Recent backpacking trip

The Manistee River in Central Michigan.

Jake jumping for the sake of jumping.

Insert caption here:

Jake hanging from a bridge for the sake of hanging from a bridge.

If three guys are gay in the woods do you post it on the internet?

Gramma's Beef Barley Soup

I want to apologize for going AWOL from the blog for so long. I only have my apparent abundance of latent gayness as an excuse. Rob gave me the equivalent of an email bitch slap and now here is the requested Gramma Ruth recipe for Beef Barley Soup. I also included a bonus recipe of hers for Meatloaf if you are so inclined.

Beef Barley Soup (quoted exactly as written followed by my additions)

1. Beef (drawing of a tiny circle within a larger circle here) round/ bone in middle
2. soup bones (3 about)
3. brown in a little olive oil
4. put in kettle with celery tops and onions, clove garlic and cook for 2 or 3 hours
5. strain (cut up meat and save)
6. add to broth 1 can beef broth and barley
7. cook 45 minutes or 1 hr. test barley
8. add carrots, celery, zucchini, corn, etc and 1 can diced tomatoes
9. cook just til done
   

Okay, this recipe is actually really good but it needs some splainin. This is for 8 servings.

• The tiny circle within a circle means eye of round, its a cut of meat.
• There are no measurements so I used my own, here they are:
• 4 lbs eye of round (or chuck) cut into 1 inch cubes
• 8 tbsp olive oil
• 8 cups beef stock (add to step 4)
• 3 medium carrots sliced (half for broth, half for soup at step 6)
• 3 ribs celery sliced (half for broth, half at step 6)
• 1 large onions diced
• 1 cup pearl barley
• 1 medium zucchini diced
• no corn, just seemed weird to me
• I also added 1 tsp worcestershire, 1 tsp soy sauce , salt and pepper to step 6
• pearl barley took an hour

Sorry for the long recipe, just thought you'd like to see the original.

Here's the meat loaf recipe. Never made it, mostly because I have my own kick ass recipe.

Meat Loaf (written exactly as she did)

• 1/2 # veal )
• 1/2 # pork } Or the mixture in the store
• 1/2 # beef )
• 3 beaten eggs
• 2 large onions----1/2 green pepper
• 4 c. crumbs (mostly bread)
• 3 c. milk
• 5 tsp salt--1/2 tsp pepper---2tbsp parsley
• 1/2 tsp dry mustard
• 1/4 tsp sage or poultry seasoning
• 1/4 tsp garlic salt
• 350 degrees--1hr---1 1/2 hr

So there you have it. Enjoy and will one of you Smith boys cut and paste this to your mom?

Matt:
Can you post that Grandma beef recipe you mentioned you love the other day? I forget what the dish was...stew? Brisket? Grandmabeef?

best online comic ever

www.xkcd.com

A webcomic of romance,
sarcasm, math, and language.

I also really enjoy garfield minus garfield.

links

I don't normally make a whole post just for a youtube link, but this is great.

So someone tried to creep into a window in the projects for some nonconsentual hanky-panky, and the local news covered it with a pretty amusing interview with the victims's brother. Here's the video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jPAeXI5rN9E&feature=search

Then, someone put it to some music, and now it is the number one most requested song on many music stations. Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hMtZfW2z9dw

And while I'm at it, might as well throw out a link to a classic that this reminds me of: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nda_OSWeyn8&feature=search (that's right, the Alabama leprechaun)
(can't forget the music: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bZfyrIPw3wY&feature=search

observational humor

I've been coming to this site almost daily hoping that I would come up with something funny. Most of the time I start typing something about pooping then delete it. Rubb suggested I write down some observations and then type them all in at once. So far the only one I have is...

I find emptying your bowels and bladder, simultaneously, in one extravagent show of force to be amazingly satisfying.


sorry.

I will be adding a comment to this post which has much better ones that weren't written by me. I would suggest reading all of them if you have the time.

The Questions

In an effort to bring this party back to life, I am proposing a little question game. I'll start with the first question. Then, every time somone comes to the site, they answer the question and pose another one. Here we go.

What person would you most like to see humiliated, and what would you like to see them do?

Summer Adventure

Anyone got any summer adventure plans? Colorado trips? Backpacking? Anal clam-crams in Boston?

I got that travel bug. Also, that travelers stomach bug, which has had my poop looking like my turtle-water after not cleaning it for too long. brown, green, watery, turtle-infested... I'll be pooping in cups for this one for sure.

Nude Tayne

Let me share you two vids I'm addicted to:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BmNeXu5xIDY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-x068o6Wtw4&feature=related

for kyle

I came acroos this photo. Not sure if its a hoax. supposed to be a true 3-d map of neurons, which seams impossible to me.


www.gearfuse.com/first-3d-map-of-the-brains-connections/

Oh, Inception, ohhhhhhhh my...

quick story

So, my car was stolen over the weekend. I have not heard from the police in 3 days. I assumed it would be found in glenwood, striped clean. They just called me and told me my car was found in el jabel, legally parked on the street in a subdivision, with no obvious damage, and the trunk was crammed full of camping equipment. Also, my check book was still in the center counsole.

Weird.

another linkery

http://www.manofest.com/Content/the-10-most-ridiculous-fight-scenes-in-movie-history.html

the second is my favorite, due to the surprise ending.

omg

http://www.masslive.com/news/index.ssf/2010/05/lord_jesus_christ_says_getting.html

creepiest youtube video

This may be the creepiest thing I've seen in a while.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tkjyZHZhokM&feature=popular

another quote

Sorry if I snaped at you yesterday, I had waaaaay too many body fluids.



note a quote but thought of at work:

If I were to hit my car with a strap of leather, I would be whipping my whip. "Whipit, Jay Jay face!" is what they would say.

and now...

your sunday needs some whipit cream. in your va Jay Jay and Face too. awww yea.

I'm Brant and I'm a bicycle

I don't understand these new Microsoft commercials. You've seen 'em. A young and ethnically ambiguous individual says some garbage about Windows 7. He or she then bleats that they made a suggestion to Microsoft about some useless window function. Finally, the zombie says "garbage, garbage, garbage...and I'm a PC." I'm left feeling utterly dumbfounded at what just happened. I don't understand the relevance to anything regarding computers. "I'm a PC"...what the fuck does that mean? I'm Brant and I'm a bicycle. I wish there were a marketing expert on this blog to explain this corruption to me. How could any human identify with this? Are they sitting there shoveling pipping-hot shrimp scampi into there gullets thinking, "this guy is a pc, I identify with this, I will buy Windows 7"? This isn't reasonable. I am going to go throw my TV out of my window into traffic now.

I see postage in your future

May I have your addresses please? A note of warning: addresses posted here will be disseminated cousin-wide...

Help - Links - Need Em

I would like help finding a few sites that provide me with some funny, and not video-based...I will be enjoying the funny on my phone. All I have are the Onion, stuff white people like (so-so funny), and this little one: http://dontevenreply.com/top.php

Need em.

In refernce to my comment on Bubb's last post...

Hut Hut Hike

It is my esteemed opinion that there should be a winter cousin trip, and this trip should involve a 10th mountain division hut.

These huts book up pretty far in advance, especially over holidays, which seem to be a likely time of maximum Colorado Cousins. So I think we should plan this soon.

I've been on 3 hut trips, and here's about what we would expect out of this adventure: We ski or snowshoe to the hut. This takes something like 4 hours. Many of us will ski, which is slightly harder, because we like the idea of playing on AT (all-terrain skis, which are a perfect mix of cross country and downhill) and have unrealistic aspirations of back-country skiing.



The trip is difficult, for everybody, because those of us in the best shape bring heavy stuff like beer and honey-baked hams. We see the hut on the horizon and it's a glorious site. We go inside, get the fire going, lay some meat and cheese and crackers out and enjoy having made it. Eventually everyone staggers in, and all the food and liquor and other goodies are laid on a table. Someone comments on how there's no way we'll be able to drink that much whiskey. They will be mistaken. A great dinner is made, which includes things that probably was ridiculous to bring to a hut, like said honey-baked ham. The night is passed in a nice casual cousin-party, hours of drinking and bull-shitting, and random games.

The next day we have the whole day there, because we booked the hut for a few nights. A go-getter, most likely Adam, climbs a mountain and skis down it, while the majority relaxes, sleds, explores, more games. Another big dinner and drinking. We decide to hit the sled-jump at about midnight, which seems like a horrible idea at first, but turns out to be very fun. Dare-devilry ensues. A sled is broken. Funny pictures are taken, and the whiskey is finished overlooking the sled run.









We sleep in the next day and head home, looking forward to dinner at the Hickory House.

OK. Obviously, I think these are extremely fun. Jeremy can chime in with a comment about the fun level of last winters' if he wants to. So the questions are:
-Are you interested in this idea?
-When are you most likely to be in Colorado next winter?
-When can you know for sure?

The most likely outcome here is that no one knows if or when they'll be out there, so the planning is put off until early-winter, when everyone realizes dec. 28 would have been perfect, but by then the huts are full. Let's try to avoid this. However, if it looks like non-holidays are a more likely time for maximum interested cousins, booking this far in advance is unnecessary.

quote

Who put this poo here!?!
Never mind, its labeled.

Jeremy, do you want to see a testicle? (this one was funny because I was the only male working at the time and it was shouted across the lab by an attractive female.)

Robin: "I think that guy downstairs broke his femur."
Linda: "Well that was stupid. I guess I'll go grab his blood and urine."

Mega Piranha

I'm getting this post up a little late, but the movie event of the year is tomorrow night at 8pm central time and again at 1am on the Syfy Channel. Get a load of the awesome talent in this picture:


Paul Logan who starred in such movies as:


Aliens on Crack
Vampire in Vegas
The Last Bad Neighborhood
Freezerburn
The Eliminator
Stripper Wives
L.E.T.H.A.L. Ladies


Tifanny (yes THE Tiffany)


Barry Williams (Greg from the Brady Bunch)


Here's the plot from IMDb.com:

A mutant strain of giant ferocious piranha escape from the Amazon and eat their way toward Florida.


And the tagline:

They were created to save mankind. Something went wrong.


And some trailers:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pFhSogGnu4I


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cP6eV1kiauE


I'm going to watch this and I was hoping at least one of you could join me so we could compare notes. And for those of you looking for an awesome double-feature, Sharks in Venice is on after Mega Piranha. I've seen it, its kicks ass. In one scene Billy Baldwin gets his leg bit entirely off by a shark, the next scene he is in the hospital and gets out his bed (with two legs) and just walks away with no explanation at all.

Topic for discussion:
Which Paul Logan movie listed above do you most want to see and why?

Musings

This should be pronounced "Moooosings" in honor of Dee's electric double breast pump.

That's all I got. I'm tired.

Teaching highlights

I taught Mkt300: “Intro to Marketing” last semester. I figured I'd write down some of the highlights from my first ever teaching experience, thinking it might make for an interesting story, and also help organize this monumental event in my life into a more coherent memory.

I have been looking forward to teaching for years now, and occasionally writing notes to myself on important things I should teach my first class. These lesson-ideas usually came late at night. Here's a verbatim example of one:


"It’s good to not know who you are. College is a great time for this, and although it is uncomfortable to be in that position, you are more yourself when you don’t know who you are than when you do. Ideally, one should accept that they will never know who they are; as defining oneself through thought limits oneself."

Once the class actually came around, these were obviously tough to tie into the day-to-day marketing lectures, but I found ways to work most of them in. The class usually responded well, and I was always glad I got deep on them for a minute. I can write a few of these other bonus-lessons in another note if people are interested...

While preparing the lecture for the first class, I wrote out the entire lecture and memorized every word. Then I started thinking of difficult questions they could ask me, and whenever I though of a potential question that would nail me, I deleted the slide or topic that triggered it. The class ended up lasting a half hour, 50 minutes short. I was fairly nervous. I quickly became less nervous for these classes, but probably never got to the point where my heart wasn't thumping pretty quickly when I started the class up at 8:41AM. It's a nice rush.

8:40AM class. I really thought that was going to fuck me. It probably did a little, by making the class sleepier, but it was fine. One benefit was that it made it easy to tell when I was losing the class. No matter how wrapped up you are in what you're trying to say, it's pretty obvious when 60 sleep-deprived college students lose interest.

I decided a few weeks before the first class began that I was going to spend a lot of time talking about how the class material can be applied to their efforts to market themselves. I figured my average student was probably interested in improving his prowess at meeting women and dominating job interviews. Whenever something from the class applied to these goals, I figured I’d teach them in that context, which would help them remember the material and maybe help them with these goals. Here’s one example. Again, there’s more.

For companies, what they should focus on improving and emphasize in their messages depends on what kind of loyalty their customers have. The same is true with your relationships. There are three kinds of loyalty: Head, heart, and hand. If a customer is head loyal to you, they buy your product based on a careful analysis of the alternatives and their attributes. If your girlfriend is like this, you better get to the gym and clean your shit up, or whatever you need to do to be a more desirable person. For companies, this is research & development. Heart loyalty is when they’re with you out of love. If your girlfriend is like this, a little self-improvement won’t make much of a difference. You need to go after the heart, do something romantic. For companies, this translates to marketing. Third is hand loyalty. This is low-involvement, just buying your product by hand. Companies with customers like this need to focus on distribution. That salt with the umbrella girl on it needs to be there when I buy salt, or I’ll just buy some other salt. It’s the same with your girlfriend, if she’s like this. Whenever she wants to you’re your product”, you better be there, otherwise she’ll just buy another, and probably become habitually loyal to that.

I wanted to teach the class as much as I could in our short time together. I figured I know something about music, and could impart some of this knowledge on them by playing my favorite obscure music before class. I envisioned students coming up to me after class like, “who was that music you played today? Binary Star huh? That shit is AMAZING. You just changed my life.” But in reality, I think they didn’t really want to be hearing rap music at 8:30AM. Their loss. I was spinning some hot fire.

MKT300 is like the High School slut. She changes hands a lot, and she’s most people’s first. But the sheer enthusiasm with which they approach their job with her has her well-versed in some fairly advanced shit. Pretty much everyone I talk to who is farther along then me in the program has taught this course, and they’ve all added some pretty nice stuff. A great example of this is my friend Ryan’s M&Ms classroom example for segmentation:

First, make a huge bowl of M&Ms of all different kinds; regular, peanut, almond, dark, peanut butter… Have every student take a handful of M&Ms, and “segment” them into groups. Ask a few to raise their hand and describe how they segmented their market of M&Ms. They’ll all do it by color or size, or both. Ask if anyone has peanut allergies. Say something like, “While it is easiest to segment based on demographic characteristics like color and size, this is ignoring the most useful information. It’s what’s inside that counts. Especially if you have peanut allergies. For marketers, it’s generally better to segment based on attitudes than something like color.”

Two other teachers were teaching MKT300 at the same time, and we were supposed to coordinate our sections and all teach the same material and give the same tests. This really limited my freedom, but saved me a ton of time that I just didn’t have that semester. One of these teachers had taught this course for years, and it was her job to meet with us noobs once a week, and tell us what we were supposed to say to go with each of the slides that had been prepared years ago by someone else. I had the impression that she didn’t really know what was supposed to be said for big chunks of the class, or at least couldn’t articulate it after not having thought about it since the previous year. This lasted for months, and I ended up saying something like “I think these meetings would be a lot more efficient if you were more prepared for them.” This lead her to tell every professor who would listen that this was the “Most offensive thing anyone has ever said to me,” me apologizing profusely, and someone else leading the meetings from then on. Drama. It had to be said though.

One of the best things about the class was that because it’s marketing, most things you say relate to an example that you can show the class. We had powerpoint slides embedded with youtube links, sometimes at least 20 per lecture. Over the years, people had found funnier and better examples. Here’s a few of my favorites.


Tolerate Mornings. Traditionally, Folgers commercials, involved men in denim staring out the window and greeting the sunrise and the coming day with open arms. However, market research told Folgers’ ad agency that people weren’t like this anymore, they were just trying to tolerate mornings, and coffee helps. Folgers made this commercial, but decided not to run it because it would send a mixed message and alienate the old-style morning-lovers. Despite this being a great commercial, this was probably the right call.

Dove True Beauty. Companies aren’t all evil. Dove seems to think that we should fix our perception of beauty, and warmed all our hearts in the process of delivering this message. It also was a huge hit for their sales, nearly doubling them in some markets. Ethical decisions generally help companies’ bottom lines actually. But if customers believe that it’s insincere, it can backfire. People start to mock it…
Another great one from this Dove campaign.
And it’s mockery.

I showed this kid break-dancing because I love this video. I think I tried to make it relevant to marketing by saying something about how you have to differentiate yourself from your competitors. Notice how the link goes to a spot in the middle of the video…that was a key breakthrough for me as a teacher.

For services, it’s good to make the intangible tangible. You want to have logos, brands, anything you can do to link your service to something grounded and memorable. Even a dance. I think I made them watch this entire video. This was a highlight for all of us.

The guest lectures I organized were another highlight. I had two guest lectures come to the class and talk for about a half hour each. One was my favorite rapper, OneBeLo, who I had never met before except at his concerts years ago where I would say something like, “you’re my favorite rapper” and then shuffle off. He was excellent, just completely off the cuff insights about starting your own business and surviving in the new music industry, and I digitally recorded the class so will always have his words The other guest lecturer was my father, who, much to my surprise, the class was even more excited for because I told them he was the (retired) vice chairman of Ford. He was even better than Lo, talking about the auto industry and how to excel in the business world. He closed his lecture with quotes, which is something that I also had been doing. Very cool to see that we had the same style.

There was actually plenty of other cool parts. Getting to know some of the more interesting students, (one of them runs a company, peep http://mybandstock.com), knowing that I had an eager (or at least captive) audience to hear whatever I was learning about that week, delivering a strong blow to my stage-fright, throwing bullion cubes to people who answered questions correctly one day (very entertaining for me) , and learning about marketing ("teaching is the best way to learn"). Having people tell me I was the best teacher they’ve ever had was also pretty damn nice, maybe the nicest compliment I’ve ever received. Looking forward to doing it again.

BASS KICK BALL

I am entering an NCAA pool. I have not watched a college basketball game since college. But, I will win based on this simple collection of tips I've compiled over the years of not watching basketball:

Never bet on any Louisiana team because they pronounce it 'Losey-anna' .

Never bet on the Boise Bracketsmashers because, more often than not, the bracket smashes them.

Always bet on the Transylvania Casketballers, even though they're typically disqualified in the first round (from biting, casketing the ball).

When in doubt, abide by the formula [A-X*Y(X/Y)] where A=basketball, Y=basketball, and X= raging college penis.

Find the player with the best signature move. Frankie "Best Signature Move" Robinson of Texas T&A University is usually the one. Then, don't bet on his team.

Find the player with Universititis. He has a mysterious dorm-related rash, so bet on his team.

Does any player wear excessive arm and leg bands? Yes=sure bet. No=dripping sweat.

For good luck, keep a cue tip in your ear throughout the tournament. Little known fact: if your team wins, it will be sucked in and pop out the other ear. If your team loses anyway, it will just blacken and fall out--no harm done.

Most people pull their hair during tense plays. They will lose. Get a leg up by yanking at your pubes instead, tense play or not. You may lose, but at least you won't look like an idiot pulling your hair.

Insert Caption Here:

musings cont'd

post traumatic stress: gaping asshole.

I found the mole!!!: Something I overheard today.


with kyle's musings has come a wave of inappropriate text messages. Here's how his texts progress over the course of one week...

mmm, jeremy cake.

hot jeremy gush.

just picture it...your gush, red hot, dribbling down clooney's chin.

open: butt
enter: nut

jeremy is wrist deep

in my throat

put yr toe down my throoooooooad...yeah yeah...throooooooooat oat oat yeah yeah ungh ungh

ungh ungh...now put your butt down my throat...now take out..now put it back in...now out...now in..gulp gulp ungh grrrrr

now take it out an hold it there, teasing me...then dip it down, but raise it right back up...I want it but you wont give it to me...and then you do, suddenly.


Yr but jamming down my throat...ungghhhh

Now...put yr butt in the microwave until its red hot...then I want you to burnnnn me with it...

Now...take yr butt and put it in the firdge...nice n cool...then freeeeeze me with...it so good...

Now...but it back in my mouth...i want to thaw it there so good...

Now...grease yr butt..now wipe it dry and shave it...now let some stubble grow...now scraaaape it down my forehead.


This then follows with a picture of his new baby girl.

I felt I had to share this with someone, but knew even close friends couldn't handle these thoughts. Last hope...the cousin blog.

I can understand talks of my hot gush on clooneys chin, but scraping my greased butt stubble on your face may be a little tough to handle if accidentally read by an unknowing victim of the imagery. I went to show someone the baby picture and had to hide the phone until I pulled it up, which looks kinda strange. I was laughing as I showed off the picture though, which also looked kinda strange.

Musings III

Musings: what happen when I go on mental leave from science to prep for the baby.

Balvenie 15 year scotch: see above.

Ice Dancing: just an excuse to wear more fabric

Boxer shorts: see above.

Underrated: briefs, briefs, briefs. And legal briefs. And neck fat that flaps in the wind.

Overrated: Office 2007, gourmet Mac N Cheese, stink in my fireplace fire, marbles.

Countries represented in my lab: US, Lebanon, Spain, Germany, Japan, Israel, France, Switzerland, China, Canada

Countries represented in lab at 9:00am: US, china.

Rob’s Hot Gush: should be a signature mixed drink.

Jake N Bake: my morning routine.

Modern rock: eh.

Postmodern rock: Jeremy’s balls flapping against the bathroom tile.

I’m not sure who first used the word “nod” in Oscar conversation, but it has gotten way out of control.

Bukkake: what any good Powerpoint presentation ends with.

tear jerking highschool diary

I found and read my mandatory highschool diary today. I had to write in it everyday. Its got about 20 pages of complaining about having to bullshit my way through writing everyday and making fun of the teacher. As far as I can tell, I wrote every assignment during class before it was due. I had a very low grade at first because I didn't know she would read it. Here's some of the better quotes.

"now we are going to disect a poem and tear out every ounce of beauty it once had."

"I guess its really moving to say gospel instead of gospel music. Crazy bitch."

2/15 points for those last two, which were from the same day.

"They say music can soothe even a savage beast, but if it doesn't then you're screwed.
What if you play music the beast doesnt like? then all you did was piss it off."

"I finally found a pen that doesn't puke ink and smear."

"Russel is about to throw something at Lee becuase he is snoring so loud. Its a weird bubbly, growling sort of noise. Lee is awake now. huge red mark on his forehead. awesome. We are now harassing Lee. good stuff."


Ahhhh highschool.

Ps. Lee's last name is Gizarelli. Needless to say, we harrassed him for being gumpy and having a last name with the word jiz in it.

Musings II

Brace yourself...for a Meatwave.

Ombudsman believes the MIT loose cannon won't be a problem, I’m told. How, why: Dunno.

Polanski: if only he didn’t make such awesome movies.

Pol Potski: if only I weren't spoken for...

Last night Sean laid down on his belly like he was ready for a massage, and then said "Tickle me."

The Magnetic Fields: a good show

My jock: ready for whatever life throws it

Rat poo: smelly

Rat poo: all over

overheard quotes from work

"I looked over the his shoulder when he opened up the guy and said "OHH!! Awesome!! Whats that thing?"

"I think I've got...4 breasts?"

"Yup, thats me. I'm the pee queen."

"I'm in over my head with all this urine."

"There's some guys leg in the fridge and its starting to make the bloodbank stink."

"Its your turn to poke the combative drunk guy."
In responce: "OK, but the last one spit on me while I was trying to poke him."

"YEA! I found the stool sample!"


This ones a little old and a little morbid, but still kind of funny...
"Happy valentines day, here's a stillborn."

More to come. I just started writing these down.

Musings

Baby: eminent. Name, face: TBD. Belly: bursting.

My body, in excitement: undulating.

Sean’s nightmare last night: there was a dragon and a pig in his bed, and the dragon was petting him.

Good band name and hit single: Smooth Sailing, by Obstacle Illusion

I watch about as little Denver basketball as is possible, but am completely fed up with this Birdman idiot.

woa, yes, woa, yes, woa woa, yes yes YES: as heard during Olympic curling, or while
I made pudding tonight?

Valentine’s gift from your kid: pretty awesome.

True story from the halls of MIT neuroscience: Totally randomly I was shoved into a revolving door. Then come to find it is a grad student, and that there have been similar incidents, including violently kicking a door, other shovings, etc. Figure he is about to pop. It’s been taken to the MIT officials. Time will tell.

Beefy Russian hockey star: Sergei Groundchuck

Are highly intermittent bursts of fast jogging good for my body?

Prior locations for a conference I get to attend this summer for the first time: New Zealand, Scotland castle. This summer’s location: Jersey Shore.

In hotel hot tub yesterday, 5-ish year old hops in, yaps at me in usual 5-ish year old way. Then sits in front of jet and says “Ohhhhhh baby, that’s the stuff.” Then, “This hottub is hot! But not as hot as womens. There’s some there. You should talk to them. They like that”.

Fart: toilet appetizer.

Skid marks: doggy bag.

more links

so, to follow the last two posts of youtube videos, heres mine. p.s. my internet is really slow and I didn't watch this video, so hopefully its the right one...

most unnecessary stunts in a chase scene:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p310Y0tctr8


another random twofer
http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/1K5mJ2/www.youshouldhavealsoseenthis.com/

I can't get the N64 one out of my mind.
Hit the stumble button in the top left corner to be put to a random site.

Best Dramatic Scene Ever

From The Room:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a-FSddF8p_U&feature=PlayList&p=123801CAA4C89BD7&index=9

ps- you guys really need to see this movie.

Best Fight Action Ever

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_K9AxO5t4BE

Favorite part?

Butt Sneeze

Hilarious Gracism:

After a surprise fart she says "oops, my butt sneezed."

Projecto

I am doing a project and I would like some thoughtful information from yous.

What information would you like about drugs? Either when you have gotten a prescription (or child's), grabbed tylenol for a headache, or drunken too much coffee.

Who do you picture giving you this information? Dr. in lab coat, hippie with dreads telling you how "heady" it is, or college dude with thick glasses?

What questions about drugs do you have?

The more info the better.

Examples

In most gangsta movies, at some point, someone is made an example of. The idea is that all the haters out there are plottin and scheming to do someone dirty, and they need a nice vivid example of the consequences.

Lately I've been thinking a lot about how we can do the same thing for ourselves. Let's say you're struggling with will-power. You could either say, I spend so much time doing shit I don't want to be doing, I've got shit for will-power. Then you start to believe it, and the problem reinforces itself. Or, you could make an example of yourself. The best way to do this is to have some overly dramatic representation of will-power. This serves two purposes: it shows the painful consequences and reminds you that you are capable of will-power. Maybe you fast for 48 hours. Maybe you work all night. Maybe you don't watch TV for 2 weeks. Maybe you brush your teeth 30 times in one day. Whatever. What's important is that you have some vivid representation that you're capable of great feats of will. Then, when you're plottin and schemin to be a piece of shit some sunday, one of the first things that pops into your mind is this example, reminding you that weakness is punished, and you have the capacity to behave how you believe you should.

I just did one of these. I used to really pride myself on my willingness to do random adventures. Trips, games, anything. It was bigger than just priding myself on it, I considered it a key part of my identity, and one of the best parts of life. I've gotten away from that a little, and started thinking that everything I did should to be planned and logical. This is bad. So when an opportunity to make an example presented itself I took it. I just put in a request to get tickets to the world cup this summer in south africa. by myself. This was neither planned nor logical. Good.

Just cuz

Random CO pictures to move this blog along:





Also, a random question:
Is "pear ass" a good thing or a bad thing?

Creative Lewdness

Have you ever seen the american express commercial where they make everday items (purses, couches, chairs, sinks, vacuums, etc.) look like faces?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D9LzO_nLVIc

For some reason I love that commercial. Anywho, I think we can do better and I propose a contest where everyone submits their own picture or pictures. Winner gets a special gift from me of my choosing.

Major points will be awarded for creative lewdness.

Here are a few lame attempts (lacking in lewdness) by me:

Kyle got drunk and farted at my dad.

Over the holidays I like to reflect on the past year, the ups and downs, the bests and worsts. I encourage you to make a list too. Why? Just make the fucking list.

* Favorite movie despite not having seen any of the year’s top rated: Public Enemy
* Favorite (and only) live show: Andrew Bird
* Favorite side characters that steal the friggin show: Andy (The Office), street corner thug (Gran Torino), Jimmy Smits (Dexter), Charlie (Its Always Sunny...)
* Movie that, on revisiting again in my head this year, still think is the most monstrously overrated movie of the decade: Crash (2004)
* God’s cheese gift to me: Dubliner cheese
* Biggest cheese mistake of ’09: last week’s homemade Roquefort & refried bean quesadilla
* Favorite Children’s show I’ve grown to absolutely hate: Yo Gabba Gabba
* Favorite Children’s show that aint so bad: Backyardigans
* Favorite Mr. Stinky: the one down there
* Least favorite weird thing: suddenly gaining weight; my weight has never fluctuated much, then bam, I turn 30 and here comes the pound packing.

Macgyver

A decently amusing story:

I left the bar at 2am last night and went back to my apartment and found myself locked out of it. No fault of my own actually, but that's not relevant to the story. I thought about calling a few friends I was out with so I could crash on their couch, but decided it would cost me a few hours of sleep to deal with getting there and getting back to my place in the morning before I gave my class their final at 10AM, and that breaking into my apartment would present a good challenge. I got really into Macgyver as a stoner undergrad, and figured I had seen enough episodes that I was capable of this. I have seen him break into doors with a credit card, and decided that was the plan.

I figured what I had to do was get the card between the wall and the metal-lock piece that sticks into the wall. This wasn't going to happen; there was a metal shelving for that thing, which I'll call the "penis" for sake of clarity. So the penis was nestled into the vagina, and there was no way my card was coming between the two. Far too big.

I decided what had to be done was to rip the card so it could fit in there. I chose my "check card" which I'm still not sure what it does, and ripped that into a strip that would fit into the vagina. It fit! But there was no way that it was going to be strong enough to push the penis back into the door. I was stuck.

I have also seen movies where people kick down doors, so I decided that was worth a try. I did some stretching (the last thing I needed at that point was a pulled hammy) and decided on body-checking the door instead of kicking it. I left the card piece in there, thinking that might help. So I drilled the door with my body (shoulder is a little sore) but it didn't open. It did seem to move a bit, and when I went back to the door, I could see into the vagina a little better. The penis was still fully in there, but the door was now able to be pushed back far enough where I could almost touch the penis with my finger. I also woke some neighbors. I went back to work with the card, not wanting to completely destroy my door a day before leaving for 3 weeks.

I ripped my check card into 4 strips that I could fit between the penis and vagina, but I still couldn't get any push back on the penis. So I took another credit card and tried to weasel that in, and thought I felt the penis push in. I did that for about 5 minutes, but still didn't feel like I was pushing in on the penis with enough strength. I made it 3 credit cards, and instantly knew I was onto something. Eventually I put a corner of the 3 cards into the vagina, behind the penis (the path was cleared by the ripped card strips still in there) and twisted the cards other corner so it went between the door and the wall, and the door opened. I stood there confused for a second, not really sure what happened. Then I pumped my fists triumphantly and ate some pie.

The end.

Tricky Smit

One trick I like to play, though not really a good idea, is to lead Sean into a tough topic and have him ask Dee about it. Today's was spurred on by a blood drive sign: "Sean, do you want to do a blood drive?", "What's a blood drive?", "Ask your mommy". Then after explaining that it is for grown ups that donate blood for sick people, Sean says "But I'm not sick, so I can eat blood."

The Douchies

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Counter

I have added a counter to our blog. Brant's dubious claim that we are getting to be a big deal on the interweb can now be verified. Or maybe Brant was just claiming that he was a big deal. That can only be verified by flexing in front of a mirror.

I predict that we average about 10 hits a day, 9 of them from us, and one from a male jake-stalker, but we'll see.



It gives me lots of fun stats that I'll share at some point. What hour people go to the site, what sites and search engines they came from, what countries, operating systems, browsers....

Let the counting begin.

Inside Joke Nursery Rhymes

This is a bit of an inside joke and it's pretty disgusting, but I find it hilarious, so here's the story:

The Background
My friend Adam is a pretty laid back guy. Never really gets worked up or excited or worried about anything. He lives with my friend Marc, and we all occasionally hang out with the friends of Marc's girlfriend, Jessica. One of Jessica's friends has earned the nickname "the trucker" by being a disgusting, sloppy, foul-mouthed, rude, extremely unattractive person.

Tonight, My friends and I are going to party at Marc's house with many of Jessica's friends, including the trucker. Adam will be out of town with his family for thanksgiving.

It turns out that the trucker is dating a 40 year old man that I've never met, but he's been described to me as "broken down" and "unemployed." For some reason, Adam forsaw a possibility of the trucker and her boyfriend sleeping in his room, and he very seriously said that he will move out if Marc allows this to happen. He's just terrified of this possibility. It's probably the most serious I've ever seen him about anything. So, naturally, we're terrorizing him about it on the fantasy basketball message board that we share. Some highlights:

The Comment that started it:
I'm dedicating this week's victory over David to you. The absolute domination of his team will pale in comparison to the sexual domination that the Trucker will host in you bedroom while you are out of town.

I'm going to stay sober all night just to set a seductive trap for The Trucker and her boyfriend. You room will be full of scented candles, beef jerky, and a CB radio. The Trucker will be in full heat when sees these and your room will be the spot where the consummate their first Trucker child.

Adam's Response (after a few others)
I do not appreciate these posts. I do not find any humor in the idea of the Trucker coming into physical contact with me or any of my personal effects, let alone fucking a beaten down 40 year old man in my bed. Rest assured that when I return from vacation, my "Trucker Sense" will tell me whether you have managed to get any truckers into my room. If so, my revenge will come back ten-fold on all of your heads.

Some characteristic filth from my friend Drew
Rumor has it, the trucker is into anal....so don't be surprised if her old man boyfriend leaves behind some bloody trucker poop streaks as well.

Another good disgusting comment
I don't think you'll need your "Trucker Sense" when you slip on the brown tampon on your floor and fall into a white crusted dental dam.

I'm not looking forward to meeting the "Trucker Fucker" so I can only imagine how you feel about them making love all over you personal belongings.

(naturally, the term "trucker fucker" has really caught on)


My recent contribution:
Marc just told me that Adam's last words before he left were, "do whatever is necessary to keep that trucker out of my room."

In the spirit of the holidays, I've written some nursery rhymes dedicated to the horrible squirting that will go down in that room this very night. Also a few tongue-twisters as a warm-up.

How many truckers would a trucker fucker fuck if a trucker fucker could fuck truckers?

Trucker fucker humped the junk of chunky trucker

(sung to the tune of Mary had a little lamb)
Wienner had a little bed, the mattress soft as snow. And when he left to go on break, the bed got streaked with poo.

(sung to the tune of humpty dumpty)
Trucker fucker screwed in your room
Trucker fucker came with a boom
And all of the whores, and all of the men
Couldn’t get your sheets clean again.

There once was a wiens from bloomfield
Who did not want his room filled
But a trucker got in
And with a big toothless grin
Got fucked all over his pillows

(sung to the tune of the itsy bitsy spider)
The stinky stinky trucker, went in to Adam’s bed
In came the trash, and started getting head
Out came the cum, all over adam’s stuff
But the stinky stinky trucker, had not yet had enough

Momentous Occasion

Cuzzins, Sean has developed the dreaded Cournoyer weak stomach. Today he pooped, then gagged, then said "poop is yucky". This is the third incident. Recently he gagged at pee in the toilet, and also at the site of a green leaf on the ground (not knowing what it was beyond a mysterious green blob...he also requested a napkin for it).

Bri, Bubb, it's in the genes. I mean jeans.

You asked for two filthy new phrases, you got em

The ol' think and stink.
Taking a two.

Yeah, well my happy trial runs all the way to my back.
Appropriate response for just about anything.

cousin party

Rubb, when you get a chance can you remove the picture montage and can you change the blog title to cousin party or something. I think we are getting to be a big deal out there on the internet. And it appears some giant puss from my school is creepin around like a creep. Luckily I know who it is and I have experience in the dark art of splitting bodies like phone books. Im gunna get physical all over this person. The whole scene is going to go down something like this famous Eraser quote, Arnold Schwartzenager plays detective John Kimble....

[John wakes up from a drug-induced sleep]
Robert: Confused, pal? New York.
John: You're off course.
Robert: No, no we're not. You're gonna take us to her John.
[John reaches for his gun. Robert holds up his gun in a plastic bag]
Robert: You did a very, very bad thing, John. You killed Monroe. Now that makes you the mole.
John: No, that makes you a murderer.

The Room

Have any of you seen the movie The Room? You all need to see it so we can talk about it on the blog. Kate and i watched it this weekend. Easily the best worst movie of all time. You need to watch it at least 2-3 times in order to fully grasp the awesomeness of it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yCj8sPCWfUw

Also, make sure to watch the interview at the end.

Natasha is Dead!!!

I hate to be the one to report this but Natasha is dead!

http://www.montrealgazette.com/news/Cournoyer+suspect+dark+past/2195374/story.html

Did you know about this? Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Halloween Pics

I read the last post, took a deep breath, and went forward anyway. Sean is usually not allowed near brown friends.

Rob's Brown Friend

• Is really an orange-brown
  
• Loves long showers and silk boxers
• Puckers once for yes, twice for no
• Cries real tears when sick
• Could use some anti-aging cream...badly
• Moans deeply, sadly when full
• Feels like a third wheel sometimes
• Doesn't really care for hot sauces
• Secretly wishes that life had a meaning
  

handys

I can now effectively brush my teeth with my left hand. My writing has not improved at all. Govinda and I went to kettle moraine(northern unit) this weekend and did some quintessential fall hiking. There are some shelters along the ice age trail (crosses the state) that you can reserve. Seem like a pretty sweet deal for ease of access. I also heard that there is a ski area in northern wisconsin/up area that you can rent yurts for 200$ a night and sleep 10 people, have showers, and are heated. More on this to come. I'll uplord some pictures of the area soon...Indian reservation casinos still have plenty of fear and loathing that vegas now lacks...basterds owe me money too.

Girly Things

Iit's a girl, if I didn't mention. The names we are considering:

Ms. Winifred Spank

That is all.

Shower Confessional

Washing my hair is the last thing I do in the shower. It feels good to get that off of my chest.

I encourage you all to clear your conscience. For example, J Face could go ahead and admit that, when he washes his holes, he's knuckle deep. There - you are healed.

WHIPIT JAY JAY FACE HAS TO POO!!!

I've had to poo all day long, but since I work in a hospital, I'm very afraid of the toiletes at work. I've seen some real bad ones that made me afraid to poo in the bathrooms there. One bad one was all bloody and had some thick black liquid on(not in) it. I have no idea of the horrors those bathrooms have seen. To make things worse, the bathrooms for employees are very small, not well ventilated, and very close to work stations. Out of respect for my cooworkers, I do not poo in those, especially not after some weird meatloaf sandwich that started this whole train of events. I am now home, its been many hours since I new I had to poo, and the bathroom is being pooed in. We are low on tp and I am getting anxious and nervous.

I debated not entering any text here, leaving the title to tell the story. I believe that it would not have done this feeling justice.

The door just opened and the fan is not on. I don't know what I'm getting into, but my intuition tells me nothing pleasent is about to happen.

ambisexterity

I do some rock climbing.
Strong right arm weak left.
Make left stronger.
Have others made left stronger?
Write one paragraph a day lefty.
Track progress.
Must do other exercise for left.
Fug you right arm.

Hot Sauce

What can I say, I love the sauce. A clear favorite is Cholula. This is just delectable on mexican food, eggs, meats, anything. Another favorite is Marie Sharp's, from Belize. This is carrot based - and delicious. Try it on pizza or meatloaf, or Belizian rodent. You will think you've died and gone to carrot-based hot sauce heaven.

Now, before Rubb chimes in, Tiger Sauce is a fine hot sauce. Especially on eggs. But I've had enough of it; it's played out. And just a bit too runny. But good, don't get me wrong.

Ladies and gentlemen, I want to now introduce you to the idea of farting into a balloon, then blowing it up, then releasing it into a crowd.

Ladies and gentlemen, I want to introduce you to the idea of farting in the pocket of a calzone.

That is all.

clever names

Heyo,
I am taking part in a charity to raise funds for mens health where men grow mustaches for November. I am on a team and need a team name; one that exudes manlyness. Riff On!

Sweet Ass Shoes

Guys, listen, I'm looking for some sweet ass shoes. Anyone have a brand/style to recommend? No more Adidas. I know Bubb is rocking the Kenneth Cole's, and Puddin Tame is working the Birkenstocks-with-wool socks look.

Entrepenisualism

So I was thinking about Rubb's idea to start a some sort of business...actually I was drinking coffee, driving, and dreaming about what it would be like to be a cowboy (would I have been a cowboy? what is the modern equivalent of a cowboy?). I have a Harley Davidson bandanna that I like to wear around my face pretending I were an outlaw cowboy; I jump at any occasion to do this. The frigid Wisconsin winter bicycle commutes give me excuse. To get back to the point, I was thinking that one could manufacture at a pretty reasonable cost some pretty cool bandannas and sell them. I like the idea of giving a large portion of the profits to charity and I think that this would be a critical element to selling an overpriced bandanna. On the idea of having different products reflect different charities, one could have local cultural patterns signify the charity to which you donated. For example a Native American pattern bandanna that gives its profits to some reservation charity. Or a traditional African cloth pattern for an Africa charity. I think it would be reasonable to charge $20 or $25 for a nice cloth bandanna, especially one that has charity built into its price. The bandanna is an extremely versatile item too that is used by many different segments. Snowboarders are now using bandannas in the fashion I mentioned above, athletes use them for sweat, hipsters tie them around their wrists, you could continue the list forever. More coffee...I was thinking I have wanted to ride my bike out to Colorado, but if I were to do it, might as well at least make an attempt at doing it for some charity or the like. One could use personal feats like this as promotion for a product. I also thought that one could use the bike messenger system in large cities as promotion vehicles for a product such as this. These are just my coffee fueled thoughts and after the buzz faded, so too went my enthusiasm.

random banana

So I just followed a link to Matt's other blog: Random Banana. Its on his profile if any one is interested.

I'm not sure what to think. The last post was from january talking about new years resolutions, one of which was to write more, which I found ironic. Upon further reading, I came across a post about velarian root. I went into it curious about what it did, how it felt, and so on, and I came out knowing the very graphic nature of his bedtime shenanigans with the wife. There was one sentance, and one sentance only, describing the non-gaseous effects of the root. It says "PS-Valerian Root Extract gives you weird dreams."


I also noticed that below were I am now typing, the first example of "Labels for this post" is scooters. the second and third are vacation and fall respectively. How the hell is scooters more common of a topic than adventures and seasonal change? There can't be more than five blogs in all of blogsville that is entirely about scooters. Does anyone even have them anymore and who is going to go out on the internet and talk about it in detail. I couldn't even force an entire post about scooters if I had to. "It was shiney and fun and awkward." done.

Business Plan

I've had this idea for a business for a while, and lately I've become sort of obsessed with it. I would be interested in starting this business with one of you if you like it. I think it could be extremely successful, and would make the world a much better place.

The Idea: A pro-social alternative to diamonds. A gemstone similar in price and prettiness, but the profit goes to charities instead of diamond companies who raise rice by controlling supply, and exploit native populations.

There are two reasons people wear diamonds and other jewelry: They're pretty and they signify wealth. They could also signify caring about poor people or disease or the environment, while not sacrificing the other two reasons.

So basically people would buy jewelry from us at a high price, and the profit would go to some charity of our or their choosing. The jewelry would have a unique look, that after a marketing campaign would be tied to our company and would signify that the wearer cares about making the world a better place.

I really think it would be quite successful. Part of the reason everyone wore those livestrong bracelets was because it was a way to show people you donated to cancer research. It's extremely trendy to show that you care about the environment and less fortunate populations. Celebrities would love it, and that would be a ton of free publicity. Jewelry is a huge industry, both in terms of number of users and revenue, but most users a little frustrated by the feeling that the money is wasted. Displays of wealth and rampant consumerism aren't all that hip anymore. But displays of caring are. My education in marketing would probably help us get funding, support, and publicity.


I haven't made final decisions about everything. The key question is what we actually sell. Maybe it's a fake diamond that is colored. Maybe different colors signify different causes (green=environment, red=disease, etc). Maybe we do some fancy dying technique and it's really multi-colored. Maybe it's cut differently, like in a sphere or an angel. Maybe it's a different identifiable gem that we would buy up and then sell at a marked up price. Maybe it's not a gem but a material (so not a diamond alternative but a gold alternative). It just has to be unique and recognizable. It probably should be difficult to fake, but I don't think fakes will be too big of a problem.

So there's the idea. I hope to follow through with it, but I need business partners.

Argentina Story

The first thing that I write and that you read should probably be that this story is not going to be all that interesting. Unlike the Peru trip, which involved some serious challenges like the mountain climb and some funny “it’s different out there” anecdotes like goats tied to bus roofs, there really weren’t any dramatic or amusing events in Argentina. So feel free to stop reading. I’m mainly just writing this to see how it will go. I traveled around Argentina for a month, there must be a story worth telling there, right? We will see.



The story starts the way it ends – with horrible diarrhea and the decision that a little bit of butt-coffee isn’t going to slow me down. I had problems when I got there, a cough and severe case of the runs, and after 30 hours of traveling I was a bit weakened. So we went on a bar crawl and to a club until 5AM. It was a fun night; meeting lots of people, getting to know the people I would be traveling with, and some of the more enthusiastic dancing I have ever managed. There was also a hilarious shit in a hilarious bathroom and some vomit during the course of the night, but I interpreted these obvious signs of weakness to mean strength, as I didn’t let them impact my behavior.


Notebook entry from that night: "Is it better to keep these heavy prices (inevetable hangover, vomit, worsening of stomach) in mind as I step into the bipolar embrace of alcohol? No. Because just like the beautiful women who have brought culture to it’s designer-jeaned knees, I too cannot resist a reckless embrace. And once that eye contact is made, an increase in cost just tightens the embrace… On the other hand, keeping the hangover cost salient should remind me that if I can’t walk for a day after dancing, I might as well dance the right way – with beautiful women and without fear or hesitation".


I’ll tell the health story now so I can maybe stop talking about it. It never got better, and towards the end of the trip it was ridiculous. I was crapping water 5-10 times a day, my stomach hurt after every meal, during all exercise, and much of the rest of the time, I had lost 15 pounds, my cough was worse, I developed a head cold, I couldn’t drink 2 beers without throwing up, and I was breaking out in hives covering up to a third of my body in bright red irritating splotches. There was never a time where I let it affect my choice of behavior, which may or may not have been a good decision. When I got back I pooped in cups for a week, and got a giardia diagnosis and some strong pills out of it. I was feeling better by then besides the hives, and now I think I'm 100%.

One extremely fun day was wine tour day. We rented bikes and had a map of 10 wineries all within biking distance of each other. We started off strong, buying a bottle at about 10AM and hugely enjoying walking around the winery and drinking it. We had joined forces with 3 irish kids, and together called ourselves the Blue Angels. “Blue” because we all had blue or greeny-bluey eyes and “Angels” because we were a bike gang. We weren’t the toughest bike gang (wine tasting, intellectual conversation, gratuities), but we did manage to have some trouble with the law, when I fell off my bike in front of our random police escort. Wine tastings there are large wine glasses filled to the brim, so when you go to your 3rd winery and say that you’d like the 4-wine-tasting, you’re going to have trouble with your bike from then on. We made up a drinking game called Knockers to help get the wine down. After we had to return our bikes, we bought a 5 liter jug of wine for 5$ and drank that, then went out all night. We woke up the whole hostel at 5AM yelling at Dave because he lost the paper rock scissors tournament so he had to go sit on the bidet like we agreed, damnit.

The trip went by in a fairly consistent routine. I would wake up and do something slightly touristy, often with my friends from the states or 24hours friends from Ireland or England. This included hiking, skiing, wandering around and shopping in a hungover daze, or going on guided tours of regions with cool geography, kind of like Moab. Then late dinner and bed or late dinner and drinks with interesting people. All fun and interesting, but none particularly story-worthy. I was traveling alone for a lot of this, which added a bit to the interest level.


A few highlights:
-The incredible powder day at Bariloche (2 feet of fresh snow, great terrain, a massive jump, a Venezuelan buddy, and probably being the best skier/boarder on the mountain)

-The Christian amusement park
-The 4 of 4 soccer game

-Rock Climbing
-8AM club night, with real live girl!
-One night I sat at a bar for over an hour by myself and worked on compassion. Just sitting there, sipping beer, and trying to love everyone in the place. Had some success. Actually one of the better nights of the trip.
-All the 24 hours friendships made while traveling alone. (The phrase comes from the fact that it feels like a real friendship, but last less than 24 hours).

-The salt flats. Crazy landscape makes for cool pictures.
-Views of the beauty just outside of the ski town (Bariloche, Patagonia)


A few more notebook entries:
-“I think I have already achieved my goal of renewing my appreciation for some of the everyday pleasures of civilized life that are normally taken for granted – my bathroom and bed, sandwiches and ice cubes, music and silence, and Dear God I need some damn hot sauce.”

-“I’m writing by the light of a heater, which unfortunately provides far more light than heat. Glad I have top bunk.”


-“This is what traveling is all about. Your pants and shoes may be covered in vomit from last night, but you put those nasty fuckers back on and undertake your day of hiking and wine-tasting. You skip the wine-tasting but lose these health points by eating raw meat and spicy goat cheese bought out of the back of a truck in the desert. Then you shart yourself at “The Devil’s Throat” landmark (seen at right), wipe with the cheese wrapper, and travel on.”

-“GI tract just experienced another dishonorable discharge. It will have to be up to the history books whether it’s battles abroad were marked by cowardice or resilience in the face of adversity.”

“This trip is like a fortune cookie with no fortune in it. Sure, it lacks the expected wisdom, wisdom which would provide little more than amusement. But despite it’s hollow nature, it is still a sweet and palette-cleansing, offering a tame, pleasant punctuation mark to a pile of tasty nourishment.

“I will never understand the world’s obsession with dancing. How hours of standing and rhythmically moving the hips is a requirement of a fun night out is just baffling to me”

“Dear body:
Expelling green liquids has not solved your health problems. It’s been over a month. Try something else.”



A few lessons learned:
-Act better than you feel. This is probably the most important one. I never really felt good enough to go on hikes or go skiing or go sit down at a table full of people I don’t know and who require great effort to talk to. I did it anyway, with very few exceptions, and of course I am glad I did. I think this lesson gets more and more important as we age. Does my mom feel good enough to walk to Crested Butte? Probably not, but she’s definitely glad she did it this summer. So this is basically “do it anyway.” When you’re sick, you’ll feel like shit whether you’re laying in bed or out having fun, so you might as well go out. The picture on the right is of a night where I really felt horrible and joined in for a fun night anyway. I threw up on the street about 45 minutes after this picture was taken.
But there’s another meaning to this quote. Act like you’re having fun, even if your stomach hurts. Smiling itself makes you happy (this has been scientifically supported). Act like you’re a great person, even if lately you feel like you’re an asshole. Act like you’re brave, even if you’re terrified of approaching strange girls. Act like you’re outgoing, spontaneous, creative, unique…act how you want to act, even if that’s not really who you think you are. It reminds me of the Aristotle quote “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence is not an act but a habit.” If you act kind or clever, then that’s what you are. It may be a bit forced at first, but it will become natural. Also reminds me of a Jurassic 5 lyric “Be bold, whether platinum or gold.” Even when we don’t feel our best, we’re all still pretty awesome and should act accordingly.

-“Taking care of your body is not a sign of weakness or old age. In moderation, it is part of the recipe for a life well lived.”

-My life in Michigan is actually pretty great.

-“Those with glass stomachs should not eat stones.”

-When you first meet someone, the conversation is pretty boring. Actually, most conversations are boring. The solution to this is to have a list of interesting questions, and the willingness to ask them even though “where are you from” is more socially appropriate. A few I was rocking: “What have you learned on your travels?” “What is the biggest challenge in your life?” “If your trip/life ended right now, what would be your biggest regret?”

-Talk to strangers. Learning, teaching, and meeting interesting people are amongst my favorite things in life, and this should be just as easy to accomplish at home by talking to stranger. Who cares if it’s momentarily uncomfortable at first. Fuck comfort.

-Will power alone does not grant the ability to speak Spanish.

-When I go to a bar with the goal of meeting women, I usually have neither success nor fun.

-LAN airlines is great.

-Wine+Bikes=Awesome

New TV Show

• 
  

Starring Adam Williams and Kyle Smith as pre-teen bad ass detectives.

I call it:

11 Jump Street


Adam will be the charming, overzealous, trigger-happy type with the troubled past.

Kyle will be the humorous and sensible brainiac in charge of keeping Adam in check.

The main villain of the show will be a crime syndicate called the Minor Criminals or MC.


Adam's Tagline: "If looks could kill, I'd be double the nightmare!"

Kyle's Tagline: "Me equals MC scared!"

Taking creative suggestions for the show.

Know what's a pain in the neck? The pain in my neck. It still hurts from the Green Lake tubing fall. Maybe whiplash. If so, Jake, look for some therapy & massage oil bills to be heading your way.

Ready for Reggae

funny joke

Jason came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk (as he often did) and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.

He gave his wife a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.
When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe.
“Who the hell are you?” Demanded Jason, “and what are you doing in my bedroom?”.
The mysterious Man answered “This isn’t your bedroom and I’m St. Peter”.
Jason was stunned “You mean I’m dead!!! That can’t be, I have so much to live for, I haven’t said goodbye to my family…. you’ve got to send me back straight away”.

St Peter replied “Yes you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen.” Jason was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen. A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground.

“This ain’t so bad” he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him.
The farmyard rooster strolled over and said “So you’re the new hen, how are you enjoying your first day here?”
“It’s not so bad” replies Jason, “but I have this strange feeling inside like I’m about to explode”.
“You’re ovulating” explained the rooster, “don’t tell me you’ve never laid an egg before”.
“Never” replies Jason.
“Well just relax and let it happen”.
And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that had ever happened to him… ever!!!

The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt an enormous SMACK on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting “Jason, wake up you drunken bastard, you’re shitting the bed!”

favorite word

this time i thought id do something more interactive.

what is your favorite word and why?



mine is suspiciously because it is so damn flexible.

George Clooney is suspiciously dreamy.
Those boobs are suspiciously large.
I masterbate suspiciously often.
2 girls, 1 cup was suspiciously popular.

rothbury notes

rachael
the forest
masterbating, angry, muddy, naked guy
friendly naked couple
the 2 fiends and the nitrous tank
glowsticks; on frisbee, on strings, in my sleeves
doses,boomers,nugs,baby turtles
rufies,duct tape
kendra dancing to kwitty saying "obama, obama bama, obama, obama bama"
Molly on molly (molly squared)



sts9
chromeo
glitch mob
ani defranco
string cheese(100's of excessively large beach balls, waves of glowsticks, fire spinners, hoola hoopers on mini platforms scattered in the croud)
femi kuti
BREAK SCIENCE FT. ADAM DEITCH
lotus
disco biscuits

Deuce

Dee is red hot preggers. Sean #2 all up in your face March 1. Friends better get busy; we're leaving you in our baby wake.

Name suggestions welcome (gender undetermined as yet). Top contenders:
--Muscles
--Swiss Miss Christmas Smith
--Cptn. Huggies Smith

Bikram Yoga

Jesus fucking monkey sweat. That was ridiculous.

Bikram yoga is 90 minutes of intense yoga stretches in a room heated to about 110 degrees. It is fucking intense. I honestly thought I was going to pass out at that 75 minute mark. By then, whenever she said "rest" I would collapse on my towel, and hear a squishing sound like when you squeeze a sponge because it had so much sweat on it. Then after 3 seconds you do a really fast sit-up-stretch thing and every time I was pretty sure i would fall right back down again. Fuckin ridiculous.

I feel pretty strong now, though still light-headed, brain-dead and dehydrated. I bought a 10-day pass so will try to go at least 7 times in the next 10 days. I enjoy the combination of painful and good for you, and figure there's some chance I will keep this up and be a better person for it.

But still. Shit.

What the fuck?

I'd like to go 30 years into the future to see if cent has replaced cents in the english dictionary for the plural of cent. Because if it has become completely acceptable for cent to be the plural of cent than I'm just going to give up on life right now. If you have 30 pennies, its 30 FUCKING CENTS, PLURAL! Also, if a situation deserves a "what the fuck" just say "what the fuck," don't say or write or think "wtf" unless you're a lazy asshole.


ps-my job blows

also-how much longer are gigantic sunglasses going to be cool, I fucking hate those. Maybe people should just start wearing full facial sunglasses.