You smell that Haley? That's the smell of me wrapping my penis in desiccates so that all of the jergens lotion that your ex girlfriend applies every night gets sucked out of my cock and it enters your ass as unlubricated as possible. That's the smell of an impending stretching.
Rivalry week has begun, and your ass is prime for a stretching.
You've had a couple of weeks that could be considered respectable, Greg Oden has managed to stave off osteoporosis for another 2 months, and your ridiculed keepers are performing admirably. i'm sure all of this has your asshole puckered with joy and optimism. i intend to destroy that pucker with a nation of islam IFD (improvised fucking device).
i noticed you have added a certied african to your team. do you think that infusion of blackness will make up for the raw stretching ability of my rookies JR smith and Hakim warrick? I thought not. do you have any idea what these men will do to marco belinelli?
my team of stretchers will break through your rectum like TJ Duckett going through lahser high school's defensive line on third and goal, and do a choreographed victory dance in the end zone that is your bloody, tattered ass hole. you will have beef curtain tan lines on the back of your thighs for the rest of your life. marshawn lynch will drive his porsche over the remains of your asshole and not realize he hit anything because there will be nothing left.
next year an astronomer will win the nobel prize for his discovery of a "white hole", which like a black hole is so wide and gaping that it sucks in matter, but unlike a black hole, this white hole seems to discriminate, and only sucks in over sized cocks and over hyped rookie basketball players.
After a week of base jumping in your brown canyon, i will be able to stick a 1 eyed midget clown in there and he will juggle your spleen and intestines. This will be the extent of your stretching.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Kyle's favorite things
1) Oprah's least favorite things
2) Sort of new freebie Radiohead album
3) The cool, if somewhat dated, phrase I just made up: I'm aichin' for Aiken
4) Seeing Stella live on Thursday thanks to Bubb. Was it awesome? Ferggin hell yeah awesome. I was in tears during a bit about David Wain's favorite song to fuck to. Tears of joy. Plus they were taping the show for a DVD, which made me feel special. If you buy the DVD, perhaps you will be able to hear me in the audience - I was the one giggling like a schoolgirl and quietly contemplating farting on the guy in front of me whose head was much too close to my crotch. Should be audible.
5) New headphones that hurt my ears, but oh my, the bass!
6) Having to attend Psychiatry talks in an old-style hospital demonstration room, where they first introduced Ether for anesthesia. Think circular room, sharply angled vertical pews, awful leg room, and awful echo from the sound system that just doesn't work in there - so awful its great.
7) The Christmas willies.
2) Sort of new freebie Radiohead album
3) The cool, if somewhat dated, phrase I just made up: I'm aichin' for Aiken
4) Seeing Stella live on Thursday thanks to Bubb. Was it awesome? Ferggin hell yeah awesome. I was in tears during a bit about David Wain's favorite song to fuck to. Tears of joy. Plus they were taping the show for a DVD, which made me feel special. If you buy the DVD, perhaps you will be able to hear me in the audience - I was the one giggling like a schoolgirl and quietly contemplating farting on the guy in front of me whose head was much too close to my crotch. Should be audible.
5) New headphones that hurt my ears, but oh my, the bass!
6) Having to attend Psychiatry talks in an old-style hospital demonstration room, where they first introduced Ether for anesthesia. Think circular room, sharply angled vertical pews, awful leg room, and awful echo from the sound system that just doesn't work in there - so awful its great.
7) The Christmas willies.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Assorted Bubb
Observation: 2 bunk imitations of The Soup have popped up. one is called the dish, and is hosted by the girl from Boy Meets World. The other is called Sports Soup. If you took The Soup, and mixed in a bunch of jock sweat and testosterone, this is the show you would get. The host looks like McHale, except with a much larger neck and shorter hair. The jokes are dumber, and they have stolen absolutely every aspect of the show, including the guys laughing behind the camera, and the little graphics for the different segments (and even the jokes behind those, Let's Take Some E has become Let's Take A Hit (which shows people getting hit by each other)
Music: I'm liking a ska band called The Slackers a lot. Recently saw shows including Digable Planets (funky hippy rap) and John Browns Body (reggae) both of which were solid. CD of the year is Q-Tip: The Renaissance. What are you all listening to?
Game of the week: Bubble Spinner. Addicting games is worth hours and hours of time.
Phrase of the week: "Gypsy Seats" AKA Standing Room Only Seats. As in "these gypsy seats are great. we can walk in any section with immunity and not leave until we wear out our welcome by trying to steal seats"
Poison of the year: Sizzurp. Sizzurp is a beverage that consists of cough medicine with codeine, vodka, pop, and a jolly rancher. It was popularized by a rap group 3-6 Mafia, one of whose members died from it. I drankk it a few months ago, spent the entire day after vomiting blood (literally, at least a pint), and haven't been right since.
Advice: Avoid sizzurp
Something Old: I've always gained a lot of motivation for living well from the desire to impress some mythical dream girl. for the past few years, this source has been pretty dry because i dont really want girls to fall for me.
Something new: i'm researching whether people infer preference from memory. so if you remember a restaurant experience or a nonprofit cause very well, do you then think that you must have liked it? i'll know in a few days if my tests have worked out and i'm on a good path to a dissertation and a good job, or if i've been wasting the last few hundred work hours and am back to the drawing board. i'll find out in one distinct moment, which is always intense. (i'm 0 for 2 at this point).
Something borrowed: in the book/movie into the wild, they talk about how he had this spirit to explore new places and its unfortunate that he was born after all the places have been mapped and explored. his solution was to just throw out the map.
Something blue: school defines my intellectual life. i dont write or read much at all any more, and dont really have any deep aimless conversations. i say its because my mind is tired from all the school, but the problem is probably deeper than that.
Music: I'm liking a ska band called The Slackers a lot. Recently saw shows including Digable Planets (funky hippy rap) and John Browns Body (reggae) both of which were solid. CD of the year is Q-Tip: The Renaissance. What are you all listening to?
Game of the week: Bubble Spinner. Addicting games is worth hours and hours of time.
Phrase of the week: "Gypsy Seats" AKA Standing Room Only Seats. As in "these gypsy seats are great. we can walk in any section with immunity and not leave until we wear out our welcome by trying to steal seats"
Poison of the year: Sizzurp. Sizzurp is a beverage that consists of cough medicine with codeine, vodka, pop, and a jolly rancher. It was popularized by a rap group 3-6 Mafia, one of whose members died from it. I drankk it a few months ago, spent the entire day after vomiting blood (literally, at least a pint), and haven't been right since.
Advice: Avoid sizzurp
Something Old: I've always gained a lot of motivation for living well from the desire to impress some mythical dream girl. for the past few years, this source has been pretty dry because i dont really want girls to fall for me.
Something new: i'm researching whether people infer preference from memory. so if you remember a restaurant experience or a nonprofit cause very well, do you then think that you must have liked it? i'll know in a few days if my tests have worked out and i'm on a good path to a dissertation and a good job, or if i've been wasting the last few hundred work hours and am back to the drawing board. i'll find out in one distinct moment, which is always intense. (i'm 0 for 2 at this point).
Something borrowed: in the book/movie into the wild, they talk about how he had this spirit to explore new places and its unfortunate that he was born after all the places have been mapped and explored. his solution was to just throw out the map.
Something blue: school defines my intellectual life. i dont write or read much at all any more, and dont really have any deep aimless conversations. i say its because my mind is tired from all the school, but the problem is probably deeper than that.
Monday, December 01, 2008
A little Bubb for the Holidays
He juggles, he balances whiskey, he thinks twice about Jeremy's didgeridoo, he kicks some Christmas ass.
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Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Friday, November 14, 2008
Hed
"I got that tartar control toothpaste. I still have tartar, but that shit's under control."
"I've got so much tartar, I don't need to dip my fish sticks in shit".
"I've got so much tartar, I don't need to dip my fish sticks in shit".
Friday, November 07, 2008
library fun
So the library I study at 24 hours a day just put up a board looking for feedback: Things I like/things I want changed. So far the responses are pretty lame. For example things I like: comfy chairs by windows. Things I want changed: log on time too slow. Anyways I am going to sabotage the board and come up with funny things to put up. I like the concept of mentioning things that don't exist in the things I like list. Give me your best ones and I'll put them up for you.
Monday, November 03, 2008
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Horrible pumpkins
I used to spend quite a bit of time using knives, fake blood, etc, to create a terrifying pumpkin experience for trick-or-treaters. But this year I realized a much simpler method: carve a regular smiley pumpkin about 3 weeks prior to Halloween. By the time it rolls around, what you have is a semi-decomposed, blackened skin-looking pumpkin that looks like it may eat you or give you some sort of infection.
Friday, October 17, 2008
hut hut hike
Dear Spawn of Ruth:
I have booked a 10th Mountain Division Hut for Dec 19 and 20 (fri. and sat). Tis supposedly a lovely hut, providing ample opportunity for back country skiing and peeing in the snow. It does require a 6 or 7 miles hike in, that would probably recommend XC skis and skins, but snowshoes may work. There will be plenty of whiskey, smoke, and ham.
So far my friends, Jeremy, and I account for 10 of the 16-20 spaces available in this hut. I am hoping a few of you join us other there. It will be a damn good time. Cost about $70 for the 2 nights. If interested, let me know soon, as we may run out of space.
I have booked a 10th Mountain Division Hut for Dec 19 and 20 (fri. and sat). Tis supposedly a lovely hut, providing ample opportunity for back country skiing and peeing in the snow. It does require a 6 or 7 miles hike in, that would probably recommend XC skis and skins, but snowshoes may work. There will be plenty of whiskey, smoke, and ham.
So far my friends, Jeremy, and I account for 10 of the 16-20 spaces available in this hut. I am hoping a few of you join us other there. It will be a damn good time. Cost about $70 for the 2 nights. If interested, let me know soon, as we may run out of space.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Recently I was given a gift from Kyle and Dee. It was an unopened, medium sized pickle container with the brand name "Crinkle Chips" It was covered with a condom, enclosed in a brown paper bag, and hidden in my car. Unfortunately for Kyle, I never found it in my car and became confused about its origination, because my parents brought it inside for me and told me it was from Kyle. Fortunately for Kyle, the gift has still caused me plenty of discomfort.
First, I opened the bag and wondered why this was given to me. I had no answers. My parents assumed it was an inside joke, and when I told them that I had no idea why this was given to me, they looked at me suspiciously, clearly believing that I was lying to them about my lack of previous experience with Crinkle Chips wrapped in condoms.
Later, I decided to remove the condom because it didnt belong there. It did not go as well as I might have hoped. I struggled to get a grip on it, and when I finally did and gave it a good pull, it stretched several feet and then snapped, engulfing me with that foul powdery condom smell. I gagged and threw it away, and then gagged some more because opening my trash can added a seafood smell to the condom smell. I washed my hands and left the kitchen in disgust.
Two days later, the Crinkle Chips are still where I left them on my counter, and they still have remnants of that powdery condom smell and that slimy condom texture. However, I need pickles and I am confident that the nastiness of the condom has not contaminated the pickles sealed safely inside. On the other hand, I don't really need pickles bad enough to want to handle that jar again. So it sits there, not quite nasty enough to be thrown away, but too nasty to eat out of. Hopefully this stale-mate will be resolved sometime soon. I'll keep you updated.
First, I opened the bag and wondered why this was given to me. I had no answers. My parents assumed it was an inside joke, and when I told them that I had no idea why this was given to me, they looked at me suspiciously, clearly believing that I was lying to them about my lack of previous experience with Crinkle Chips wrapped in condoms.
Later, I decided to remove the condom because it didnt belong there. It did not go as well as I might have hoped. I struggled to get a grip on it, and when I finally did and gave it a good pull, it stretched several feet and then snapped, engulfing me with that foul powdery condom smell. I gagged and threw it away, and then gagged some more because opening my trash can added a seafood smell to the condom smell. I washed my hands and left the kitchen in disgust.
Two days later, the Crinkle Chips are still where I left them on my counter, and they still have remnants of that powdery condom smell and that slimy condom texture. However, I need pickles and I am confident that the nastiness of the condom has not contaminated the pickles sealed safely inside. On the other hand, I don't really need pickles bad enough to want to handle that jar again. So it sits there, not quite nasty enough to be thrown away, but too nasty to eat out of. Hopefully this stale-mate will be resolved sometime soon. I'll keep you updated.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Thursday, October 09, 2008
Cournomics
I just read an excerpt from an article that said that a good solution to the economic problem would be to encourage the immigration of prime-aged individuals into the united states to drive demand for houses and such up. Sounds good to me...There's also an election coming up and I am on the fence but good. I am sick of fucking stupid people who cannot see both sides of the argument and think that they have the answer. Care to enlighten me on your position?
Friday, September 26, 2008
Monday, September 15, 2008
my fixy
Here's my suicide bike. Its about 40lbs and I'm using a fixed-gear on a single speed hub, which means that there is nothing stopping the fixed gear from spinning off when I put back pressure on the pedals. It seems to be holding fine, but I am really cautious. Because the frame is so old I can't really add new components to it. I wanted to add a new seatpost, crank, and stem, but the dimensions are all old school so no parts really exist for them. I've taken it in to a couple of bike shops and I keep telling them that I want to keep building it as a project, but I am getting unanimous discouragement. Unfortunately, I am pretty much addicted to tinkering with the bike so I'll have to shop for a new frame for something to do over the winter.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Things you see living near a city
Driving to work today I saw:
(1) artsy-fartsy guy taking some sweet artsy action photos of a fire hydrant
(2) fat semi-comatose lady in motorized wheelchair with large flagpole at top speed right past him out of control, then careen off the sidewalk and into the busy street
(1) artsy-fartsy guy taking some sweet artsy action photos of a fire hydrant
(2) fat semi-comatose lady in motorized wheelchair with large flagpole at top speed right past him out of control, then careen off the sidewalk and into the busy street
Saturday, September 06, 2008
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Rothbury Festival
A good friend and I recently went to a massive 4 day music festival in northern michigan called Rothbury. I covered the festival for my friend's magazine, and he is finally getting around to getting it on the web-site. Check it out here. www.kemiks.com Only the first half is up...
On the web-site: He's always looking for more writers. Cover your favorite concerts and CDs however you want to, and he'll appreciate it and make it up to you by giving you a free ticket to some music festivals for you to cover. As you can see if you've been reading the stuff I post on here, you can write whatever the fuck you want.
On the article: I decided to make it a little more strange/interesting/challenging by inventing two characters and covering the festival from their perspective. I think it turned out all right. Most of their experiences were my own, including seeing the Fred Flintstone character screaming WILMAAA while struggling through a trip, and most others. Let me know what you think...
On the experience: I hope the article captures it pretty well. These festivals are an incredibly strange experience, and I highly recommend going to one, though you probably won't find it to be the most momentarily comfortable experience.
On the web-site: He's always looking for more writers. Cover your favorite concerts and CDs however you want to, and he'll appreciate it and make it up to you by giving you a free ticket to some music festivals for you to cover. As you can see if you've been reading the stuff I post on here, you can write whatever the fuck you want.
On the article: I decided to make it a little more strange/interesting/challenging by inventing two characters and covering the festival from their perspective. I think it turned out all right. Most of their experiences were my own, including seeing the Fred Flintstone character screaming WILMAAA while struggling through a trip, and most others. Let me know what you think...
On the experience: I hope the article captures it pretty well. These festivals are an incredibly strange experience, and I highly recommend going to one, though you probably won't find it to be the most momentarily comfortable experience.
Thoughts
1) I like watching Olympics, but there is just far too much gymnastics. Just when you thought there couldn't possibly be more events - Nastia Liuken going for gold on the parallel pommel bars!!
2) Dee is insisting that pickles have no nutritional value.
3) Canvas transfer of paintings is a nice alternative to posters, and a sweet gift.
4) Finally, there's been a lot of talk about campsite shitters, lots of broken promises, lots of threats of 'diarrhea tent sauna' if shitters aren't properly upright and equipped with a swing-door entry. Let me set the record straight: I have been hurt one too many times with dashed hopes of a fire-side shitter, and am not about to let it happen again.
2) Dee is insisting that pickles have no nutritional value.
3) Canvas transfer of paintings is a nice alternative to posters, and a sweet gift.
4) Finally, there's been a lot of talk about campsite shitters, lots of broken promises, lots of threats of 'diarrhea tent sauna' if shitters aren't properly upright and equipped with a swing-door entry. Let me set the record straight: I have been hurt one too many times with dashed hopes of a fire-side shitter, and am not about to let it happen again.
Monday, August 18, 2008
bored games
the smithiest members of this blog once spent a night playing Taboo where we made up our own categories. it ws actually a lot more fun, especially the round where dee had to describe "smut" without using the word porn, nudity, sex, etc. and where jeremy had to describe a word without using the words "the, I, you, word, it, uh..."
This weekend I parlayed this into make up your own cattegories scattegories, with categories such as "personal hero" "personal nemesis" "simpsons character"... also a fun game. I imagine there are lots of games that can be improved by not owning them.
Jeremy and I lived together for a summer and excelled at engaging in certain performance enhancing drugs and making up games. Memorable examples include a paper air-plane making and flying contest, blow-gun battleship, hanging wall handle HORSE, and George Foreman tv show drinking game where you drink every time someone says George (funny because all his kids are named George)
So that's a lesson kids. We're not too old to play. playing's fun. play more.
Anyone got any other silly games? I have lots of nights where I have some energy but don't want to get drunk and might like to do something memorable silly or otherwise worth doing.
GO!
This weekend I parlayed this into make up your own cattegories scattegories, with categories such as "personal hero" "personal nemesis" "simpsons character"... also a fun game. I imagine there are lots of games that can be improved by not owning them.
Jeremy and I lived together for a summer and excelled at engaging in certain performance enhancing drugs and making up games. Memorable examples include a paper air-plane making and flying contest, blow-gun battleship, hanging wall handle HORSE, and George Foreman tv show drinking game where you drink every time someone says George (funny because all his kids are named George)
So that's a lesson kids. We're not too old to play. playing's fun. play more.
Anyone got any other silly games? I have lots of nights where I have some energy but don't want to get drunk and might like to do something memorable silly or otherwise worth doing.
GO!
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
I agree with this guy:
I don't know if you guys heard or even care but Bryan won't be having a party at his house the Saturday of Labor Day weekend.
If you guys are interested in getting all the available cousins together for a night of retardation I was going to suggest that we all camp a night at Basalt Mountain again.
Let me know what you think.
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
Ter'r
You may have read some news article about a neuroscientist woman in cahoots with Al Qaeda, who was found and arrested recently after some gunplay. Turns out she trained in my current lab!! Our alumnus list now include researchers, teachers, professors, and terror.
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
Gill-i-am
Seen Dark Night? Kyle-on-Kyle loved it. Luh-uh-uh-uhved it.
Seen Lost in La Mancha? Heath Ledger evidently died during filming of Terry Gilliam's next movie--that Gilliam is cursed, cursed like I've never seen.
Seen Lost in La Mancha? Heath Ledger evidently died during filming of Terry Gilliam's next movie--that Gilliam is cursed, cursed like I've never seen.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Fill in the Blank
If ___________ were a celebrity, he/she would be _________________.
EXAMPLE: Rob....Judge Reinhold
EXAMPLE: Rob....Judge Reinhold
Overheard
Another silly thing overheard at Starbucks:
"I'll have a venti fudge caramel machiatto...I mean just a regular coffee"
Also, saw these T-shirt logos on two guys who didn't know each other, one right after the other:
"My wife is out of town"
"I'm feeling lucky"
"I'll have a venti fudge caramel machiatto...I mean just a regular coffee"
Also, saw these T-shirt logos on two guys who didn't know each other, one right after the other:
"My wife is out of town"
"I'm feeling lucky"
Monday, July 14, 2008
Where is everyone?
No new posts in a month?? We suck collectively!
Anywho, everyone who is going to be in Colorado for Jazz fest:
The Cuzzin Olympics are on and Bryan and I are now taking suggestions for events. As of now the Olypmics will take place at Bryan's new place on a date to be determined (maybe Saturday?). I'm thinking we need to 4-6 events so start bre
wing your wacky ideas.
wing your wacky ideas.Thursday, June 19, 2008
Boston Sports
Since we’ve moved up here, there’s been:
--Celtics Championship
--Red Sox Championship
--Patriots best football season ever (then superbowl flop)
--Revolution in the finals
--Boston College football doing something important
--Hacky-sack guy on the street corner flipping a miraculous spin kick
Maybe we’re good luck. Hacky-sack guy says so.
--Celtics Championship
--Red Sox Championship
--Patriots best football season ever (then superbowl flop)
--Revolution in the finals
--Boston College football doing something important
--Hacky-sack guy on the street corner flipping a miraculous spin kick
Maybe we’re good luck. Hacky-sack guy says so.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
No Bus
Today I had to pick Sean up from daycare because he was sick. We walked down the street to the bus stop (Sean was saying 'hi daddy' in a sad sickly voice the whole way). When the bus came, Sean said "Bus!". I asked him, in my best baby talk voice, "Do you want to get on the bus?". Then an Indian guy standing to my side replies, "No, I'm just waiting for someone". That was funny.
Sunday, June 08, 2008
Pics
New blog header - with faces!* I'll probably insert some more pictures at some point; feel free to email me any must-haves. Maybe I'll catch some good ones over labor day.
*pending the Bubb seal of approval.
*pending the Bubb seal of approval.
Saturday, June 07, 2008
Another Self-Indulgent Rob-Writing
The following is an article I wrote for an online music magazine called Kemiks. If anyone likes to write about music, it's a good place to put your stuff. I'm friends with the guy that runs it and he's desperate for more articles. Also, if you write a few for him, he's good at getting free concert or festival tickets, often press passes that could allow you some front row action. This is a review of the newest album from my favorite rapper, that I incorporated some psychology knowledge into.
Album Review
R.E.B.I.R.T.H. by OneBeLo
By Rob Smith
R.E.B.I.R.T.H. stands for Real Emcees Bring Intelligent Rhymes To Hip hop. There is no doubt that OneBeLo, also known as OneManArmy from the group Binary Star, is bringing intelligent rhymes to hip hop with this and every other album he’s created. He’s the best in the world at it. However, I feel that he didn’t bring as many of these intelligent rhymes that he’s known for to this long-awaited second album. I might also argue that he brought a little extra baggage to the project. So I have a few complaints to go with my high praise for Lo’s music. In this review, I’ll also be bringing some extra baggage as I follow up each statement I make with the psychological basis for it. I think it will add something positive to the review.
Actually, this is more likely an example if intellectual masturbation coupled with my desperation to apply the thousands of hours I have spent reading psychology research to something outside of the classroom. Everyone wants to believe they have something unique to say and that they are living for a coherent reason. These needs increase during mortality salience.
It’s a solid album, but it’s unfortunately short with only 12 tracks. In the song Hip Hop Heaven, one of the best on the album, Lo talks about a day spent entirely devoted to making music. He uses lines like “I guess it’s just another day in the life of OneBeLo, 5 hours of work, an album worth of material.” We lovers of his music wish this were our reality, but this album is only the second “official” release of his nearly 10-year solo career. Yet he does seem capable of this kind of prolific production. Multiple albums have been created entirely of his tracks that weren’t intended for release, and each of these collections (F.E.T.U.S., S.T.I.L.L.B.O.R.N, and the Virus Mixtape) contain tracks of incredible quality. Brilliant rhymes show up on his Myspace page like he wrote them while he was taking a shit and thought them of similar quality. I’m wishing those songs were thrown on the end of an album, and I’m writing this in the hope that maybe I can increase the chances of that happening.
Actually, A major reason I wrote this was to establish myself as an authority by citing his lesser known works. Any advertiser will tell you that its worthwhile to establish a spokesperson as an expert before he makes his statement, and any psychologist or blog reader will tell you that anybody who is an expert of anything will actively seek out avenues to express his expertise.
So after years of waiting, listening to his previous albums in awe, even the unreleased ones, I was in a frenzy of anticipation. I thought it somehow would be even better than the incredible S.O.N.O.G.R.A.M. album. I imagined more time spent in a studio, a better studio, without any detrimental influence from A&Rs or average rappers from his Subterraneous record label. Yet when the album release tour came through and I finally heard the songs live and got my ears on the album, I felt disappointed. Almost cheated. I gave it a few listens, and then took it off the regular rotation and dreaded writing this article.
Here we see the incredible power that expectations hold over satisfaction. A great experience is not enjoyed if engrained expectations are even greater. The expected enjoyment becomes the references point, and anything short of that feels like a loss.
A major source of these expectations were the incredible quality of his other albums. S.O.N.O.G.R.A.M. and Binary Star: Masters of the Universe are two of the best five hip hop albums ever recorded (along with Black on Both Sides, Blazing Arrow, and … Midnight Marauders?). If you’re into undergroup hip hop and you haven’t savored these albums, you need to fix that with a quickness.
This paragraph is a result of an effect known as cognitive dissonance. I love Lo and Lo’s music. I want Lo to succeed; to receive some adequate fragment of the respect and resources that he deserves as a brilliant artist. However, I find myself writing a neutral or negative review of his latest offering. This gives me a mental discomfort known as cognitive dissonance, which I attempt to alleviate by a) affirming my self-concept and b) emphasizing my great respect for his other albums and him as an artist.
One final complaint of the album is the over-use of movie sound-bites. There are over twenty (20) of them, many are long, annoying, and at the front of songs where they are not easily skipped. Most of Lo’s listeners are in the habit of really listening to every word on an album, and by now we’re all probably pretty sick of Rocky III sound-bites that we unfortunately know by heart.
Actually, this complaint is more an example of me exercising the universal need for self-expression. The sound-bites do not ruin the album. They do however provide me with an opportunity to express a self-signaling pet-peeve.
This album might just be another unfortunate case of an artist pushing the boundaries of his art form at the cost of alienating some of his fans.
Actually, that previous sentence is an unfortunate case of stereotyping. Other long-time members of my “brilliant rhymers” mental category such as Andre Benjamin and Mos Def seem to have left me with a thinking shortcut that has all lyrical geniuses releasing some strange shit once they hit their 30s. This album is not an example of Lo exploring an experimental side of the art of rhyming, it’s much more likely an example of creativity and passion fading with age. There’s another stereotype for ya.
Even given these powerful psychological effects, not all fans found this album to be disappointing. A friend of mine who also considers Lo the best rapper in the world and therefore had similarly impossible expectations recently told me that “R.E.B.I.R.T.H. is what hip-hop was meant to be since Erik. B.” I must agree.
Actually that last line is testimony to the power of subconscious social influence. I feel like I agree with the statement because I know the person so well and have so many opinions in common with him that my first reaction is to agree. However, upon rare further review, I now must admit that I’m not quite sure what his quote means. It is true that this is good hip-hop, which should certainly be what hip-hop was meant to be. But why are we beginning with Erik B., a DJ and producer, when this album is marked by its lyrics?
The last statement I’d like to make is that this is an album that requires many listenings. Many of Lo’s lines require a little thought before they can be understood, and many of his songs seem to get better with every listen. As I listen to the album right now, probably my 20th listen, I am absolutely loving it. Every song has great rhymes and energy and the last two songs on the album (Gray and Hip Hop Heaven) are two of the best I’ve ever heard. Get this album.
Here we see the power of emotional context. Researchers have found that a person who has had positive emotional boost, even when its as small as finding a quarter, will rate everything more positively, even if its unrelated and as large as their life satisfaction. They’ve also found that there’s not much better for subjective well-being than creative expression.
Ratings
Beats: 4
Rhymes: 4 1/2
Life: 4
R.E.B.I.R.T.H. by OneBeLo
By Rob Smith
R.E.B.I.R.T.H. stands for Real Emcees Bring Intelligent Rhymes To Hip hop. There is no doubt that OneBeLo, also known as OneManArmy from the group Binary Star, is bringing intelligent rhymes to hip hop with this and every other album he’s created. He’s the best in the world at it. However, I feel that he didn’t bring as many of these intelligent rhymes that he’s known for to this long-awaited second album. I might also argue that he brought a little extra baggage to the project. So I have a few complaints to go with my high praise for Lo’s music. In this review, I’ll also be bringing some extra baggage as I follow up each statement I make with the psychological basis for it. I think it will add something positive to the review.
Actually, this is more likely an example if intellectual masturbation coupled with my desperation to apply the thousands of hours I have spent reading psychology research to something outside of the classroom. Everyone wants to believe they have something unique to say and that they are living for a coherent reason. These needs increase during mortality salience.
It’s a solid album, but it’s unfortunately short with only 12 tracks. In the song Hip Hop Heaven, one of the best on the album, Lo talks about a day spent entirely devoted to making music. He uses lines like “I guess it’s just another day in the life of OneBeLo, 5 hours of work, an album worth of material.” We lovers of his music wish this were our reality, but this album is only the second “official” release of his nearly 10-year solo career. Yet he does seem capable of this kind of prolific production. Multiple albums have been created entirely of his tracks that weren’t intended for release, and each of these collections (F.E.T.U.S., S.T.I.L.L.B.O.R.N, and the Virus Mixtape) contain tracks of incredible quality. Brilliant rhymes show up on his Myspace page like he wrote them while he was taking a shit and thought them of similar quality. I’m wishing those songs were thrown on the end of an album, and I’m writing this in the hope that maybe I can increase the chances of that happening.
Actually, A major reason I wrote this was to establish myself as an authority by citing his lesser known works. Any advertiser will tell you that its worthwhile to establish a spokesperson as an expert before he makes his statement, and any psychologist or blog reader will tell you that anybody who is an expert of anything will actively seek out avenues to express his expertise.
So after years of waiting, listening to his previous albums in awe, even the unreleased ones, I was in a frenzy of anticipation. I thought it somehow would be even better than the incredible S.O.N.O.G.R.A.M. album. I imagined more time spent in a studio, a better studio, without any detrimental influence from A&Rs or average rappers from his Subterraneous record label. Yet when the album release tour came through and I finally heard the songs live and got my ears on the album, I felt disappointed. Almost cheated. I gave it a few listens, and then took it off the regular rotation and dreaded writing this article.
Here we see the incredible power that expectations hold over satisfaction. A great experience is not enjoyed if engrained expectations are even greater. The expected enjoyment becomes the references point, and anything short of that feels like a loss.
A major source of these expectations were the incredible quality of his other albums. S.O.N.O.G.R.A.M. and Binary Star: Masters of the Universe are two of the best five hip hop albums ever recorded (along with Black on Both Sides, Blazing Arrow, and … Midnight Marauders?). If you’re into undergroup hip hop and you haven’t savored these albums, you need to fix that with a quickness.
This paragraph is a result of an effect known as cognitive dissonance. I love Lo and Lo’s music. I want Lo to succeed; to receive some adequate fragment of the respect and resources that he deserves as a brilliant artist. However, I find myself writing a neutral or negative review of his latest offering. This gives me a mental discomfort known as cognitive dissonance, which I attempt to alleviate by a) affirming my self-concept and b) emphasizing my great respect for his other albums and him as an artist.
One final complaint of the album is the over-use of movie sound-bites. There are over twenty (20) of them, many are long, annoying, and at the front of songs where they are not easily skipped. Most of Lo’s listeners are in the habit of really listening to every word on an album, and by now we’re all probably pretty sick of Rocky III sound-bites that we unfortunately know by heart.
Actually, this complaint is more an example of me exercising the universal need for self-expression. The sound-bites do not ruin the album. They do however provide me with an opportunity to express a self-signaling pet-peeve.
This album might just be another unfortunate case of an artist pushing the boundaries of his art form at the cost of alienating some of his fans.
Actually, that previous sentence is an unfortunate case of stereotyping. Other long-time members of my “brilliant rhymers” mental category such as Andre Benjamin and Mos Def seem to have left me with a thinking shortcut that has all lyrical geniuses releasing some strange shit once they hit their 30s. This album is not an example of Lo exploring an experimental side of the art of rhyming, it’s much more likely an example of creativity and passion fading with age. There’s another stereotype for ya.
Even given these powerful psychological effects, not all fans found this album to be disappointing. A friend of mine who also considers Lo the best rapper in the world and therefore had similarly impossible expectations recently told me that “R.E.B.I.R.T.H. is what hip-hop was meant to be since Erik. B.” I must agree.
Actually that last line is testimony to the power of subconscious social influence. I feel like I agree with the statement because I know the person so well and have so many opinions in common with him that my first reaction is to agree. However, upon rare further review, I now must admit that I’m not quite sure what his quote means. It is true that this is good hip-hop, which should certainly be what hip-hop was meant to be. But why are we beginning with Erik B., a DJ and producer, when this album is marked by its lyrics?
The last statement I’d like to make is that this is an album that requires many listenings. Many of Lo’s lines require a little thought before they can be understood, and many of his songs seem to get better with every listen. As I listen to the album right now, probably my 20th listen, I am absolutely loving it. Every song has great rhymes and energy and the last two songs on the album (Gray and Hip Hop Heaven) are two of the best I’ve ever heard. Get this album.
Here we see the power of emotional context. Researchers have found that a person who has had positive emotional boost, even when its as small as finding a quarter, will rate everything more positively, even if its unrelated and as large as their life satisfaction. They’ve also found that there’s not much better for subjective well-being than creative expression.
Ratings
Beats: 4
Rhymes: 4 1/2
Life: 4
Labor intensive
Looks like we'll be in Snowmass for the labor day jazz fest. What are people [Matt, Jeremy, Adam] thinking in terms of the festival schedule? Widespread Panic I'm guessing? I don't like them at all--the rebel Cournoyer that I am--but would go for the hanging out if that's other's plan. And I know Jeremy loves Xavier Rudd. Bob Dylan is a bit of a dud in concerts, and Dee and I have seen him. Fogerty would be at my top, but then I'd have to see Yoakam. I don't know what Kerry/Ryan would do. It's a puzzle.
In other news, a bear broke into my parent's place last night. Trounced Jeremy's window/room then ate some cookies and steak. Jeremy wasn't there fortunately, though it would have been quite the experience to wake up with a bear climbing over your bed and/or mauling your face.
In other news, a bear broke into my parent's place last night. Trounced Jeremy's window/room then ate some cookies and steak. Jeremy wasn't there fortunately, though it would have been quite the experience to wake up with a bear climbing over your bed and/or mauling your face.
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
Call for Adventure
Hello All. I know we're not far off of the excellent backpacking adventure, but I thought I'd post the following with the hope that it might inspire further adventure. I don't know if you'll find it as motivating for randomness as i just found it. Either way, here's me saying we should plan some adventure, and here's my Peru recap i wrote upon return, exactly one year since:
the first night in peru was spent hanging out all night in the hotel in lima, drinking duty free scoth and enjoying the company of my travel mates, my cousin jake and his best friend. we talked to some fellow gringo travelers and shared advice, and got gradually more manic as the night went on. we arrived in cuzco at 7am the next morning, completely disoriented, and enentually found a hostel. a private room with three beds was under $20 and as we sat down to talk about the details we were served coca tea. as in cocaine tea. it would not be my last taste of the leaf.
we spent that day and the next planning our machu picchu journey, sipping the local beer, and getting toursit crap shoved in our face. food and souvenirs are cheap and the people are quite friendly, but the combination can be overwhelming.
muchu picchu journey, day 1: a very confused start. the guide said he'd show up at 7:30 and drive us to the bus station for the 8am 3 hour bus to the start. showed up at 7:50, on a bike. the bus was oversold, so peruvians sat in my lap. after we}ve been climbing a seemingly endless muddy mountain road with attempted construciton and closures for 6 hours through the rain, the guide decides its time to get out and get on bikes. the peruvians happily take our seats and stare dumbfounded as we put on some strange helmets, sit on the bikes, and start riding down to the jungle, instantly covered in mud. expectations were quite low at this point. it was about 40 miles downhill and turned out to be one of my favorite strange adventures. we eventually descended below the clouds, the road and mud on my face dried, no more consturction, great views over the amazon basin. my ass paid the price of entry to this paradise. my cousin{s bike exploded and was stranded in the jungle as night fell.
day 2 and 3 were about 30 miles through the jungle on foot with small packs, picking fruit off trees for snacks, chewing coca leaves and being dominated by mosquitos. we slept in busted hostels in small jungle town and failed to converse with the guide in spanish. we drink heavily one of these nights in a bar that was like an interrogation room from cop movies and are taught a drinking game that involves poking a cigarette into a napkin on a beer and having to drink the ash beer if you do it wrong. we try to explain flippy cup but it deteriorates into drinking a full beer every time you miss the flip. i got zapatos locos (crazy shows) and refused to go to bed when the guide said it was time and ran away while my travel mates convinced the guide to take us to another bar. he said i was a small problem. roosters do not just crow once during sunrise. those fuckers are relentless. we also crossed a rovier by a self propelled zipline and learned the hungry chicken handshake.
day 4 we climbed a moutnain in the dark to get to machu picchu for sunrise, then climbed
another mountain to be able to look down on it. absolute beauty. i was really expecting to feel a special power to the place, and i´m a little disappointed that i did not. perhaps it was that there were thousands of tourists and those that pray on them. either way, an incredible place.
Despite sicknesses from the other two travelers, one (cousin's friend) of which resulted in a return to the US and some time in the hospital (pollo loco), we did manage to get to a hike outside of cuzco. We traveled uphill along a lush river meadow to about 14,000 feet, where we encountered a town that didn't even have a road within 5 miles of it. Their 'houses' were made of piles of rocks, the nice ones had roofs made of grass. They spoke Quecha, the language the country spoke before Columbus' "discovery", as did many of the small mountain town people we would later meet. After this difficult 15 mile hike, we got on a bus back to Cusco, which of course didnt have seats for us. It did, however, have a hog-tied goat, a bag of chickens, and a pig in a bag, attached to the luggage compartment (tied to the roof).
We left Cusco and spent a day in Lima. Lima has 8 million people, most of whom are very poor, but we found a cool kinda hippy disctrict. We walked along the beach for most of the morning, and had mystery meat sandwiches. As my cousin showered that afternoon, I wandered out of the hostel and met up with some peruvians and a swede, and within 5 minutes of walking out my door, was staring down the barrell of a cup full of peruvian tap water and san pedro, a psychadelic cactus with mescaline. The swede considered himself a shaman, and proceeded to tell me the way of things for the next several hours, and eventually gave me more san pedro, and a cryptic map to the world he insisted should be tattooed on my heart. He dropped a lot of wisdom, mostly about the power of love and the sun. I liked his phrase "soy un otro tu" (i am another you) quite a lot.
Huaraz was absolutely beautiful. Cool little mountain city. Nestled in the Cordillera Blanca mountain range, the highest tropical range in the world, with a peak towering above it at about 22,000 feet. Found a nice hostel with a great view. Went to a soccer game, whose highlights included the swat team coming out to protect a player on the other team, and a man in the stands near me repeatedly attempting to light a home made celebratory bomb but being too drunk to do so. Also sun burn. We then spent 3 days hiking by ourselves, which involved beautiful camp-sites, views of glacier capped mountains and bright green lakes, and making it to 17,000 feet, much higher than colorado's highest mountains depsite being only a pass through to the next valley. The trip also involved repeated encounters with bulls, and a severe altitude-induced panic while trying to sleep at 15,000 feet. It was among the worst I've ever felt, definitely the most home-sick.
We then spent some time enjoying Huaraz, and found a restaurant called chilli heaven which was the perfect antedote to bland peruvian food. We wandered into a climbing place at one point, trying to scout out another mountain journey, and walked out with our entire remaining 9 days booked, with a 5 day trek up to 6000 meters (about 20,000 feet) that included another 18,000 foot mountain, and an additional 3 day training hike. I became quite depressed by the revelation that we would be spending the entire remainder of our vacation suffering up mountains, and we decided to skip the training hike in favor of a night of drinking. that night we discovered Liquer De Coca and drank an absurd amount of it. we also drank some coke based energy drinks, as we were apparently in the midst of some strange liquid coke binge. Also had a day of rock climbing at a real cool spot, where I learned some skills that probably later saved my life, and a short day hike to another beautiful lake, where we fell asleep because it was after the night of drinking. Also considerable dreading turning to excitement over the impending summit journey.
Summit Journey:
Day 1, easy 4 mile hike up to base camp with mules carrying our shit. Turns out the guide is a big stoner. Decent weed. Base camp is above 14,000 feet, and has something like 50 other tents, yet every single person there was asleep by 7pm. Mt. Toclliaraju (6,032 meters) towers above us.
Day 2. Climb mt. Ishinca. 18,000 feet. Very very very hard. hardest thing i've ever done. leave at 4 am, 7 hours up hill, either carrying a bag of metal, or using it to climb. deep breaths stranglely unsatisfying. none of our equipment fit properly, and the metal spikes that attached to our shoes (crampons) were surprisingly difficult to maneuver. We made it though. The view from the top of the other glacier mountains made it almost worth it, but on the way down, hurting like hell and left behind by my triathlon running cousin and the guide, I decided I didn't want to climb the 6000 meter peak, it just didnt seem as fun as drinking more san pedro with my friends in huaraz. upon arriving at base camp, and experiencing some heaven in the form of my feet being dipped in the cold stream and an orange, eaten like an apple, I decided I might as well go for it.
Day 3. Even worse. Hike the incredible steep and rocky path up to high camp (17,000 feet). By far the biggest, heaviest backpack I've ever carried, food, tent, sleeping bag, clothes, ski boots, ice axes, crampons, climbing shit... fuckin sucked. Decided again that I was going home, i just dont have what it takes. Decided again that I might as well make a run at it. Needed to fix my mind though, replenish my strength reserves. Spent the next several hours sitting bymyself in my rented turqous and purple down coat, melting bags and bags of snow, repeating to myself that I would make it, I would make it, I would not be deterred by exhuastion. Whirled myself into quite an excitement, and slept only about 2 hours that night. Felt ready.
Day 4. Up at 4, prepared to suffer, completely ready, composed, willful. We find a slow hiking rhythm in the dark, going so slow that you almost rest while walking. the slightest move, such as pulling up the harness, leaves you exhuasted for several minutes but you keep walking. I alternate between thinking of my home bed, complete with naked kelly and feisty doggy that await me, and the idea that it is my swarn duty to push my little headlight spot on the snow up the mountain, while singing A Tribe Called Quest. Push it along, just push it along, all you gotta do is push it along... The sun rises, we're about half way there, and i'm starting to run out of energy, I can't eat, but I'm close. We keep pushing it along, and arrive at the last pitch, which gives Toclliaraju its "Difficult" Rating. over 60 degree angle for about 80 yards. We can hardly hear the guide's instructions for tying our harnesses into the rope over the howling wind, which scared my cousin like crazy, as he works in a climbing gym and understood just how many fundamental climbing rules we were breaking. I was just happy to be almost done. We climbed up the wall, clinging to the moutnain for some 15 minutes in the middle as the guide pulled up the rope we had just climbed and set it up again near the top. My cousin had another big freak out after seeing the poor excuse for an anchor and nearly headed down 30 meters short of the summit. But we fucking made it. I kissed the snow at the top and nearly cried. cousin was deeply shaken, convinced we were lucky to be alive and going down would be even sketchier. incredible view. survive the down-hill, sometimes elated to be done, sometimes completely drained, struggling to take the next step. then we got to high camp, packed our shit, and put those fucking bags back on our backs, and I really didnt think i'd make it down. got left behind again, and kinda fell apart. we were basically jumping from boulder to boulder, down a steep hill, with 50 pounds on our backs and no energy, and I just couldnt do it. I fell about every 10 feet and struggled to get back up every time and wanted to cry. at some point a peruvian porter sees me, constantly falling and looking defeated, and offers to help carry my bags, for free, because I clearly cannot. quite a blessing. I tell myself I earned it by going through hell and still trying to focus on enjoying the scenery. We sleep at base camp and I felt basically indifferent. didnt have the energy for emotion. I no longer hated looking at the mountain, became almost infatuated with staring at it, thinking and feeling nothing.
day 5: back downhill, mules carry our shit, we smoke a bunch, and I say goodbye to the rural peru with mixed feelings. i wonder more about why I put myself through these sufferings, and have a good answer, but thats for another blog. I had (and still have) a very clear mind and an iron confidence. That night I met a cute little columbian archeoligist and learned how to salsa dance...
the first night in peru was spent hanging out all night in the hotel in lima, drinking duty free scoth and enjoying the company of my travel mates, my cousin jake and his best friend. we talked to some fellow gringo travelers and shared advice, and got gradually more manic as the night went on. we arrived in cuzco at 7am the next morning, completely disoriented, and enentually found a hostel. a private room with three beds was under $20 and as we sat down to talk about the details we were served coca tea. as in cocaine tea. it would not be my last taste of the leaf.
we spent that day and the next planning our machu picchu journey, sipping the local beer, and getting toursit crap shoved in our face. food and souvenirs are cheap and the people are quite friendly, but the combination can be overwhelming.
muchu picchu journey, day 1: a very confused start. the guide said he'd show up at 7:30 and drive us to the bus station for the 8am 3 hour bus to the start. showed up at 7:50, on a bike. the bus was oversold, so peruvians sat in my lap. after we}ve been climbing a seemingly endless muddy mountain road with attempted construciton and closures for 6 hours through the rain, the guide decides its time to get out and get on bikes. the peruvians happily take our seats and stare dumbfounded as we put on some strange helmets, sit on the bikes, and start riding down to the jungle, instantly covered in mud. expectations were quite low at this point. it was about 40 miles downhill and turned out to be one of my favorite strange adventures. we eventually descended below the clouds, the road and mud on my face dried, no more consturction, great views over the amazon basin. my ass paid the price of entry to this paradise. my cousin{s bike exploded and was stranded in the jungle as night fell.
day 2 and 3 were about 30 miles through the jungle on foot with small packs, picking fruit off trees for snacks, chewing coca leaves and being dominated by mosquitos. we slept in busted hostels in small jungle town and failed to converse with the guide in spanish. we drink heavily one of these nights in a bar that was like an interrogation room from cop movies and are taught a drinking game that involves poking a cigarette into a napkin on a beer and having to drink the ash beer if you do it wrong. we try to explain flippy cup but it deteriorates into drinking a full beer every time you miss the flip. i got zapatos locos (crazy shows) and refused to go to bed when the guide said it was time and ran away while my travel mates convinced the guide to take us to another bar. he said i was a small problem. roosters do not just crow once during sunrise. those fuckers are relentless. we also crossed a rovier by a self propelled zipline and learned the hungry chicken handshake.
day 4 we climbed a moutnain in the dark to get to machu picchu for sunrise, then climbed
another mountain to be able to look down on it. absolute beauty. i was really expecting to feel a special power to the place, and i´m a little disappointed that i did not. perhaps it was that there were thousands of tourists and those that pray on them. either way, an incredible place.Despite sicknesses from the other two travelers, one (cousin's friend) of which resulted in a return to the US and some time in the hospital (pollo loco), we did manage to get to a hike outside of cuzco. We traveled uphill along a lush river meadow to about 14,000 feet, where we encountered a town that didn't even have a road within 5 miles of it. Their 'houses' were made of piles of rocks, the nice ones had roofs made of grass. They spoke Quecha, the language the country spoke before Columbus' "discovery", as did many of the small mountain town people we would later meet. After this difficult 15 mile hike, we got on a bus back to Cusco, which of course didnt have seats for us. It did, however, have a hog-tied goat, a bag of chickens, and a pig in a bag, attached to the luggage compartment (tied to the roof).
We left Cusco and spent a day in Lima. Lima has 8 million people, most of whom are very poor, but we found a cool kinda hippy disctrict. We walked along the beach for most of the morning, and had mystery meat sandwiches. As my cousin showered that afternoon, I wandered out of the hostel and met up with some peruvians and a swede, and within 5 minutes of walking out my door, was staring down the barrell of a cup full of peruvian tap water and san pedro, a psychadelic cactus with mescaline. The swede considered himself a shaman, and proceeded to tell me the way of things for the next several hours, and eventually gave me more san pedro, and a cryptic map to the world he insisted should be tattooed on my heart. He dropped a lot of wisdom, mostly about the power of love and the sun. I liked his phrase "soy un otro tu" (i am another you) quite a lot.
Huaraz was absolutely beautiful. Cool little mountain city. Nestled in the Cordillera Blanca mountain range, the highest tropical range in the world, with a peak towering above it at about 22,000 feet. Found a nice hostel with a great view. Went to a soccer game, whose highlights included the swat team coming out to protect a player on the other team, and a man in the stands near me repeatedly attempting to light a home made celebratory bomb but being too drunk to do so. Also sun burn. We then spent 3 days hiking by ourselves, which involved beautiful camp-sites, views of glacier capped mountains and bright green lakes, and making it to 17,000 feet, much higher than colorado's highest mountains depsite being only a pass through to the next valley. The trip also involved repeated encounters with bulls, and a severe altitude-induced panic while trying to sleep at 15,000 feet. It was among the worst I've ever felt, definitely the most home-sick.
We then spent some time enjoying Huaraz, and found a restaurant called chilli heaven which was the perfect antedote to bland peruvian food. We wandered into a climbing place at one point, trying to scout out another mountain journey, and walked out with our entire remaining 9 days booked, with a 5 day trek up to 6000 meters (about 20,000 feet) that included another 18,000 foot mountain, and an additional 3 day training hike. I became quite depressed by the revelation that we would be spending the entire remainder of our vacation suffering up mountains, and we decided to skip the training hike in favor of a night of drinking. that night we discovered Liquer De Coca and drank an absurd amount of it. we also drank some coke based energy drinks, as we were apparently in the midst of some strange liquid coke binge. Also had a day of rock climbing at a real cool spot, where I learned some skills that probably later saved my life, and a short day hike to another beautiful lake, where we fell asleep because it was after the night of drinking. Also considerable dreading turning to excitement over the impending summit journey.
Summit Journey:
Day 1, easy 4 mile hike up to base camp with mules carrying our shit. Turns out the guide is a big stoner. Decent weed. Base camp is above 14,000 feet, and has something like 50 other tents, yet every single person there was asleep by 7pm. Mt. Toclliaraju (6,032 meters) towers above us.
Day 2. Climb mt. Ishinca. 18,000 feet. Very very very hard. hardest thing i've ever done. leave at 4 am, 7 hours up hill, either carrying a bag of metal, or using it to climb. deep breaths stranglely unsatisfying. none of our equipment fit properly, and the metal spikes that attached to our shoes (crampons) were surprisingly difficult to maneuver. We made it though. The view from the top of the other glacier mountains made it almost worth it, but on the way down, hurting like hell and left behind by my triathlon running cousin and the guide, I decided I didn't want to climb the 6000 meter peak, it just didnt seem as fun as drinking more san pedro with my friends in huaraz. upon arriving at base camp, and experiencing some heaven in the form of my feet being dipped in the cold stream and an orange, eaten like an apple, I decided I might as well go for it.
Day 3. Even worse. Hike the incredible steep and rocky path up to high camp (17,000 feet). By far the biggest, heaviest backpack I've ever carried, food, tent, sleeping bag, clothes, ski boots, ice axes, crampons, climbing shit... fuckin sucked. Decided again that I was going home, i just dont have what it takes. Decided again that I might as well make a run at it. Needed to fix my mind though, replenish my strength reserves. Spent the next several hours sitting bymyself in my rented turqous and purple down coat, melting bags and bags of snow, repeating to myself that I would make it, I would make it, I would not be deterred by exhuastion. Whirled myself into quite an excitement, and slept only about 2 hours that night. Felt ready.
Day 4. Up at 4, prepared to suffer, completely ready, composed, willful. We find a slow hiking rhythm in the dark, going so slow that you almost rest while walking. the slightest move, such as pulling up the harness, leaves you exhuasted for several minutes but you keep walking. I alternate between thinking of my home bed, complete with naked kelly and feisty doggy that await me, and the idea that it is my swarn duty to push my little headlight spot on the snow up the mountain, while singing A Tribe Called Quest. Push it along, just push it along, all you gotta do is push it along... The sun rises, we're about half way there, and i'm starting to run out of energy, I can't eat, but I'm close. We keep pushing it along, and arrive at the last pitch, which gives Toclliaraju its "Difficult" Rating. over 60 degree angle for about 80 yards. We can hardly hear the guide's instructions for tying our harnesses into the rope over the howling wind, which scared my cousin like crazy, as he works in a climbing gym and understood just how many fundamental climbing rules we were breaking. I was just happy to be almost done. We climbed up the wall, clinging to the moutnain for some 15 minutes in the middle as the guide pulled up the rope we had just climbed and set it up again near the top. My cousin had another big freak out after seeing the poor excuse for an anchor and nearly headed down 30 meters short of the summit. But we fucking made it. I kissed the snow at the top and nearly cried. cousin was deeply shaken, convinced we were lucky to be alive and going down would be even sketchier. incredible view. survive the down-hill, sometimes elated to be done, sometimes completely drained, struggling to take the next step. then we got to high camp, packed our shit, and put those fucking bags back on our backs, and I really didnt think i'd make it down. got left behind again, and kinda fell apart. we were basically jumping from boulder to boulder, down a steep hill, with 50 pounds on our backs and no energy, and I just couldnt do it. I fell about every 10 feet and struggled to get back up every time and wanted to cry. at some point a peruvian porter sees me, constantly falling and looking defeated, and offers to help carry my bags, for free, because I clearly cannot. quite a blessing. I tell myself I earned it by going through hell and still trying to focus on enjoying the scenery. We sleep at base camp and I felt basically indifferent. didnt have the energy for emotion. I no longer hated looking at the mountain, became almost infatuated with staring at it, thinking and feeling nothing.
day 5: back downhill, mules carry our shit, we smoke a bunch, and I say goodbye to the rural peru with mixed feelings. i wonder more about why I put myself through these sufferings, and have a good answer, but thats for another blog. I had (and still have) a very clear mind and an iron confidence. That night I met a cute little columbian archeoligist and learned how to salsa dance...
Monday, June 02, 2008
Guess the Cousin
Who is this mysterious cousin?
No guessing allowed for members of this year's expedition.
Much more pictures here:
http://flickr.com/photos/graceandfriends/sets/72157605360332633/
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Yo
I can't see any of the old posts on this blog. Where did they go?
Coming soon.......Cuzzin Backpacking Trip 2008 pictures.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Sunday, May 25, 2008
G.I. Headache
Kyle was rummaging around for the ibuprofen late the other nigh, but never found it. The next morning he asked Dee where the ibuprofen bottle in their medicine drawer went.
Dee: "You mean the one I filled with Alli?"
Kyle: "Umm..what?"
Dee: "We filled that bottle with Alli for the cruise trip"
Kyle: "Oh. Well, that actually explains some things."
And thus, Kyle realized he had (1) not been treating his headaches for the prior 4 nights as thought, but (2) had instead been taking a diet drug that prevents fat digestion and absorption, resulting in rather unpleasant excretions.
Dee: "You mean the one I filled with Alli?"
Kyle: "Umm..what?"
Dee: "We filled that bottle with Alli for the cruise trip"
Kyle: "Oh. Well, that actually explains some things."
And thus, Kyle realized he had (1) not been treating his headaches for the prior 4 nights as thought, but (2) had instead been taking a diet drug that prevents fat digestion and absorption, resulting in rather unpleasant excretions.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Overheard Today
Old Boston Man 1: “What, you’re going to by your wife a card last-minute?”
Old Boston Man 2: “You know what I did yesterday? I drove down to Somerville and
bought her one and a half pounds of salami. Best gift you could
give someone.”
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Snooty effeminate Starbucks patron: "I'd like a FULL caramel machiatto."
Clerk: "What?!"
Old Boston Man 2: “You know what I did yesterday? I drove down to Somerville and
bought her one and a half pounds of salami. Best gift you could
give someone.”
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Snooty effeminate Starbucks patron: "I'd like a FULL caramel machiatto."
Clerk: "What?!"
Thursday, May 08, 2008
SMITH BROTHERS DEVOUR GIANT RODENT!
Rob got suspicious when his food didn't resemble a chicken carcass...
Kyle got suspicious when his tour guide said, "Did you like the food? Did you think it was chicken? Yeah, OK, keep thinking that was chicken..."
Jeremy ate his lunch innocently, not knowing he was chomping on one of these!!!!!!
Meet the mighty mighty gibnut:
Kyle got suspicious when his tour guide said, "Did you like the food? Did you think it was chicken? Yeah, OK, keep thinking that was chicken..."
Jeremy ate his lunch innocently, not knowing he was chomping on one of these!!!!!!
Meet the mighty mighty gibnut:
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
Sean vs. Cucumber
Let me add my favorite Sean moment on the cruise...
We're at an aquarium looking at the handling tank (starfish, etc). My mom yelps and I look down to see that Sean has pulled out a sea cucumber and is squeezing it with a death grip, water shooting out of its end like a fountain. Pretty fantastic.
Dee's least favorite: shielding Sean from a stalking jaguar at the semi-secure Belize animal sanctuary.
We're at an aquarium looking at the handling tank (starfish, etc). My mom yelps and I look down to see that Sean has pulled out a sea cucumber and is squeezing it with a death grip, water shooting out of its end like a fountain. Pretty fantastic.
Dee's least favorite: shielding Sean from a stalking jaguar at the semi-secure Belize animal sanctuary.
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
Monday, May 05, 2008
"Dewey, I'm cut in half pretty bad"
Dewey Cox = comedy gold.
We just returned from a Caribbean cruise. Drinking? Check. Mobile shuffleboarding? Check. Falling off inflatable climbing wall in ocean and injuring side muscle? Check.
We just returned from a Caribbean cruise. Drinking? Check. Mobile shuffleboarding? Check. Falling off inflatable climbing wall in ocean and injuring side muscle? Check.
Friday, May 02, 2008
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Backpacking Trip
I'll be posting the details of this years' trip on the blog sometime this week so stay tuned. As of right now its going to be three days, three nights with the first night camping at the trailhead. The dates are: thursday 22nd(get to trailhead), friday, saturday, sunday hiking. Any questions, comments, or suggestions are welcome.
Friday, April 25, 2008
Book Report
I just finished Hell's Angels by Mr. Thompson. At first I wasn't into it because it was just a journalistic approach to the motorcycle club. As I read more and more, however, it grew on me. I now am looking to get an old motorcycle as soon as I have a spare 1000 bucks. More realistically I need a new book to start. I was thinking something kind of philosophical (maybe eastern?), as my heart is currently broken and needs repair. Any suggestions? How are your books?
Saturday, April 19, 2008
PackBacking
Rubb, will you be in Colorado already or will you be flying/driving? Who will be going in our car, Math, Catbean, dogs? Sean probably is not going. I am starting to feel this trip in my crotch.
Friday, April 11, 2008
Saturday, April 05, 2008
Backpacking
When are we going backpacking? Was May 24 the last date mentioned? I'm down. Jesus crhist get me away from thsi computer and weather i am fucking down.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Scientology
I was in boulder a little over a week ago and was fortunate enough to see one of those scientology pimps hanging out at his scientology table. There he was sitting at his table in the middle of Pearl St. with a sign next to him asking "Are you stressed out?" Complete with that little machine they hook up to your fingers to administer your personality test and a stack of Dianetics books. I've been dying to take one of these tests but unfortunately I was a bit hungover after Adam's wedding and not really up to the task. I'm really pissed I didn't take, especially because I wanted a copy of Dianetics which for some reason is impossible to find in book stores. Anyway, to make a long story short, this story is really going nowhere.....I'm just pissed I didn't take the test.
Interesting side note 1: spell check really wanted me to capitalize scientology but I just accept it as a legitimate religion(discuss?).
Interesting side note 2: spell check didn't recognize Diantetics as even a word, it wanted me to change it to diabetics. So according to spell check scientology is a religion but their so called bible doesn't even exist. Weird!
Interesting side note 1: spell check really wanted me to capitalize scientology but I just accept it as a legitimate religion(discuss?).
Interesting side note 2: spell check didn't recognize Diantetics as even a word, it wanted me to change it to diabetics. So according to spell check scientology is a religion but their so called bible doesn't even exist. Weird!
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Cousin party
Who's down for a cousin party on saturday? Any suggestions on what to do, drink, destroy?
As long as the Sinceros are on the jukebox, it'll be a good party.
As long as the Sinceros are on the jukebox, it'll be a good party.
Awesome Band
Behold............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
The Sinceros
The Sinceros
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Hey Matt...
Arthur C. Clarke just died - did you ever read Childhood's End? I read it a long time ago, and I'm sure its pretty dated, but it was really good and it should be a candidate for next year's list. Best-Explanation-For-DejaVu-Ever.
How's the reading coming along? I'm at the end of Wuthering Heights (good, and really good if you think about how different it must have been back then) and I'm stuck reading this terrible book by a British man writing as an American woman but I have to finish it for politeness sake.
How's the reading coming along? I'm at the end of Wuthering Heights (good, and really good if you think about how different it must have been back then) and I'm stuck reading this terrible book by a British man writing as an American woman but I have to finish it for politeness sake.
Saturday, March 08, 2008
Orgiastic Fun Friday
Last night I went to a bluegrass band that was playing at my local music venue. I didn't previously associate myself with being an avid bluegrass fan, and I guess I still don't, but that was about as much good clean fun as you can have for 12 bucks. Trampled By Turtles, and Pert' Near Sandstone were the names, both from MN. I don't know how they stacked up against more renown bands but they caved my skull in with pure American boot stompin' fun! I was bounding around the room like an amphetamine strung-out ballerina, shouting and whooping into the fucking frigid bitch Wisconsin night. So if you have a case of seasonal sexless depression, get yourself some bourbon whiskey and bluegrass.
Sunday, March 02, 2008
Thursday, February 28, 2008
I teach English to foreigners
Sometimes I have them bring words/phrases that don't understand, such as "What's up?", to class and write them on the board so we can talk about them.
One day, an evangelical student from El Salvador wrote this on the board:
choke the monkey
I erased it, asked him where he heard it, and kept a totally straight face through this explainantion:
(read slowly with a "Mexican" accent)
I wass walking wi my frenns from the seminary? - seminarians? - seminary? - OK - and we leff a house* and the man yell out the window out his door "Choke the monk-eee!!!!" and I was like "Wha? Choke the monkey? What is choke the monkey mean?"
*after trying to discuss the lord jesus christ with a random stranger
One day, an evangelical student from El Salvador wrote this on the board:
choke the monkey
I erased it, asked him where he heard it, and kept a totally straight face through this explainantion:
(read slowly with a "Mexican" accent)
I wass walking wi my frenns from the seminary? - seminarians? - seminary? - OK - and we leff a house* and the man yell out the window out his door "Choke the monk-eee!!!!" and I was like "Wha? Choke the monkey? What is choke the monkey mean?"
*after trying to discuss the lord jesus christ with a random stranger
Friday, February 22, 2008
Sayulita
I just got back from Sayulita, Mexico which is my new favorite place on earth. I am now planning to move there next year for awhile. Pictured are a humpback whale that I was 100 feet from and La Playa de los Muertos which means the beach of the dead but should be La Playa de los Touristas Gordas. Anyway, I have more to follow shortly. Hope all is well and I'll see some of you at Adams wedding.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Fun with youtube
I really love youtube. Whenever I have people over, I bring my computer out into the living room, and invariably the conversatoin turns to something along the lines of "Did you see that cupcake dunk?" or "You ever heard that Any Winehouse song called F*** Me Pumps" or "remember that rap song all those football players at Miami made" or "is Alicia Keys getting whiter?" and we're watching that shit in 5 seconds. It's a beautiful thing. I look forward to when I will have internet on my television, which already exists, is probably not actually that difficult, but is still just beyond the reach of the common man.
This post was supposed to start out as a rant about lonelygirl15. I assume most of you have heard of this person. She somehow has the biggest youtube/webcam following of anybody, getting millions of views of her videos. I finally was curious enough to watch one, and here's what I got. I just sat there like, "really?"
this might have then lead into a rant about the lowest common denominator, reality tv, and this thing i saw from msnbc quoting girls who go to the same school as britney spears' sister talking about how she's a slut, and how sad this all is.
But instead, I will post some good videos. First check out all the links in the first paragraph. And you better listen to the whole damn u of miami rap song.
There is one web-cam blogger I like, his page is here. Here's a cool thing he did with his ten favorite martin luther king quotes. And here's the first one that I saw that has been kept in my head. Beat that little hater, fam.
What else. Here is a song that I recently was told about, that is just awesome. Here is a sad, stupid video that recently came up in a conversation. Here is my all-time favorite tazer video. Here is a funny one Jeremy showed me. And another similar one that Jeremy also probably showed me.
This post was supposed to start out as a rant about lonelygirl15. I assume most of you have heard of this person. She somehow has the biggest youtube/webcam following of anybody, getting millions of views of her videos. I finally was curious enough to watch one, and here's what I got. I just sat there like, "really?"
this might have then lead into a rant about the lowest common denominator, reality tv, and this thing i saw from msnbc quoting girls who go to the same school as britney spears' sister talking about how she's a slut, and how sad this all is.
But instead, I will post some good videos. First check out all the links in the first paragraph. And you better listen to the whole damn u of miami rap song.
There is one web-cam blogger I like, his page is here. Here's a cool thing he did with his ten favorite martin luther king quotes. And here's the first one that I saw that has been kept in my head. Beat that little hater, fam.
What else. Here is a song that I recently was told about, that is just awesome. Here is a sad, stupid video that recently came up in a conversation. Here is my all-time favorite tazer video. Here is a funny one Jeremy showed me. And another similar one that Jeremy also probably showed me.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Students for Hillary
My response to a mass student e-mail from the Students for Hillary at UW:
Take me off this list! You sold your soul to the scummy She Devil! Jump ship at once comrade, the Beast is closing in. You don't have much more time before your skin will begin sloughing off your limbs. She sweats strychnine and drinks babies blood. It's time to wake up and think for yourself particle! - your classmate wilfred
Take me off this list! You sold your soul to the scummy She Devil! Jump ship at once comrade, the Beast is closing in. You don't have much more time before your skin will begin sloughing off your limbs. She sweats strychnine and drinks babies blood. It's time to wake up and think for yourself particle! - your classmate wilfred
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Summer or Bust!
I started reading Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas...needless to say, it is amazing. I had just finished a book on options trading and figured I would read something a little more leisurely. I was cracking up like a madman on the public bus today reading it. I also broke up with my girlfriend of 5years, so this valentines day is going to be particularly depressing. We decided to take a break from each other because there was no mad love in the relationship. I understand that after being with someone for that long you lose that, but I am not ready to accept it. I still have dreams to take over the goddamn world! I want to be a country music star. We'll probably re-evaluate things after the school year is over. So that's that. I have two tests tomorrow; I should be studying. Mostly pharmacy kids suck, actually I suck, they're fine. I have been hanging out with one a bit lately but he doesn't hold his strong drink well. He already vomited on my floor. The saving grace of all of this is I found this awesome bar by my house. It plays the best music only from 20s and 30s. It is the best place to go on blustery nights. Suck on that.
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
Want a nerdy halloween costume?
The Mathemaniac
He yells "two plus two equals sixty-nine, ho!"
And has a tattoo across is chest: Divide Or Die
And another across us buttocks: Gotta Hoe to Grow (talkin bout the number 1 green)
Usually he carries a knife in one hand, Pixie Stix in the other.
He yells "two plus two equals sixty-nine, ho!"
And has a tattoo across is chest: Divide Or Die
And another across us buttocks: Gotta Hoe to Grow (talkin bout the number 1 green)
Usually he carries a knife in one hand, Pixie Stix in the other.
Sunday, February 03, 2008
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Why I shaved my beard
I had quite the holiday beard. 3-toned, thick, mature, luxurious. Why did I shave it? Vomit dingleberries, that's why. A nasty virus got ahold of my stomach last week causing me to puke an ungodly number of times. Food and fluid residue in my beard I can handle. But vomit---that's crossing the line.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Monday, January 07, 2008
Shitty Movie Reviews
For some reason I've been on a shitty movie kick lately. If you decide to watch any of these movies keep in mind that they suck and I told you so first. That being said here is my rating system:
* Only worth watching if you're trapped in a room with only a tv, dvd player, and this movie and you don't feel up to smashing the equipment for enjoyment instead. Probably should never admit to having watched this movie.
** Requires a significant amount of pot, booze, and other illicit drugs to induce a modicum of enjoyment.
*** Fun to watch if you've taken 3 vicodin, drank 4 beers, and smoked some weed.
**** If you go into this movie thinking you're about to see the worst movie ever and alter your state of mind accordingly, you may come out of it thinking it was slightly better than you anticipated. Maybe.
***** This movie would pass for enjoyable sober although it is not advisable to do so.
THE MOVIES
Hot Fuzz **
Not nearly as good as Shaun of the Dead which in my opinion was fantastic.
Best Line: "Before you could say 'gypsy scum' we were knee-deep in dog muck, thieving kids and crusty jugglers."
Accepted ***
This movie sucked but it had some pretty funny moments. The fat kid is hilarious. The other fat kid with the afro makes the movie worth while.
Best Line: "I got fired for making a shrimp slushy."
Superbad *****
I loved this movie. The fat kid is great, he's also in Accepted although he's much fatter. McLovin might be one of the funniest characters ever.
Best Line: "Stay calm, okay? Let's not lose our heads. It's... it's a fine ID; it'll... it's gonna work. It's passable, okay? This isn't terrible. I mean, it's up to you, Fogell. This guy is either gonna think 'Here's another kid with a fake ID' or 'Here's McLovin, a 25 year-old Hawaiian organ donor'. Okay? So what's it gonna be?"
"Sounds like a sexy hamburger!"
I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry *
This movie sucked bad. I would only watch this if had a burning desire to see Jessica Biel in her underwear and you'd never heard of youtube.
Best Line: "Now place the ring on his hand. A ring is like a circle, it goes on forever. It's not like a triangle, triangle have corners. It's like a circle."
Snakes on a Plane ****
This movie really could go down as the worst movie ever made. It had the worst premise and acting I've ever seen. But if look past all that you'll be happy to see such cool things as: a guy getting bit on the penis by a snake, a chick getting bit on the tit by a snake, a fat girl getting off by a snake, and much more. You also get to hear Samuel Jackson scream "Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!"
Best Line: Fucking snake! Get off my dick!
* Only worth watching if you're trapped in a room with only a tv, dvd player, and this movie and you don't feel up to smashing the equipment for enjoyment instead. Probably should never admit to having watched this movie.
** Requires a significant amount of pot, booze, and other illicit drugs to induce a modicum of enjoyment.
*** Fun to watch if you've taken 3 vicodin, drank 4 beers, and smoked some weed.
**** If you go into this movie thinking you're about to see the worst movie ever and alter your state of mind accordingly, you may come out of it thinking it was slightly better than you anticipated. Maybe.
***** This movie would pass for enjoyable sober although it is not advisable to do so.
THE MOVIES
Hot Fuzz **
Not nearly as good as Shaun of the Dead which in my opinion was fantastic.
Best Line: "Before you could say 'gypsy scum' we were knee-deep in dog muck, thieving kids and crusty jugglers."
Accepted ***
This movie sucked but it had some pretty funny moments. The fat kid is hilarious. The other fat kid with the afro makes the movie worth while.
Best Line: "I got fired for making a shrimp slushy."
Superbad *****
I loved this movie. The fat kid is great, he's also in Accepted although he's much fatter. McLovin might be one of the funniest characters ever.
Best Line: "Stay calm, okay? Let's not lose our heads. It's... it's a fine ID; it'll... it's gonna work. It's passable, okay? This isn't terrible. I mean, it's up to you, Fogell. This guy is either gonna think 'Here's another kid with a fake ID' or 'Here's McLovin, a 25 year-old Hawaiian organ donor'. Okay? So what's it gonna be?"
"Sounds like a sexy hamburger!"
I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry *
This movie sucked bad. I would only watch this if had a burning desire to see Jessica Biel in her underwear and you'd never heard of youtube.
Best Line: "Now place the ring on his hand. A ring is like a circle, it goes on forever. It's not like a triangle, triangle have corners. It's like a circle."
Snakes on a Plane ****
This movie really could go down as the worst movie ever made. It had the worst premise and acting I've ever seen. But if look past all that you'll be happy to see such cool things as: a guy getting bit on the penis by a snake, a chick getting bit on the tit by a snake, a fat girl getting off by a snake, and much more. You also get to hear Samuel Jackson scream "Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!"
Best Line: Fucking snake! Get off my dick!
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
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