inventions

I've had the runs for a damn week now, and was once again dropping my goo when I remembered an old invention idea. A toilet paper dispenser that also has a few buttons for sound effects. "3-2-1 BLASTOFF" that sort of thing, that when pressed add an element to the pooping experience. I'd find it quite satisfying to drop my boms to the sound of a falling bomb or screaming villagers or even both. Then when done, you can press the "i lvoe the smell of napalm in the morning" (if it's a morning poo) or similarly "it smells like victory". Even "the horrror...."

Another invention that, although cruel, I think would sell is a Michael Jackson Mr. Potatoe head. He's got detachable nose, color changes, the rhinestone glove hand. You can build the classic "thriller" michael, the slightly deranged "heal the world" michael, or the super deranged current micheal. fun for the whole family.

alright i'll now think of a third invention...okay, how come bath tubs don't have built-in pillow/head rests? How come there's no anti-laxitive, for cases like i currently find myself in? How come my ass is so hairy?