Today we will be reviewing the following movies: Stevie, The Station Agent, Muppets Wizard of Oz, and Humanoids from the Deep(the original).
First lets talk about Stevie; This movie, starring the infamous Stevie Fielding and Steve James(director of Hoop Dreams), follows a reunion of a big brother advocate(James) and his problem child tens years later and hilarity ensues. Stevie now lives in a trailer next to the trailer he grew up in and his hobbies include catching snakes, fishing drunk, fighting, and taking advantage of female relatives and neighbors. This movie actually has the audacity to try and make you feel bad for a pedaphile and with some sucess I might add. Watch it if only for a glimpse into another world. C+
The next movie I will discuss briefly is the Station Agent. I'll just say this; it stars a midget living in an abandoned train station who befriends a talkitive Cuban, an artsy divorcee, and a mysterious little black girl. Oh yeah, the midget has unnatural man love for locomotives. B+
Moving on, The Muppets Wizard of Oz was a huge disappointment. Yeah it had lots more scenes with Pepe the Prawn, but it also had way too much Ashanti and a poor story line. This movie falls way short of previous Muppet movies and I fear the franchise may have peaked with Muppets from Space. D-
Lastly we will talk about Humanoids from the Deep. Tis movie is possibly the best B-grade horror movie ever made. Complete with gratuitous nudity, violent gore, and poor editing this movie has it all. It follows stars Doug McClure and Vic Morrow as they fight the humanoids who are killing unsuspecting males and then mating with the females in order to create a supreme race. Fucking kickass. A+
Monday, August 15, 2005
worst website ever
www.jeremy.com
at least he has a sexy smile to go along with that sexy hair.
whats worse is, dont you have to pay for .com sites?
boobs
at least he has a sexy smile to go along with that sexy hair.
whats worse is, dont you have to pay for .com sites?
boobs
Saturday, August 13, 2005
14ers
I set out early thursday in search of 14ers. My friend Ted had taken the week off from work, scouted out spots and promised he had everything we needed. To understand the adventure fully, it helps to know Ted. First by saying he had everything we needed, he was correct, although he forgot to pack several critical elements, such as sleeping bag, tent, headlamps, food, etc. He's a full-blown alcoholic, smokes upwards of a quarter a week, and has little or no interest in any sort of "Natural High," including girls or proper dog maintenance. I've always seen him as a lost soul, and assumed that the replacement of pabst with heavy hiking might help him face the truths, or at least be mentally present for some of my patented timeless wisdom.
So at about the time he showed up an hour and a half late without anywhere near proper equipment, we gave up on any 14ers for thursday. We did find the trailhead for Mt. Bierstadt, and then got horribly lost in the woods. Ted had taken down most of a 12 pack of pabsts, countless bowls, and neither of us had any sort of bearings on direction. After about 2 hours, with the sun setting, we found a ribbon tied to a tree that said "Escape Route" Well I suppose that's a good sign, we said, until the path made a huge arc and seemed to be taking us farther from where we wanted to be. We abandoned "Escape Route" partyl because of it's haphazard guidance and partly because there were none of these ribbons anywhere near where we wanted to be. After another hour and the loss of a lot of morale and hope, we were once again on the "Escape Route" and eventually found a road that we had driven up.
We woke up at 9, on the trail at 11 and drinking a Bierstadt beer (pabsts) by 1:30. Then the hail and lightning came and we scrambled down no problem. We then savored some ribs, wings, and other assorted spiced meats in Georgetown, and set up camp on the base of Mt. Gray. Ted opened up a little, saying he drinks and smokes so much to cope with things. His divorce, minimal social life, insomnia, dyslexia, etc. I replied that escaping is the worst way of coping, and it didn't seem to me that chugging vodka at 10am before hiking a 14er helped with much of anything at all. He agreed.
Today we woke up at 9. It was a clear sky when we started, so I wore shorts and a "Life is Good" T-shirt. We were on the trail by 11 and savoring the view from the top of mt. gray (the biggest Mountain on the continental divide) by 1:30. Savoring might not be the proper word though, because despite am incredible view of probably 100 miles in nearly every direction, all we were really looking at was Mt. Torreys, another 14er about a mile away, with a very steep climb up what turned out to be the east face the my limiited research told me not to climb. After considerable coaxing and arguing about the relative danger of the huge clouds rolling in around us, we were at the top of Torreys about an hour later. I insisted we smoke a bowl despite the increasing hail, and we had to take shelter behind a pile of rocks as the hail quickly and dramatically increased in size and quantity. High of 1 hit, we started down. It hailed heavy the whole damn way. Cold and soaked, it took about 2 hours down. We encounted hail, sleet, light rain, heavy rain, i think every consistency of H20 splattered me for at least 20 minutes each. Then dry clothes, a big dinner at the TommyKnocker Brewery and a long bath later, here's what I've learned:
-Exhaustion can cure most things. A bad mood, heavy questions, Ted's hangover, writer's block, just fucking go until you can't anymore.
-GU, although disgusting, works quite well for energy.
-A good barometer of how well (or at least adventurously) you're living is how many showers you've truly savored.
-Easy 14ers aren't that hard. Or easy.
-A common first step in doung something interesting is deciding that you want to do something interesting, and coming up with a few ideas.
-Pooing outside: IF you prefer interest over ease as I do, I suppose pooing outside should be done until no longer interesting.
-They say Buddhist enlightenment can only be achieved through a desire to help others (life is suffering, inner peace is the answer, you can't teach it if you don't have it). But enlightenment also guarantees freedom in future lives from this world of suffering. Seems kinda strange that it can only be achived through wanting to help others, but then immediately frees the enlightened from the only realm where they can help.
-I'm not as young as I used to be. But I'm younger than I'll ever be again.
-I want to do a long-term hike soon, but this is not fishing for an invitation to the september journey.
-I want to be remembered as soaked with sleet, wearing a Life Is Good shirt, and laughing down a mountain, screaming to pancho clad expressionless hikers that we're being fired upon.
-Pictures help with sharing, but writing helps just as much in solidifying the memory.
-It's about progress, not perfection.
So at about the time he showed up an hour and a half late without anywhere near proper equipment, we gave up on any 14ers for thursday. We did find the trailhead for Mt. Bierstadt, and then got horribly lost in the woods. Ted had taken down most of a 12 pack of pabsts, countless bowls, and neither of us had any sort of bearings on direction. After about 2 hours, with the sun setting, we found a ribbon tied to a tree that said "Escape Route" Well I suppose that's a good sign, we said, until the path made a huge arc and seemed to be taking us farther from where we wanted to be. We abandoned "Escape Route" partyl because of it's haphazard guidance and partly because there were none of these ribbons anywhere near where we wanted to be. After another hour and the loss of a lot of morale and hope, we were once again on the "Escape Route" and eventually found a road that we had driven up.
We woke up at 9, on the trail at 11 and drinking a Bierstadt beer (pabsts) by 1:30. Then the hail and lightning came and we scrambled down no problem. We then savored some ribs, wings, and other assorted spiced meats in Georgetown, and set up camp on the base of Mt. Gray. Ted opened up a little, saying he drinks and smokes so much to cope with things. His divorce, minimal social life, insomnia, dyslexia, etc. I replied that escaping is the worst way of coping, and it didn't seem to me that chugging vodka at 10am before hiking a 14er helped with much of anything at all. He agreed.
Today we woke up at 9. It was a clear sky when we started, so I wore shorts and a "Life is Good" T-shirt. We were on the trail by 11 and savoring the view from the top of mt. gray (the biggest Mountain on the continental divide) by 1:30. Savoring might not be the proper word though, because despite am incredible view of probably 100 miles in nearly every direction, all we were really looking at was Mt. Torreys, another 14er about a mile away, with a very steep climb up what turned out to be the east face the my limiited research told me not to climb. After considerable coaxing and arguing about the relative danger of the huge clouds rolling in around us, we were at the top of Torreys about an hour later. I insisted we smoke a bowl despite the increasing hail, and we had to take shelter behind a pile of rocks as the hail quickly and dramatically increased in size and quantity. High of 1 hit, we started down. It hailed heavy the whole damn way. Cold and soaked, it took about 2 hours down. We encounted hail, sleet, light rain, heavy rain, i think every consistency of H20 splattered me for at least 20 minutes each. Then dry clothes, a big dinner at the TommyKnocker Brewery and a long bath later, here's what I've learned:
-Exhaustion can cure most things. A bad mood, heavy questions, Ted's hangover, writer's block, just fucking go until you can't anymore.
-GU, although disgusting, works quite well for energy.
-A good barometer of how well (or at least adventurously) you're living is how many showers you've truly savored.
-Easy 14ers aren't that hard. Or easy.
-A common first step in doung something interesting is deciding that you want to do something interesting, and coming up with a few ideas.
-Pooing outside: IF you prefer interest over ease as I do, I suppose pooing outside should be done until no longer interesting.
-They say Buddhist enlightenment can only be achieved through a desire to help others (life is suffering, inner peace is the answer, you can't teach it if you don't have it). But enlightenment also guarantees freedom in future lives from this world of suffering. Seems kinda strange that it can only be achived through wanting to help others, but then immediately frees the enlightened from the only realm where they can help.
-I'm not as young as I used to be. But I'm younger than I'll ever be again.
-I want to do a long-term hike soon, but this is not fishing for an invitation to the september journey.
-I want to be remembered as soaked with sleet, wearing a Life Is Good shirt, and laughing down a mountain, screaming to pancho clad expressionless hikers that we're being fired upon.
-Pictures help with sharing, but writing helps just as much in solidifying the memory.
-It's about progress, not perfection.
Friday, August 12, 2005
Think about it
A Common Confusion by Franz Kafka
A common experience, resulting in a common confusion. A has to transact important business with B in H. He goes to H for a preliminary interview, accomplishes the journey there in ten minutes, and the journey back in the same time, and on returning boasts to his family of his expedition. Next day he goes again to H, this time to settle his business finally. As that by all appearances will require several hours, A leaves very early in the morning. But although all the accessory circumstances, at least in A's estimation, are exactly the same as the day before, it takes him ten hours this time to reach H. When he arrives there quite exhausted in the evening he is informed that B, annoyed at his absence, had left half an hour before to go to A's village, and that they must have passed each other on the road. A is advised to wait. But in his anxiety about his business he sets off at once and hurries home. This time he achieves the journey, without paying any particular attention to the fact, exactly in a second. At home he learns that B had arrived quite early, immediately after A's departure, indeed that he had met A on the threshold and reminded him of his business; but A had replied that he had no time to spare, he must go at once. In spite of this incomprehensible behavior of A, however, B had stayed on to wait for A's return. It is true, he had asked several times whether A was not back yet, but he was still sitting up in A's room. Over-joyed at the opportunity of seeing B at once and explaining everything to him, A rushes upstairs. He is almost at the top, when he stumbles, twists a sinew, and almost fainting with the pain, incapable even of uttering a cry, only able to moan faintly in the darkness, he hears B-impossible to tell whether at a great distance of quite near him-stamping down the stairs in a violent rage and vanishing for good.
A common experience, resulting in a common confusion. A has to transact important business with B in H. He goes to H for a preliminary interview, accomplishes the journey there in ten minutes, and the journey back in the same time, and on returning boasts to his family of his expedition. Next day he goes again to H, this time to settle his business finally. As that by all appearances will require several hours, A leaves very early in the morning. But although all the accessory circumstances, at least in A's estimation, are exactly the same as the day before, it takes him ten hours this time to reach H. When he arrives there quite exhausted in the evening he is informed that B, annoyed at his absence, had left half an hour before to go to A's village, and that they must have passed each other on the road. A is advised to wait. But in his anxiety about his business he sets off at once and hurries home. This time he achieves the journey, without paying any particular attention to the fact, exactly in a second. At home he learns that B had arrived quite early, immediately after A's departure, indeed that he had met A on the threshold and reminded him of his business; but A had replied that he had no time to spare, he must go at once. In spite of this incomprehensible behavior of A, however, B had stayed on to wait for A's return. It is true, he had asked several times whether A was not back yet, but he was still sitting up in A's room. Over-joyed at the opportunity of seeing B at once and explaining everything to him, A rushes upstairs. He is almost at the top, when he stumbles, twists a sinew, and almost fainting with the pain, incapable even of uttering a cry, only able to moan faintly in the darkness, he hears B-impossible to tell whether at a great distance of quite near him-stamping down the stairs in a violent rage and vanishing for good.
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
my big debut
first and foremost i would like everyone to know, i enjoy boobs, especially big fake boobs
and i had no idea bush could be so sexy.
also, i apologize for my absence, while i may have been physically gone, i assure you i was present in spirit.
also, kyle, you have a cute butt
and i had no idea bush could be so sexy.
also, i apologize for my absence, while i may have been physically gone, i assure you i was present in spirit.
also, kyle, you have a cute butt
Sunday, August 07, 2005
Kyles of the World
I've compiled a list of links to other Kyle Smith's out there in the world, with a bias towards the funny ones. Enjoy.
- This one creates terrible comic strips
- This one has evolved into something I don’t understand.
- This one has a purple belt from Wang’s, the one and only
- This one only takes appointments
- Dead
- This one is orange
- Scroll down for this one. He won the race (but looks just awful)
- This one likes a “conservative atmosphere and Aggie spirit”.
- This one is a great guy and has a sweet tooth.
- This one isn’t sure about career goals
- This one is hungry, damned hungry
And now for the all K.S. sports lineup…
- Football
- Baseball
- Hockey
- Basketball (with a bad jaw—see photo)
- More football
- Soccer (my favorite of all time)
- More soccer (woa)
- Sexy Track
Saturday, August 06, 2005
Aspenectomy
It is true that I am in CO. It is also true that I am gay. I went on awesome backpack trip to indian peaks except it rained all day everyday and it was freezing. No I'm back in boulder maybe doing some more extreme sports. Most of the family is in aspen (Robot, K-rack, Jeremy Donut, and Hilary R-Adam Clinton) that town is too swanky for me. I hear the cars there run on stureon caviar and bald eagle heads. Im so 'core. I do key bumps of diazanon. anywho, labor day is for anal-heads
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
Sunday, July 31, 2005
on jakey and other rare phenomenae
No internet thus no blog: coming to colorado tomarrow 'till12th: when i return will have internet: thus more gusto and a reason for being: where is cousin camping party: do you rooks realize the shear amount of matter that must be festooned to you in order to mix partying, baggo, camping, tnt,undies, beeer jake
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
New Years
I know its kind of early, but I wanted to see if there is any interest in a cuzzin New Years Party. I was thinking of maybe renting a hut in Colorado, but that may be too much for everyone. Let the blog know if anyone is interested or has any ideas about where to go.
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Cousin Awards
As a full blown cousin olympics has yet to occur, I thought it might suffice to come up with some awards, for the regular season. Add yer own at the bottom.
-BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY: Brian, for the story of the guy who keeps thinking about drinking his water but never does, then he gets decapitated.
-BEST HYPERBOLE: Jake: I'm being licked by the flames of the devil"
-BEST TRACK&FIELD DEBUT: Jeremy
-WORST COUSINBLOGGING: Jeremy
-BEST BOY: Umm...me?
-LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT IN XTREMENESS: Jake
-BEST SUPPORT AT WIDESPREAD CONCERT: Molly
-LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT IN PASTRY-PHONE-SEX: 1-800 Biscuit
-JAKIEST MATT: Adam
-BEST GROOM: Matt
-WETTEST BRIDESMAID: Kate
-BEST ADAPTED NICKNAME: Thai Chi Chi
-BEST PIZZA THROWING: Kyle
-BEST SUPPORTING PIZZA THROWING: Whiskey
-BEST AUSTRALIAN ALMOST COUSIN: Molly
-BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY: Brian, for the story of the guy who keeps thinking about drinking his water but never does, then he gets decapitated.
-BEST HYPERBOLE: Jake: I'm being licked by the flames of the devil"
-BEST TRACK&FIELD DEBUT: Jeremy
-WORST COUSINBLOGGING: Jeremy
-BEST BOY: Umm...me?
-LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT IN XTREMENESS: Jake
-BEST SUPPORT AT WIDESPREAD CONCERT: Molly
-LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT IN PASTRY-PHONE-SEX: 1-800 Biscuit
-JAKIEST MATT: Adam
-BEST GROOM: Matt
-WETTEST BRIDESMAID: Kate
-BEST ADAPTED NICKNAME: Thai Chi Chi
-BEST PIZZA THROWING: Kyle
-BEST SUPPORTING PIZZA THROWING: Whiskey
-BEST AUSTRALIAN ALMOST COUSIN: Molly
Sunday, July 17, 2005
Does anyone else think this CNN article is funny? The photo looks like an ad for a tv show starring Jerry Stiller as a smarmy, frustrated father. Aww, look at him, nothing goes his way, poor guy.
Friday, July 15, 2005
Band of the week
Ozomatli--they are kick ass. I saw them play last night in a park in Brooklyn. It's just unreal how good these guy are, a latin funk/jam band with a social justice and anti-war message. For you guys in Colorado, they are playing 7/23 @ Aspen Highlands and @ Red Rocks on 8/17. They are also playing in Detroit on 7/17, but they use real instruments so Kyle on Dee might not like it(yes I am still upset about your widespread panic comment). Anyway I highly reccomend checking them out.
On a side note--the book Farenheit 451 is a great read if you haven't read it already and to Joe Hio......I'm reading Rosshalde by Hesse right now, its pretty good so far.
On a side note--the book Farenheit 451 is a great read if you haven't read it already and to Joe Hio......I'm reading Rosshalde by Hesse right now, its pretty good so far.
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Michigan Central Station
Kyle's Urban Adventure:
I infiltrated the Michigan Central Station yesterday, an amazing building that once served as the main train hub when Detroit was thriving, but is now abandoned. Check it out here. The city had recently put up large fences with razor wire around the perimeter to keep people out, but I found a way in. Two words: scary cool. The ground floor is mostly two massive rooms with ornately designed arched ceilings and fancy doorways. Quite an echo too. Think Grand Central Station in NY (which had the same designer), minus people, plus years of decay. After scoping out the main area, I walked up to the roof (19 floors). Best view of Detroit ever. Period. My friend climbed the smokestake on a rickety metal ladder, which scared us both nicely. Otherwise we just explored all of the little rooms, crevices, nooks, discarded pieces of wall and ceiling and glass, rampant cool graffiti, vacant and dangerous elevator shafts, tucked away homeless shelter, etc, on the roof and a few lower floors....the whole thing is just plain amazing.
I infiltrated the Michigan Central Station yesterday, an amazing building that once served as the main train hub when Detroit was thriving, but is now abandoned. Check it out here. The city had recently put up large fences with razor wire around the perimeter to keep people out, but I found a way in. Two words: scary cool. The ground floor is mostly two massive rooms with ornately designed arched ceilings and fancy doorways. Quite an echo too. Think Grand Central Station in NY (which had the same designer), minus people, plus years of decay. After scoping out the main area, I walked up to the roof (19 floors). Best view of Detroit ever. Period. My friend climbed the smokestake on a rickety metal ladder, which scared us both nicely. Otherwise we just explored all of the little rooms, crevices, nooks, discarded pieces of wall and ceiling and glass, rampant cool graffiti, vacant and dangerous elevator shafts, tucked away homeless shelter, etc, on the roof and a few lower floors....the whole thing is just plain amazing.
cowboy poetry
I have some dark poetry to share to you:
Addenda to Uber-Coca
Its not your head child
which appears to be lost
its not your momma child
whos to pay the cost
find your way child
into my gaunted stare
just feed me your palm
and we'll hastily begin there
step lightly towards my smile
lost youthful one
simply closer to my smile
narry need be a-stun
for it is a fiendish smile
dark and well defined
yet, I assure you young babe
your shoes will not lost their shine
Addenda to Uber-Coca
Its not your head child
which appears to be lost
its not your momma child
whos to pay the cost
find your way child
into my gaunted stare
just feed me your palm
and we'll hastily begin there
step lightly towards my smile
lost youthful one
simply closer to my smile
narry need be a-stun
for it is a fiendish smile
dark and well defined
yet, I assure you young babe
your shoes will not lost their shine
Monday, July 11, 2005
suck ass jake
I suck ass I still haven't found a job yet and am looking hard. My landlord kicked me out of my apartment so he could refinish the floors, and my knee hurts. I worked at a mexican restaurant for a while but when they told me that i didn't button my pants the right way, and I was not walking up to par with restaurant walking standards and that I'd have to change my gait, I quit. I also worked 23 hours in just over 2 days and only made $100 pesos. so now I am poor, sullen, tired, and suck assy. I went in for an interview with a UW telemarketing donation bullshite and somewhere in the interview told them that the job was monotonous and that the only good thing was that it was indoors. Even Sean got that job. aye! REI is still waiting to call me back for an interview. I am going to apply to Erehwon, the schwinn gt and mongoose world headquarters for internship, starbucks as barista, thatts all for now.
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
The Color Red
Well I'm back from an incredible trip to Colorado. Much thanks to Senor Rob for the use of his pad(my door is always open should you like to visit the apex of hell). I had alot of time for introspection while I was away. These are a few of my thoughts:
-Things do NOT happen for a reason. Reason is completely subjective and therefore holds no sway over causality. This thought actually makes me feel more comfortable.
-I have started to notice the unusual attachments I have to certain innaniment objects. Take my favorite t-shirt for example. I've had it for nearly a decade and have recently decided to only wear it selectively because of its deteriorating condition. How strange. I also realized that I love my dog more than most humans(relatives excluded). I will need to ponder this odd behavioral patterns for a long time.
-I have also decided that my two worst faults are materialism and impatience. I plan to remedy this as quickly as possible, though I believe it may take some time. In the words of Yoda, "You must unlearn what you have learned." Very true little green guy, very true.
-Kill your TV(I plan to shortly)
-Bumper sticker sighting: Keep your Rosaries off my Ovaries -pretty good although I found it odd to see a 80 yr. old woman driving the car(I don't think anyone wants those ovaries)
I have alot more thoughts, but I want to refine them first because I am confused as to whether they are mine or a product of the books I have recently read. I also have some awesome photos to post. Hope all is well with everyone.
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