Yelling at the wind.

Sometimes I wish I could yell at entities that couldn't possibly hear me, much less respond to me. Sometimes these entities are inanimate objects, sometimes they are large corporations, and sometimes they are just figments of my imagination. Examples:


The Yellow Pages

Hey Yellow Pages, don't you know that nobody uses you anymore? Don't you know that there's this thing called the interweb where you can get any bit of information you need in seconds? Like phone numbers.....and addresses? You fucking idiot. So stop showing up on my doorstep every six months all new and stupid. I don't care about you anymore. Dick.


Wind

Oh you're a sneaky fucker. Why is that its so painfully obvious when you're working against me but I can never tell if you're actually helping me along the way? I hate you because you're in my face and yet I still can't see you. Oh, and thanks for blowing dirt in my eyes the other day. And I really appreciate it when you flip my umbrella inside out. Nobody likes you except maybe people who sail and no one with any self respect sails.


Zits

What the hell is your purpose?? Seriously, I can't think of any reason why a painful, red, exploding demon on my goddamn face would help me, but thats just me. And by the way, I'm fucking 32 years old! Leave me the fuck alone already! I could make a case against the existence of god purely based on pimples.

Marijuana

I don't remember why I'm mad at you.

The TV

I know you can't hear me but I'm gonna yell at you anyway you fucking sell out. What happened to good wholesome programs like the Dukes of Hazzard(minus the implied racism), Knight Rider(guy talks to a car, love it), Thunder Cats(kinda gay but cool anyway), and Three's Company(awesome 80s guy living with two bimbos)?


Now my choices are shows like: Desperate Housewives(sounds great), The Real Housewives(as if the "fake" ones weren't bad enough), Keeping Up With The Kardashians(apparently the only requirement for celebrity today is a "leaked" sex tape), Pokemon(you're better off puching your kid in the face than letting them watch this shit), and American Idol(this show just proves how stupid human beings are). And this is just the tip of the iceberg on the crap out there.

So fuck you TV, everyone is retarded now because of you.