I am entering an NCAA pool. I have not watched a college basketball game since college. But, I will win based on this simple collection of tips I've compiled over the years of not watching basketball:
Never bet on any Louisiana team because they pronounce it 'Losey-anna' .
Never bet on the Boise Bracketsmashers because, more often than not, the bracket smashes them.
Always bet on the Transylvania Casketballers, even though they're typically disqualified in the first round (from biting, casketing the ball).
When in doubt, abide by the formula [A-X*Y(X/Y)] where A=basketball, Y=basketball, and X= raging college penis.
Find the player with the best signature move. Frankie "Best Signature Move" Robinson of Texas T&A University is usually the one. Then, don't bet on his team.
Find the player with Universititis. He has a mysterious dorm-related rash, so bet on his team.
Does any player wear excessive arm and leg bands? Yes=sure bet. No=dripping sweat.
For good luck, keep a cue tip in your ear throughout the tournament. Little known fact: if your team wins, it will be sucked in and pop out the other ear. If your team loses anyway, it will just blacken and fall out--no harm done.
Most people pull their hair during tense plays. They will lose. Get a leg up by yanking at your pubes instead, tense play or not. You may lose, but at least you won't look like an idiot pulling your hair.
6 comments:
x = raging college penis?
That's right. It marks the spot.
this one took a second glance to notice.
a-x*y(x/y)
=a-xy*x/y
=a-xxy/y
=a-xx
=a-x^2
when in doubt abide by the formula: basketball minus raging penis squared.
I'll remember do that next time I enter a pool (a swimming pool that is.) Also, note that this is not equal to anything, especially not the probability of a win. It is just simple, good advice.
a+(x/y)*y=y*c where c is the speed of light.
this means: basketball plus raging penis equals basketball times the speed of light. This is of course equal to z, where z is Frankie "Best Signature Move" Robinson's best signature move.
haha, it continues....
take y to be the mass of the basketball, square the function(because this move won't just happen once) and mulitply it by the root of y(which can only be pondered by a certain man with a certain signature move) and you get pure energy according to einstein's e=mc2.
thus, we have...
Frankie "Best Signature Move" Robinson's raging penis turning a basketball into pure energy by the end of the game.
And you're telling us not to bet on him? Ridiculous.
Are you doing drugs?
not right now, unless you consider math a drug. If so then I'm tripping balls.
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