New Name 4 Rob

and here's why

Wipe styles of the rich and famous

I wipe from the back to the front how do you?*



*(information will be compiled to determine the ultimate cousin wiping technique or UCWT)

Canadian Lethargy

I'm in Vancouver, visiting a very close friend from college. Sami, a roommate, smoking buddy, confidant and object of unrequited forbidden love.

I'm having a great time, but am a little disappointed myself in my lack of 'sieze the day' mentality. We've done a lot of cool things, hikes, swimming, movies, canoeing, buddhist temple visiting, etc but nothing really memorable. I've always felt that i need little forms of excitement to keep my adrenaline craving from boiling over. These boil overs are dangerous things. I once robbed a gas station.

But right now i'm like, boil, damnit. While a small cliff jump keeps me away from the bigger cliffs, maybe that's the reason to hit the big cliff first.

I haven't done anything all day, I haven't written or studied all week. I just read and play and eat and sleep. and smoke and drink. After a week of this, it's hard to say a still believe in the "go big or go home" and its depressing. I don't think I've ever had a week off work in a great exciting place with a great exciting person and come back without a single decent story to tell.

I'm going to go big tomorrow, hopefully in a way besides alcohol consumption, but i guess that's the backup plan.

I realize I really need time alone to keep on my path. THat's probably the big problem here, not the little outlets for adrenaline. When it's constantly "what small source of joy comes next" you never really go "how about we say fuck joy, i want intensity"

Well, it's 11, she's in bed, I just took my rejuvinating cold shower, i think i'm sayin it now.

I can't think of anything besides sleeping on the street...could go out pimpin....be wierd for an open mic...guerilla motivation....

none of these feel right. now that i've written this, i have to do something. fuck

The state of things

Achtung!! Non-humorous post.
I am sure there among you there is a colloquial sense that the state of things in the Western World if not all of the First World countries are in bad repair. I am sure there are hundreds of topics to hit on (politics, famine, well-being, etc.) The one that hit me most today was creativity. I was watching MTV trying to listen to the lyrics and formations of the songs, and it was all completely thoughtless not an ounce of creativity involved. All seemingly required is to be good looking, rich, and hyper-egoist. So I tried CMT, and to no prevail, I came up with the same thing. Good-lookin' dudes and chicks singing the sappiest shit I've ever heard. Each song took me to a new low in musical individualism and creativity. I was very disturbed after some thought to realize creativity seems lost. There are true artists out there, but nobody's buying their records, art, literature, or poetry. They pass under the radar going noticed only so often. Will there be any poets from our lifetime? Any great novelists, that will change thought and set new forms of morality and judgment? Is there life beyond pop, or pop-rap hoes n bitches? There was a time when those being true individuals in expression, were actually being compensated for their struggles. When Dali was alive he was revered and payed great sums of money for his work, Dylan had to struggle to get out of the lime-lite, Andy Warhol gathered elite artisans from around the world for extravagant albeit weird soirees. We are rewarding the wrong things: money, bitches, hoes, tits, n' shit. Even scientists who are at the forefront of developing our new lifestyles are going un-noticed. There are probably folks out there who are as intelligible as Einstein but nobody would care unless Paris Hilton endorsed his logo. Its only getting worse too, celebrities are only getting more and more powerful and less and less talented...I just threw up on my keyboard. love Jake

RLS

Here is some poo of mine. I am pretty sure that I have Restless Leg Syndrome. It sucks as much as it is funny. For those of you who don't know: Restless Legs Syndrome is an overwhelming urge to move the legs usually caused by uncomfortable or unpleasant sensations in the legs. The sensations have the following features:

* Occur during periods of inactivity
* Become more sensitive in the evening and at night
* Are relieved by movement of the limb
* Often cause difficulty staying or falling asleep, which leads to feelings of daytime tiredness or fatigue
* May cause involuntary jerking of the limbs during sleep and sometimes during wakefulness

If you do have restless legs syndrome (RLS), you are not alone. Up to 8% of the US population may have this neurologic condition. Many people have a mild form of the disorder, but RLS severely affects the lives of millions of individuals.

Cousin Picture of the Year

links!

best videos on the net...
basketball
juggling
card manipulation
pure talent
soccer skillz one and two
compilation of clips
dear penis
dude with ups (notice the height on the backflips)
another (and cooler) jumper
skateboarding clip (notice the first trick)(rodney mullen is the name, the inventor of basically every trick in skateboarding)

misc:
boob curser (almost as cool as the walking butt)
mind altering
erotic solotair
more sexy games
strangly entertaining game


last but not least, in honor of hunter s...

purely manly

two questions:
1. is it wierd to be talking about drunkenly sodomizing your hot ex in the future, with that hot ex, and having her be all for it?

2. is it weird to be woodless during that conversation?

perhaps its guilt, seeing how i wont be single until next week.

two more questions:
1. why do ghetto girls got so much ass
2. why you say never say never, when you know that aint right. cuz to never say never, you done said never twice.

three more questions
1. is this cute, or just weird









2. is this hot or what? i mean, just look at his package.















3. is this funny or sad?

now that im picture happy, here. sorry ladies, this may get manly.

A friendly post

Well isn't this interesting. The Smith boys rule the blog...I dig. Good posting had by all. As for Rob's fourteener hike, I was just waiting to see what type of mayhem Ted got you to into. I like how you turned it into an exercise of thought and reflection. More importantly, returning to me, I have been without internet for a while; thus my lack of postings. I am trying to break the bad habit typing grammatically shitty interweb-speak that I've developed over the years, I realize my punctuation and spelling are at the third grade level. I also just moved into a new apartment, which ,god willing, will prove to be a creative sanctuary. Today me and my cohorts will dangle from a rope swing, and swing our worries away. We will laugh and sing being friends and happy, just outside talking hoo-hooing being merry, good day. Jeremy, I believe is really into breasts. That is wonderfully clever. Personally, I am more of a fourth or fifth-tier porn viewer where forays with scat and urine are not uncommon. I got hit on last night in a bar...pretty fatly modest looking girl. I also have noticed your guys affluency for lists or "best of"s here's an entry for you BEST ADVERB(I think): Fatly
toodles

russian wives

I'm sure I'll receive some guff from you guff flingers about this one, but I think there's about a 50% chance I get a mail order russian bride.

well maybe not quite 50, but a decent chance.

You can't beat the convenience. You're doing someone a huge favor. You get some crazy food cooked for you probably. And we all get another cousin party.

Still not convinced?
That's because you've never been to THIS GLORIOUS SITE

now that's a lot of russian brides. I wonder what the record for most russian brides ordered by one american business man is. Jeremy, get out yer guinness book. and get me a guinness

inventions

I've had the runs for a damn week now, and was once again dropping my goo when I remembered an old invention idea. A toilet paper dispenser that also has a few buttons for sound effects. "3-2-1 BLASTOFF" that sort of thing, that when pressed add an element to the pooping experience. I'd find it quite satisfying to drop my boms to the sound of a falling bomb or screaming villagers or even both. Then when done, you can press the "i lvoe the smell of napalm in the morning" (if it's a morning poo) or similarly "it smells like victory". Even "the horrror...."

Another invention that, although cruel, I think would sell is a Michael Jackson Mr. Potatoe head. He's got detachable nose, color changes, the rhinestone glove hand. You can build the classic "thriller" michael, the slightly deranged "heal the world" michael, or the super deranged current micheal. fun for the whole family.

alright i'll now think of a third invention...okay, how come bath tubs don't have built-in pillow/head rests? How come there's no anti-laxitive, for cases like i currently find myself in? How come my ass is so hairy?

Kyle’s Horror Extreme

Best Horror: Texas Chainsaw Massacre

Most God-Awful Horror Sequel: Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2

Best Horror Masquerading as Drama: Rosemary’s Baby

Goofiest Horror: The Blob

Funniest Horror Series: Halloween

Goriest Film Ever, I mean, Just Completely Overboard: Dead Alive

Most Gratuitously Disturbing: Salo

Most Artistically Disturbing: Eraserhead

Most Unsettling Movie to Show to a Foreign Exchange Student on Her First Day in the States (my bad): The Doom Generation

Most Horrifically Hilarious Swayze: Roadhouse (ok, not horror, but still…)

Best Horror I’ve Seen in the Last Week: The Hills Have Eyes

August Movie Reviews

Today we will be reviewing the following movies: Stevie, The Station Agent, Muppets Wizard of Oz, and Humanoids from the Deep(the original).

First lets talk about Stevie; This movie, starring the infamous Stevie Fielding and Steve James(director of Hoop Dreams), follows a reunion of a big brother advocate(James) and his problem child tens years later and hilarity ensues. Stevie now lives in a trailer next to the trailer he grew up in and his hobbies include catching snakes, fishing drunk, fighting, and taking advantage of female relatives and neighbors. This movie actually has the audacity to try and make you feel bad for a pedaphile and with some sucess I might add. Watch it if only for a glimpse into another world. C+

The next movie I will discuss briefly is the Station Agent. I'll just say this; it stars a midget living in an abandoned train station who befriends a talkitive Cuban, an artsy divorcee, and a mysterious little black girl. Oh yeah, the midget has unnatural man love for locomotives. B+

Moving on, The Muppets Wizard of Oz was a huge disappointment. Yeah it had lots more scenes with Pepe the Prawn, but it also had way too much Ashanti and a poor story line. This movie falls way short of previous Muppet movies and I fear the franchise may have peaked with Muppets from Space. D-

Lastly we will talk about Humanoids from the Deep. Tis movie is possibly the best B-grade horror movie ever made. Complete with gratuitous nudity, violent gore, and poor editing this movie has it all. It follows stars Doug McClure and Vic Morrow as they fight the humanoids who are killing unsuspecting males and then mating with the females in order to create a supreme race. Fucking kickass. A+

worst website ever

www.jeremy.com
at least he has a sexy smile to go along with that sexy hair.

whats worse is, dont you have to pay for .com sites?

boobs

14ers

I set out early thursday in search of 14ers. My friend Ted had taken the week off from work, scouted out spots and promised he had everything we needed. To understand the adventure fully, it helps to know Ted. First by saying he had everything we needed, he was correct, although he forgot to pack several critical elements, such as sleeping bag, tent, headlamps, food, etc. He's a full-blown alcoholic, smokes upwards of a quarter a week, and has little or no interest in any sort of "Natural High," including girls or proper dog maintenance. I've always seen him as a lost soul, and assumed that the replacement of pabst with heavy hiking might help him face the truths, or at least be mentally present for some of my patented timeless wisdom.

So at about the time he showed up an hour and a half late without anywhere near proper equipment, we gave up on any 14ers for thursday. We did find the trailhead for Mt. Bierstadt, and then got horribly lost in the woods. Ted had taken down most of a 12 pack of pabsts, countless bowls, and neither of us had any sort of bearings on direction. After about 2 hours, with the sun setting, we found a ribbon tied to a tree that said "Escape Route" Well I suppose that's a good sign, we said, until the path made a huge arc and seemed to be taking us farther from where we wanted to be. We abandoned "Escape Route" partyl because of it's haphazard guidance and partly because there were none of these ribbons anywhere near where we wanted to be. After another hour and the loss of a lot of morale and hope, we were once again on the "Escape Route" and eventually found a road that we had driven up.

We woke up at 9, on the trail at 11 and drinking a Bierstadt beer (pabsts) by 1:30. Then the hail and lightning came and we scrambled down no problem. We then savored some ribs, wings, and other assorted spiced meats in Georgetown, and set up camp on the base of Mt. Gray. Ted opened up a little, saying he drinks and smokes so much to cope with things. His divorce, minimal social life, insomnia, dyslexia, etc. I replied that escaping is the worst way of coping, and it didn't seem to me that chugging vodka at 10am before hiking a 14er helped with much of anything at all. He agreed.

Today we woke up at 9. It was a clear sky when we started, so I wore shorts and a "Life is Good" T-shirt. We were on the trail by 11 and savoring the view from the top of mt. gray (the biggest Mountain on the continental divide) by 1:30. Savoring might not be the proper word though, because despite am incredible view of probably 100 miles in nearly every direction, all we were really looking at was Mt. Torreys, another 14er about a mile away, with a very steep climb up what turned out to be the east face the my limiited research told me not to climb. After considerable coaxing and arguing about the relative danger of the huge clouds rolling in around us, we were at the top of Torreys about an hour later. I insisted we smoke a bowl despite the increasing hail, and we had to take shelter behind a pile of rocks as the hail quickly and dramatically increased in size and quantity. High of 1 hit, we started down. It hailed heavy the whole damn way. Cold and soaked, it took about 2 hours down. We encounted hail, sleet, light rain, heavy rain, i think every consistency of H20 splattered me for at least 20 minutes each. Then dry clothes, a big dinner at the TommyKnocker Brewery and a long bath later, here's what I've learned:

-Exhaustion can cure most things. A bad mood, heavy questions, Ted's hangover, writer's block, just fucking go until you can't anymore.
-GU, although disgusting, works quite well for energy.
-A good barometer of how well (or at least adventurously) you're living is how many showers you've truly savored.
-Easy 14ers aren't that hard. Or easy.
-A common first step in doung something interesting is deciding that you want to do something interesting, and coming up with a few ideas.
-Pooing outside: IF you prefer interest over ease as I do, I suppose pooing outside should be done until no longer interesting.
-They say Buddhist enlightenment can only be achieved through a desire to help others (life is suffering, inner peace is the answer, you can't teach it if you don't have it). But enlightenment also guarantees freedom in future lives from this world of suffering. Seems kinda strange that it can only be achived through wanting to help others, but then immediately frees the enlightened from the only realm where they can help.
-I'm not as young as I used to be. But I'm younger than I'll ever be again.
-I want to do a long-term hike soon, but this is not fishing for an invitation to the september journey.
-I want to be remembered as soaked with sleet, wearing a Life Is Good shirt, and laughing down a mountain, screaming to pancho clad expressionless hikers that we're being fired upon.
-Pictures help with sharing, but writing helps just as much in solidifying the memory.
-It's about progress, not perfection.

Think about it

A Common Confusion by Franz Kafka

A common experience, resulting in a common confusion. A has to transact important business with B in H. He goes to H for a preliminary interview, accomplishes the journey there in ten minutes, and the journey back in the same time, and on returning boasts to his family of his expedition. Next day he goes again to H, this time to settle his business finally. As that by all appearances will require several hours, A leaves very early in the morning. But although all the accessory circumstances, at least in A's estimation, are exactly the same as the day before, it takes him ten hours this time to reach H. When he arrives there quite exhausted in the evening he is informed that B, annoyed at his absence, had left half an hour before to go to A's village, and that they must have passed each other on the road. A is advised to wait. But in his anxiety about his business he sets off at once and hurries home. This time he achieves the journey, without paying any particular attention to the fact, exactly in a second. At home he learns that B had arrived quite early, immediately after A's departure, indeed that he had met A on the threshold and reminded him of his business; but A had replied that he had no time to spare, he must go at once. In spite of this incomprehensible behavior of A, however, B had stayed on to wait for A's return. It is true, he had asked several times whether A was not back yet, but he was still sitting up in A's room. Over-joyed at the opportunity of seeing B at once and explaining everything to him, A rushes upstairs. He is almost at the top, when he stumbles, twists a sinew, and almost fainting with the pain, incapable even of uttering a cry, only able to moan faintly in the darkness, he hears B-impossible to tell whether at a great distance of quite near him-stamping down the stairs in a violent rage and vanishing for good.

blog no. 2: pure class

this is a shitty job (big PUNisher) (oh-PUN that door for me) (shut up PUNk and PUNt the ball) (rePUNzel, rePUNzel, throw down your hair)







boob
BOOBS!, man, this guy is creepy.
i need more....
1, 2, 3, 4, this goes all the way to 12(see "more")

my big debut

first and foremost i would like everyone to know, i enjoy boobs, especially big fake boobs
and i had no idea bush could be so sexy.

also, i apologize for my absence, while i may have been physically gone, i assure you i was present in spirit.

also, kyle, you have a cute butt

Kyles of the World

I've compiled a list of links to other Kyle Smith's out there in the world, with a bias towards the funny ones. Enjoy.

1. This one creates terrible comic strips
2. This one has evolved into something I don’t understand.
3. This one has a purple belt from Wang’s, the one and only
4. This one only takes appointments
5. Dead
6. This one is orange
7. Scroll down for this one. He won the race (but looks just awful)
8. This one likes a “conservative atmosphere and Aggie spirit”.
9. This one is a great guy and has a sweet tooth.
10. This one isn’t sure about career goals
11. This one is hungry, damned hungry

And now for the all K.S. sports lineup…

• Football
• Baseball
• Hockey
• Basketball (with a bad jaw—see photo)
• More football
• Soccer (my favorite of all time)
• More soccer (woa)
• Sexy Track

Aspenectomy

It is true that I am in CO. It is also true that I am gay. I went on awesome backpack trip to indian peaks except it rained all day everyday and it was freezing. No I'm back in boulder maybe doing some more extreme sports. Most of the family is in aspen (Robot, K-rack, Jeremy Donut, and Hilary R-Adam Clinton) that town is too swanky for me. I hear the cars there run on stureon caviar and bald eagle heads. Im so 'core. I do key bumps of diazanon. anywho, labor day is for anal-heads

We will never break it up, break it up, break it up

http://www.carllewis.com/video.music.1.html