Tuesday, January 27, 2009

PLEASE HELP MY COLON!!!!

My colon is filthy, and I'm goddamn sick of it. I'm thinking it's high time I considered some serious cleansing. I really have no idea why, but I'm convinced this is a good idea. Does anyone have any suggestions? It certainly doesn't need to be limited to my colon, I'm interested in any techniques that might have a benefit on my stomach, intestines, everything. I want to completely overhaul the whole system. Out with the bad, in with the fragrant ass-water, that's what I always say.

I know Dee had a good experience with a fast (lemon, peppers and water or something?). Could you tell me more about this?

I also know that Brian had a hardcore experience at some sort of colon cleansing retreat, like a colon rehab, which sounds a bit excessive, but I'd love to hear about that too if you're still a member of the cousin party, which we all hope you are. Perhaps a graphic account of your weekend of shitting could be your triumphant return.

6 comments:

The Cheese said...

I did the colon clenz two years ago. I shit 9 times in one day, not fun at all. I made the mistake of listening to Bryan and Gerda first and then doing my own research after. Anywho, after consulting my mom and the internet, there really isn't any scientific evidence that a colon clenz does any good for you. Thats my two cents. I've heard about a green tea diet that helps your system.

K-Snake said...

Do it like they did back in the day when men were men: Vaseline, a hose, and a trusted friend with a garbage bag.

DEE said...

Where were you 5 years ago, Kyle?

I liked the lemonade fast when I was young and, with regard to bag-holding friends, utterly alone. There is something glorious in feeling like crap and realizing that it's because tiny enzymes are eating your dead cells and releasing all of their waste/toxins into your bloodstream. Reach for your dreams, Bubb! Transcend your earthly confines and shit like a champion!!!

I really do recommend it, paired with yoga and a liver flush (the second part is absolutely mandatory). I have the recipe if you want, or just google Master Cleanse.

Anonymous said...

Someone needs to break up this Smithe family nonsense, thanks Cheese for doing your part. Now in the colon department your all fucking nu'ss. How about instead of taking unregulated bullshit colon cleanze nonsense, you stop shoving poisons down your gullet. My guess is your stomach feels shitty because you drink too much whiskey and follow it up with "Tiger Sauce" and eggs. And on fasting...why would it be good for your body to force it into a state of emergency. Years and Years of evolution have told your body that it is extremely dangerous to be deprived of food and it has instilled strong defense mechanisms to prevent this from happening. Sure, we all could afford to eat healthier and less, although you guys already figured that out by your "fasting" suggestions: lemons(fruits), peppers(vegetables), and green tea...sweet fast...its called the food pyramid.

Whipit, Jay Jay Face said...

my guess is the culpret is the pounds and pounds of fried burritos youve been shoveling down over the last year. im honestly curious if youve got a guess as to how many of those delicious little bastards youve let run through your system.

DEE said...

Wait, I'm super late in responding to this, but wait. I agree that we should eat well to begin with, but even if I started a raw foods diet today it wouldn't change the fact that I have preservatives and polymers lining my intestine walls. I don't care about fasting so much as I care about intestinal health. My dad got colon cancer, so I when our friend Maggie did the Master Cleanse, I was really interested. Getting water pumped up there and then drained is another option, and I think it's worth it. I think evolution did give us a self-cleaning system. It also gave us the instinct to stop eating when we're sick precisely to help that system work. What I'm not clear on is how this system is able to break down the chemicals that we consume, even unwittingly, due to processing, packaging, etc.

So...my question is to Kyle, Jake, and Jeremy: From what you know about chemicals, is there any basis in believing that they remain in the waste that gets stuck in the wall of the colon and that the colon should therefore be routinely flushed out? I figure you three would know how our bodies break this stuff down.