Recently I was given a gift from Kyle and Dee. It was an unopened, medium sized pickle container with the brand name "Crinkle Chips" It was covered with a condom, enclosed in a brown paper bag, and hidden in my car. Unfortunately for Kyle, I never found it in my car and became confused about its origination, because my parents brought it inside for me and told me it was from Kyle. Fortunately for Kyle, the gift has still caused me plenty of discomfort.

First, I opened the bag and wondered why this was given to me. I had no answers. My parents assumed it was an inside joke, and when I told them that I had no idea why this was given to me, they looked at me suspiciously, clearly believing that I was lying to them about my lack of previous experience with Crinkle Chips wrapped in condoms.

Later, I decided to remove the condom because it didnt belong there. It did not go as well as I might have hoped. I struggled to get a grip on it, and when I finally did and gave it a good pull, it stretched several feet and then snapped, engulfing me with that foul powdery condom smell. I gagged and threw it away, and then gagged some more because opening my trash can added a seafood smell to the condom smell. I washed my hands and left the kitchen in disgust.

Two days later, the Crinkle Chips are still where I left them on my counter, and they still have remnants of that powdery condom smell and that slimy condom texture. However, I need pickles and I am confident that the nastiness of the condom has not contaminated the pickles sealed safely inside. On the other hand, I don't really need pickles bad enough to want to handle that jar again. So it sits there, not quite nasty enough to be thrown away, but too nasty to eat out of. Hopefully this stale-mate will be resolved sometime soon. I'll keep you updated.