Pyramid of Craziness

Guess the cousin....

Who Am I?

Why I shaved my beard

I had quite the holiday beard. 3-toned, thick, mature, luxurious. Why did I shave it? Vomit dingleberries, that's why. A nasty virus got ahold of my stomach last week causing me to puke an ungodly number of times. Food and fluid residue in my beard I can handle. But vomit---that's crossing the line.

the bell

www.thegreatestseasonever.com

Sean dealt with Santa on his own terms

Shitty Movie Reviews

For some reason I've been on a shitty movie kick lately. If you decide to watch any of these movies keep in mind that they suck and I told you so first. That being said here is my rating system:

* Only worth watching if you're trapped in a room with only a tv, dvd player, and this movie and you don't feel up to smashing the equipment for enjoyment instead. Probably should never admit to having watched this movie.

** Requires a significant amount of pot, booze, and other illicit drugs to induce a modicum of enjoyment.

*** Fun to watch if you've taken 3 vicodin, drank 4 beers, and smoked some weed.

**** If you go into this movie thinking you're about to see the worst movie ever and alter your state of mind accordingly, you may come out of it thinking it was slightly better than you anticipated. Maybe.

***** This movie would pass for enjoyable sober although it is not advisable to do so.

THE MOVIES

Hot Fuzz **

Not nearly as good as Shaun of the Dead which in my opinion was fantastic.

Best Line: "Before you could say 'gypsy scum' we were knee-deep in dog muck, thieving kids and crusty jugglers."

Accepted ***

This movie sucked but it had some pretty funny moments. The fat kid is hilarious. The other fat kid with the afro makes the movie worth while.

Best Line: "I got fired for making a shrimp slushy."

Superbad *****

I loved this movie. The fat kid is great, he's also in Accepted although he's much fatter. McLovin might be one of the funniest characters ever.

Best Line: "Stay calm, okay? Let's not lose our heads. It's... it's a fine ID; it'll... it's gonna work. It's passable, okay? This isn't terrible. I mean, it's up to you, Fogell. This guy is either gonna think 'Here's another kid with a fake ID' or 'Here's McLovin, a 25 year-old Hawaiian organ donor'. Okay? So what's it gonna be?"

"Sounds like a sexy hamburger!"

I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry *

This movie sucked bad. I would only watch this if had a burning desire to see Jessica Biel in her underwear and you'd never heard of youtube.

Best Line: "Now place the ring on his hand. A ring is like a circle, it goes on forever. It's not like a triangle, triangle have corners. It's like a circle."

Snakes on a Plane ****

This movie really could go down as the worst movie ever made. It had the worst premise and acting I've ever seen. But if look past all that you'll be happy to see such cool things as: a guy getting bit on the penis by a snake, a chick getting bit on the tit by a snake, a fat girl getting off by a snake, and much more. You also get to hear Samuel Jackson scream "Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!"

Best Line: Fucking snake! Get off my dick!

NYE shot

That time of year

I am in the thick of finals right now, but I am going to Colorado from like January 9th to the 16th or something like that. I know that Catbean and company are going. Its going to be a good trip. 'Bunch of guys hangin' out, bonding, having some beers, talking about our feelings and football. It's going to be good. I have got a line picked out that keeps me awake at night. It's just to skiers right of Little Baby Ruth and Baby Ruth. I call it Grandma Ruth. Shits goin' down.

Breaking Cousin News

Cousin Maggie is engaged.

Hopefully this will increase the number of cousin weddings that I can't go to to 3. What happened to you cousin weddings? you used to be cool.

Stick Figures in Peril

I think my brother has a clone from New Zealand who has a show on HBO


















And I've found this to be amusing today if you're bored:

http://flickr.com/groups/stickfiguresinperil/pool/

Rubb, how is school going? Have you decided what your topic of study will be? Are you praying on any nubile Michigan moisties? Africa or Asia summer 2009?

New Year's Resolution Part 2

This is the list I've compiled so far(number of pages in parenthesis), I think I have a good mix of tough reads, easy reads, and a few re-reads:

1. Walden by Thoreau (336)

2. Civil Disobedience by Thoreau(384)

3. The call of the wild by London(160)

4. The Sea Wolf by London (244)

5. Meditations of John Muir by John Muir(144)

6. Stickeen by John Muir (84)

7. In Our Time by Hemingway(160)

8. The Naked and the Dead by Mailer(736)

9. Good Dog, Stay by Quindlen(96)

10. The Adventures of Augie March by Saul Bellow(608)

11. Blood Meridian by McCarthy (337)

12. Catch 22 by Heller (464)

13. Anti-Christ by Moses(396)

14. Neuromancer by Gibson (288)

15. Ragtime by Doctorow(288)

16. Dianetics by L. Ron Hubbard (163)

17. A Piece of Blue Sky: L. Ron Exposed by Atack, Miller (428)

18. Hatchet by Paulsen (one in series of 5) (192)

19. Zan-Gah by Shickman(160)

20. Outlander by Gabaldon(850)

21. Wrinkle in Time by L'Engle (224)

22. A Short History of Nearly Everything by Bryson(560)

23. Quartzsite Trip by Hogon(322)

24. The Testament of Gideon Mack by Robertson (400)

25. The God Delusion by Dawkins (416)

26. White Noise by DeLillo(336)

27. The Waste Land by TS Eliot(120)

28. As I Lay Dying by Faulkner(267)

29. Secret Agent by Conrad (197)

30. The Godfather by Puzo (496)

31. The Sicilian by Puzo(416)

32. The Godfather Returns by Puzo (648)

33. The Last Don by Puzo(502)

34. Jonathon Livingston Seagull by Bach (112)

35. Illusions by Bach(192)

36. There’s No Such Place as Faraway by Bach(48)

37. Jitterbug Perfume by Robbins(352)

38. Another Roadside Attraction by Robbins(352)

39. Galapagos by Vonnegut(336)

40. God Bless You, Dr. Kevorkian by Vonnegut (80)

41. Less than Zero by Ellis(208)

42. Thus spoke Zarathustra by Nietzsche(352)

43. A Spot of Bother by Haddon(354)

44. 100 Years of Solitude by Marquez (448)

45. Hell’s Angels by Thompson(273)

46. The Idiot by Dostoevsky (608)

47. Anti-Christ by Nietzsche (91)

48. The Selfish Gene by Dawkins (360)

49. A Brief History of Time by Hawking (224)

50. Blaming the Brain by Valenstein (292)

51. Breaking the Spell by Dennett (464)

52. Tuva or Bust! By Feyman (256)

53. Steppenwolf by Hesse (224)

54. Laughing Boy by La Farge (208)

55. Arrow of God by Achebe (230)

56. No Longer at Ease by Achebe (194)

57. Electric Kool Aid Acid Test by Wolfe (416)

58. The Reivers by Faulkner (320)

59. Harvest Poems by Sandburg (128)

60. Captain Pamphile by Dumas (200)

61. Count of Monte Cristo by Dumas (634)

62. Lonesome Traveler by Kerouac (192)

63. Into the Forest by Hegland (241)

64. Population Bomb by Ehrlich (201)

65. Monkey Wrench by Levi (176)

66. The Teachings of Buddha (250)

67. Holy Bible (803)

68. The Koran (528)

69. Ficciones by Borges (176)

70. Panic Rising by Nunn (232)

New Years Resolution

I've decided that my new years resolution is to try and read 100 books in a year. I actually tried this about 3 years ago and only got to 70 before I got burnt out. So anywho I need some book suggestions and I'm open to all genres.

Tit for...

Got a tat on my right shoulder-ish. It's the numbers 930 in block letters and mushed together. The numbers signify Dee and Sean's shared birthday: September Thirty.

The tat was inked in San Diego at a place called Church of Steel by a portly German named Marcel, with a mixed rockabilly/goth style. While I was there another artist got a call, and the secretary said "Hey, remember that dude whose face you tattooed yesterday? Well, he's coming in and he's pissed!" I missed the confrontation unfortunately.

Adding to the experience, I saw a screaming load of girls crowded around these guys.

Happy Halloween

Thanks for the invite

Hi everybody

Dear Rob

Dear Rob-

Can you send our cousin Bryan an invite or email or something that tells him how to get back on the cousin blog. He just upgraded his Caleco to a real computer and can now access that new thing called the interweb. You may want to enclose explicit directions and possibly colored drawings to assist him (he also likes pop up books). I know you're busy but if you have the time help a cousin out. Thanks much.

Sincerely,
Cousin Matt

You'v e just been Nard-Dogged

Clearly I love some movies that the cuzzins hate. But do I hate movies that the cuzzins love? Let’s see…

Some movies I really hate, off the top of my head:
Armageddon
Planet of the Apes (new version)
Cruel Intentions
Bridget Jones’ Diary
Patch Adams
Instinct
Roadhouse (not!)
Fracture
Fahrenheit 9/11
Anything involving Dane Cooke in any capacity whatsoever (ditto Matthew Lillard)
Nacho Libre
Fantastic Four

Some recent movies that I found really disappointing:
Apocalypto
Crash
Blood Diamond
Shrek
Super Troopers

Next Friday I head for San Diego. I will stay in a hostel and, perhaps, be burned to death by the California fires. Pray for me. Pray for Mojo.

After some thought, I've decided that my favorite movie in the last while has got to be Children of Men.

Adobe Illustrator kicks ass.

So do the BoSox. Eat it Denver.

The Awesome Power of Clams

For those of you you who need to throw up RIGHT NOW comes the miracle invention that will change the drinking world as we know it. In a breakthrough concept, Budweiser has combined the awesome power of Clamato with a beer once thought to be at its peak. Lets look at the timeline that led to this amazing creation.

2nd day of Creation: God invents water (key ingredient in Budweiser)
3rd day of Creation: God invents tomatoes as well as malts, hops, sugar, etc.
1876: Budweiser Lager Beer is born as the brainchild of Adolphus Busch and Eberhard Anheuser
1969: Walter Chell thinks to himself "You know what would make tomato juice better......mashed clams." Clamato is born.
2007: Anheuser-Busch combines Budweiser and Clamato for the super drink now known as Chelada.
2008: Greenhouse gases produced from Chelada vomit destroys the ozone. Life on this planet ceases to exist.