Three things that I am not built for are being a delivery driver, being in an argumentative relationship, and menial work on a computer. These things pretty much define my life right now. I should start bowling every night so that I can live in a permanent state of failure.
That's probably not a horrible idea actually. It would be good for my ego, which apparently needs work, as I have been called both narcissistic and condescending in the last week. These are probably the two insults that I find to be the worst. I have also been told that I cum too fast, which combined with the two previous claims against me, certainly adds to the second of the problems above.
This is the only problem really worth addressing, as both delivery driving and repetetive work are temporary and getting easier. Arguing, despite more practice in a short-time than I've ever encountered before, is not. It's fucking me all up. I couldn't enjoy my badass concert because of it, and I fear that my coming camping weekend in Utah may suffer a similar fate.
I try. I try not to argue. I try to be inoffensive, and when the heat rises, I try to end the conversation before it turns worse. These efforts have failed, so now I am begging for advice.
I can offer the following insight into my problem, so you may more effectively psychoanalyze me:
-I take every argument very personally
-I see every one as another step towards the end
-I am irritable sometimes, especially under my current status of heavy failure
-I knew from the start that things fall apart
-I don't at all enjoy arguing. I don't have the stomach for it. I have no experience with it, and am unable to think about anything besides argument lines for days after each one. I can handle few more.
And I have already received the following advice, from a guru in the field name marquise, whose reputation with girls is very strong, despite his divorce: Decide while cool-headed how much you can take. How much bad you can handle before it outweighs the good. When the scale starts to tip, tell her how you feel, that something needs to change, but make sure to do it in a nonconfrontational way. (my idea that I tell her that it will be over after 2 more fights was shot down, but I still think it has merit somehow)
So anyway, I need some advice. I like this girl very much, and for the first time in years, maybe ever, I like having a girlfriend. But at this rate, it's gon be fucked in two more fights. Thoughts?
3 comments:
I liked this concept, and I wanted to put it on my myspace blog, but I figured the second half of it would upset kelly too much. So I posted the first two paragraphs, followed by this:
So that's the concept of the day. Failure. Of course, it ain't any kind of fun. But is it good for you?
Perhaps my ego has become a bit inflated, so yeah, it's not all bad. Although ego is categorized. If someone tells me I can't do math in my head, my high confidence in that area is not going to be affected by my lack of navigational skills or holding power. And those aren't things I'm really bragging about anyway. So I think the ego aspect of it is pretty irrelevant.
Pain. Now that's relevant. For most of my life I have delt with very little pain, and always kind of craved more. Although those awkward years seemed to hit me exceptionally hard, and I don't really look back on that as a great, learnign experience. Social pain is unnecessary and I've had plenty. And I got a bucketload of pain some 9 months ago, and that was not an experience I relish either. Pain does make life more interesting though. It makes us stronger and we learn from it. Pain can be good. But the key is, what kind of pain. Failed relationships and getting lost and despising the staring at a computer are not new to me. The second 2 do not teach me anything or make me a better person. All arguing teaches me is that arguing sucks and I will continue to refuse to be in a situation where it is prevalent. So pain, in this situation, isn't worth much either.
I started this assuming that I would find some redeeming quality in the shitty aspects of my otherwise lovely life. Shit.
Okay, one more try. Empathy. Pain makes us more compassionate to others' struggle. I will never again wonder why someone who is lost is so irritated. I will go out of my way to give good directions to people who are staring desperately at maps on the street. I will understand when someone is in a bad mood after a day of work at a shitty job. And when my people are in painful parts of relationships, I will be there for them, to console and listen and attempt to cheer them up. But my advice will remain as it always has been. It's probably not worth it.
Its probably not worth it? You got lots to learn, baby boy:
1) Bring her to the point of almost cuming before you have sex, problem solved.
2) Your parents did you boys a great dis-service by not telling each other to fuck off once in a while. I would not wish on you the kind of fighting we have in my family, however. DO NOT take it personally - some people are raised that fighting shows you care. If you refuse to fight, you will make things worse. The kind of attention she gets from you is not enough, or its not the right kind, or something along those lines and if she doesn't get attention from you by picking a fight, it'll drive her crazy (I am not telling you this so you can turn it around on her and punish her by ignoring her, by the way). You need to get advice from Kyle about this. He and I had no idea that upbringings could be so different before we started getting into it - I didn't realize he was taking it personally, and he didn't realize that I didn't know life without it. I cringe now when I hear my parents argue, and it never used to phase me at all.
3) If you sit down to have a serious talk with her, don't do it suddenly. Tell her that you want to have a serious talk and ask her if you can get together at a specific time. Ask for this date at a time where she can't say, "Let's just talk about it now."
Good luck!
Fuck her Butt!
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