Jason came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk (as he often did) and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.
He gave his wife a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.
When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe.
“Who the hell are you?” Demanded Jason, “and what are you doing in my bedroom?”.
The mysterious Man answered “This isn’t your bedroom and I’m St. Peter”.
Jason was stunned “You mean I’m dead!!! That can’t be, I have so much to live for, I haven’t said goodbye to my family…. you’ve got to send me back straight away”.
St Peter replied “Yes you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen.” Jason was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen. A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground.
“This ain’t so bad” he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him.
The farmyard rooster strolled over and said “So you’re the new hen, how are you enjoying your first day here?”
“It’s not so bad” replies Jason, “but I have this strange feeling inside like I’m about to explode”.
“You’re ovulating” explained the rooster, “don’t tell me you’ve never laid an egg before”.
“Never” replies Jason.
“Well just relax and let it happen”.
And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that had ever happened to him… ever!!!
The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt an enormous SMACK on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting “Jason, wake up you drunken bastard, you’re shitting the bed!”
1 comment:
another drunk bastard joke.
Whipit Jay Jay Face was out drinking one night. After about 8 beers, the alcohol got the better of him, and he puked all over his shirt.
"of fuck!" he said, "I told my wife I wouldnt get too drunk tonight and now im fucked"
"have no fear" said his friend, and he put a $20 in Jasons shirt pocket. "Just tell your wife that you were at the pub for dinner and some lush threw up on your shirt and gave you $20 for dry cleaning"
"brilliant" said jason, and he kept on drinking until the early hours, when he finally went home to his wife. She was awake when he got there, and quickly put him on the defense about his shirt and his promise that he wouldnt drink much.
"you dont understand" said jason, "some guy puked on my shirt and put this $20 in my pocket for dry cleaning."
"But theres $40 in there..."
"Well...he shit my pants too"
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