Horrible pumpkins

I used to spend quite a bit of time using knives, fake blood, etc, to create a terrifying pumpkin experience for trick-or-treaters. But this year I realized a much simpler method: carve a regular smiley pumpkin about 3 weeks prior to Halloween. By the time it rolls around, what you have is a semi-decomposed, blackened skin-looking pumpkin that looks like it may eat you or give you some sort of infection.

hut hut hike

Dear Spawn of Ruth:

I have booked a 10th Mountain Division Hut for Dec 19 and 20 (fri. and sat). Tis supposedly a lovely hut, providing ample opportunity for back country skiing and peeing in the snow. It does require a 6 or 7 miles hike in, that would probably recommend XC skis and skins, but snowshoes may work. There will be plenty of whiskey, smoke, and ham.

So far my friends, Jeremy, and I account for 10 of the 16-20 spaces available in this hut. I am hoping a few of you join us other there. It will be a damn good time. Cost about $70 for the 2 nights. If interested, let me know soon, as we may run out of space.

I have a new band name for Ryan: The Osgood Schlatters. As in: "The Osgood Schlatters do Red Hot Chili Peppers". I'm sure Rob is aware that this could also be a fine soccer team name as well.

Recently I was given a gift from Kyle and Dee. It was an unopened, medium sized pickle container with the brand name "Crinkle Chips" It was covered with a condom, enclosed in a brown paper bag, and hidden in my car. Unfortunately for Kyle, I never found it in my car and became confused about its origination, because my parents brought it inside for me and told me it was from Kyle. Fortunately for Kyle, the gift has still caused me plenty of discomfort.

First, I opened the bag and wondered why this was given to me. I had no answers. My parents assumed it was an inside joke, and when I told them that I had no idea why this was given to me, they looked at me suspiciously, clearly believing that I was lying to them about my lack of previous experience with Crinkle Chips wrapped in condoms.

Later, I decided to remove the condom because it didnt belong there. It did not go as well as I might have hoped. I struggled to get a grip on it, and when I finally did and gave it a good pull, it stretched several feet and then snapped, engulfing me with that foul powdery condom smell. I gagged and threw it away, and then gagged some more because opening my trash can added a seafood smell to the condom smell. I washed my hands and left the kitchen in disgust.

Two days later, the Crinkle Chips are still where I left them on my counter, and they still have remnants of that powdery condom smell and that slimy condom texture. However, I need pickles and I am confident that the nastiness of the condom has not contaminated the pickles sealed safely inside. On the other hand, I don't really need pickles bad enough to want to handle that jar again. So it sits there, not quite nasty enough to be thrown away, but too nasty to eat out of. Hopefully this stale-mate will be resolved sometime soon. I'll keep you updated.

COURNHOLE. That is all.

Cournomics

I just read an excerpt from an article that said that a good solution to the economic problem would be to encourage the immigration of prime-aged individuals into the united states to drive demand for houses and such up. Sounds good to me...There's also an election coming up and I am on the fence but good. I am sick of fucking stupid people who cannot see both sides of the argument and think that they have the answer. Care to enlighten me on your position?