This holiday I want some suggestions for music & internet-ertainment from yalls. And I want resolutions. Here's what I got:

Music discoveries that I be diggin at the end of the year: The Walkmen, The National, Brother Ali, Kid Cudi, Arcade Fire

Favorite way to be explorin new music at work: Grooveshark

Favorite 2010 item, or like, ever: item

Favorite 2010 movies I be favoritin: Inception, The Ghost Writer, Un Prophete, Winters Bone

Holiday movies I be lookin forward to addin to that listy: Black Swan, True Grit, The Fighter

Favorite new 2010 protein-dense jerky that tastes a little odd: Perky Jerky.

Massive 2010 love/hate relationship with a computer program: me & MATLAB

2011 Resolutions:
-get my sled on w/ my kids on
-keep thine Glenn Close, but thine Kyra Sedgwick Closer. Wakka wakka wakka.
-get on the optogenetics train
-and continue fussing around with viruses in the brain.
-continue trend of attending one, and only one, concert a year
-Clean. Clean everything.
-drag knuckles across pavement more often, much more often.
-Avenge...something...

Here is a working link to Bubb's last post...

Let's do some meth

I like this picture for a few reasons. First, it's pretty damn incredible to see what just a few years of meth is doing to these poor hillbilly bastards. The open sores, the shame and sadness in their eyes, it even seems to change the way the face is shaped. Second, these people were all pretty to ugly to begin with, so maybe a change in facial structure was part of the appeal to them, because, third, it actually made one of the girls a lot hotter.

sci fi adventure

This looks friggin stupid:


But this looks friggin cool:


And this looks friggin delicious:

Just cause

I can't believe I actually found this. I hate video posts but your not going to believe this one. We have a freeggin theme song!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t7J_ax3s8-I

notice the greasy muscle painting in the background

I have been watching you

Howdy dewdy cuz'z,
I forgot about this thing a while ago. I thought that nobody could possibly still think this thing is worth their time, but au contraire. Luckily I didn't miss too much. Whipit is fecally fixed. Ksnake is, well...very silly. Cheese is, how do you say...photoey. What fun! A little background about myself: I ate collard greens and turkey meatballs tonight and it went straight to my head.

Warmest Regards,

Edwin

Halloween Ideas

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

poop jokes

mountainous sounds alot like mount-anus

"a sweet-ass ride" can become "a sweet ass-ride" (or cool ass-car, or sweet ass-living, or mellow ass-life, or nice ass-view). This joke was stolen, then expanded on, from xkcd.com

I have been putting serious thought into getting a funny tattoo that I won't get sick of. This is very difficult. My best so far is: "(enter poop joke here)". This may have below it, a tiny stick figure with a giant pile of poop next to him. He may be giving the

> <
0

face. Still working on it.

Recent backpacking trip

The Manistee River in Central Michigan.

Jake jumping for the sake of jumping.

Insert caption here:

Jake hanging from a bridge for the sake of hanging from a bridge.

If three guys are gay in the woods do you post it on the internet?

Gramma's Beef Barley Soup

I want to apologize for going AWOL from the blog for so long. I only have my apparent abundance of latent gayness as an excuse. Rob gave me the equivalent of an email bitch slap and now here is the requested Gramma Ruth recipe for Beef Barley Soup. I also included a bonus recipe of hers for Meatloaf if you are so inclined.

Beef Barley Soup (quoted exactly as written followed by my additions)

1. Beef (drawing of a tiny circle within a larger circle here) round/ bone in middle
2. soup bones (3 about)
3. brown in a little olive oil
4. put in kettle with celery tops and onions, clove garlic and cook for 2 or 3 hours
5. strain (cut up meat and save)
6. add to broth 1 can beef broth and barley
7. cook 45 minutes or 1 hr. test barley
8. add carrots, celery, zucchini, corn, etc and 1 can diced tomatoes
9. cook just til done
   

Okay, this recipe is actually really good but it needs some splainin. This is for 8 servings.

• The tiny circle within a circle means eye of round, its a cut of meat.
• There are no measurements so I used my own, here they are:
• 4 lbs eye of round (or chuck) cut into 1 inch cubes
• 8 tbsp olive oil
• 8 cups beef stock (add to step 4)
• 3 medium carrots sliced (half for broth, half for soup at step 6)
• 3 ribs celery sliced (half for broth, half at step 6)
• 1 large onions diced
• 1 cup pearl barley
• 1 medium zucchini diced
• no corn, just seemed weird to me
• I also added 1 tsp worcestershire, 1 tsp soy sauce , salt and pepper to step 6
• pearl barley took an hour

Sorry for the long recipe, just thought you'd like to see the original.

Here's the meat loaf recipe. Never made it, mostly because I have my own kick ass recipe.

Meat Loaf (written exactly as she did)

• 1/2 # veal )
• 1/2 # pork } Or the mixture in the store
• 1/2 # beef )
• 3 beaten eggs
• 2 large onions----1/2 green pepper
• 4 c. crumbs (mostly bread)
• 3 c. milk
• 5 tsp salt--1/2 tsp pepper---2tbsp parsley
• 1/2 tsp dry mustard
• 1/4 tsp sage or poultry seasoning
• 1/4 tsp garlic salt
• 350 degrees--1hr---1 1/2 hr

So there you have it. Enjoy and will one of you Smith boys cut and paste this to your mom?

Matt:
Can you post that Grandma beef recipe you mentioned you love the other day? I forget what the dish was...stew? Brisket? Grandmabeef?

best online comic ever

www.xkcd.com

A webcomic of romance,
sarcasm, math, and language.

I also really enjoy garfield minus garfield.

links

I don't normally make a whole post just for a youtube link, but this is great.

So someone tried to creep into a window in the projects for some nonconsentual hanky-panky, and the local news covered it with a pretty amusing interview with the victims's brother. Here's the video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jPAeXI5rN9E&feature=search

Then, someone put it to some music, and now it is the number one most requested song on many music stations. Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hMtZfW2z9dw

And while I'm at it, might as well throw out a link to a classic that this reminds me of: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nda_OSWeyn8&feature=search (that's right, the Alabama leprechaun)
(can't forget the music: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bZfyrIPw3wY&feature=search

observational humor

I've been coming to this site almost daily hoping that I would come up with something funny. Most of the time I start typing something about pooping then delete it. Rubb suggested I write down some observations and then type them all in at once. So far the only one I have is...

I find emptying your bowels and bladder, simultaneously, in one extravagent show of force to be amazingly satisfying.


sorry.

I will be adding a comment to this post which has much better ones that weren't written by me. I would suggest reading all of them if you have the time.

The Questions

In an effort to bring this party back to life, I am proposing a little question game. I'll start with the first question. Then, every time somone comes to the site, they answer the question and pose another one. Here we go.

What person would you most like to see humiliated, and what would you like to see them do?

Summer Adventure

Anyone got any summer adventure plans? Colorado trips? Backpacking? Anal clam-crams in Boston?

I got that travel bug. Also, that travelers stomach bug, which has had my poop looking like my turtle-water after not cleaning it for too long. brown, green, watery, turtle-infested... I'll be pooping in cups for this one for sure.

Nude Tayne

Let me share you two vids I'm addicted to:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BmNeXu5xIDY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-x068o6Wtw4&feature=related

for kyle

I came acroos this photo. Not sure if its a hoax. supposed to be a true 3-d map of neurons, which seams impossible to me.


www.gearfuse.com/first-3d-map-of-the-brains-connections/

Oh, Inception, ohhhhhhhh my...

quick story

So, my car was stolen over the weekend. I have not heard from the police in 3 days. I assumed it would be found in glenwood, striped clean. They just called me and told me my car was found in el jabel, legally parked on the street in a subdivision, with no obvious damage, and the trunk was crammed full of camping equipment. Also, my check book was still in the center counsole.

Weird.

another linkery

http://www.manofest.com/Content/the-10-most-ridiculous-fight-scenes-in-movie-history.html

the second is my favorite, due to the surprise ending.

omg

http://www.masslive.com/news/index.ssf/2010/05/lord_jesus_christ_says_getting.html

creepiest youtube video

This may be the creepiest thing I've seen in a while.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tkjyZHZhokM&feature=popular

another quote

Sorry if I snaped at you yesterday, I had waaaaay too many body fluids.



note a quote but thought of at work:

If I were to hit my car with a strap of leather, I would be whipping my whip. "Whipit, Jay Jay face!" is what they would say.

and now...

your sunday needs some whipit cream. in your va Jay Jay and Face too. awww yea.

I'm Brant and I'm a bicycle

I don't understand these new Microsoft commercials. You've seen 'em. A young and ethnically ambiguous individual says some garbage about Windows 7. He or she then bleats that they made a suggestion to Microsoft about some useless window function. Finally, the zombie says "garbage, garbage, garbage...and I'm a PC." I'm left feeling utterly dumbfounded at what just happened. I don't understand the relevance to anything regarding computers. "I'm a PC"...what the fuck does that mean? I'm Brant and I'm a bicycle. I wish there were a marketing expert on this blog to explain this corruption to me. How could any human identify with this? Are they sitting there shoveling pipping-hot shrimp scampi into there gullets thinking, "this guy is a pc, I identify with this, I will buy Windows 7"? This isn't reasonable. I am going to go throw my TV out of my window into traffic now.

I see postage in your future

May I have your addresses please? A note of warning: addresses posted here will be disseminated cousin-wide...

Help - Links - Need Em

I would like help finding a few sites that provide me with some funny, and not video-based...I will be enjoying the funny on my phone. All I have are the Onion, stuff white people like (so-so funny), and this little one: http://dontevenreply.com/top.php

Need em.

In refernce to my comment on Bubb's last post...

Hut Hut Hike

It is my esteemed opinion that there should be a winter cousin trip, and this trip should involve a 10th mountain division hut.

These huts book up pretty far in advance, especially over holidays, which seem to be a likely time of maximum Colorado Cousins. So I think we should plan this soon.

I've been on 3 hut trips, and here's about what we would expect out of this adventure: We ski or snowshoe to the hut. This takes something like 4 hours. Many of us will ski, which is slightly harder, because we like the idea of playing on AT (all-terrain skis, which are a perfect mix of cross country and downhill) and have unrealistic aspirations of back-country skiing.



The trip is difficult, for everybody, because those of us in the best shape bring heavy stuff like beer and honey-baked hams. We see the hut on the horizon and it's a glorious site. We go inside, get the fire going, lay some meat and cheese and crackers out and enjoy having made it. Eventually everyone staggers in, and all the food and liquor and other goodies are laid on a table. Someone comments on how there's no way we'll be able to drink that much whiskey. They will be mistaken. A great dinner is made, which includes things that probably was ridiculous to bring to a hut, like said honey-baked ham. The night is passed in a nice casual cousin-party, hours of drinking and bull-shitting, and random games.

The next day we have the whole day there, because we booked the hut for a few nights. A go-getter, most likely Adam, climbs a mountain and skis down it, while the majority relaxes, sleds, explores, more games. Another big dinner and drinking. We decide to hit the sled-jump at about midnight, which seems like a horrible idea at first, but turns out to be very fun. Dare-devilry ensues. A sled is broken. Funny pictures are taken, and the whiskey is finished overlooking the sled run.









We sleep in the next day and head home, looking forward to dinner at the Hickory House.

OK. Obviously, I think these are extremely fun. Jeremy can chime in with a comment about the fun level of last winters' if he wants to. So the questions are:
-Are you interested in this idea?
-When are you most likely to be in Colorado next winter?
-When can you know for sure?

The most likely outcome here is that no one knows if or when they'll be out there, so the planning is put off until early-winter, when everyone realizes dec. 28 would have been perfect, but by then the huts are full. Let's try to avoid this. However, if it looks like non-holidays are a more likely time for maximum interested cousins, booking this far in advance is unnecessary.

quote

Who put this poo here!?!
Never mind, its labeled.

Jeremy, do you want to see a testicle? (this one was funny because I was the only male working at the time and it was shouted across the lab by an attractive female.)

Robin: "I think that guy downstairs broke his femur."
Linda: "Well that was stupid. I guess I'll go grab his blood and urine."

Mega Piranha

I'm getting this post up a little late, but the movie event of the year is tomorrow night at 8pm central time and again at 1am on the Syfy Channel. Get a load of the awesome talent in this picture:


Paul Logan who starred in such movies as:


Aliens on Crack
Vampire in Vegas
The Last Bad Neighborhood
Freezerburn
The Eliminator
Stripper Wives
L.E.T.H.A.L. Ladies


Tifanny (yes THE Tiffany)


Barry Williams (Greg from the Brady Bunch)


Here's the plot from IMDb.com:

A mutant strain of giant ferocious piranha escape from the Amazon and eat their way toward Florida.


And the tagline:

They were created to save mankind. Something went wrong.


And some trailers:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pFhSogGnu4I


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cP6eV1kiauE


I'm going to watch this and I was hoping at least one of you could join me so we could compare notes. And for those of you looking for an awesome double-feature, Sharks in Venice is on after Mega Piranha. I've seen it, its kicks ass. In one scene Billy Baldwin gets his leg bit entirely off by a shark, the next scene he is in the hospital and gets out his bed (with two legs) and just walks away with no explanation at all.

Topic for discussion:
Which Paul Logan movie listed above do you most want to see and why?

Musings

This should be pronounced "Moooosings" in honor of Dee's electric double breast pump.

That's all I got. I'm tired.

Teaching highlights

I taught Mkt300: “Intro to Marketing” last semester. I figured I'd write down some of the highlights from my first ever teaching experience, thinking it might make for an interesting story, and also help organize this monumental event in my life into a more coherent memory.

I have been looking forward to teaching for years now, and occasionally writing notes to myself on important things I should teach my first class. These lesson-ideas usually came late at night. Here's a verbatim example of one:


"It’s good to not know who you are. College is a great time for this, and although it is uncomfortable to be in that position, you are more yourself when you don’t know who you are than when you do. Ideally, one should accept that they will never know who they are; as defining oneself through thought limits oneself."

Once the class actually came around, these were obviously tough to tie into the day-to-day marketing lectures, but I found ways to work most of them in. The class usually responded well, and I was always glad I got deep on them for a minute. I can write a few of these other bonus-lessons in another note if people are interested...

While preparing the lecture for the first class, I wrote out the entire lecture and memorized every word. Then I started thinking of difficult questions they could ask me, and whenever I though of a potential question that would nail me, I deleted the slide or topic that triggered it. The class ended up lasting a half hour, 50 minutes short. I was fairly nervous. I quickly became less nervous for these classes, but probably never got to the point where my heart wasn't thumping pretty quickly when I started the class up at 8:41AM. It's a nice rush.

8:40AM class. I really thought that was going to fuck me. It probably did a little, by making the class sleepier, but it was fine. One benefit was that it made it easy to tell when I was losing the class. No matter how wrapped up you are in what you're trying to say, it's pretty obvious when 60 sleep-deprived college students lose interest.

I decided a few weeks before the first class began that I was going to spend a lot of time talking about how the class material can be applied to their efforts to market themselves. I figured my average student was probably interested in improving his prowess at meeting women and dominating job interviews. Whenever something from the class applied to these goals, I figured I’d teach them in that context, which would help them remember the material and maybe help them with these goals. Here’s one example. Again, there’s more.

For companies, what they should focus on improving and emphasize in their messages depends on what kind of loyalty their customers have. The same is true with your relationships. There are three kinds of loyalty: Head, heart, and hand. If a customer is head loyal to you, they buy your product based on a careful analysis of the alternatives and their attributes. If your girlfriend is like this, you better get to the gym and clean your shit up, or whatever you need to do to be a more desirable person. For companies, this is research & development. Heart loyalty is when they’re with you out of love. If your girlfriend is like this, a little self-improvement won’t make much of a difference. You need to go after the heart, do something romantic. For companies, this translates to marketing. Third is hand loyalty. This is low-involvement, just buying your product by hand. Companies with customers like this need to focus on distribution. That salt with the umbrella girl on it needs to be there when I buy salt, or I’ll just buy some other salt. It’s the same with your girlfriend, if she’s like this. Whenever she wants to you’re your product”, you better be there, otherwise she’ll just buy another, and probably become habitually loyal to that.

I wanted to teach the class as much as I could in our short time together. I figured I know something about music, and could impart some of this knowledge on them by playing my favorite obscure music before class. I envisioned students coming up to me after class like, “who was that music you played today? Binary Star huh? That shit is AMAZING. You just changed my life.” But in reality, I think they didn’t really want to be hearing rap music at 8:30AM. Their loss. I was spinning some hot fire.

MKT300 is like the High School slut. She changes hands a lot, and she’s most people’s first. But the sheer enthusiasm with which they approach their job with her has her well-versed in some fairly advanced shit. Pretty much everyone I talk to who is farther along then me in the program has taught this course, and they’ve all added some pretty nice stuff. A great example of this is my friend Ryan’s M&Ms classroom example for segmentation:

First, make a huge bowl of M&Ms of all different kinds; regular, peanut, almond, dark, peanut butter… Have every student take a handful of M&Ms, and “segment” them into groups. Ask a few to raise their hand and describe how they segmented their market of M&Ms. They’ll all do it by color or size, or both. Ask if anyone has peanut allergies. Say something like, “While it is easiest to segment based on demographic characteristics like color and size, this is ignoring the most useful information. It’s what’s inside that counts. Especially if you have peanut allergies. For marketers, it’s generally better to segment based on attitudes than something like color.”

Two other teachers were teaching MKT300 at the same time, and we were supposed to coordinate our sections and all teach the same material and give the same tests. This really limited my freedom, but saved me a ton of time that I just didn’t have that semester. One of these teachers had taught this course for years, and it was her job to meet with us noobs once a week, and tell us what we were supposed to say to go with each of the slides that had been prepared years ago by someone else. I had the impression that she didn’t really know what was supposed to be said for big chunks of the class, or at least couldn’t articulate it after not having thought about it since the previous year. This lasted for months, and I ended up saying something like “I think these meetings would be a lot more efficient if you were more prepared for them.” This lead her to tell every professor who would listen that this was the “Most offensive thing anyone has ever said to me,” me apologizing profusely, and someone else leading the meetings from then on. Drama. It had to be said though.

One of the best things about the class was that because it’s marketing, most things you say relate to an example that you can show the class. We had powerpoint slides embedded with youtube links, sometimes at least 20 per lecture. Over the years, people had found funnier and better examples. Here’s a few of my favorites.


Tolerate Mornings. Traditionally, Folgers commercials, involved men in denim staring out the window and greeting the sunrise and the coming day with open arms. However, market research told Folgers’ ad agency that people weren’t like this anymore, they were just trying to tolerate mornings, and coffee helps. Folgers made this commercial, but decided not to run it because it would send a mixed message and alienate the old-style morning-lovers. Despite this being a great commercial, this was probably the right call.

Dove True Beauty. Companies aren’t all evil. Dove seems to think that we should fix our perception of beauty, and warmed all our hearts in the process of delivering this message. It also was a huge hit for their sales, nearly doubling them in some markets. Ethical decisions generally help companies’ bottom lines actually. But if customers believe that it’s insincere, it can backfire. People start to mock it…
Another great one from this Dove campaign.
And it’s mockery.

I showed this kid break-dancing because I love this video. I think I tried to make it relevant to marketing by saying something about how you have to differentiate yourself from your competitors. Notice how the link goes to a spot in the middle of the video…that was a key breakthrough for me as a teacher.

For services, it’s good to make the intangible tangible. You want to have logos, brands, anything you can do to link your service to something grounded and memorable. Even a dance. I think I made them watch this entire video. This was a highlight for all of us.

The guest lectures I organized were another highlight. I had two guest lectures come to the class and talk for about a half hour each. One was my favorite rapper, OneBeLo, who I had never met before except at his concerts years ago where I would say something like, “you’re my favorite rapper” and then shuffle off. He was excellent, just completely off the cuff insights about starting your own business and surviving in the new music industry, and I digitally recorded the class so will always have his words The other guest lecturer was my father, who, much to my surprise, the class was even more excited for because I told them he was the (retired) vice chairman of Ford. He was even better than Lo, talking about the auto industry and how to excel in the business world. He closed his lecture with quotes, which is something that I also had been doing. Very cool to see that we had the same style.

There was actually plenty of other cool parts. Getting to know some of the more interesting students, (one of them runs a company, peep http://mybandstock.com), knowing that I had an eager (or at least captive) audience to hear whatever I was learning about that week, delivering a strong blow to my stage-fright, throwing bullion cubes to people who answered questions correctly one day (very entertaining for me) , and learning about marketing ("teaching is the best way to learn"). Having people tell me I was the best teacher they’ve ever had was also pretty damn nice, maybe the nicest compliment I’ve ever received. Looking forward to doing it again.

BASS KICK BALL

I am entering an NCAA pool. I have not watched a college basketball game since college. But, I will win based on this simple collection of tips I've compiled over the years of not watching basketball:

Never bet on any Louisiana team because they pronounce it 'Losey-anna' .

Never bet on the Boise Bracketsmashers because, more often than not, the bracket smashes them.

Always bet on the Transylvania Casketballers, even though they're typically disqualified in the first round (from biting, casketing the ball).

When in doubt, abide by the formula [A-X*Y(X/Y)] where A=basketball, Y=basketball, and X= raging college penis.

Find the player with the best signature move. Frankie "Best Signature Move" Robinson of Texas T&A University is usually the one. Then, don't bet on his team.

Find the player with Universititis. He has a mysterious dorm-related rash, so bet on his team.

Does any player wear excessive arm and leg bands? Yes=sure bet. No=dripping sweat.

For good luck, keep a cue tip in your ear throughout the tournament. Little known fact: if your team wins, it will be sucked in and pop out the other ear. If your team loses anyway, it will just blacken and fall out--no harm done.

Most people pull their hair during tense plays. They will lose. Get a leg up by yanking at your pubes instead, tense play or not. You may lose, but at least you won't look like an idiot pulling your hair.

Insert Caption Here:

musings cont'd

post traumatic stress: gaping asshole.

I found the mole!!!: Something I overheard today.


with kyle's musings has come a wave of inappropriate text messages. Here's how his texts progress over the course of one week...

mmm, jeremy cake.

hot jeremy gush.

just picture it...your gush, red hot, dribbling down clooney's chin.

open: butt
enter: nut

jeremy is wrist deep

in my throat

put yr toe down my throoooooooad...yeah yeah...throooooooooat oat oat yeah yeah ungh ungh

ungh ungh...now put your butt down my throat...now take out..now put it back in...now out...now in..gulp gulp ungh grrrrr

now take it out an hold it there, teasing me...then dip it down, but raise it right back up...I want it but you wont give it to me...and then you do, suddenly.


Yr but jamming down my throat...ungghhhh

Now...put yr butt in the microwave until its red hot...then I want you to burnnnn me with it...

Now...take yr butt and put it in the firdge...nice n cool...then freeeeeze me with...it so good...

Now...but it back in my mouth...i want to thaw it there so good...

Now...grease yr butt..now wipe it dry and shave it...now let some stubble grow...now scraaaape it down my forehead.


This then follows with a picture of his new baby girl.

I felt I had to share this with someone, but knew even close friends couldn't handle these thoughts. Last hope...the cousin blog.

I can understand talks of my hot gush on clooneys chin, but scraping my greased butt stubble on your face may be a little tough to handle if accidentally read by an unknowing victim of the imagery. I went to show someone the baby picture and had to hide the phone until I pulled it up, which looks kinda strange. I was laughing as I showed off the picture though, which also looked kinda strange.

Musings III

Musings: what happen when I go on mental leave from science to prep for the baby.

Balvenie 15 year scotch: see above.

Ice Dancing: just an excuse to wear more fabric

Boxer shorts: see above.

Underrated: briefs, briefs, briefs. And legal briefs. And neck fat that flaps in the wind.

Overrated: Office 2007, gourmet Mac N Cheese, stink in my fireplace fire, marbles.

Countries represented in my lab: US, Lebanon, Spain, Germany, Japan, Israel, France, Switzerland, China, Canada

Countries represented in lab at 9:00am: US, china.

Rob’s Hot Gush: should be a signature mixed drink.

Jake N Bake: my morning routine.

Modern rock: eh.

Postmodern rock: Jeremy’s balls flapping against the bathroom tile.

I’m not sure who first used the word “nod” in Oscar conversation, but it has gotten way out of control.

Bukkake: what any good Powerpoint presentation ends with.

tear jerking highschool diary

I found and read my mandatory highschool diary today. I had to write in it everyday. Its got about 20 pages of complaining about having to bullshit my way through writing everyday and making fun of the teacher. As far as I can tell, I wrote every assignment during class before it was due. I had a very low grade at first because I didn't know she would read it. Here's some of the better quotes.

"now we are going to disect a poem and tear out every ounce of beauty it once had."

"I guess its really moving to say gospel instead of gospel music. Crazy bitch."

2/15 points for those last two, which were from the same day.

"They say music can soothe even a savage beast, but if it doesn't then you're screwed.
What if you play music the beast doesnt like? then all you did was piss it off."

"I finally found a pen that doesn't puke ink and smear."

"Russel is about to throw something at Lee becuase he is snoring so loud. Its a weird bubbly, growling sort of noise. Lee is awake now. huge red mark on his forehead. awesome. We are now harassing Lee. good stuff."


Ahhhh highschool.

Ps. Lee's last name is Gizarelli. Needless to say, we harrassed him for being gumpy and having a last name with the word jiz in it.

Musings II

Brace yourself...for a Meatwave.

Ombudsman believes the MIT loose cannon won't be a problem, I’m told. How, why: Dunno.

Polanski: if only he didn’t make such awesome movies.

Pol Potski: if only I weren't spoken for...

Last night Sean laid down on his belly like he was ready for a massage, and then said "Tickle me."

The Magnetic Fields: a good show

My jock: ready for whatever life throws it

Rat poo: smelly

Rat poo: all over

overheard quotes from work

"I looked over the his shoulder when he opened up the guy and said "OHH!! Awesome!! Whats that thing?"

"I think I've got...4 breasts?"

"Yup, thats me. I'm the pee queen."

"I'm in over my head with all this urine."

"There's some guys leg in the fridge and its starting to make the bloodbank stink."

"Its your turn to poke the combative drunk guy."
In responce: "OK, but the last one spit on me while I was trying to poke him."

"YEA! I found the stool sample!"


This ones a little old and a little morbid, but still kind of funny...
"Happy valentines day, here's a stillborn."

More to come. I just started writing these down.

Musings

Baby: eminent. Name, face: TBD. Belly: bursting.

My body, in excitement: undulating.

Sean’s nightmare last night: there was a dragon and a pig in his bed, and the dragon was petting him.

Good band name and hit single: Smooth Sailing, by Obstacle Illusion

I watch about as little Denver basketball as is possible, but am completely fed up with this Birdman idiot.

woa, yes, woa, yes, woa woa, yes yes YES: as heard during Olympic curling, or while
I made pudding tonight?

Valentine’s gift from your kid: pretty awesome.

True story from the halls of MIT neuroscience: Totally randomly I was shoved into a revolving door. Then come to find it is a grad student, and that there have been similar incidents, including violently kicking a door, other shovings, etc. Figure he is about to pop. It’s been taken to the MIT officials. Time will tell.

Beefy Russian hockey star: Sergei Groundchuck

Are highly intermittent bursts of fast jogging good for my body?

Prior locations for a conference I get to attend this summer for the first time: New Zealand, Scotland castle. This summer’s location: Jersey Shore.

In hotel hot tub yesterday, 5-ish year old hops in, yaps at me in usual 5-ish year old way. Then sits in front of jet and says “Ohhhhhh baby, that’s the stuff.” Then, “This hottub is hot! But not as hot as womens. There’s some there. You should talk to them. They like that”.

Fart: toilet appetizer.

Skid marks: doggy bag.

more links

so, to follow the last two posts of youtube videos, heres mine. p.s. my internet is really slow and I didn't watch this video, so hopefully its the right one...

most unnecessary stunts in a chase scene:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p310Y0tctr8


another random twofer
http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/1K5mJ2/www.youshouldhavealsoseenthis.com/

I can't get the N64 one out of my mind.
Hit the stumble button in the top left corner to be put to a random site.

Best Dramatic Scene Ever

From The Room:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a-FSddF8p_U&feature=PlayList&p=123801CAA4C89BD7&index=9

ps- you guys really need to see this movie.

Best Fight Action Ever

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_K9AxO5t4BE

Favorite part?

Butt Sneeze

Hilarious Gracism:

After a surprise fart she says "oops, my butt sneezed."

Projecto

I am doing a project and I would like some thoughtful information from yous.

What information would you like about drugs? Either when you have gotten a prescription (or child's), grabbed tylenol for a headache, or drunken too much coffee.

Who do you picture giving you this information? Dr. in lab coat, hippie with dreads telling you how "heady" it is, or college dude with thick glasses?

What questions about drugs do you have?

The more info the better.

Examples

In most gangsta movies, at some point, someone is made an example of. The idea is that all the haters out there are plottin and scheming to do someone dirty, and they need a nice vivid example of the consequences.

Lately I've been thinking a lot about how we can do the same thing for ourselves. Let's say you're struggling with will-power. You could either say, I spend so much time doing shit I don't want to be doing, I've got shit for will-power. Then you start to believe it, and the problem reinforces itself. Or, you could make an example of yourself. The best way to do this is to have some overly dramatic representation of will-power. This serves two purposes: it shows the painful consequences and reminds you that you are capable of will-power. Maybe you fast for 48 hours. Maybe you work all night. Maybe you don't watch TV for 2 weeks. Maybe you brush your teeth 30 times in one day. Whatever. What's important is that you have some vivid representation that you're capable of great feats of will. Then, when you're plottin and schemin to be a piece of shit some sunday, one of the first things that pops into your mind is this example, reminding you that weakness is punished, and you have the capacity to behave how you believe you should.

I just did one of these. I used to really pride myself on my willingness to do random adventures. Trips, games, anything. It was bigger than just priding myself on it, I considered it a key part of my identity, and one of the best parts of life. I've gotten away from that a little, and started thinking that everything I did should to be planned and logical. This is bad. So when an opportunity to make an example presented itself I took it. I just put in a request to get tickets to the world cup this summer in south africa. by myself. This was neither planned nor logical. Good.

Just cuz

Random CO pictures to move this blog along:





Also, a random question:
Is "pear ass" a good thing or a bad thing?