Sticky Rubb

I have it on good authority that, for many years now, Bubb Rubb has been using the goo from Flex Armstrong for filthy, indecent purposes.

PLEASE HELP MY COLON!!!!

My colon is filthy, and I'm goddamn sick of it. I'm thinking it's high time I considered some serious cleansing. I really have no idea why, but I'm convinced this is a good idea. Does anyone have any suggestions? It certainly doesn't need to be limited to my colon, I'm interested in any techniques that might have a benefit on my stomach, intestines, everything. I want to completely overhaul the whole system. Out with the bad, in with the fragrant ass-water, that's what I always say.

I know Dee had a good experience with a fast (lemon, peppers and water or something?). Could you tell me more about this?

I also know that Brian had a hardcore experience at some sort of colon cleansing retreat, like a colon rehab, which sounds a bit excessive, but I'd love to hear about that too if you're still a member of the cousin party, which we all hope you are. Perhaps a graphic account of your weekend of shitting could be your triumphant return.

Unicorns

In the spirit of new words, I have a new word for 2009: Unicorn

Its a person who is an extremely hard to find double minority.

Examples:

Gay hippie
Black Jew
Obese Vegetarian
Alcoholic Mormon
Muslim Feminist

Insult Archetypes

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Stuff White People Like

Rarely is a web-site impressive enough to have a cousin party pooing devoted entirely to it. Only the most holiest of links are worthy of this honor, such as Garfield Minus Garfield or perhaps that video with 1000 phillipino prisoners dancing to Thriller. The time has come for another recipient of this sacred honor.

I present to you, fair cousins, Stuff White People Like. Click on the stuff white people like for deeper descriptions of stuff white people like.

My new slang

Slinging Hooey
(dealing drugs on the corner)

Free Dinney Blowout
(dinner back at the folks)

Cheap Dinney Crackah
(saltines for dinner)

Wishboning
(breaking a leg, or sex if you have a large member)

Does it smell like awsome?
(appropriate response to most questions)

Flugging
(picking at those protruding mole/skin growth things)

Flugging deep
(picking until it bleeds)

The Choco Taco
(term for filthy act highlighted in Bubb Rubb's earlier post)

Deep Fluggy Choco Taco
(self explanatory)

Mad Libs

I recently went on a trip to a 10th mountain division hut near Basalt. We spent 2 nights there, and brought 2 full sized honey baked hams and about 8 bottles of liquor, despite the 7 mile hike in through deep snow. What follows is an account of the journey that Jeremey and I wrote for the guest book in Mad Libs style, which was then filled in by the group.


13 (headlamps) and a Hut…

• It all began on (4-20-80). 13 friends realized that the best (balls) in life are (stews) and (fucking) with friends, so we booked a hut. The time finally came, and we felt (yellow) and full of (lust).

• The night before, we (exquisitely) packed our bags with plenty of (snow-boots) and (steamy) (ham). We had trouble (pooping) because we were too (pusillanimous)! So we spent the night (masturbating) each other…

• The next morning was as cold as a (giraffe)'s (armpit) so we wrapped ourselves in (ham-bones), but once we started we were sweating like (Justin Timberlake), so we stripped off our (shanks). Once we finally got going, the scenery was so (brownish) that (Mike) (washed). It was tough going and we soon learned who was (hearty) and who was (necessary). After only an hour, (Kelly) (drank). Fortunately, we had Jeremyah, the human (lynx) who was (taking) like a (shitty) (card), and that helped us out a lot. (Rob) and (Bert) spent the hike thinking about (exhaustedly) (stabbing) everything in sight! Whenever we took a break from (pursuing), we felt (krusty). Night came fast like a (gerbil) on crack, and we were so exhausted that we were hallucinating (critters) and (ferret) calls. We finally got to the (tight) hut, which was sweeter than (chafing) a (blister).

• Inside, there was plenty of (sphincter) and enough (o-rings) to (simmer) for the entire winter. After we took off our (nasty) clothes, we warmed ourselves by (blowing) by the (vaginal insert). Soon the table was full of (snowballs) and we ate (sled) and drank (wodka) for hours. Six hours of (stunning) was fueled by (sunny) ham. Everything was (cloudy) until (Jeremyah) (burned) on the (lip), and decided that it was time for bed.

• Saturday afternoon, we spent 4 (chunky) hours (flatulating) through snow, and riding (wood piles) off a (blubbery) jump. We also through lots of (cock-rings) at each other, burying (Ted) and injuring Ben’s (pinky-toe). We (sensuously) ate more ham, cooked (ham stew), and played lots of (ham uno). After the meal, (midgets) were a hot commodity. Fortunately, we had plenty of (beef curtain) wipes and (snow flakes)…

• We must say goodbye now, because tomorrow we have to (stifle) the (Harry Gates Hut).

Hastily,
The Ham Fam