The Ten - comedy gold

I teach English to foreigners

Sometimes I have them bring words/phrases that don't understand, such as "What's up?", to class and write them on the board so we can talk about them.

One day, an evangelical student from El Salvador wrote this on the board:

choke the monkey

I erased it, asked him where he heard it, and kept a totally straight face through this explainantion:

(read slowly with a "Mexican" accent)
I wass walking wi my frenns from the seminary? - seminarians? - seminary? - OK - and we leff a house* and the man yell out the window out his door "Choke the monk-eee!!!!" and I was like "Wha? Choke the monkey? What is choke the monkey mean?"

*after trying to discuss the lord jesus christ with a random stranger

Sayulita

I just got back from Sayulita, Mexico which is my new favorite place on earth. I am now planning to move there next year for awhile. Pictured are a humpback whale that I was 100 feet from and La Playa de los Muertos which means the beach of the dead but should be La Playa de los Touristas Gordas. Anyway, I have more to follow shortly. Hope all is well and I'll see some of you at Adams wedding.

Fun with youtube

I really love youtube. Whenever I have people over, I bring my computer out into the living room, and invariably the conversatoin turns to something along the lines of "Did you see that cupcake dunk?" or "You ever heard that Any Winehouse song called F*** Me Pumps" or "remember that rap song all those football players at Miami made" or "is Alicia Keys getting whiter?" and we're watching that shit in 5 seconds. It's a beautiful thing. I look forward to when I will have internet on my television, which already exists, is probably not actually that difficult, but is still just beyond the reach of the common man.

This post was supposed to start out as a rant about lonelygirl15. I assume most of you have heard of this person. She somehow has the biggest youtube/webcam following of anybody, getting millions of views of her videos. I finally was curious enough to watch one, and here's what I got. I just sat there like, "really?"

this might have then lead into a rant about the lowest common denominator, reality tv, and this thing i saw from msnbc quoting girls who go to the same school as britney spears' sister talking about how she's a slut, and how sad this all is.

But instead, I will post some good videos. First check out all the links in the first paragraph. And you better listen to the whole damn u of miami rap song.

There is one web-cam blogger I like, his page is here. Here's a cool thing he did with his ten favorite martin luther king quotes. And here's the first one that I saw that has been kept in my head. Beat that little hater, fam.

What else. Here is a song that I recently was told about, that is just awesome. Here is a sad, stupid video that recently came up in a conversation. Here is my all-time favorite tazer video. Here is a funny one Jeremy showed me. And another similar one that Jeremy also probably showed me.

Students for Hillary

My response to a mass student e-mail from the Students for Hillary at UW:

Take me off this list! You sold your soul to the scummy She Devil! Jump ship at once comrade, the Beast is closing in. You don't have much more time before your skin will begin sloughing off your limbs. She sweats strychnine and drinks babies blood. It's time to wake up and think for yourself particle! - your classmate wilfred

Summer or Bust!

I started reading Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas...needless to say, it is amazing. I had just finished a book on options trading and figured I would read something a little more leisurely. I was cracking up like a madman on the public bus today reading it. I also broke up with my girlfriend of 5years, so this valentines day is going to be particularly depressing. We decided to take a break from each other because there was no mad love in the relationship. I understand that after being with someone for that long you lose that, but I am not ready to accept it. I still have dreams to take over the goddamn world! I want to be a country music star. We'll probably re-evaluate things after the school year is over. So that's that. I have two tests tomorrow; I should be studying. Mostly pharmacy kids suck, actually I suck, they're fine. I have been hanging out with one a bit lately but he doesn't hold his strong drink well. He already vomited on my floor. The saving grace of all of this is I found this awesome bar by my house. It plays the best music only from 20s and 30s. It is the best place to go on blustery nights. Suck on that.

Want a nerdy halloween costume?

The Mathemaniac

He yells "two plus two equals sixty-nine, ho!"

And has a tattoo across is chest: Divide Or Die

And another across us buttocks: Gotta Hoe to Grow (talkin bout the number 1 green)

Usually he carries a knife in one hand, Pixie Stix in the other.

Goole image seach of "Sean Smith"

Third result:




Fourth result:

I almost posted a sweet post

Pyramid of Craziness

Guess the cousin....

Who Am I?

Why I shaved my beard

I had quite the holiday beard. 3-toned, thick, mature, luxurious. Why did I shave it? Vomit dingleberries, that's why. A nasty virus got ahold of my stomach last week causing me to puke an ungodly number of times. Food and fluid residue in my beard I can handle. But vomit---that's crossing the line.

the bell

www.thegreatestseasonever.com

Sean dealt with Santa on his own terms

Shitty Movie Reviews

For some reason I've been on a shitty movie kick lately. If you decide to watch any of these movies keep in mind that they suck and I told you so first. That being said here is my rating system:

* Only worth watching if you're trapped in a room with only a tv, dvd player, and this movie and you don't feel up to smashing the equipment for enjoyment instead. Probably should never admit to having watched this movie.

** Requires a significant amount of pot, booze, and other illicit drugs to induce a modicum of enjoyment.

*** Fun to watch if you've taken 3 vicodin, drank 4 beers, and smoked some weed.

**** If you go into this movie thinking you're about to see the worst movie ever and alter your state of mind accordingly, you may come out of it thinking it was slightly better than you anticipated. Maybe.

***** This movie would pass for enjoyable sober although it is not advisable to do so.

THE MOVIES

Hot Fuzz **

Not nearly as good as Shaun of the Dead which in my opinion was fantastic.

Best Line: "Before you could say 'gypsy scum' we were knee-deep in dog muck, thieving kids and crusty jugglers."

Accepted ***

This movie sucked but it had some pretty funny moments. The fat kid is hilarious. The other fat kid with the afro makes the movie worth while.

Best Line: "I got fired for making a shrimp slushy."

Superbad *****

I loved this movie. The fat kid is great, he's also in Accepted although he's much fatter. McLovin might be one of the funniest characters ever.

Best Line: "Stay calm, okay? Let's not lose our heads. It's... it's a fine ID; it'll... it's gonna work. It's passable, okay? This isn't terrible. I mean, it's up to you, Fogell. This guy is either gonna think 'Here's another kid with a fake ID' or 'Here's McLovin, a 25 year-old Hawaiian organ donor'. Okay? So what's it gonna be?"

"Sounds like a sexy hamburger!"

I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry *

This movie sucked bad. I would only watch this if had a burning desire to see Jessica Biel in her underwear and you'd never heard of youtube.

Best Line: "Now place the ring on his hand. A ring is like a circle, it goes on forever. It's not like a triangle, triangle have corners. It's like a circle."

Snakes on a Plane ****

This movie really could go down as the worst movie ever made. It had the worst premise and acting I've ever seen. But if look past all that you'll be happy to see such cool things as: a guy getting bit on the penis by a snake, a chick getting bit on the tit by a snake, a fat girl getting off by a snake, and much more. You also get to hear Samuel Jackson scream "Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!"

Best Line: Fucking snake! Get off my dick!

NYE shot

That time of year

I am in the thick of finals right now, but I am going to Colorado from like January 9th to the 16th or something like that. I know that Catbean and company are going. Its going to be a good trip. 'Bunch of guys hangin' out, bonding, having some beers, talking about our feelings and football. It's going to be good. I have got a line picked out that keeps me awake at night. It's just to skiers right of Little Baby Ruth and Baby Ruth. I call it Grandma Ruth. Shits goin' down.

Breaking Cousin News

Cousin Maggie is engaged.

Hopefully this will increase the number of cousin weddings that I can't go to to 3. What happened to you cousin weddings? you used to be cool.

Stick Figures in Peril

I think my brother has a clone from New Zealand who has a show on HBO


















And I've found this to be amusing today if you're bored:

http://flickr.com/groups/stickfiguresinperil/pool/

Rubb, how is school going? Have you decided what your topic of study will be? Are you praying on any nubile Michigan moisties? Africa or Asia summer 2009?