Counter

I have added a counter to our blog. Brant's dubious claim that we are getting to be a big deal on the interweb can now be verified. Or maybe Brant was just claiming that he was a big deal. That can only be verified by flexing in front of a mirror.

I predict that we average about 10 hits a day, 9 of them from us, and one from a male jake-stalker, but we'll see.



It gives me lots of fun stats that I'll share at some point. What hour people go to the site, what sites and search engines they came from, what countries, operating systems, browsers....

Let the counting begin.

Inside Joke Nursery Rhymes

This is a bit of an inside joke and it's pretty disgusting, but I find it hilarious, so here's the story:

The Background
My friend Adam is a pretty laid back guy. Never really gets worked up or excited or worried about anything. He lives with my friend Marc, and we all occasionally hang out with the friends of Marc's girlfriend, Jessica. One of Jessica's friends has earned the nickname "the trucker" by being a disgusting, sloppy, foul-mouthed, rude, extremely unattractive person.

Tonight, My friends and I are going to party at Marc's house with many of Jessica's friends, including the trucker. Adam will be out of town with his family for thanksgiving.

It turns out that the trucker is dating a 40 year old man that I've never met, but he's been described to me as "broken down" and "unemployed." For some reason, Adam forsaw a possibility of the trucker and her boyfriend sleeping in his room, and he very seriously said that he will move out if Marc allows this to happen. He's just terrified of this possibility. It's probably the most serious I've ever seen him about anything. So, naturally, we're terrorizing him about it on the fantasy basketball message board that we share. Some highlights:

The Comment that started it:
I'm dedicating this week's victory over David to you. The absolute domination of his team will pale in comparison to the sexual domination that the Trucker will host in you bedroom while you are out of town.

I'm going to stay sober all night just to set a seductive trap for The Trucker and her boyfriend. You room will be full of scented candles, beef jerky, and a CB radio. The Trucker will be in full heat when sees these and your room will be the spot where the consummate their first Trucker child.

Adam's Response (after a few others)
I do not appreciate these posts. I do not find any humor in the idea of the Trucker coming into physical contact with me or any of my personal effects, let alone fucking a beaten down 40 year old man in my bed. Rest assured that when I return from vacation, my "Trucker Sense" will tell me whether you have managed to get any truckers into my room. If so, my revenge will come back ten-fold on all of your heads.

Some characteristic filth from my friend Drew
Rumor has it, the trucker is into anal....so don't be surprised if her old man boyfriend leaves behind some bloody trucker poop streaks as well.

Another good disgusting comment
I don't think you'll need your "Trucker Sense" when you slip on the brown tampon on your floor and fall into a white crusted dental dam.

I'm not looking forward to meeting the "Trucker Fucker" so I can only imagine how you feel about them making love all over you personal belongings.

(naturally, the term "trucker fucker" has really caught on)


My recent contribution:
Marc just told me that Adam's last words before he left were, "do whatever is necessary to keep that trucker out of my room."

In the spirit of the holidays, I've written some nursery rhymes dedicated to the horrible squirting that will go down in that room this very night. Also a few tongue-twisters as a warm-up.

How many truckers would a trucker fucker fuck if a trucker fucker could fuck truckers?

Trucker fucker humped the junk of chunky trucker

(sung to the tune of Mary had a little lamb)
Wienner had a little bed, the mattress soft as snow. And when he left to go on break, the bed got streaked with poo.

(sung to the tune of humpty dumpty)
Trucker fucker screwed in your room
Trucker fucker came with a boom
And all of the whores, and all of the men
Couldn’t get your sheets clean again.

There once was a wiens from bloomfield
Who did not want his room filled
But a trucker got in
And with a big toothless grin
Got fucked all over his pillows

(sung to the tune of the itsy bitsy spider)
The stinky stinky trucker, went in to Adam’s bed
In came the trash, and started getting head
Out came the cum, all over adam’s stuff
But the stinky stinky trucker, had not yet had enough

Momentous Occasion

Cuzzins, Sean has developed the dreaded Cournoyer weak stomach. Today he pooped, then gagged, then said "poop is yucky". This is the third incident. Recently he gagged at pee in the toilet, and also at the site of a green leaf on the ground (not knowing what it was beyond a mysterious green blob...he also requested a napkin for it).

Bri, Bubb, it's in the genes. I mean jeans.

You asked for two filthy new phrases, you got em

The ol' think and stink.
Taking a two.

Yeah, well my happy trial runs all the way to my back.
Appropriate response for just about anything.

cousin party

Rubb, when you get a chance can you remove the picture montage and can you change the blog title to cousin party or something. I think we are getting to be a big deal out there on the internet. And it appears some giant puss from my school is creepin around like a creep. Luckily I know who it is and I have experience in the dark art of splitting bodies like phone books. Im gunna get physical all over this person. The whole scene is going to go down something like this famous Eraser quote, Arnold Schwartzenager plays detective John Kimble....

[John wakes up from a drug-induced sleep]
Robert: Confused, pal? New York.
John: You're off course.
Robert: No, no we're not. You're gonna take us to her John.
[John reaches for his gun. Robert holds up his gun in a plastic bag]
Robert: You did a very, very bad thing, John. You killed Monroe. Now that makes you the mole.
John: No, that makes you a murderer.

The Room

Have any of you seen the movie The Room? You all need to see it so we can talk about it on the blog. Kate and i watched it this weekend. Easily the best worst movie of all time. You need to watch it at least 2-3 times in order to fully grasp the awesomeness of it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yCj8sPCWfUw

Also, make sure to watch the interview at the end.

Natasha is Dead!!!

I hate to be the one to report this but Natasha is dead!

http://www.montrealgazette.com/news/Cournoyer+suspect+dark+past/2195374/story.html

Did you know about this? Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Halloween Pics

I read the last post, took a deep breath, and went forward anyway. Sean is usually not allowed near brown friends.

Rob's Brown Friend

• Is really an orange-brown
  
• Loves long showers and silk boxers
• Puckers once for yes, twice for no
• Cries real tears when sick
• Could use some anti-aging cream...badly
• Moans deeply, sadly when full
• Feels like a third wheel sometimes
• Doesn't really care for hot sauces
• Secretly wishes that life had a meaning
  

handys

I can now effectively brush my teeth with my left hand. My writing has not improved at all. Govinda and I went to kettle moraine(northern unit) this weekend and did some quintessential fall hiking. There are some shelters along the ice age trail (crosses the state) that you can reserve. Seem like a pretty sweet deal for ease of access. I also heard that there is a ski area in northern wisconsin/up area that you can rent yurts for 200$ a night and sleep 10 people, have showers, and are heated. More on this to come. I'll uplord some pictures of the area soon...Indian reservation casinos still have plenty of fear and loathing that vegas now lacks...basterds owe me money too.

Girly Things

Iit's a girl, if I didn't mention. The names we are considering:

Ms. Winifred Spank

That is all.

Shower Confessional

Washing my hair is the last thing I do in the shower. It feels good to get that off of my chest.

I encourage you all to clear your conscience. For example, J Face could go ahead and admit that, when he washes his holes, he's knuckle deep. There - you are healed.

WHIPIT JAY JAY FACE HAS TO POO!!!

I've had to poo all day long, but since I work in a hospital, I'm very afraid of the toiletes at work. I've seen some real bad ones that made me afraid to poo in the bathrooms there. One bad one was all bloody and had some thick black liquid on(not in) it. I have no idea of the horrors those bathrooms have seen. To make things worse, the bathrooms for employees are very small, not well ventilated, and very close to work stations. Out of respect for my cooworkers, I do not poo in those, especially not after some weird meatloaf sandwich that started this whole train of events. I am now home, its been many hours since I new I had to poo, and the bathroom is being pooed in. We are low on tp and I am getting anxious and nervous.

I debated not entering any text here, leaving the title to tell the story. I believe that it would not have done this feeling justice.

The door just opened and the fan is not on. I don't know what I'm getting into, but my intuition tells me nothing pleasent is about to happen.

ambisexterity

I do some rock climbing.
Strong right arm weak left.
Make left stronger.
Have others made left stronger?
Write one paragraph a day lefty.
Track progress.
Must do other exercise for left.
Fug you right arm.

Hot Sauce

What can I say, I love the sauce. A clear favorite is Cholula. This is just delectable on mexican food, eggs, meats, anything. Another favorite is Marie Sharp's, from Belize. This is carrot based - and delicious. Try it on pizza or meatloaf, or Belizian rodent. You will think you've died and gone to carrot-based hot sauce heaven.

Now, before Rubb chimes in, Tiger Sauce is a fine hot sauce. Especially on eggs. But I've had enough of it; it's played out. And just a bit too runny. But good, don't get me wrong.

Ladies and gentlemen, I want to now introduce you to the idea of farting into a balloon, then blowing it up, then releasing it into a crowd.

Ladies and gentlemen, I want to introduce you to the idea of farting in the pocket of a calzone.

That is all.

clever names

Heyo,
I am taking part in a charity to raise funds for mens health where men grow mustaches for November. I am on a team and need a team name; one that exudes manlyness. Riff On!

Sweet Ass Shoes

Guys, listen, I'm looking for some sweet ass shoes. Anyone have a brand/style to recommend? No more Adidas. I know Bubb is rocking the Kenneth Cole's, and Puddin Tame is working the Birkenstocks-with-wool socks look.

Entrepenisualism

So I was thinking about Rubb's idea to start a some sort of business...actually I was drinking coffee, driving, and dreaming about what it would be like to be a cowboy (would I have been a cowboy? what is the modern equivalent of a cowboy?). I have a Harley Davidson bandanna that I like to wear around my face pretending I were an outlaw cowboy; I jump at any occasion to do this. The frigid Wisconsin winter bicycle commutes give me excuse. To get back to the point, I was thinking that one could manufacture at a pretty reasonable cost some pretty cool bandannas and sell them. I like the idea of giving a large portion of the profits to charity and I think that this would be a critical element to selling an overpriced bandanna. On the idea of having different products reflect different charities, one could have local cultural patterns signify the charity to which you donated. For example a Native American pattern bandanna that gives its profits to some reservation charity. Or a traditional African cloth pattern for an Africa charity. I think it would be reasonable to charge $20 or $25 for a nice cloth bandanna, especially one that has charity built into its price. The bandanna is an extremely versatile item too that is used by many different segments. Snowboarders are now using bandannas in the fashion I mentioned above, athletes use them for sweat, hipsters tie them around their wrists, you could continue the list forever. More coffee...I was thinking I have wanted to ride my bike out to Colorado, but if I were to do it, might as well at least make an attempt at doing it for some charity or the like. One could use personal feats like this as promotion for a product. I also thought that one could use the bike messenger system in large cities as promotion vehicles for a product such as this. These are just my coffee fueled thoughts and after the buzz faded, so too went my enthusiasm.