclaimed, "on the inside I like his package."

Kyle inside Kyle

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cQ7J7UjsRqg

Kyle inside Kyle, Rubby, are you guys performing research like this? Finally, humanity is making headway.

Sticky Rubb

I have it on good authority that, for many years now, Bubb Rubb has been using the goo from Flex Armstrong for filthy, indecent purposes.

PLEASE HELP MY COLON!!!!

My colon is filthy, and I'm goddamn sick of it. I'm thinking it's high time I considered some serious cleansing. I really have no idea why, but I'm convinced this is a good idea. Does anyone have any suggestions? It certainly doesn't need to be limited to my colon, I'm interested in any techniques that might have a benefit on my stomach, intestines, everything. I want to completely overhaul the whole system. Out with the bad, in with the fragrant ass-water, that's what I always say.

I know Dee had a good experience with a fast (lemon, peppers and water or something?). Could you tell me more about this?

I also know that Brian had a hardcore experience at some sort of colon cleansing retreat, like a colon rehab, which sounds a bit excessive, but I'd love to hear about that too if you're still a member of the cousin party, which we all hope you are. Perhaps a graphic account of your weekend of shitting could be your triumphant return.

Unicorns

In the spirit of new words, I have a new word for 2009: Unicorn

Its a person who is an extremely hard to find double minority.

Examples:

Gay hippie
Black Jew
Obese Vegetarian
Alcoholic Mormon
Muslim Feminist

Insult Archetypes

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Stuff White People Like

Rarely is a web-site impressive enough to have a cousin party pooing devoted entirely to it. Only the most holiest of links are worthy of this honor, such as Garfield Minus Garfield or perhaps that video with 1000 phillipino prisoners dancing to Thriller. The time has come for another recipient of this sacred honor.

I present to you, fair cousins, Stuff White People Like. Click on the stuff white people like for deeper descriptions of stuff white people like.

My new slang

Slinging Hooey
(dealing drugs on the corner)

Free Dinney Blowout
(dinner back at the folks)

Cheap Dinney Crackah
(saltines for dinner)

Wishboning
(breaking a leg, or sex if you have a large member)

Does it smell like awsome?
(appropriate response to most questions)

Flugging
(picking at those protruding mole/skin growth things)

Flugging deep
(picking until it bleeds)

The Choco Taco
(term for filthy act highlighted in Bubb Rubb's earlier post)

Deep Fluggy Choco Taco
(self explanatory)

Mad Libs

I recently went on a trip to a 10th mountain division hut near Basalt. We spent 2 nights there, and brought 2 full sized honey baked hams and about 8 bottles of liquor, despite the 7 mile hike in through deep snow. What follows is an account of the journey that Jeremey and I wrote for the guest book in Mad Libs style, which was then filled in by the group.


13 (headlamps) and a Hut…

• It all began on (4-20-80). 13 friends realized that the best (balls) in life are (stews) and (fucking) with friends, so we booked a hut. The time finally came, and we felt (yellow) and full of (lust).

• The night before, we (exquisitely) packed our bags with plenty of (snow-boots) and (steamy) (ham). We had trouble (pooping) because we were too (pusillanimous)! So we spent the night (masturbating) each other…

• The next morning was as cold as a (giraffe)'s (armpit) so we wrapped ourselves in (ham-bones), but once we started we were sweating like (Justin Timberlake), so we stripped off our (shanks). Once we finally got going, the scenery was so (brownish) that (Mike) (washed). It was tough going and we soon learned who was (hearty) and who was (necessary). After only an hour, (Kelly) (drank). Fortunately, we had Jeremyah, the human (lynx) who was (taking) like a (shitty) (card), and that helped us out a lot. (Rob) and (Bert) spent the hike thinking about (exhaustedly) (stabbing) everything in sight! Whenever we took a break from (pursuing), we felt (krusty). Night came fast like a (gerbil) on crack, and we were so exhausted that we were hallucinating (critters) and (ferret) calls. We finally got to the (tight) hut, which was sweeter than (chafing) a (blister).

• Inside, there was plenty of (sphincter) and enough (o-rings) to (simmer) for the entire winter. After we took off our (nasty) clothes, we warmed ourselves by (blowing) by the (vaginal insert). Soon the table was full of (snowballs) and we ate (sled) and drank (wodka) for hours. Six hours of (stunning) was fueled by (sunny) ham. Everything was (cloudy) until (Jeremyah) (burned) on the (lip), and decided that it was time for bed.

• Saturday afternoon, we spent 4 (chunky) hours (flatulating) through snow, and riding (wood piles) off a (blubbery) jump. We also through lots of (cock-rings) at each other, burying (Ted) and injuring Ben’s (pinky-toe). We (sensuously) ate more ham, cooked (ham stew), and played lots of (ham uno). After the meal, (midgets) were a hot commodity. Fortunately, we had plenty of (beef curtain) wipes and (snow flakes)…

• We must say goodbye now, because tomorrow we have to (stifle) the (Harry Gates Hut).

Hastily,
The Ham Fam

filth out of context

You smell that Haley? That's the smell of me wrapping my penis in desiccates so that all of the jergens lotion that your ex girlfriend applies every night gets sucked out of my cock and it enters your ass as unlubricated as possible. That's the smell of an impending stretching.

Rivalry week has begun, and your ass is prime for a stretching.

You've had a couple of weeks that could be considered respectable, Greg Oden has managed to stave off osteoporosis for another 2 months, and your ridiculed keepers are performing admirably. i'm sure all of this has your asshole puckered with joy and optimism. i intend to destroy that pucker with a nation of islam IFD (improvised fucking device).

i noticed you have added a certied african to your team. do you think that infusion of blackness will make up for the raw stretching ability of my rookies JR smith and Hakim warrick? I thought not. do you have any idea what these men will do to marco belinelli?

my team of stretchers will break through your rectum like TJ Duckett going through lahser high school's defensive line on third and goal, and do a choreographed victory dance in the end zone that is your bloody, tattered ass hole. you will have beef curtain tan lines on the back of your thighs for the rest of your life. marshawn lynch will drive his porsche over the remains of your asshole and not realize he hit anything because there will be nothing left.

next year an astronomer will win the nobel prize for his discovery of a "white hole", which like a black hole is so wide and gaping that it sucks in matter, but unlike a black hole, this white hole seems to discriminate, and only sucks in over sized cocks and over hyped rookie basketball players.

After a week of base jumping in your brown canyon, i will be able to stick a 1 eyed midget clown in there and he will juggle your spleen and intestines. This will be the extent of your stretching.

Kyle's favorite things

1) Oprah's least favorite things
2) Sort of new freebie Radiohead album
3) The cool, if somewhat dated, phrase I just made up: I'm aichin' for Aiken
4) Seeing Stella live on Thursday thanks to Bubb. Was it awesome? Ferggin hell yeah awesome. I was in tears during a bit about David Wain's favorite song to fuck to. Tears of joy. Plus they were taping the show for a DVD, which made me feel special. If you buy the DVD, perhaps you will be able to hear me in the audience - I was the one giggling like a schoolgirl and quietly contemplating farting on the guy in front of me whose head was much too close to my crotch. Should be audible.
5) New headphones that hurt my ears, but oh my, the bass!
6) Having to attend Psychiatry talks in an old-style hospital demonstration room, where they first introduced Ether for anesthesia. Think circular room, sharply angled vertical pews, awful leg room, and awful echo from the sound system that just doesn't work in there - so awful its great.
7) The Christmas willies.

Assorted Bubb

Observation: 2 bunk imitations of The Soup have popped up. one is called the dish, and is hosted by the girl from Boy Meets World. The other is called Sports Soup. If you took The Soup, and mixed in a bunch of jock sweat and testosterone, this is the show you would get. The host looks like McHale, except with a much larger neck and shorter hair. The jokes are dumber, and they have stolen absolutely every aspect of the show, including the guys laughing behind the camera, and the little graphics for the different segments (and even the jokes behind those, Let's Take Some E has become Let's Take A Hit (which shows people getting hit by each other)

Music: I'm liking a ska band called The Slackers a lot. Recently saw shows including Digable Planets (funky hippy rap) and John Browns Body (reggae) both of which were solid. CD of the year is Q-Tip: The Renaissance. What are you all listening to?

Game of the week: Bubble Spinner. Addicting games is worth hours and hours of time.

Phrase of the week: "Gypsy Seats" AKA Standing Room Only Seats. As in "these gypsy seats are great. we can walk in any section with immunity and not leave until we wear out our welcome by trying to steal seats"

Poison of the year: Sizzurp. Sizzurp is a beverage that consists of cough medicine with codeine, vodka, pop, and a jolly rancher. It was popularized by a rap group 3-6 Mafia, one of whose members died from it. I drankk it a few months ago, spent the entire day after vomiting blood (literally, at least a pint), and haven't been right since.

Advice: Avoid sizzurp

Something Old: I've always gained a lot of motivation for living well from the desire to impress some mythical dream girl. for the past few years, this source has been pretty dry because i dont really want girls to fall for me.

Something new: i'm researching whether people infer preference from memory. so if you remember a restaurant experience or a nonprofit cause very well, do you then think that you must have liked it? i'll know in a few days if my tests have worked out and i'm on a good path to a dissertation and a good job, or if i've been wasting the last few hundred work hours and am back to the drawing board. i'll find out in one distinct moment, which is always intense. (i'm 0 for 2 at this point).

Something borrowed: in the book/movie into the wild, they talk about how he had this spirit to explore new places and its unfortunate that he was born after all the places have been mapped and explored. his solution was to just throw out the map.

Something blue: school defines my intellectual life. i dont write or read much at all any more, and dont really have any deep aimless conversations. i say its because my mind is tired from all the school, but the problem is probably deeper than that.

A little Bubb for the Holidays

He juggles, he balances whiskey, he thinks twice about Jeremy's didgeridoo, he kicks some Christmas ass.

Unapologetic photoshoppery

Oh yeah, she's back, and bringing baby showers to a whole other level.

Hed

"I got that tartar control toothpaste. I still have tartar, but that shit's under control."

"I've got so much tartar, I don't need to dip my fish sticks in shit".

library fun

So the library I study at 24 hours a day just put up a board looking for feedback: Things I like/things I want changed. So far the responses are pretty lame. For example things I like: comfy chairs by windows. Things I want changed: log on time too slow. Anyways I am going to sabotage the board and come up with funny things to put up. I like the concept of mentioning things that don't exist in the things I like list. Give me your best ones and I'll put them up for you.

Balls

Let's go ahead and see some balls, Sean.












So Sean, what did you learn?

Horrible pumpkins

I used to spend quite a bit of time using knives, fake blood, etc, to create a terrifying pumpkin experience for trick-or-treaters. But this year I realized a much simpler method: carve a regular smiley pumpkin about 3 weeks prior to Halloween. By the time it rolls around, what you have is a semi-decomposed, blackened skin-looking pumpkin that looks like it may eat you or give you some sort of infection.

hut hut hike

Dear Spawn of Ruth:

I have booked a 10th Mountain Division Hut for Dec 19 and 20 (fri. and sat). Tis supposedly a lovely hut, providing ample opportunity for back country skiing and peeing in the snow. It does require a 6 or 7 miles hike in, that would probably recommend XC skis and skins, but snowshoes may work. There will be plenty of whiskey, smoke, and ham.

So far my friends, Jeremy, and I account for 10 of the 16-20 spaces available in this hut. I am hoping a few of you join us other there. It will be a damn good time. Cost about $70 for the 2 nights. If interested, let me know soon, as we may run out of space.

I have a new band name for Ryan: The Osgood Schlatters. As in: "The Osgood Schlatters do Red Hot Chili Peppers". I'm sure Rob is aware that this could also be a fine soccer team name as well.

Recently I was given a gift from Kyle and Dee. It was an unopened, medium sized pickle container with the brand name "Crinkle Chips" It was covered with a condom, enclosed in a brown paper bag, and hidden in my car. Unfortunately for Kyle, I never found it in my car and became confused about its origination, because my parents brought it inside for me and told me it was from Kyle. Fortunately for Kyle, the gift has still caused me plenty of discomfort.

First, I opened the bag and wondered why this was given to me. I had no answers. My parents assumed it was an inside joke, and when I told them that I had no idea why this was given to me, they looked at me suspiciously, clearly believing that I was lying to them about my lack of previous experience with Crinkle Chips wrapped in condoms.

Later, I decided to remove the condom because it didnt belong there. It did not go as well as I might have hoped. I struggled to get a grip on it, and when I finally did and gave it a good pull, it stretched several feet and then snapped, engulfing me with that foul powdery condom smell. I gagged and threw it away, and then gagged some more because opening my trash can added a seafood smell to the condom smell. I washed my hands and left the kitchen in disgust.

Two days later, the Crinkle Chips are still where I left them on my counter, and they still have remnants of that powdery condom smell and that slimy condom texture. However, I need pickles and I am confident that the nastiness of the condom has not contaminated the pickles sealed safely inside. On the other hand, I don't really need pickles bad enough to want to handle that jar again. So it sits there, not quite nasty enough to be thrown away, but too nasty to eat out of. Hopefully this stale-mate will be resolved sometime soon. I'll keep you updated.

COURNHOLE. That is all.

Cournomics

I just read an excerpt from an article that said that a good solution to the economic problem would be to encourage the immigration of prime-aged individuals into the united states to drive demand for houses and such up. Sounds good to me...There's also an election coming up and I am on the fence but good. I am sick of fucking stupid people who cannot see both sides of the argument and think that they have the answer. Care to enlighten me on your position?

I'm ferocious

my fixy

Here's my suicide bike. Its about 40lbs and I'm using a fixed-gear on a single speed hub, which means that there is nothing stopping the fixed gear from spinning off when I put back pressure on the pedals. It seems to be holding fine, but I am really cautious. Because the frame is so old I can't really add new components to it. I wanted to add a new seatpost, crank, and stem, but the dimensions are all old school so no parts really exist for them. I've taken it in to a couple of bike shops and I keep telling them that I want to keep building it as a project, but I am getting unanimous discouragement. Unfortunately, I am pretty much addicted to tinkering with the bike so I'll have to shop for a new frame for something to do over the winter.

Things you see living near a city

Driving to work today I saw:
(1) artsy-fartsy guy taking some sweet artsy action photos of a fire hydrant
(2) fat semi-comatose lady in motorized wheelchair with large flagpole at top speed right past him out of control, then careen off the sidewalk and into the busy street

For those traveling through Denver airport, the breakfast steak wrap at Steak Escape is not, and I emphasize NOT, a good way to start off the day. More like Steak Mistake...

Now, which is the more graceful hurdler?

Drunken hurdles

Brian, if you were wondering...

Rothbury Festival

A good friend and I recently went to a massive 4 day music festival in northern michigan called Rothbury. I covered the festival for my friend's magazine, and he is finally getting around to getting it on the web-site. Check it out here. www.kemiks.com Only the first half is up...

On the web-site: He's always looking for more writers. Cover your favorite concerts and CDs however you want to, and he'll appreciate it and make it up to you by giving you a free ticket to some music festivals for you to cover. As you can see if you've been reading the stuff I post on here, you can write whatever the fuck you want.

On the article: I decided to make it a little more strange/interesting/challenging by inventing two characters and covering the festival from their perspective. I think it turned out all right. Most of their experiences were my own, including seeing the Fred Flintstone character screaming WILMAAA while struggling through a trip, and most others. Let me know what you think...

On the experience: I hope the article captures it pretty well. These festivals are an incredibly strange experience, and I highly recommend going to one, though you probably won't find it to be the most momentarily comfortable experience.

Thoughts

1) I like watching Olympics, but there is just far too much gymnastics. Just when you thought there couldn't possibly be more events - Nastia Liuken going for gold on the parallel pommel bars!!
2) Dee is insisting that pickles have no nutritional value.
3) Canvas transfer of paintings is a nice alternative to posters, and a sweet gift.
4) Finally, there's been a lot of talk about campsite shitters, lots of broken promises, lots of threats of 'diarrhea tent sauna' if shitters aren't properly upright and equipped with a swing-door entry. Let me set the record straight: I have been hurt one too many times with dashed hopes of a fire-side shitter, and am not about to let it happen again.

bored games

the smithiest members of this blog once spent a night playing Taboo where we made up our own categories. it ws actually a lot more fun, especially the round where dee had to describe "smut" without using the word porn, nudity, sex, etc. and where jeremy had to describe a word without using the words "the, I, you, word, it, uh..."

This weekend I parlayed this into make up your own cattegories scattegories, with categories such as "personal hero" "personal nemesis" "simpsons character"... also a fun game. I imagine there are lots of games that can be improved by not owning them.

Jeremy and I lived together for a summer and excelled at engaging in certain performance enhancing drugs and making up games. Memorable examples include a paper air-plane making and flying contest, blow-gun battleship, hanging wall handle HORSE, and George Foreman tv show drinking game where you drink every time someone says George (funny because all his kids are named George)

So that's a lesson kids. We're not too old to play. playing's fun. play more.

Anyone got any other silly games? I have lots of nights where I have some energy but don't want to get drunk and might like to do something memorable silly or otherwise worth doing.

GO!

I agree with this guy:

I don't know if you guys heard or even care but Bryan won't be having a party at his house the Saturday of Labor Day weekend.

If you guys are interested in getting all the available cousins together for a night of retardation I was going to suggest that we all camp a night at Basalt Mountain again.

Let me know what you think.

Ter'r

You may have read some news article about a neuroscientist woman in cahoots with Al Qaeda, who was found and arrested recently after some gunplay. Turns out she trained in my current lab!! Our alumnus list now include researchers, teachers, professors, and terror.

Gill-i-am

Seen Dark Night? Kyle-on-Kyle loved it. Luh-uh-uh-uhved it.

Seen Lost in La Mancha? Heath Ledger evidently died during filming of Terry Gilliam's next movie--that Gilliam is cursed, cursed like I've never seen.

Rough men, willing to do battle...

http://perezhilton.com/2008-07-25-diddy-hearts-the-gays-too

Fill in the Blank

If ___________ were a celebrity, he/she would be _________________.

EXAMPLE: Rob....Judge Reinhold

Overheard

Another silly thing overheard at Starbucks:
"I'll have a venti fudge caramel machiatto...I mean just a regular coffee"

Also, saw these T-shirt logos on two guys who didn't know each other, one right after the other:
"My wife is out of town"
"I'm feeling lucky"

Where is everyone?

No new posts in a month?? We suck collectively!

Anywho, everyone who is going to be in Colorado for Jazz fest:

The Cuzzin Olympics are on and Bryan and I are now taking suggestions for events. As of now the Olypmics will take place at Bryan's new place on a date to be determined (maybe Saturday?). I'm thinking we need to 4-6 events so start brewing your wacky ideas.

Boston Sports

Since we’ve moved up here, there’s been:
--Celtics Championship
--Red Sox Championship
--Patriots best football season ever (then superbowl flop)
--Revolution in the finals
--Boston College football doing something important
--Hacky-sack guy on the street corner flipping a miraculous spin kick

Maybe we’re good luck. Hacky-sack guy says so.

Word of the day....................

HYPERBOLE:

Extravagant exaggeration.

No Bus

Today I had to pick Sean up from daycare because he was sick. We walked down the street to the bus stop (Sean was saying 'hi daddy' in a sad sickly voice the whole way). When the bus came, Sean said "Bus!". I asked him, in my best baby talk voice, "Do you want to get on the bus?". Then an Indian guy standing to my side replies, "No, I'm just waiting for someone". That was funny.

Do we have a cousin named Yvan?

www.yvancournoyer.com

Pics

New blog header - with faces!* I'll probably insert some more pictures at some point; feel free to email me any must-haves. Maybe I'll catch some good ones over labor day.

*pending the Bubb seal of approval.

Another Self-Indulgent Rob-Writing

The following is an article I wrote for an online music magazine called Kemiks. If anyone likes to write about music, it's a good place to put your stuff. I'm friends with the guy that runs it and he's desperate for more articles. Also, if you write a few for him, he's good at getting free concert or festival tickets, often press passes that could allow you some front row action. This is a review of the newest album from my favorite rapper, that I incorporated some psychology knowledge into.

Album Review
R.E.B.I.R.T.H. by OneBeLo
By Rob Smith

R.E.B.I.R.T.H. stands for Real Emcees Bring Intelligent Rhymes To Hip hop. There is no doubt that OneBeLo, also known as OneManArmy from the group Binary Star, is bringing intelligent rhymes to hip hop with this and every other album he’s created. He’s the best in the world at it. However, I feel that he didn’t bring as many of these intelligent rhymes that he’s known for to this long-awaited second album. I might also argue that he brought a little extra baggage to the project. So I have a few complaints to go with my high praise for Lo’s music. In this review, I’ll also be bringing some extra baggage as I follow up each statement I make with the psychological basis for it. I think it will add something positive to the review.
Actually, this is more likely an example if intellectual masturbation coupled with my desperation to apply the thousands of hours I have spent reading psychology research to something outside of the classroom. Everyone wants to believe they have something unique to say and that they are living for a coherent reason. These needs increase during mortality salience.

It’s a solid album, but it’s unfortunately short with only 12 tracks. In the song Hip Hop Heaven, one of the best on the album, Lo talks about a day spent entirely devoted to making music. He uses lines like “I guess it’s just another day in the life of OneBeLo, 5 hours of work, an album worth of material.” We lovers of his music wish this were our reality, but this album is only the second “official” release of his nearly 10-year solo career. Yet he does seem capable of this kind of prolific production. Multiple albums have been created entirely of his tracks that weren’t intended for release, and each of these collections (F.E.T.U.S., S.T.I.L.L.B.O.R.N, and the Virus Mixtape) contain tracks of incredible quality. Brilliant rhymes show up on his Myspace page like he wrote them while he was taking a shit and thought them of similar quality. I’m wishing those songs were thrown on the end of an album, and I’m writing this in the hope that maybe I can increase the chances of that happening.
Actually, A major reason I wrote this was to establish myself as an authority by citing his lesser known works. Any advertiser will tell you that its worthwhile to establish a spokesperson as an expert before he makes his statement, and any psychologist or blog reader will tell you that anybody who is an expert of anything will actively seek out avenues to express his expertise.

So after years of waiting, listening to his previous albums in awe, even the unreleased ones, I was in a frenzy of anticipation. I thought it somehow would be even better than the incredible S.O.N.O.G.R.A.M. album. I imagined more time spent in a studio, a better studio, without any detrimental influence from A&Rs or average rappers from his Subterraneous record label. Yet when the album release tour came through and I finally heard the songs live and got my ears on the album, I felt disappointed. Almost cheated. I gave it a few listens, and then took it off the regular rotation and dreaded writing this article.
Here we see the incredible power that expectations hold over satisfaction. A great experience is not enjoyed if engrained expectations are even greater. The expected enjoyment becomes the references point, and anything short of that feels like a loss.

A major source of these expectations were the incredible quality of his other albums. S.O.N.O.G.R.A.M. and Binary Star: Masters of the Universe are two of the best five hip hop albums ever recorded (along with Black on Both Sides, Blazing Arrow, and … Midnight Marauders?). If you’re into undergroup hip hop and you haven’t savored these albums, you need to fix that with a quickness.
This paragraph is a result of an effect known as cognitive dissonance. I love Lo and Lo’s music. I want Lo to succeed; to receive some adequate fragment of the respect and resources that he deserves as a brilliant artist. However, I find myself writing a neutral or negative review of his latest offering. This gives me a mental discomfort known as cognitive dissonance, which I attempt to alleviate by a) affirming my self-concept and b) emphasizing my great respect for his other albums and him as an artist.

One final complaint of the album is the over-use of movie sound-bites. There are over twenty (20) of them, many are long, annoying, and at the front of songs where they are not easily skipped. Most of Lo’s listeners are in the habit of really listening to every word on an album, and by now we’re all probably pretty sick of Rocky III sound-bites that we unfortunately know by heart.
Actually, this complaint is more an example of me exercising the universal need for self-expression. The sound-bites do not ruin the album. They do however provide me with an opportunity to express a self-signaling pet-peeve.

This album might just be another unfortunate case of an artist pushing the boundaries of his art form at the cost of alienating some of his fans.
Actually, that previous sentence is an unfortunate case of stereotyping. Other long-time members of my “brilliant rhymers” mental category such as Andre Benjamin and Mos Def seem to have left me with a thinking shortcut that has all lyrical geniuses releasing some strange shit once they hit their 30s. This album is not an example of Lo exploring an experimental side of the art of rhyming, it’s much more likely an example of creativity and passion fading with age. There’s another stereotype for ya.

Even given these powerful psychological effects, not all fans found this album to be disappointing. A friend of mine who also considers Lo the best rapper in the world and therefore had similarly impossible expectations recently told me that “R.E.B.I.R.T.H. is what hip-hop was meant to be since Erik. B.” I must agree.
Actually that last line is testimony to the power of subconscious social influence. I feel like I agree with the statement because I know the person so well and have so many opinions in common with him that my first reaction is to agree. However, upon rare further review, I now must admit that I’m not quite sure what his quote means. It is true that this is good hip-hop, which should certainly be what hip-hop was meant to be. But why are we beginning with Erik B., a DJ and producer, when this album is marked by its lyrics?

The last statement I’d like to make is that this is an album that requires many listenings. Many of Lo’s lines require a little thought before they can be understood, and many of his songs seem to get better with every listen. As I listen to the album right now, probably my 20th listen, I am absolutely loving it. Every song has great rhymes and energy and the last two songs on the album (Gray and Hip Hop Heaven) are two of the best I’ve ever heard. Get this album.
Here we see the power of emotional context. Researchers have found that a person who has had positive emotional boost, even when its as small as finding a quarter, will rate everything more positively, even if its unrelated and as large as their life satisfaction. They’ve also found that there’s not much better for subjective well-being than creative expression.


Ratings
Beats: 4
Rhymes: 4 1/2
Life: 4

Labor intensive

Looks like we'll be in Snowmass for the labor day jazz fest. What are people [Matt, Jeremy, Adam] thinking in terms of the festival schedule? Widespread Panic I'm guessing? I don't like them at all--the rebel Cournoyer that I am--but would go for the hanging out if that's other's plan. And I know Jeremy loves Xavier Rudd. Bob Dylan is a bit of a dud in concerts, and Dee and I have seen him. Fogerty would be at my top, but then I'd have to see Yoakam. I don't know what Kerry/Ryan would do. It's a puzzle.

In other news, a bear broke into my parent's place last night. Trounced Jeremy's window/room then ate some cookies and steak. Jeremy wasn't there fortunately, though it would have been quite the experience to wake up with a bear climbing over your bed and/or mauling your face.

Call for Adventure

Hello All. I know we're not far off of the excellent backpacking adventure, but I thought I'd post the following with the hope that it might inspire further adventure. I don't know if you'll find it as motivating for randomness as i just found it. Either way, here's me saying we should plan some adventure, and here's my Peru recap i wrote upon return, exactly one year since:

the first night in peru was spent hanging out all night in the hotel in lima, drinking duty free scoth and enjoying the company of my travel mates, my cousin jake and his best friend. we talked to some fellow gringo travelers and shared advice, and got gradually more manic as the night went on. we arrived in cuzco at 7am the next morning, completely disoriented, and enentually found a hostel. a private room with three beds was under $20 and as we sat down to talk about the details we were served coca tea. as in cocaine tea. it would not be my last taste of the leaf.

we spent that day and the next planning our machu picchu journey, sipping the local beer, and getting toursit crap shoved in our face. food and souvenirs are cheap and the people are quite friendly, but the combination can be overwhelming.

muchu picchu journey, day 1: a very confused start. the guide said he'd show up at 7:30 and drive us to the bus station for the 8am 3 hour bus to the start. showed up at 7:50, on a bike. the bus was oversold, so peruvians sat in my lap. after we}ve been climbing a seemingly endless muddy mountain road with attempted construciton and closures for 6 hours through the rain, the guide decides its time to get out and get on bikes. the peruvians happily take our seats and stare dumbfounded as we put on some strange helmets, sit on the bikes, and start riding down to the jungle, instantly covered in mud. expectations were quite low at this point. it was about 40 miles downhill and turned out to be one of my favorite strange adventures. we eventually descended below the clouds, the road and mud on my face dried, no more consturction, great views over the amazon basin. my ass paid the price of entry to this paradise. my cousin{s bike exploded and was stranded in the jungle as night fell.

day 2 and 3 were about 30 miles through the jungle on foot with small packs, picking fruit off trees for snacks, chewing coca leaves and being dominated by mosquitos. we slept in busted hostels in small jungle town and failed to converse with the guide in spanish. we drink heavily one of these nights in a bar that was like an interrogation room from cop movies and are taught a drinking game that involves poking a cigarette into a napkin on a beer and having to drink the ash beer if you do it wrong. we try to explain flippy cup but it deteriorates into drinking a full beer every time you miss the flip. i got zapatos locos (crazy shows) and refused to go to bed when the guide said it was time and ran away while my travel mates convinced the guide to take us to another bar. he said i was a small problem. roosters do not just crow once during sunrise. those fuckers are relentless. we also crossed a rovier by a self propelled zipline and learned the hungry chicken handshake.

day 4 we climbed a moutnain in the dark to get to machu picchu for sunrise, then climbed another mountain to be able to look down on it. absolute beauty. i was really expecting to feel a special power to the place, and i´m a little disappointed that i did not. perhaps it was that there were thousands of tourists and those that pray on them. either way, an incredible place.



Despite sicknesses from the other two travelers, one (cousin's friend) of which resulted in a return to the US and some time in the hospital (pollo loco), we did manage to get to a hike outside of cuzco. We traveled uphill along a lush river meadow to about 14,000 feet, where we encountered a town that didn't even have a road within 5 miles of it. Their 'houses' were made of piles of rocks, the nice ones had roofs made of grass. They spoke Quecha, the language the country spoke before Columbus' "discovery", as did many of the small mountain town people we would later meet. After this difficult 15 mile hike, we got on a bus back to Cusco, which of course didnt have seats for us. It did, however, have a hog-tied goat, a bag of chickens, and a pig in a bag, attached to the luggage compartment (tied to the roof).

We left Cusco and spent a day in Lima. Lima has 8 million people, most of whom are very poor, but we found a cool kinda hippy disctrict. We walked along the beach for most of the morning, and had mystery meat sandwiches. As my cousin showered that afternoon, I wandered out of the hostel and met up with some peruvians and a swede, and within 5 minutes of walking out my door, was staring down the barrell of a cup full of peruvian tap water and san pedro, a psychadelic cactus with mescaline. The swede considered himself a shaman, and proceeded to tell me the way of things for the next several hours, and eventually gave me more san pedro, and a cryptic map to the world he insisted should be tattooed on my heart. He dropped a lot of wisdom, mostly about the power of love and the sun. I liked his phrase "soy un otro tu" (i am another you) quite a lot.

Huaraz was absolutely beautiful. Cool little mountain city. Nestled in the Cordillera Blanca mountain range, the highest tropical range in the world, with a peak towering above it at about 22,000 feet. Found a nice hostel with a great view. Went to a soccer game, whose highlights included the swat team coming out to protect a player on the other team, and a man in the stands near me repeatedly attempting to light a home made celebratory bomb but being too drunk to do so. Also sun burn. We then spent 3 days hiking by ourselves, which involved beautiful camp-sites, views of glacier capped mountains and bright green lakes, and making it to 17,000 feet, much higher than colorado's highest mountains depsite being only a pass through to the next valley. The trip also involved repeated encounters with bulls, and a severe altitude-induced panic while trying to sleep at 15,000 feet. It was among the worst I've ever felt, definitely the most home-sick.

We then spent some time enjoying Huaraz, and found a restaurant called chilli heaven which was the perfect antedote to bland peruvian food. We wandered into a climbing place at one point, trying to scout out another mountain journey, and walked out with our entire remaining 9 days booked, with a 5 day trek up to 6000 meters (about 20,000 feet) that included another 18,000 foot mountain, and an additional 3 day training hike. I became quite depressed by the revelation that we would be spending the entire remainder of our vacation suffering up mountains, and we decided to skip the training hike in favor of a night of drinking. that night we discovered Liquer De Coca and drank an absurd amount of it. we also drank some coke based energy drinks, as we were apparently in the midst of some strange liquid coke binge. Also had a day of rock climbing at a real cool spot, where I learned some skills that probably later saved my life, and a short day hike to another beautiful lake, where we fell asleep because it was after the night of drinking. Also considerable dreading turning to excitement over the impending summit journey.


Summit Journey:
Day 1, easy 4 mile hike up to base camp with mules carrying our shit. Turns out the guide is a big stoner. Decent weed. Base camp is above 14,000 feet, and has something like 50 other tents, yet every single person there was asleep by 7pm. Mt. Toclliaraju (6,032 meters) towers above us.

Day 2. Climb mt. Ishinca. 18,000 feet. Very very very hard. hardest thing i've ever done. leave at 4 am, 7 hours up hill, either carrying a bag of metal, or using it to climb. deep breaths stranglely unsatisfying. none of our equipment fit properly, and the metal spikes that attached to our shoes (crampons) were surprisingly difficult to maneuver. We made it though. The view from the top of the other glacier mountains made it almost worth it, but on the way down, hurting like hell and left behind by my triathlon running cousin and the guide, I decided I didn't want to climb the 6000 meter peak, it just didnt seem as fun as drinking more san pedro with my friends in huaraz. upon arriving at base camp, and experiencing some heaven in the form of my feet being dipped in the cold stream and an orange, eaten like an apple, I decided I might as well go for it.


Day 3. Even worse. Hike the incredible steep and rocky path up to high camp (17,000 feet). By far the biggest, heaviest backpack I've ever carried, food, tent, sleeping bag, clothes, ski boots, ice axes, crampons, climbing shit... fuckin sucked. Decided again that I was going home, i just dont have what it takes. Decided again that I might as well make a run at it. Needed to fix my mind though, replenish my strength reserves. Spent the next several hours sitting bymyself in my rented turqous and purple down coat, melting bags and bags of snow, repeating to myself that I would make it, I would make it, I would not be deterred by exhuastion. Whirled myself into quite an excitement, and slept only about 2 hours that night. Felt ready.

Day 4. Up at 4, prepared to suffer, completely ready, composed, willful. We find a slow hiking rhythm in the dark, going so slow that you almost rest while walking. the slightest move, such as pulling up the harness, leaves you exhuasted for several minutes but you keep walking. I alternate between thinking of my home bed, complete with naked kelly and feisty doggy that await me, and the idea that it is my swarn duty to push my little headlight spot on the snow up the mountain, while singing A Tribe Called Quest. Push it along, just push it along, all you gotta do is push it along... The sun rises, we're about half way there, and i'm starting to run out of energy, I can't eat, but I'm close. We keep pushing it along, and arrive at the last pitch, which gives Toclliaraju its "Difficult" Rating. over 60 degree angle for about 80 yards. We can hardly hear the guide's instructions for tying our harnesses into the rope over the howling wind, which scared my cousin like crazy, as he works in a climbing gym and understood just how many fundamental climbing rules we were breaking. I was just happy to be almost done. We climbed up the wall, clinging to the moutnain for some 15 minutes in the middle as the guide pulled up the rope we had just climbed and set it up again near the top. My cousin had another big freak out after seeing the poor excuse for an anchor and nearly headed down 30 meters short of the summit. But we fucking made it. I kissed the snow at the top and nearly cried. cousin was deeply shaken, convinced we were lucky to be alive and going down would be even sketchier. incredible view. survive the down-hill, sometimes elated to be done, sometimes completely drained, struggling to take the next step. then we got to high camp, packed our shit, and put those fucking bags back on our backs, and I really didnt think i'd make it down. got left behind again, and kinda fell apart. we were basically jumping from boulder to boulder, down a steep hill, with 50 pounds on our backs and no energy, and I just couldnt do it. I fell about every 10 feet and struggled to get back up every time and wanted to cry. at some point a peruvian porter sees me, constantly falling and looking defeated, and offers to help carry my bags, for free, because I clearly cannot. quite a blessing. I tell myself I earned it by going through hell and still trying to focus on enjoying the scenery. We sleep at base camp and I felt basically indifferent. didnt have the energy for emotion. I no longer hated looking at the mountain, became almost infatuated with staring at it, thinking and feeling nothing.

day 5: back downhill, mules carry our shit, we smoke a bunch, and I say goodbye to the rural peru with mixed feelings. i wonder more about why I put myself through these sufferings, and have a good answer, but thats for another blog. I had (and still have) a very clear mind and an iron confidence. That night I met a cute little columbian archeoligist and learned how to salsa dance...

Guess the Cousin

Who is this mysterious cousin?

No guessing allowed for members of this year's expedition.










Much more pictures here:

http://flickr.com/photos/graceandfriends/sets/72157605360332633/

Yo

I can't see any of the old posts on this blog. Where did they go?

Coming soon.......Cuzzin Backpacking Trip 2008 pictures.

New Comments

I changes the way comments work. I think this is better.

G.I. Headache

Kyle was rummaging around for the ibuprofen late the other nigh, but never found it. The next morning he asked Dee where the ibuprofen bottle in their medicine drawer went.

Dee: "You mean the one I filled with Alli?"
Kyle: "Umm..what?"
Dee: "We filled that bottle with Alli for the cruise trip"
Kyle: "Oh. Well, that actually explains some things."

And thus, Kyle realized he had (1) not been treating his headaches for the prior 4 nights as thought, but (2) had instead been taking a diet drug that prevents fat digestion and absorption, resulting in rather unpleasant excretions.

Glasses raised to the original

Overheard Today

Old Boston Man 1: “What, you’re going to by your wife a card last-minute?”
Old Boston Man 2: “You know what I did yesterday? I drove down to Somerville and
bought her one and a half pounds of salami. Best gift you could
give someone.”

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Snooty effeminate Starbucks patron: "I'd like a FULL caramel machiatto."
Clerk: "What?!"

SMITH BROTHERS DEVOUR GIANT RODENT!

Rob got suspicious when his food didn't resemble a chicken carcass...

Kyle got suspicious when his tour guide said, "Did you like the food? Did you think it was chicken? Yeah, OK, keep thinking that was chicken..."

Jeremy ate his lunch innocently, not knowing he was chomping on one of these!!!!!!

Meet the mighty mighty gibnut:

Sean vs. Cucumber

Let me add my favorite Sean moment on the cruise...

We're at an aquarium looking at the handling tank (starfish, etc). My mom yelps and I look down to see that Sean has pulled out a sea cucumber and is squeezing it with a death grip, water shooting out of its end like a fountain. Pretty fantastic.

Dee's least favorite: shielding Sean from a stalking jaguar at the semi-secure Belize animal sanctuary.

My new sport

"Dewey, I'm cut in half pretty bad"

Dewey Cox = comedy gold.

We just returned from a Caribbean cruise. Drinking? Check. Mobile shuffleboarding? Check. Falling off inflatable climbing wall in ocean and injuring side muscle? Check.

World's Dumbest Cop

Backpacking Trip

I'll be posting the details of this years' trip on the blog sometime this week so stay tuned. As of right now its going to be three days, three nights with the first night camping at the trailhead. The dates are: thursday 22nd(get to trailhead), friday, saturday, sunday hiking. Any questions, comments, or suggestions are welcome.

Book Report

I just finished Hell's Angels by Mr. Thompson. At first I wasn't into it because it was just a journalistic approach to the motorcycle club. As I read more and more, however, it grew on me. I now am looking to get an old motorcycle as soon as I have a spare 1000 bucks. More realistically I need a new book to start. I was thinking something kind of philosophical (maybe eastern?), as my heart is currently broken and needs repair. Any suggestions? How are your books?

PackBacking

Rubb, will you be in Colorado already or will you be flying/driving? Who will be going in our car, Math, Catbean, dogs? Sean probably is not going. I am starting to feel this trip in my crotch.

bubbrubb.com

Backpacking

When are we going backpacking? Was May 24 the last date mentioned? I'm down. Jesus crhist get me away from thsi computer and weather i am fucking down.

Starbucks has won the 2008 Kyle Smith Prize for Most Annoying Best Coffee.

Someone needs to order this:

Tall skinny quarter-caf mochachino mocha mocha foam no-foam latte with a single-double shot and extra room for cinnamon.

Scientology

I was in boulder a little over a week ago and was fortunate enough to see one of those scientology pimps hanging out at his scientology table. There he was sitting at his table in the middle of Pearl St. with a sign next to him asking "Are you stressed out?" Complete with that little machine they hook up to your fingers to administer your personality test and a stack of Dianetics books. I've been dying to take one of these tests but unfortunately I was a bit hungover after Adam's wedding and not really up to the task. I'm really pissed I didn't take, especially because I wanted a copy of Dianetics which for some reason is impossible to find in book stores. Anyway, to make a long story short, this story is really going nowhere.....I'm just pissed I didn't take the test.

Interesting side note 1: spell check really wanted me to capitalize scientology but I just accept it as a legitimate religion(discuss?).

Interesting side note 2: spell check didn't recognize Diantetics as even a word, it wanted me to change it to diabetics. So according to spell check scientology is a religion but their so called bible doesn't even exist. Weird!

Cousin party

Who's down for a cousin party on saturday? Any suggestions on what to do, drink, destroy?

As long as the Sinceros are on the jukebox, it'll be a good party.

Awesome Band

Behold............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
The Sinceros

Hey Matt...

Arthur C. Clarke just died - did you ever read Childhood's End? I read it a long time ago, and I'm sure its pretty dated, but it was really good and it should be a candidate for next year's list. Best-Explanation-For-DejaVu-Ever.

How's the reading coming along? I'm at the end of Wuthering Heights (good, and really good if you think about how different it must have been back then) and I'm stuck reading this terrible book by a British man writing as an American woman but I have to finish it for politeness sake.

Orgiastic Fun Friday

Last night I went to a bluegrass band that was playing at my local music venue. I didn't previously associate myself with being an avid bluegrass fan, and I guess I still don't, but that was about as much good clean fun as you can have for 12 bucks. Trampled By Turtles, and Pert' Near Sandstone were the names, both from MN. I don't know how they stacked up against more renown bands but they caved my skull in with pure American boot stompin' fun! I was bounding around the room like an amphetamine strung-out ballerina, shouting and whooping into the fucking frigid bitch Wisconsin night. So if you have a case of seasonal sexless depression, get yourself some bourbon whiskey and bluegrass.

The Ten - comedy gold