update on my ladies. cuz i know all of you are dieing to know. i failed. and now i have a stalker who creeps out people on mushrooms.

another update. i have decided to create a drinking game(it being saturday night, with minimal to do) where the goal is to make yourself drink. its simple. you hit a cup, you drink it. first round: 6 cups. the smaller the cups the better. game time in 10 minutes.

another update: i love easy mac

another update: i have hairy balls, and a hairier gooch.

Gone Yurtin: a photographic journey

alright, I have put Matt's pictures up on a web-site.

photos.yahoo.com/phantastikdan

It turns out all the pics are parentproof, so feel free to share the link.

Captions, and their inherent fun, are the main reason I did this. Unfortunately, I am the only one allowed to change captions. I can give you guys my yahoo passsword so you can change them, or you can simply write some caption ideas in comments here, and I'll change them myself. That's probably easier. For instance, "change Gone Yurtin' 078 to "Bryan has a beard." And it shall be done.

Enjoy, and to everyone else, you should come next year.

Oh, and Bryan, we can def. get your pics up here as well. mail me a disk or i'll give you my password and you can do it.

the story of my life

I have decided that my masterpiece will be my autobiography, so i take my living seriously. I constantly ask myself, if this chapter were a tv show, what would the 10 word TV Guide synapse be?

For a while it was, "one man struggles to meet girls in a new city"
now, it's "one man is blue-balled by inspiration"

of course, the critics (my reflection) hates them both. But maybe there's progress there.

The story would start with me saying, fun is no longer what matters. sex has too many astringent strings that siphon my time. i have a higher calling. i am withdrawing from my daily hedonism in pursuit of my art. and then i would masturbate, maybe read a little, perhaps a movie.... I'd get little glimpses of high creativity, i'd open a file, write some words, think about how tonight is going to be great, i'll write until the sunrise. then i'll stare at my screen awhile and take another break.

I want to suffer for something. I'd like to suffer for my art, but I don't think I have one. I am fully prepared to give up most of my joys and all my comforts for something, but i just don't know what that should be.

any suggestions?

the clock is ticking.

so here's a request, write what your current chapter synopse would be, and then what you'd like your next one to be.

Gone Yurtin'

I thought I would post a few pictures from the 1st Annual Cuzzin Backpacking Trip. There are WAY too many awesome pictures to put up here, but here's some for your enjoyment. I'll be sending out the rest of the pictures on Friday. I also wanted to say that I had one of the best times of my life and it wouldn't have been the same without you guys. I can't wait to do it again next year.

miss me?

sorry i havent posted in a while. im sure all of you miss my stupid butt/boob pictures as well as my fantastic links. i still havent fixed my computer because the computer people leave before my classes are over. iv got a killer of a semester to look forward to. I also got my first ever D on a math test. which sucks. but it was the first test in calculus 2, so i guess its alright. many were stupid mistakes on stuff i could have done in my head. oh well. i will make a note of posting more often, but i fear i may not be able to post my usual hypnotic asses. I apologize.


bragging time:
on a side note im single and back in the game. im currently working on getting the hotest girl in school(and im not the only one who says so). And shes in the same boat as me(just got out of a long relationship, still in love with ex...) and its nice cuz shes also cool as hell too, acts like a hippie, modest, and is the friendliest drunk ever. so even chillin with her is alright. not yet totally complete though, due to a crazy freshman girl who wont leave me alone and sleeps on my spare matress. thats right, i have a stalker cuz im a pimp. say otherwise and your ass is grass.

what, i love the ladies.
and im not sexist cuz most of my friends are girls. so ha. although, maybe these girls think im gay. that wouldnt be cool. nope, couldnt be. they know what iv got to offer. they all know what iv go to offer.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

"George Bush doesn't care about black people" -Kanye West

This is a view of whats happening in New Orleans that you won't see on TV:

http://tiadaily.com/php-bin/news/showArticle.php?id=1026

This is just plain ridiculuos, notice the look on Mike Meyer's face

http://media.putfile.com/Kanye79

backpacking quotes

As unofficial sternographer, I shall now post the quotes from 4 days of thoughts of all depths on the colorado trail.

"I'm off to a good start"
-Bryan

"A picture of a dog on a rock is a picture of a dog on a rock"
-Bryan

"I'm counting rocks, so far I'm at 8,952"
-Bryan

"TRY HARDER!"
-Kate, after Bryan told her his voice doesn't go high enough to properly do the Woody WOodpecker laugh

"That's the third Will Smith song that's been sung today"
-Rob

"Your teeth are bleeding"
-Kate, responding to Bryan's Crystal Light teeth

"Snottin's for snot, PICKIN's for boogers"
-Rob and Kate

"Ewwww, stop changing your mind"
-Kate, after matt attempted to reneg on his "middle" call

"We should go streaking"
-Bryan, referencing possible hooliganries to enact on the man's club, called the Mountain Goats, camping nearby

"Where's the bowl? I need to celebrate."
-Adam, after finding his spork

"Honey, sugar and chai tea is an effeminate Knob Creek mix"
-Rob (followed immediately by)
"Ahhh! this tastes like butt", "This is probably what your blister tastes like" and "I'm thinking of pouring it out"

"Man, when you stand up you feel really tall"
-Bryan

"Bitch, get me an old style"
-Bryan, on barn sounds

"Day 3-the hormones set in"
-Rob, after Bryan saw a vagina in the fire

"Fuck yeah, we work together"
-Bryan, on him and his dog attacking a bear

"A chilli dog. it was red and it had beans"
-Bryan on what his poo looked like (there was also a chocolate ice cream swirl, two scoops of pumpkin innards, and walnut brownie mix reported)

"You push them in the fire!"
-Rob, after saying he hears voices

"Catbean is playing with string"
-Kate

"When you have sex, you should go na na na na na na, and then yell catbean when you climax"
-Rob, on catbean sex

"What'd you do for 3 months? I shoveled."
-Bryan, on spending a winter on the continental divide

"I feel like I'm walking behind a flintstones bus"
-Matt, on the effect of hiking with panchos

"I thought there was a stampede"
-Bryan, after being startled by a biker while smoking the continental divide

"We should open a quartz store up here. And people would be like, this store is stupid, there's quartz everywhere."
-Rob

"I left my brain somehwere on the continental divide"
-Matt, looking for his water bottle

"You look like a stoplight"
-Kate, on the water-missions' red, yellow and green panchos

"I've got a water-bottle"
-Bryan

"We're about to test the fortitude of the yurt"
-Matt

"God I hate this thing. Fucker, fucker, fucker."
-Matt, on his shock-pen.

"What if there were smell-storms"
-Rob

CATBEAN

by mattrobkateliz

New Name 4 Rob

and here's why

Wipe styles of the rich and famous

I wipe from the back to the front how do you?*



*(information will be compiled to determine the ultimate cousin wiping technique or UCWT)

Canadian Lethargy

I'm in Vancouver, visiting a very close friend from college. Sami, a roommate, smoking buddy, confidant and object of unrequited forbidden love.

I'm having a great time, but am a little disappointed myself in my lack of 'sieze the day' mentality. We've done a lot of cool things, hikes, swimming, movies, canoeing, buddhist temple visiting, etc but nothing really memorable. I've always felt that i need little forms of excitement to keep my adrenaline craving from boiling over. These boil overs are dangerous things. I once robbed a gas station.

But right now i'm like, boil, damnit. While a small cliff jump keeps me away from the bigger cliffs, maybe that's the reason to hit the big cliff first.

I haven't done anything all day, I haven't written or studied all week. I just read and play and eat and sleep. and smoke and drink. After a week of this, it's hard to say a still believe in the "go big or go home" and its depressing. I don't think I've ever had a week off work in a great exciting place with a great exciting person and come back without a single decent story to tell.

I'm going to go big tomorrow, hopefully in a way besides alcohol consumption, but i guess that's the backup plan.

I realize I really need time alone to keep on my path. THat's probably the big problem here, not the little outlets for adrenaline. When it's constantly "what small source of joy comes next" you never really go "how about we say fuck joy, i want intensity"

Well, it's 11, she's in bed, I just took my rejuvinating cold shower, i think i'm sayin it now.

I can't think of anything besides sleeping on the street...could go out pimpin....be wierd for an open mic...guerilla motivation....

none of these feel right. now that i've written this, i have to do something. fuck

The state of things

Achtung!! Non-humorous post.
I am sure there among you there is a colloquial sense that the state of things in the Western World if not all of the First World countries are in bad repair. I am sure there are hundreds of topics to hit on (politics, famine, well-being, etc.) The one that hit me most today was creativity. I was watching MTV trying to listen to the lyrics and formations of the songs, and it was all completely thoughtless not an ounce of creativity involved. All seemingly required is to be good looking, rich, and hyper-egoist. So I tried CMT, and to no prevail, I came up with the same thing. Good-lookin' dudes and chicks singing the sappiest shit I've ever heard. Each song took me to a new low in musical individualism and creativity. I was very disturbed after some thought to realize creativity seems lost. There are true artists out there, but nobody's buying their records, art, literature, or poetry. They pass under the radar going noticed only so often. Will there be any poets from our lifetime? Any great novelists, that will change thought and set new forms of morality and judgment? Is there life beyond pop, or pop-rap hoes n bitches? There was a time when those being true individuals in expression, were actually being compensated for their struggles. When Dali was alive he was revered and payed great sums of money for his work, Dylan had to struggle to get out of the lime-lite, Andy Warhol gathered elite artisans from around the world for extravagant albeit weird soirees. We are rewarding the wrong things: money, bitches, hoes, tits, n' shit. Even scientists who are at the forefront of developing our new lifestyles are going un-noticed. There are probably folks out there who are as intelligible as Einstein but nobody would care unless Paris Hilton endorsed his logo. Its only getting worse too, celebrities are only getting more and more powerful and less and less talented...I just threw up on my keyboard. love Jake

RLS

Here is some poo of mine. I am pretty sure that I have Restless Leg Syndrome. It sucks as much as it is funny. For those of you who don't know: Restless Legs Syndrome is an overwhelming urge to move the legs usually caused by uncomfortable or unpleasant sensations in the legs. The sensations have the following features:

* Occur during periods of inactivity
* Become more sensitive in the evening and at night
* Are relieved by movement of the limb
* Often cause difficulty staying or falling asleep, which leads to feelings of daytime tiredness or fatigue
* May cause involuntary jerking of the limbs during sleep and sometimes during wakefulness

If you do have restless legs syndrome (RLS), you are not alone. Up to 8% of the US population may have this neurologic condition. Many people have a mild form of the disorder, but RLS severely affects the lives of millions of individuals.

Cousin Picture of the Year

links!

best videos on the net...
basketball
juggling
card manipulation
pure talent
soccer skillz one and two
compilation of clips
dear penis
dude with ups (notice the height on the backflips)
another (and cooler) jumper
skateboarding clip (notice the first trick)(rodney mullen is the name, the inventor of basically every trick in skateboarding)

misc:
boob curser (almost as cool as the walking butt)
mind altering
erotic solotair
more sexy games
strangly entertaining game


last but not least, in honor of hunter s...

purely manly

two questions:
1. is it wierd to be talking about drunkenly sodomizing your hot ex in the future, with that hot ex, and having her be all for it?

2. is it weird to be woodless during that conversation?

perhaps its guilt, seeing how i wont be single until next week.

two more questions:
1. why do ghetto girls got so much ass
2. why you say never say never, when you know that aint right. cuz to never say never, you done said never twice.

three more questions
1. is this cute, or just weird









2. is this hot or what? i mean, just look at his package.















3. is this funny or sad?

now that im picture happy, here. sorry ladies, this may get manly.

A friendly post

Well isn't this interesting. The Smith boys rule the blog...I dig. Good posting had by all. As for Rob's fourteener hike, I was just waiting to see what type of mayhem Ted got you to into. I like how you turned it into an exercise of thought and reflection. More importantly, returning to me, I have been without internet for a while; thus my lack of postings. I am trying to break the bad habit typing grammatically shitty interweb-speak that I've developed over the years, I realize my punctuation and spelling are at the third grade level. I also just moved into a new apartment, which ,god willing, will prove to be a creative sanctuary. Today me and my cohorts will dangle from a rope swing, and swing our worries away. We will laugh and sing being friends and happy, just outside talking hoo-hooing being merry, good day. Jeremy, I believe is really into breasts. That is wonderfully clever. Personally, I am more of a fourth or fifth-tier porn viewer where forays with scat and urine are not uncommon. I got hit on last night in a bar...pretty fatly modest looking girl. I also have noticed your guys affluency for lists or "best of"s here's an entry for you BEST ADVERB(I think): Fatly
toodles

russian wives

I'm sure I'll receive some guff from you guff flingers about this one, but I think there's about a 50% chance I get a mail order russian bride.

well maybe not quite 50, but a decent chance.

You can't beat the convenience. You're doing someone a huge favor. You get some crazy food cooked for you probably. And we all get another cousin party.

Still not convinced?
That's because you've never been to THIS GLORIOUS SITE

now that's a lot of russian brides. I wonder what the record for most russian brides ordered by one american business man is. Jeremy, get out yer guinness book. and get me a guinness

inventions

I've had the runs for a damn week now, and was once again dropping my goo when I remembered an old invention idea. A toilet paper dispenser that also has a few buttons for sound effects. "3-2-1 BLASTOFF" that sort of thing, that when pressed add an element to the pooping experience. I'd find it quite satisfying to drop my boms to the sound of a falling bomb or screaming villagers or even both. Then when done, you can press the "i lvoe the smell of napalm in the morning" (if it's a morning poo) or similarly "it smells like victory". Even "the horrror...."

Another invention that, although cruel, I think would sell is a Michael Jackson Mr. Potatoe head. He's got detachable nose, color changes, the rhinestone glove hand. You can build the classic "thriller" michael, the slightly deranged "heal the world" michael, or the super deranged current micheal. fun for the whole family.

alright i'll now think of a third invention...okay, how come bath tubs don't have built-in pillow/head rests? How come there's no anti-laxitive, for cases like i currently find myself in? How come my ass is so hairy?

Kyle’s Horror Extreme

Best Horror: Texas Chainsaw Massacre

Most God-Awful Horror Sequel: Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2

Best Horror Masquerading as Drama: Rosemary’s Baby

Goofiest Horror: The Blob

Funniest Horror Series: Halloween

Goriest Film Ever, I mean, Just Completely Overboard: Dead Alive

Most Gratuitously Disturbing: Salo

Most Artistically Disturbing: Eraserhead

Most Unsettling Movie to Show to a Foreign Exchange Student on Her First Day in the States (my bad): The Doom Generation

Most Horrifically Hilarious Swayze: Roadhouse (ok, not horror, but still…)

Best Horror I’ve Seen in the Last Week: The Hills Have Eyes