Cousins, meet Grace.

Grace, meet the cousins.

I'm not normally one for YouTube links, but this is just too good.

The following transcript was recorded prior to this event.

"Quick, someone help! These dolphins are choking on chunks of plastic!"
"I have medical instruments that might help".
"No way, those are too short."
"Hey, I know! We'll get the world's tallest man to reach his world's tallest arms down the dolphins throats and extract the plastic!"
"It's sure to work!"
"It can't fail!"

Console Gamers are not Hardcore Gamers

As I’m reading the latest issue of Electronic Gaming Monthly talking about Gears of War, I saw the words “hardcore gamers” in a sentence. I scoffed at the notion of console gamers as hardcore gamers. There’s nothing hardcore about console games and the gamers that play them, with maybe a very slight exception to fighting games, but I’ll get to that.
You see, there’s a reason there’s a very, very forgiving damage model in most action-packed console games. It’s the limited control scheme that a gamepad gives you. The gamepad are great for platformers like Super Mario 64 and Ratchet & Clank.
Here’s a case in point: My sister’s boyfriend has been playing Call of Duty 2 for months on his Xbox 360 and has beaten it three times. I watched as he took direct hits of 2 grenades and an ungodly amount of bullets, yet he still trekked on, oblivious to all the damage done to his on-screen persona. I was amazed, becaused Call of Duty 2 on my computer was a lot less forgiving (not to mention I play on the hardest difficulty.)

Fast forward it 3 weeks later, as he watched me play Call of Duty 2 on my computer. One direct hit from a grenade sent me to the Load Game screen. He commented that he never died that easily, and then it dawned on him why. Forgiving damage modelling for these games to accomodate the limitations of the gamepad and slow response time for these kind of action games. In fact, it is utterly boring watching anyone play Call of Duty 2 on the console when it is much more fast-paced and visceral on the computer.
Now some fanboys will claim that there are tournaments for console games, but the reason is simple: to make money. There’s no talent or skills involved, it’s just to showcase the games and allow console gamers to compete against each other.
When Quake 3 came out for the Dreamcast, PC gamers and console gamers for the first time to my recollection, could compete against each other. Suffice to say, even the sorriest Quake 3 player on the computer was heads-and-shoulders above those playing the Dreamcast version. Ping wasn’t a factor, either. This isn’t the console gamers’ fault, but as I mentioned above, a severe limitation of the gamepad, plain and simple.
Racing games on the console don’t count, they are just giant memory tests, where you memorize a linear racetrack to beat competitors, with a little twitch hand-eye coordination thrown in (drafting, avoiding collisions, etc.) Fighting games are the only type of games that can be considered hardcore, but not many allow you to go online and compete on any considerable level.
On the other hand, there are numerous tournaments for PC games. There’s the big ones, like Counter Strike (original and Source), Quake 3 and Quake 4, the Battlefield series, and a multitude of RTS games. The mouse and keyboard control scheme allows for a much more fluid and responsive control than gamepads, and is the reason why online and offline tournaments on the computer are lightning fast and insanely competitive.
So as you can see, scoffing at the notion of console gamers as being hardcore has me wondering just what the editors at Electronic Gaming Monthly (and any other console gamers) are smoking when they view themselves as hardcore gamers. Because as it is these days, it’s just not possible.

Vientienne Palace

I just got back from a delightful little dinner with my broseph sean. It was at Vientienne Palace (picture a trailer that crashed into a gas station). There are a few good things about Vientienne Palace and they are as follows: If you want to have to run home puckering your asshole shut then this is the place for you; If you want to affirm the stereotype of fourty-something vietnamese women being the most frightening she-devils alive, this is the place for you.

The second issue of late is my feud with the chestbumping, cromagnon, bi-curious, boys above me. They are constantly peeing onto my porch from their higher balcony, and refusing to respond to my booming awesomeness when I yell "Hey Dickhead stop pissing on my porch!" I even tried adressing him with "That's cute Abercrombie boy" to which he pauses and shyly returns "its a free country." If nothing else I am honing my ability to be assertive. I know what your thinking, and yes I have read Tsun Tsu's The Art of War, and yes I understand that he who has the higher ground wins the battle. However, what if I am able to go above him? Did you ever think of that you bastard!

Finally, I would like you to take a look at this tourism video hosted by the Governator comedic genius. http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-6273516331625693260&q=arnold+brazil&hl=en

Phone Trace Technology

Dudes, check out this phone trace feature www.phonetrace.org . I can't belive that this is possible! Just type in your cell phone number and get ready to be amazed.

Mr. Paul Grant Harper

Here is a letter that was faxed to the front desk of the Best Western in Madison where Giovanna works it reades as follows:

"Dear Corporate President,
Your hotel security could use a little updating, not to mention, admitting the greedy, treasonous embezzlers, into your establishment, who did nothing but take pot shots at my life expectancy. I am a recording artist, with a diploma from the Audio Institute of America. On the front of my appartment window I have a National Trooper and Police sticker. On the back window of my apartment I have a County Police Association sticker. Then there are those who want "dibs", on all of the opportunities in my life, because they are too lazy and greedy to create their own opportunities. Take no shit from anyone on this matter. Its pretty bad when the Best Western staff has to write me a letter, which is un-opened, to prove that I called my Represenative in Peshtigo.
Sincerely Pissed Off,
Paul Grant Harper"

There was no letter written by the Best Western staff to a Mr. Paul Grant Harper

The Many Faces of Adam

Personally I think its an improvement.

Wait a minute, that Jake skiing shot was doctored! Good thing I have a copy of the original:

Skiing This Winter

I was wondering what everybody's plans for skiing this winter were. I have about the month of January off and I would like to drive out West and rip some pow. Just to entice you a bit this is what Adam, Rob, and I got last year.

Happy Black Friday

The 002

Since this blog is so light on toilet humor, here's a new 12-step program for pooping in honor of the new James Bond movie. I call it the Double-O-Two.

1. Enter bathroom
2. Remove lower garmentry
3. Sit
4. Make a gun out of index finger and thumb
5. Point gun at wall, or mirror if preferred
   
6. Push fecal matter through GI tract
   
7. Bend thumb down like trigger when turd hits toilet water
8. Make quiet shooting noise with mouth
9. Blow on tip of index finger as though it were smoking
   
10. Wipe
11. Shake, but don't stir, toilet water
12. Leave and never look back
    

You're going to die!!

http://evil.berzerker.net/death_predictions.php

Matt Williams: At age 71 you will be hit by a train while napping on the railroad tracks.

props to the cuzzins for not having one serious profile on the blogger (although the favorite books section was legitimate for the most part (which is cool.)) kerry wins the most serious profile award by giving a serious date of birth and place of residence. go kerry.

RAGE

This is the view from couch in my new apartment in Brooklyn. I feel that it may have had an adverse effect on my mental well being.

its good to see the blog is still going strong, even though rob isnt. i watched baseball so i could hear the word pujols 25 times per couple hours. kyle and dee, sean's foot is on backwords, and "im going to sketch the shit out of her, dude" is possibly the best quote iv ever heard. rob...i dont even know what to say to you. after having now been single for what seems like longer than i ever have before, our situations have reversed. I have little advice for you. everyone argues sometimes but its shitty shes attacking you personally. i come fast too, thats why i got my toungue pierced (i think im just joking.) i had no idea kelly would be that kind of girlfriend. perhaps something is shitty in her life? also, you should go bowling. its a fun game. clears your head.

failure

Three things that I am not built for are being a delivery driver, being in an argumentative relationship, and menial work on a computer. These things pretty much define my life right now. I should start bowling every night so that I can live in a permanent state of failure.

That's probably not a horrible idea actually. It would be good for my ego, which apparently needs work, as I have been called both narcissistic and condescending in the last week. These are probably the two insults that I find to be the worst. I have also been told that I cum too fast, which combined with the two previous claims against me, certainly adds to the second of the problems above.

This is the only problem really worth addressing, as both delivery driving and repetetive work are temporary and getting easier. Arguing, despite more practice in a short-time than I've ever encountered before, is not. It's fucking me all up. I couldn't enjoy my badass concert because of it, and I fear that my coming camping weekend in Utah may suffer a similar fate.

I try. I try not to argue. I try to be inoffensive, and when the heat rises, I try to end the conversation before it turns worse. These efforts have failed, so now I am begging for advice.

I can offer the following insight into my problem, so you may more effectively psychoanalyze me:
-I take every argument very personally
-I see every one as another step towards the end
-I am irritable sometimes, especially under my current status of heavy failure
-I knew from the start that things fall apart
-I don't at all enjoy arguing. I don't have the stomach for it. I have no experience with it, and am unable to think about anything besides argument lines for days after each one. I can handle few more.


And I have already received the following advice, from a guru in the field name marquise, whose reputation with girls is very strong, despite his divorce: Decide while cool-headed how much you can take. How much bad you can handle before it outweighs the good. When the scale starts to tip, tell her how you feel, that something needs to change, but make sure to do it in a nonconfrontational way. (my idea that I tell her that it will be over after 2 more fights was shot down, but I still think it has merit somehow)

So anyway, I need some advice. I like this girl very much, and for the first time in years, maybe ever, I like having a girlfriend. But at this rate, it's gon be fucked in two more fights. Thoughts?

Baseball

So baseball season has ended. It took probably 90 months. Even with the Tigers in the World Series, I was unable to watch an entire game. I would put it on in the background with music on while I did homework, and it still wasn't stimulating enough. Baseball sucks. I believe that having baseball as our national past time is the real reason why the muslim world hates us.

Fortunately, there is a solution. The venerable and esteemed Hunter S. Thompson has written some new rules of baseball. Let's Watch:

Hunter S Thompson's baseball improvements:

Eliminate the pitcher: This will take at least one hour off the length of the game. Pitchers as a group are pampered litttle swine with too much money and no real effect on the game except to drag it out and interrupt the action.

Limit all games to three (3) hours.

All base runners may run to any base. First to third, second to home, etc. and with no pitcher in the game, this frantic scrambling across the infield will be feasable and tempting.

All pitching, by the way will be done with a fine-tuned pitching machine that pops up out of the mound, delivers a remote controlled pitch to the batter, and then drops back out of sight to free up the whole infield for running...if a batter hits a grand slam, for instance, his team will score 16 bases (or 16 points)

The heroes of the game will be the catchers. Foot speed and a bazooka throwing arm will be paramount. there will be no more of this bullshit about bull pens and managers scratching their heads on TV for hours on end...

There will be no such thing as a base on balls. Each batter will get 5 pitches from the robot, and if he doesn't get a hit by then, he is Out.

...and the catcher will control the kind of drop or curve or speed he wants the machine to throw. And it will obey. These goddamn pitching machines can put a slider past you at 98 miles an hour 5 times in a row with no problem. He can even order that the batter be whacked in the ribs by a 102 mph fastball, although this will cost his team two bases instead of one. And you won't want to have some poor Cuban drilled in the ribs when you're nursing a 31-30 lead....

Art school innuendo

Do you care that I was sitting on the bus next to a couple of undergrads with full-on 'dude' manner of talking? Or that they were art students and wore rediculous clothing like a tee shirt and tie or a twisted cap, dress coat and jeans? Or that one of them was talking about a girl, and was hoping to "Sketch the shit out of her, dude".

I don't think it was deliberate innuendo, since the conversation was all about art supplies and drawing styles...but damn, I liked it.

BIg Baby

So it seems at just over 7 months our baby is in the 87th percentile for size at this stage. That means that 87 % percent of women have smaller babies at this point in the pregnancy. The doctor also said that there is a error possibility of 15% which means that the baby could either be in the 62nd percentile or 100th percentile. So what I'm getting at is this: its entirely possible that we are about to have the biggest baby, ever. Think about that.

Cuzzin Tees

Courtesy of Rob...hungry boy.



















Courtesy of Matt...not so healthy.

On the Subject of 10/25

Well I guess I'll break the silence on the night of debauchery. Super fast recap: We celebrated a fetus, then drank Makers Mark till I got drunk. Tony spent 20 on juke box ...nothing played. Bartender had big hooskies, good thing because she charged us 600 dollars...thankyou jesus. Smashed car. Taquitos, cookies. Good to see er'body. 'Nough said.

On the subject of poo holes, Albert Pujols of the St Louis Cardinals has an unfortunate last name.

I'm cooler than all y'all

Beijing's Penis Emporium

Seriously

An excerpt:

Nestling beside the dog's penis are its clammy testicles, and beside that a giant salami-shaped object.
"Donkey," says Nancy. "Good for the skin..."
She guides me round the penis platter.
"Snake. Very potent. They have two penises each."
I did not know that.

Daily Rubb #3 The Rubbiest Rubb yet

-I had a very motherly verbal reaction to the pictures of newly born Sean Smith and would have probably been dominated for it had I been in a biker-bar. Congratulations to Kyle and Dee for making a person.
And thank you for being on top of picture distribution.
Matt wishes I could learn something from that.
What's your address Matt?

-If old school nintendo were real life, i'd be dining on shark meat for a fortnight. I have vanquished Jaws. Here's a description of JAWS the game that I found amusing.
"Unfortunately, the only connection this game has to the movie is that they're both about a shark. You (the player) are a scuba diver
(Scheider? Who knows?) with a harpoon gun, firing at seemingly helpless sea
creatures until JAWS happens to appear. They don't give you any motivation,
though...there is no mention of the countless beachgoers and young coeds that
JAWS has devoured. You just plunk around until a shark that's bigger than the
rest comes onscreen, and then you harpoon that for a while. "
Thank you to Dee for giving me Jaws.

-That's 1 and a half thankyous to Dee so far.

-I am drinking tea. 2 tea-bags in one cup is an idea that I am embarassed for not coming up with earlier. This idea was brought to you by the color green.

-Mulatu Astatke wins my award for best chill african music. Sorry Ali Farka Toure.

-hereby soliciting requests for good foreign music.

-Working at the hickory house. Today my employee meal was two park sandwiches and 8 hot wings.

-A tribe called quest wins my award for best concert of the year. Toots and the Maytals (roots reggae) gets second.

-T Shirt Hell has some very offensive T-Shirts.


-Someone should come to Vegoose with me.

Japanese Tongue Twister

http://www.glumbert.com/media/tonguetwister.html

Borat Movie

So it appears there is a Borat Movie

If any of you don't know, Borat is the best character on the Ali G show. I think the movie comes out any day now. I found some deleted scenes. When you get to the youtube site, watch the cheese one also.

Sean Smith

Telluride Piece

I was recently given my first ever press pass. background is that a kid I knew in High school started a magazine. Funny tangent, he originally decided, at Bonnaroo, that he was going to start a fake magazine whose sole purpose was to get him press credentials, but while making this happen, realized a real magazine would be just as easy and more fun. Anyway, I was given this pass to the Telluride Blues and Brews festival, and wrote this piece about it. I told him to expect something unusual...

2006 Telluride Blues and Brews Festival

The 2006 Telluride Blues and Brews Festival(link29) has come and gone. I happened to be there, and am here to tell my story.

For those of you who do not know, Telluride is nestled in an extremely scenic part of the San Juan Mountains in Colorado. Also, for those of you who do not know, great music, delicious microbrews and a colorful magic-carpet mountain setting tend to go fairly well together.

(pic of whole scene)

The festival is 3 days long, and because it started early on Friday (noon), the intelligent festival-goers, such as myself, arrived Thursday afternoon and started drinking. Hard.

Tents were constructed and Colorado microbrews were drank. The Oskar Blues microbrewery (link1) in Lyons, Colorado makes a few great canned beers including the phonetically pleasing Dale’s Pale Ale and the dead-serious Old Chub Scottish style ale. It felt right. The camping set-up was better than any festival I have been to, great scenery and seclusion were available to those who sought them.

As the night went on, bars were patronized, microbrews were slurped (New Blegium, Ska Brewing company, Flying Dog), (links2-4) music was heard, and timeless truths were attained (I bet girls that play professional volleyball give really good spankings.)

(photoshopped pic of volleyball player spiking/spanking)

Pizza was also consumed at the delicious Brown Dog Pizza place. The waitress gave us her phone number and free pizza, so it became inappropriate for me to deface the life-size, cardboard Joe Paterno, who had been giving me a stern, disapproving look since we arrived.

There are three saloons in Telluride, which has to be one of the higher per-capita saloon levels for a town this century. The Dynamites(link5) played at one of these on Thursday night. They played hard and they played funky. Their singer was short. And he was funky.

The festival began the next morning. It felt like Sunday to me, but it also felt like those first days of summer when you’re a kid, and you just have absolutely endless time for play ahead of you. I woke up to people quoting the Jaws movie outside my tent, which had allowed entrance of plenty of rainwater over the night. I cared not. There were blues to be heard.

Friend and Kemiks founder Jonny had arrived by this time, and together we jumped ear-first into the tide of the festival. Jimbo Mathus(Link6) and Lightnin’ Malcolm(Link7) were a solid start, and James Blood Ulmer(Link8) provided an early highlight. The man is blues. He has a look like he could open his mouth and 12 or 16 bars of blue guitar notes would come out, depending on what he had eaten. His music takes you to a different place.

(pic of James Blood Ulmer)

The crowd was older, but they were rockin’, and they were hard-drinkin’. I was not offered drugs a single time, but I think I heard someone slanging some “heady Lipitor.” After 5 hours of music, there were surprisingly few signs of fatigue, and that little bit were effortlessly wiped out by Bobby Rush.

(pic of crowd)

Something about the blues can keep a man young, and this phenomenon was evident in the crowd and personified by Mr. Rush. The man is 73 years old and looks in his early 40s. He has released 249 records, and plays like he still has to prove himself with every note.

He was a hard act to follow, but Lou Reed(Link9) closed down the evening in style. “Waitin’ for the Man” set the crowd off, and they were still talking about his version of “The Raven” (Link 10) when the festival ended.

(pic of Lou Reed)

For those of us who felt six shows and a blues competition were not enough for one day, one could exchange $25 for a wrist-band that provided entrance to all the Juke Joints, or night-shows. After all, nothing accompanies a day of blues and brews like a night of blues and brews.

I managed to attend four more shows at four more bars that evening, but can offer few details. There was even great Blues at the local Elks(link 11) chapter, which provided a lovely ambiance for my long-awaited deuce on a real toilet. That thing was a porcelain God, and as one does whenever one encounters a deity, I left a generous offering. At another saloon, James Blood Ulmer laid down some sweet sounds that perfectly complimented my New Belgium 1554, one of the finer beers on the planet. I also recall following through with my brilliant idea of smuggling a pint of Smugglers Pale(link 12) between the Jimbo Mathus/Lightnin’ Malcolm show and the Watermelon Slim (link 13)show.

(pic of one of these shows)

These are the days that can only happen at a festival. And we had two more left. Needless to say, the still wet tent full of 30 degree air provided a wonderful night’s sleep after all that, and Saturday was greeted with hung-over, yet open, arms.

The beer festival started at noon. The idea of offering all the beer one can drink, from over 100 taps, at 12 PM, to some must seem like the devil’s work, but we at Telluride that sunny afternoon thought it a grand idea, and a grand time for the Grand Tasting. We knew it was going to be a long day, and made a serious point of reminding ourselves to eat amidst the 14 hour stupor that lay ahead of us.

For the purpose of accurate journalism, I tallied my beers drank on my arm, and for the purpose of Gonzo Journalism (link 14), I aimed to make that number disgustingly high.

When noon struck, and the taps started flowing, it looked like it will probably look at Wrigley Field if the Cubs were to ever win the penant. A sea of smiles, embracing the tide of beer that stood before them.

(pic of tasting)

We were given 6oz cups, and with 55 microbreweries(Link 15), with an average of 3 different beers each, and a strong personal desire to try each one…..well I couldn’t do the math at the time, but here it is: 55 X 3 X 6 = 990 ounces, or 82 ½ beers. I knew it would be wise to dump out at least half of every cup, to be able to try more brews, but I just couldn’t give the grass of Telluride Town Park that kind of luxury treatment. I drank mostly stouts, and remember Three Rivers (Link 16), Flying Dog(link 4) and Bristol (Link17) being among my favorites. There was also a Bierbitzch (link18) brewing company, which won the award for best merchandise.

(Pic of bierbitzsch shirt)

The first hour was blissful. Joey Gilmore(link19) harmonized over the cheers and gulping sounds, and we all took advantage of our still-present ability to discern flavors. Buzzes were quickly acquired. The second hour was lovely as well. Stomachs were full and reminders of the virtue of patience were plentiful. I had about fifteen tallies on my arm, and still felt strong. Watermelon Slim provided the music, but I think my ears were clogged with barley and hops.

The third hour was….different. As it tends to happen with those drawn out drinking sprints, I went from feeling pretty well to completely losing my shit in a matter of moments. I was in yet another line, sipping yet another beer, and was slapped in the face by the imminence of voluminous vomit. I made it most of the way to the row of porto-johns, but upon noticing lines for all of them I was forced to let loose in the middle of the crowd. I quickly walked away from the scene of that crime but felt another coming on. I saw some little kids running around, and didn’t want to hit any of them with a Technicolor yawn, but my attempt to channel the next blast into my cup was ineffective, as it was only 6 ounces and had been filled up 18 times in the last two hours. That scene was fled as well, amidst a few little voices saying “ewww gross.” I made my way to the water faucet, rinsed my cup, attempted to clean my sweatshirt, gave up and took off my sweatshirt, and wandered over to the stage.

Grace Potter(link20) was rocking out, and by the time the next song began, I felt like a new man. I lowered my beer-goal to twenty, and set off to find Jon, who was probably wondering why I just ran away mid-sentence, and achieve my new goal. A blonde and a stout did me well, as they would for any ma, whether their form be beer or lady. All the sudden it was 3:00, we were filthy drunk, and had a whole afternoon full of blues, sunshine and college football ahead of us.

Naturally, I can provide little insight into the events of that afternoon. I know that I punched a picture of Ben Wallace and broke the frame, which surprised me because I’m a very jolly drunk, and was not even aware that I hated Ben Wallace. We watched Michigan trounce Notre Dame while I drank Pabsts at the Brown Dog. I heard it was great pizza, but I was personally in no position to objectively judge the quality of food, women or most anything else. I still had the capacity to know some kickass music when I heard it, and hear it I did. I think I also fell asleep somewhere.

(do we have pics of any of this?)

We stumbled back into the festival in time to hear Howard Tate(Link21) and Bruce Hornsby and the Noisemakers(link22). They were both probably good. I was reminded that we were not the only people painfully drunk for that early hour, which warmed my heart and filled my glass.

(pic of pants-pee guy)

Night fell with a cold vengeance some time during one of these sets, and we sought shelter in the only way two intelligent, drunken men could. In a Gondola. The Gondola took us up to the Telluride Mountain Village, where we warmed ourselves over rye beers and got funky with the Dirty Dozen Brass Band(Link23). They brought me back to life, and I remember it well, as one of my favorite shows of the weekend.

It ended, and we somehow managed to press on. We saw the ends of a Tab Benoit(link24) set, which was solid, and an even better Watermelon Slim(link13) encore, which marked his third show of the weekend. It also marked the point where I could not physically stay up any longer. We had vowed to attend the 2AM Backyard Groove, but we were devastated by last call at 1:30. It’s a strange, uncomfortable feeling to be drunk and hung-over at the same time, and after being finally unable to buy more beer, I was ready for it to be over.

I was given a tostado on the way home, and being unable to eat it while stumbling through the dark towards my tent, I brought it into my sleeping bag with me. It was a day where trying to eat a sloppy tostado while completely submerged into a polar sleeping bag was not nearly the dumbest or most challenging task. Sleep took me at about bite number three. It embraced me like a wife embraces a young soldier home from Iraq, but it was far less tender to the tostado.

Sunday began poorly. I made it to Blues For Breakfast, but attendance was limited, presumably because many festival-goers, like myself, had the too-hung-over-to-eat-blues. We brought chairs into the festival that day, and participated in one of the deepest chills I have ever known. The sun was shining, the hangover was sedated, and the chairs fit perfectly. A cascade of bands came and left, and we chilled right through it.

The Voice of the Wetlands Allstars(Link25) managed to finally get us out of our chairs, and we used the opportunity to buy some cool shit(Link26)from a vendor. They had a guy on stilts and a guy in some sort of full dress and a strong New Orleans groove that had the crowd moving on puppet-strings. Joe Louis Walker(link27) kept us going, and John Mayer(Link28) closed it out with a great set, that once again reminded the crowd he was more than just a pretty face, although that screaming adolescent girl factor did rear it’s ugly, braces-wearing head.

(pic of mayer or mayer fans)

The festival ended with that feeling all festivals end with; a pining eagerness for a bed and some down-time, combined with a sadness that the whole beautiful thing is over. I was left with a new appreciation for the blues, a reminder of why I love festivals, and a resolution to take a good week off of the sauce. I hope I’ve left you with all these. If not, well, get your ass to Telluride next September. Bitch.

Link1 - http://www.oskarblues.com/
Link2 - http://www.newbelgium.com/
Link3 - http://www.skabrewing.com/
Link4 - http://www.flyingdogales.com/
Link5 - http://www.myspace.com/thedynamitesband
Link6 - http://www.myspace.com/jimbomathus
Link7 - http://www.lightninmalcolm.com/
Link8 - http://www.hyenarecords.com/james.htm
Link9 - http://www.loureed.org/
Link10 - http://www.comnet.ca/~forrest/raven.html
Link11 - http://www.elks.org/
Link12 - (smugglers brewpub)
Link13 - http://www.watermelonslim.com/
Link14 - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gonzo_journalism
Link15- http://www.tellurideblues.com/2004/breweries.html
Link16 - http://www.threeriversbrewery.com
Link17 - http://www.bristolbrewing.com/
Link18 - http://www.bierbitzch.com/
Link19 - http://www.joeygilmore.net/
Link20 - http://www.gracepotter.com/
Link21 - www.howardtate.net
Link22 - http://www.brucehornsby.com/
Link23 - http://www.dirtydozenbrass.com/
Link24 - http://www.tabbenoit.com/
Link25http://www.voiceofthewetlands.com/sunshine.htm
Link26 - http://www.harmonikstones.com/bottles.php
Link27 - en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joe_Louis_Walker
Link28 - http://www.myspace.com/johnmayer
Link29 - http://www.tellurideblues.com/

s.a.f.e.t.y dance

Shiiiiit...I'm just talkin 'bout groovin'!

South Park

Every South Park episode, free for watching.

Favorites?

The Family Business!

http://www.meaningfulfunerals.net/fh/services/products.cfm?product=urns&fh_id=10367

I want either the Golfer's Paradise or the Dolphins in Harmony

Mallort

You guys should all go out and buy this stuff:

http://www.expotv.com/videos/Beer,_Wine_&_Liquor/Mallort/74,7078/


Also, www.expotv.com is actually a mildly amusing website if you're bored and want to see what regular joe-schmos think of different consumer products.

911 Cover Up

Wondering what y'all might think of this.

It's real long, but well-done and provacative, whatever you believe.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5946593973848835726

If that doesn't work just go to video.google.com and type 911 cover up. You want the 1 hr 22 min. one. give 'er a try some time you got time.

Too bad Woodward and the Bernstein bear aren't here.

Found Him!

There he is! Right next to the titty!

Its time for another installment of.................

Where's Adam?

Dear Stuggles,

If you ever wish to officially revise, or perhaps categorically deny, your stance on the potential of dogs to "rule," I'll understand.

The Daily Rubb

-Some plant or plant dwelling hell-creature stung my hand and turned it into a rubber glove full of pink goo.

-As my status with the lovely Aspen girl, who refuses to make out, progresses, I found myself jumping up and down on home plate and missing the base-rounding.

-I survived the Temptation Island weekend of two hot ex-girlfriends and some gorgeous latina sitting at the bar by herself, being set up with me by two drunken old ladies from indiana, who got relinquished to an ass-hole bartender.

-One of said drunken old ladies informed me that most guys either have girlfriends or are assholes. My lack of hitting on gorgoues latina reveals that I am either in category A, or still lacking the mack skills highly regarded in my days of adolescence.

-A Kona-doggy chasing an agile chupmunk around a living room is a good way to wreck a living room and a bad time to teach a Kona-doggy the virtue of patience.

-marijuana and waitering to not mix.

-I seek not refuge.

-Orange Juice has been upgraded to delicious.

-I'm going to the Jazz Festival today, which instead of jazz features gimicky musicians listed here followed by gimmick. Polyphonic Spree (robes), Keller Williams (too many instruments/lack of other band members), and Matisyahu (Judaism). Then Backpacking 3 days, then J5/Sountribe at RedRocks, then a few days of work where I will be lectured about taking too many days off, then more days off for Dalai Lama, Tribe Called Quest, and a Telluride Blues and Brews Festival, which will be my first attempt at Gonzo Journalism.

Warning!

This is what happens if you watch THE RING and
ALIEN simultaneously while pregnant.

Cheap Date

Passing the torch

This may be a little over due but I'm stepping down from my position as Family Dingdong. Kate and Adam can now battle wits in acts of ludicrous delirium for the title. I can already see that it will be a formidable match.

I am a Betty Crocker Disciple

mmmm.... looks exactly the the box told me it would look

back2backpack

bakbak

right after the backpacked journey, Jurassic5 and Sound Tribe Sector 9 are playing at red rocks. I plan on going. You should too. september 9.

-concert+cousin=cournoey

Poop disease

So I have so fortunately been granted a wonderful notable disease while visiting this wonderful country, New Zealand, which doesnt have such wonderful health requirements on their processing of chicken. I now have a lovely disease of compylobacter which is transmitted through the POO of birds, animals, and humans!!! Or supposedly in my case it is transmitted from a piece of chicken from a restuant that has not been cooked enough ( no, I have not been munching on bird crap). Also, in the last week I have been stopped by about 6 people thinking that I was their best friend.... apparently I look like a lot of New Zealanders even though every girl here wears ankle tight jeans, converse all stars and a puffy jacket from Katmandu (local REI) and are on BZP every night. Oh and BZP is speed which is legal here and that is retarted!!! At least I have found comfort in my hot water bottle which is possible the best invention ever, I cant believe we dont have them at home. You put steaming water in a sack and cuddle with it all night....sounds so good right??? It just sucks when the divits in it leave lines on my face for half of the next day because I was squeezing the shit out of it with my face! Cars are cheap here and nail polish is like gold....wierdos

Quote of the week

"I've had it with these snakes on the plane." -Samuel L. Jackson

from Snakes on a Plane

http://www.primotechnology.com/hosted/alex/snakes.htm

Short Version of Lebowskiowski.

Not sure how many of you were hit hard by the lebowski craze that claimed so many of my peers, but here's some good lebowski: every fuck strung together. enjoy.

Rock On Tour

Saw the Raconteurs last night. Fantastic show. Way better than the album, which is also good. Jack White is ripped.

Then we went to a bar. After drinking and losing at cricket to some dude with a leather travel dart case, we drive home. A skateboard guy runs out into the street in front of us, but doubles back instead of getting hit. Naturally, we roll down our windows and yell, "Wooooooaaa, budy!". Moments later we realize he's running after us and throwing his skateboard at our car, which misses completely. So we say, "Nice try buddy!" and drive offf. I'm all for downtown skating, but not if it involves throwing the board at cars. I'm just not going to support that, man.

The Daily Rubb

-Farting in the shower, with your back to the water, makes a great sound.
-I ate some buffalo chicken pizza. It was tasty but my stomach made a big stink about it.
-Chugging pepto from the bottle is strangely gangsta.
-I work at the Cooper Street Bar now. I wait tables and eat pretzels. I will soon reinstate the ritual of asking trivia questions, mostly simpsons-related, for free drinks.
-I got high and had a bunch of guinnesses and started making guiness mixed drinks, such as guiness, baileys, ice cream and peanut butter.
-New phrase for maasturbation: Rough up the suspect.
-New silly sex move: The Spider Man: masturbate, squirt in hand, fling at terrorist.
-New favorite book: Still Life w/ Woodpecker
-New Zealander: Kate.
-New Extreme Sport: Kite Tubing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7H0k9Uvt2os&search=kite%20tubing
-A Tribe Called Quest is playing some shows next month.
-Soulive is the best live band.
-Stupid sentence: I'd rather be in a muff then a muffin.


This Daily Rubb has been brought to you by buttpoo.

The longest ride

I hop on the bus labeled "northbound", but notice that it's heading south instead. The driver tells me she forgot to switch the sign. On top of that, I later notice that she's heading through the neighborhoods--not on the route. Just when I notice, she proclaims, "Darn it, I'm driving home! Jeesh." So, I was forced to enjoy the extra thirty minutes that it took for the bus to loop back around northbound and also the added little trip to the driver's home while she spaced out. She almost hit a car as well, butI think it was the car's fault.

What will I do tonight?

I will be watching all episodes of Faces of Death back to back, lights off, heat on full blast, holding a knife or some sort of hatchet, and mercilessly scratching my poison ivy rash.

Gotta get my kicks before the baby comes, dig.

MIA

I think I may be the only one posting stuff on this blog. The following people should be ashamed of themselves as cousins:
Magburger, Kerry, Kate, Adam, Jeremy, Molly, and to a lesser extent Kaiser Wilhelm. Boo

Return of the Mummy

Despite several successful years in the mountain bike industry Adam has decided to become a mummy. I thought I should be the one to tell you guys because all he can say is "Mrgghh", "Aaarghh", and "grrrrrngh" right now and I'm not sure you would undertand. He seems extremely content in his decision though doesn't he. He'll make a great mummy.

The Stuggles Report

7-29-06

2 days ago a crazed brooklyn man tried to start a fight with me because my dog had lifted his leg on a church. When he told me that it was very disrespectful for my dog to do so I replied "Well god made dogs too." While this seemed perfectly logical to me, it only managed to exacerbate the situation.

The shifty character who was accompanied by an equally irked female lifeform replied that I should "curb my dog." I still don't understand what that means and I said, "I don't know what that means." The irked female lifeform proceeded to grumble some more nonsensical jibberish and I lost interest in the conversation.

As I walked away from the situation I turned my back to the couple and gave them a spirited thumbs up. To my surprise the confrontation turned even more sour as the surly male lifeform proceeded to chase after me while cursing for what he perceived to be an extension of my middle finger.

Well, this simply was not true and I managed to calmly explain that I had given him a thumbs up. To which he said, "You BETTER have given me the thumbs up!" Baffled, I remarked "Hey guy I just said I gave you the thumbs up, jesus!"


In other news, I am very upset with my mailman. This may just be a hazard of the job or maybe its part of the job description, but he is just way too ambivalent.

The world of fashion:
Sleeveless shirts are very popular in New York right now. I was recently at a Cubs game when they played the Mets at Shea Stadium . After the game ended and the Cubs had won, a male lifeform in sleeveless attire began taunting me because his beloved Mets were still in first place despite the loss to my Cubs, who, he duely noted were in last place. He ended with a generous "The Cubs suck!" I simply replied, "You sir are right on all accounts, but my shirt has sleeves and yours doesn't."

Also in the world of fashion, after sustaining a sandal blowout at the previously mentioned Cubs/Mets game, it became necessary to replenish my flip-flop supply. I am now the proud owner of a pair of Reef flip-flops that are equipped with not one, but two bottle openers.
Kick ass!

The world of science:
I have become very interested in the field of string theory. Thats all I have to say about that.

The world of travel:
I will be traveling the world again for my quarterly trip to Colorado in September. Dates are forthcoming but they will be in the realm of Labor Day weekend and beyond. Plan accordingly.

The world of music:
The following is this the lineup for Jazz Aspen: Friday, September 1LeAnn Rimes 8pmSusan Tedeschi 6pm
Saturday, September 2Kanye West 6:30pmRobert Randolph & the Family Band 4:15pmRaul Midon 2pm
Sunday, September 3John Mellencamp 6:30pmLos Lonely Boys 4:15pmDel Castillo 2pm
Monday, September 4Matisyahu 6:30pmKeller Williams 4:15pmPolyphonic Spree 2pm

All can say are two things:
1) What the fuck?
2)Where exactly is the jazz in this fest?

The world of random:
Orange is the new yellow.
Scotch is the new whiskey(for me anyway).
Two poops a day is the new one.

The Cobb sandwhich at a restaurant I can't remember is the best I've ever had.

I just learned there is such a thing as a 4,000 ton banana boat.

Fun With Army Surplus

airline fare tracking

so a few companies have made some progress in data mining the discount airfare websites. things like lowest prices per month, graphs, and advice on whether or not particular fares are likely to go up or down. good stuff.

here's the article about it:

http://online.wsj.com/public/article/SB115256282567002617-RqSoaTQneeu4TSNN2NybQ0IUPK4_20060810.html?mod=tff_article

This should do it:

Family Phallus, Genus Dessertus



The Cutest Little Carpet Licker Ever

BM Trading

Introducing the two masterminds behind the soon to be enormously sucessful
BM Trading: Bryan "Catbean" Cournoyer and Matt "Surly" Williams. A cartoon toilet will be our logo and our motto* is: "We can do a load for you!" Watch out world.


*thanks to Ann Smith for the creative motto

"I don't wanna be a cowboy"

Sign of good things to come?

Is it a good sign when your cat scrapes his ass across the carpet in a spiral pattern to get a chunk of poo out? (He's a Libra, if it matters)

A wee tinkle

Where do Bees go to the bathroom?




At the BP station.

Wee is my new favorite word.....that and the word wicked.

Baby Names

So, you may have heard, but Dee and I are officially having a boy.


We need NAME IDEAS from you folks. Give 'em.

H-Dog

Keep Your Fucking Shit Off My Desk
By Herbert Kornfeld
Accounts Receivable Supervisor

November 4, 1997 | Issue 32•14

Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, bruthahs 'n' sistahs. H-Dog here, His Stone Cold Baadness, The Original Gangsta, The Mack Daddy, The Freaky Gangbanga. And I got somethin' to say to all y'all bitches out there: Keep yo' motherfuckin' shit offa my desk, or I'll fuck your sorry ass up wit' a quickness. And I don't want to see y'all comin' around, puttin' your feet on it, neither. Or puttin' your goddamn coffee cups on it and leaving them fucked-up rings all upside the wood and shit.

'Cause I keep my fly shit on my desk. I gots my dope spreadsheets, my hangin' file folders, my delinquent-account file, my paper clips, my Post-It note dispenser, my monthly desk planner, my Midstate Office Supply business cards, my four-color ball-point pen, my motherfuckin' dot-matrix printer address labels, and my stoopid-fresh three-hole punch. Not to mention my computer. I swear, if I see any of y'all within three feet of my computer, I'll put a Lee Van Cleef on your bitch ass. I'll come at you like a mother fuck.

I'm just trying to keep it real, know what I'm sayin'? I wanna stop the violence before it starts. I could say nothin' and wait in the shadows like some motherfuckin' ninja, and when some punk-ass temp worker come along and start readin' my "Attitude Is A Little Thing That Makes A Big Difference" Successories mouse pad, I could jump out and knock the sucka's teeth the fuck out. 'Cause that would be my right. A man's gotta protect what's his, right?

Take what happened just last week. Judy Metzger, this li'l skank-ass ho from Accounts Payable, be runnin' her ass around the office, puttin' cupcakes wit' the goddamn smiley faces and shit on people's desks. I'm like, "Whus this smiley-face shit y'all be puttin' on my desk?" And she's like, "I made cupcakes for everyone in the office last night!"

Now, I don't take shit from nobody, and I sure as hell don't take no shit from some bitch from Accounts Payable, so I picks up my letter opener and do some crazy kung-fu shit on her. "Flag yo' ass outta here, bitch, and keep yo' fuckin' cupcake shit offa my fly desk."

She go runnin' out of the room and go gets her supervisor, Myron Schabe, from across the hall. Like I'm supposed to be scared of that. Myron older than shit and he wear bow ties like he Pee Wee Muthafuckin' Herman or somethin'. So then he come up to my cubicle and say, "Herbert, I think there's been a misunderstanding. It was Judy's turn this week to bring in a treat." I tell him I don't like no bitches from Accounts Payable puttin' no shit on my desk. But this Myron fool keep pushin' it, tellin' me: "It was meant as a nicety, Herbert, nothing else. It's Co-Worker Appreciation Month, and everybody's scheduled to bring in a treat. You yourself are signed up for next Wednesday."

So you know what I tell him? I says, "I ain't gonna be bringing in no motherfuckin' treat, motherfucker. Treats is for old ladies in the nursing home and shit. And ain't nobody gonna be layin' they smiley-face bullshit on my dope fly desk. I gots everything where I want it, and ain't no little ho gonna be fuckin' it all up. So take yo' bitch-ass, bow-tie self and get the fuck out of my cubicle before I cut you, beee-yaatch!"

After that, Myron walk out of there wit' his li'l dick between his legs. Ain't no Accounts Payable supervisor motherfucka gonna tell Herbert Kornfeld what to do. And no one else, for that matter. You put shit on my desk, you just signed your death warrant. I mean it. Heads will get flown.

H-Dog out. And to all my homies in Accountz Reeceevable and the bruthahs kickin' it down in Shipping, keep ya heads up. Peace.

(editor's note: this is from the onion. There's lots of Herbert articles out there, all of them i find very funny, but I think they closed the archives so they aint be so easy to run up on. they're doing a best of every year thing this week)

chicago

well that picture of a muscle man humping a watermelon killed that blog like only a picture of a muscle man humping a watermelon can. and it was up less than 24 hours.

I'm coming to chicago soon. I'll be there from wednesday July 19th to probably sunday the 23rd. Hope to see any of you that are around. What are your phone numbers?

where's jake

this photo has been removed for the good of the blog

No news is good news

Well well well, its been a long time since I posted on this bastardly forum, and a lot has changed since. The only sound assumption that I can make is that my posting presence , in the past, acted as some sort of contraceptive for the Cournoyer Cuzzies and their spouses. In absence some sort of mutant virility has taken over the Cournoyer seed. I thus post before Molly, Kate, or even worse Grandma begin "showing." 'nuff said.

Otherwise, I was busy, am busy, and will be busy until January, what with intensive physics 5 days a week for 4.5 hours until Augy. Standardized testing, applications, and random scrambling for admission deadlines in the fall for Pharmacy school. I am taking the second most failed class at UW in the fall. I just did a half-ironman, have another one in july, then an ironman in september, and a marathon in october. So no exciting trips or nuthin' planned for a while.

Is Robby still a cousin? or is he out?

Finally, expecting cuzzies take care of your fertile gestating deer-women...and congrats

Where's Kate?

She's here somewhere. Can you find her?

Kyle is the Evil Lord of Jenga

Kyle & Dee Rentals

TOPS
The New World: Kyle loved it; no one else will.
The Good Girl: Classic Aniston. No, really, it's a tasty flick.
The Baxter: From The State players comes this funny romantic jabbadoo.
Good Night, & Good Luck: Worth about 95% of the hype.
Brokeback Mountain: Worth about 85% of the hype.
In America: But not a movie to watch with your pregnant wife.
Batman Begins: Terrific superhero movie. One of the best (but Dee found it boring).

MIDS
Three Extremes: Not all that extreme, but definately creepy.
The Constant Gardner: Decent. Surprisingly little momentum for a "political thriller".
Match Point: Woody Allen. English upper class. Murder. What more can I say.
Flightplan: Pretty damned predictable.
Wolf Creek: Great Aussie horror. Way too much like Texas Chainsaw Massacre to be "TOPS".

LOWS
Fantastic Four: Stopped watching after 20 minutes.
Derailed: Stopped watching after 30 minutes.
The Island: Eh... Ok premise, stupid filmmaking.

Where's Bryan

Can you find Byron in the picture? Yay, fun!

what do you call cheese that isnt yours?





nacho cheese
(sounds like not yo cheese, for you lamens(as in idiot, for you idiots))

a bartender told me this while surprisingly drunk on his birthday. surprisingly drunk because he was working at the time. good stuff all around.

Some thoughts on life

The Nintendo Nes is friggin awesome, almost cooler the second time around.

My top 10 favorite games right now:
1.Techmo Super Bowl
2.RBI Baseball
3.Zelda
4.Contra
5.Super Mario
6.Double Dribble
7.Double Dragon
8.Excitebike
9.Ice Hockey
10.Kung Fu

A bird bit me yesterday, it was the capper on a horrific day that included two separate subway trains breaking down, walking in the rain to work, getting jelly on my favorite shirt, and locking myself out of my apartment again.

My baby has really long arms and legs.
Oddly, I have gained 7 pounds since finding out I'm going to be a father.

Pants that zip off at the knee are the greatest invention ever, I'm thinking of taking it to the next level and making a shirt that zips off at the elbow.

I had a dream last night that all the cousins were at someone's wedding and we all got kicked out for being out-of-hand. Not that much of a stretch.

Michael Berg is my new favorite person:

Michael Berg, a pacifist who is running for Delaware's lone House seat on the Green Party ticket, said al-Zarqawi's death is likely to foster anti-American resentment among al-Qaida members who feel they have nothing left to lose.

Berg said the blame for most deaths in Iraq should be placed on President Bush, who he said is "more of a terrorist than Zarqawi."

"Zarqawi felt my son's breath on his hand as held the knife against his throat. Zarqawi had to look in his eyes when he did it," Berg added, pausing to collect himself. "George Bush sits there glassy-eyed in his office with pieces of paper and condemns people to death. That to me is a real terrorist."

On a lighter note, this is the 300th post on the cuzzin blog!!!! What do I win?

Hey thanks......

Well we were planning on telling everyone personally, but I guess the cats out of the bag. Yes we are having something but we're not going to tell anyone what is until it is born: Is it a smurf, shoe, gorilla, banana, snork??? We're just not going to tell you. If you would like to get us a gift please make sure its not homo sapien specific. Be well my fellow humanoids and pray for a prodgeny in the x-men, bionic man, jesus-type, superhero genre. The due date of the life form in Liz's belly is December 15th so we are going to run an actual delivery date pool for those interested, the winner gets a free stool sample.

mmmm, preggers

It seems we have another cousin baby on the way. I won't tell you whose it is, but will say that the person's name rhymes with "Splat", which also happens to be the baby's name I've been told.

question

anyone know maggie's email address?

My dog kicks ass

Actually he's a sissy but he's damn cool.

Happy belated birfday Moll.

I've been riding my bike to work lately and life is now better. Simple.
Oryx and Crake(margaret atwood)is a very good read.
A few additions to my shitlist: Sam Champion(local weatherman), Burger King Ad execs, Howie Mandel, Fedex, my brother-in-law, pedestrians.

Happy belated birfday Jerr.

Kyle and Dee congrats on your baby's sex, whatever it is?

http://www.maximmag.co.uk/stupidfun/videoclips/4116/wacky_world_of_nature.html

Peño

I forgot that you all might not have seen these yet. The face is on the left, laying horizontally. Kyle's friend Steve looked at it the other way, saw a Jack 'O Lantern face, and thought we were like the biggest Tim Burton fans ever. The baby has earned the nickname "Peño" for making me crave jalapeños all the damn time. Gender is inconsequential, and will be revealed when Kyle and I figure out a tasteless way to do so...

Chewey

Meet the newest member of our family.

NO, it is not a premature Eraserhead fetus creature (though a girl can dream).

It is Chewey, formerly known as Smokey, Nougat, Brody, and Burt.

He is munching on my hand right now, and the baby is thumping to the rhythm of the chew.

God bless.

memorial day

I think that on memorial day, since you fuggers didn't plan a trip with me...I choose...New York. I decided, yes mag we sre goin to new york...matty I will call you soon. love all da cousins -jake

Free Cat

I'm going to be in Colorado June 16-26 to hang out with Kate before she goes to New Zealand.
I don't have any real plans other than seeing Widespread(June 23rd Red Rocks) and Trey(Aspen Jazz Fest June 24/25?). I'm also thinking of making an assault on Sopris for anyone who is interested. Are any of you gonna be around? Rob, Jeremy, Jake, Fetus, Kydeele, Stu?

ps-Rob I have an extra ticket for you if you want it.

quick decision>confusion>crazyness>mistrust?

who is in colorado? i turn 21 on the 21st. lookin for some family fun.

quick story:
i took the puppy for a last michigan walk. she got away, and by the time i finally found her, got her in the car, and left, i was extremely stressed out. came back to an angry mother telling me i smelled like smoke. first reaction, finally admit to smoking cigerettes after 4+ years of hiding it. oh well, it was a matter of time. Her responce; you dont smoke cigerettes. you were smoking weed. unfortunatly i had just smoked my last one so i had no cigerettes to show her. she drills me again later that night about it so i leave to celebrate cinco de mayo. I have no proof except calling people, and shes not budging. is it worth proving to her that i smoke cigerettes? nah. seems strange and unnesecary. on the other hand, its nice to know she cant smell the difference between the two anymore.

result: went to a cunninlynguist show friday and bummed a few smokes. came home smelling like smoke, fearing that mom would be awake assuming i was smoking weed and thus becoming completely unwilling to ever let me borrow a car again. fortunatly she was asleep so i smoked and played sonic till 430.

now that is a story.

Dee's first mother's day gift

When you thought I couldn't get nerdier...

PANIC

yes, panic

at red rocks, june 23-25.

tickets go on sale saturday at 10, I'm assuming eastern time.

Is anyone interested/going to be around?

Matt: what's your method for getting tickets, some program I could acquire that allows me to pimp ticketmaster? I would like to go one day at least.

Dee and Kyle on the Derby

Dee and I got ourselves some Kentucky Derby this weekend. 150,000 fans, 11 races, umpteen horses and umpteen jockeys, bets a-plenty, and enough mint juleps to paint the goddamn mason dixie.

The infield was the largest tailgate party I've ever been to, complete with drunkenness, belligerance, trash and beer, and some lovely sunburns. Dee and I lost money overall, although I won some on my pick of the winner. That's right, I rule. Dee placed a bet on first, second and third place horses, which wound up coming in last, second to last and third to last. She's a sage, only in reverse.

Also, Juleps are pretty tasty.

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

back to backpack

alright, time to get serious on the annual cousin backpacking trip planning.

So far we know:
-Jake is available May 8 to Mid June.
-Adam said the later the better, ideally September?
-Jeremy and I are around for the summer, open schedule-wise right now, but that may get complicated, so the sooner we set a date the better.
-When does Kate leave?
-How about Bryyyyan and Matt?
-Anyone else interested?
-I can't do it mid-July.

write your available dates herre (southern pronunciation cuz i'm sweet)

I also want to climb Sopris.

I also want to learn the bagpipes.

A-pro

Anal Prolapse Orgasm. Its a sweet new thing I've stumbled across. Research if you dare!

Warning: may ruin your meal, may also ruin your day, may cause severe depression, may cause arrousal, may cause disgust and engorged genitals, may cause immaculate conception, may be the meaning of life and also the black angel of death, may cause you to cry and mastrobate in the fetal position.

Your actually much better off not looking into it...but I've planted the seed!

For the sake of balance...

Who would you rather have...?

Fluffy Bucket





or Angel Poo?

countdown to fun

i am moving to colorado within the week. i forgot what day we actually leave, but im coming back with rob and the parents. i turn 21 on may 21st, i want to (couzin?) party, i enjoy long walks on the beach, and my ass is quoted as follows: "i looked over and expected a moon, not a jungle."-justin, aka tight-pants-emo-hair-

side note. i want to take our puppy camping. but she still may be too young and rambunctious to let lose in the woods.

side note #2: i enjoy long walks on the beach.

side note #3: Tony's plow has the biggest plow in the state.

Sorry, I just had to

trippin

I just wanted to let you know spring trippers that I have off from May 8-mid june want to plan a trip hike, backpack whatev.

Hee he

CHICAGO -- A judge set bail at $100,000 for a man accused of masturbating in the women's locker room of a downtown health club this weekend.Matthew Williams, 35, of the 1100 block of North State Street was watching several women shower at the Bally Total Fitness, 800 S. Wells St., according to court records.He has been arrested for public indecency several times, Cook County Assistant State's Atty. Lisa Egan said, and has been convicted at least twice, according to court records.A club employee saw Williams at about 1 p.m. Saturday and detained him until police arrived, court records say.

Thinking of you Brain..........

I mean Byron, I mean Catbean, I mean Brawny, shit I'm baked. It doesn't take much for a finger to get stoned.

I submit the following for consideration for Bizzaros Of The Year:

Elias Koteas (aka Casey Jones)
Christopher Meloni (aka that guy from Law and Order SVU)

Y'all Reno 911 fans

Reno movie
I love the fact that Paul Rudd is the druglord. The man is straight up funny.

Don't forget about Kaiser's music request below. The man needs music ASAP (FYI).

Music

I am washed up for music right now so give me your single most favorite band right now. Not of all time...but what is striking your fancy today.