Daily Rubb

Semantics:
So then I told the proctologist, you may have a fancy degree, but you don't know the first thing about fingering an ass.
then he reminded me that he was just a homeless guy that I lured into my apartment with promises of beef burritos.
He also had a hook for a hand.

I have bronchitis. There's new snow out and I would like to ski on it but my general weakness and breathing difficulty would take the fun out of it. I wonder if we should do things we don't want to do just because we had previosuly considered them fun. I see the widespread use of viagra as a good example of this, and one that will lead me to skiing tomorrow.

I will be choosing a slightly better program in ann arbor or gainesville over boulder or vancouver for 5 years of grad school, and it will upset me.

I want to change how comments work, so they just pop up instead of opening a new page. i think this is possible.

I'm going to Peru in about a month. Want to come Brant? Machu Picchu beckons.

I just read Hobo, which is another good Matt recommendation, and also Less Than Zero by Brett Easton Ellis. Ellis is great.

uhh

Hello......ello.....llo.....lo.....ooooo..

Excuse my language but where the fuck is everyone on this blog?? Pretty soon we can start calling this the
JAKE and MATT BLOG EXPERIENCE with specials guests Kyle and Dee. Reading my own posts isn't very exciting. So where are you bryan, kate, rob, jeremy, maggie, molly, adam, kerry?? Seeing as how none of these cousins will actually read this I've taken the liberty of replying for them:

Maggie: I'm only allowed to post on Jim Beam's blog.

Kate: Wait, there's a cousin blog?? When did that happen?

Bryan: I don't know how to use the new setup. Gerda, Gerda. Its too complicated for me. Gerda, Gerda, Gerda. I'm too stoned. Gerda, Gerda, Gerda, Gerda, Gerda.

Adam: I fucking hate blogs. People who use computers are losers. You all suck. I have a Canondale Skyscaper Hopper 9000 SE with dual X-Shock Compatibility and overhead rims. Kiss my ass!

Kerry: I'm afraid of the blog.

Jeremy: I pierced all my fingers and can't type anymore.

Rob: My job is too demanding, I have no time. Blogging is impermanent.

Molly: Nobody cares about me. Blogging is so 2006.

poobits

I'm really starting to feel this new blog. I can definitely get the feeling something good is happening here. I agree with Invincible Anus that random, though emotion filled, gibberish is better than mindless picture posting and youtube videos. One can't deny the new technologies and opportunities that they open up, but this blog was built for communication. How many brazilions of websites are there out there with mindless pictures and videos (I'm thinking hardcore porn)?

On another note, I am assuming Crafty Wannabe cannot keep up with the high-fi sci-fi intensive programming codes needed to operate the new blogger. Hence his lack of participation. Even Kyle can do it! Sure everyone knows he is a neuroscience Doogie Howser, but what they don't know is that he has a hard time slingin' his sausage fingers 'round a keyboard

After a year of getting the life sucked out of me, by pharmacy school applications (GREs, PCATs, interviews, essays, etc.) I was finally accepted to Midwestern University (200 of 2000 applicants), the University of Wisconsin (13 out of state students including international were admitted last year), and I have a University of Illinois Chicago interview next Tuesday which I am going to slay babies at. For the interview they mandate a suit and tie...Saweet!

If I'm not bloggin' here I blog here.

When in doubt, castle.

So this is the new blogger, same as the old blogger. Awesome.

I'm here to dispell the rumor(started by some fella named Brant) that babies are blog killers. While babies do diminish ones abilities to: sleep, eat peacefully, have a nice quiet bathroom session, think, go to the bars, get (really) stoned, watch tv, read, have sex, and so on. They aren't blog killers.

Blog killers are certain cuzzins'(who won't be named) lack of participation in said blogging.

Anyway I've noticed that much of my recent or pre-baby blogging has been mindless picture and link posting. So, I decided to put together a thoughtful and possibly pretentious posting of random jibberish(for lack of a better word).

(By the way I want you to know that I did not intend to use so many parenthesis, it just kind of happened. On a interesting side note I've heard semicolons referred to as; transvestite hermaphrodites representing absolutely nothing.)

My first thought is on celebrities, namely Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, and Paris Hilton, and anyone else in that mold for that matter. I was going to go on and on about how much I hate them and then I realized: fuck them, I don't fucking care about them or anyone else with similar notoriety. I don't even know them, what the fuck is wrong with me? Without their fame and money they'd be just another hick in the local police blotter. Fuck the media too. Its really amazing how much of a market there is for people that most of america will never meet.

Ok that thought was a little too long. My second thought is that most street performers suck.

And while I'm in the bitching mode: I absolutely despise cellular ear pieces. Hate em. I do love the people that are so important that they leave them in all day regardless of whether they have a phone call or not or on the subway where there isn't any reception. Congrats to them, they are one step closer to being a cyborg.

One thing I've learned from living in New york City which seems to pride itself on non-conformity is that: True individualists do not realize they are unique.

Finally in a effort to not make this post too long winded, I would like to share some recent discoveries of mine.

Book suggestions

Earth Abides by George Stewart--an end of the world tyoe book written in 1949

The Tao of Willie by Willie Nelson--sounds cheesy but its very insightful and entertaining

My Belief by Herman Hesse--big fan of any of his books

The Road by Cormac McCarthy--another apocalyptic type book

A Man Without a Country by Kurt Vonnegut--just an awesome book, can read it in a day

Funniest Piece of Advice

"When in doubt, castle" I've been thinking on this one for a week.

Best Old Definitions

Twerp: A guy who stuck a set of false teeth up his butt and bit the buttons off the backseats of taxicabs.

Snarf: A guy who sniffed the seats of girls' bicycles.

Best Album I've Recently Discovered

Mike Doughty--Haughty Music

Quote

"We are here on earth to fart around. Don't let anyone tell you different."

-Kurt Vonnegut

New Blog

So I had to switch the blog over to google/gmail. I'm not sure what that means, but for me, my user name changed from phantastikdan to phantastikdan@yahoo. Basically, you just have to make a new log in name and password. I also assume there will be sparkling new features and a little guy that dances the macarena somewhere in the lower right corner of our computer screens. EVEN WHEN THEY'RE OFF!

dear kyle

Dr. Kyle, I was wondering if you had any input on opportunities in neuropsychopharmacology. What with your background I thought you may have an idea of what type of person typically does work in this field. I am looking into going to pharmacy school and perhaps getting a ph.D as well. The only drugs that would interest me enough to pursue these lofty goals are the ones that are psychologically active. Any information would be appreciated.

Babies are blog killers!

Winter Poem

Shit,
Its Cold!

Fat Murphy

I've about had it with Eddie Murphy in a fat suit. I count 11 fat suits in the last 10 years, and there could be more that I'm not aware of. Did he wear one for Dr. Doolittle? I'm not counting it if so. Either way, it's too many for one man.

Getting baked with computers and the madness that ensues. A photo journey of minute proportions.

My Baby's Booze is Bigger Than Your's

Thats my daughter

Hi

Not much blogging lately. Tis a pity. I am partly to blame. The process of applying to colleges has sucked out my life-force like a Saigon whore. Now it is returning like the vietnam vets who just can't find enough cheap young prostitutes in the states.

First on my mind is whether there are any trips to Colorado planned. I have heard rumors but no confirmations. I understand brain is probably coming out for X Games, and I hereby invite him to stay an extra weekend and hang out with me in the 10th mtn division hut i rented for feb. 4, which i now realize is super bowl sunday.

Next, some of you may have noticed that our little hsot here has changed. I think blogger was bought by google, and I am constantly pressured to change the format. I assume it will be nicer, but a small pain in the ass to change log in names. thoughts?

What else? Any good New Years shenanigans? resolutions? new favorite irish drinking songs?

Cousins, meet Grace.

Grace, meet the cousins.

I'm not normally one for YouTube links, but this is just too good.

The following transcript was recorded prior to this event.

"Quick, someone help! These dolphins are choking on chunks of plastic!"
"I have medical instruments that might help".
"No way, those are too short."
"Hey, I know! We'll get the world's tallest man to reach his world's tallest arms down the dolphins throats and extract the plastic!"
"It's sure to work!"
"It can't fail!"

Console Gamers are not Hardcore Gamers

As I’m reading the latest issue of Electronic Gaming Monthly talking about Gears of War, I saw the words “hardcore gamers” in a sentence. I scoffed at the notion of console gamers as hardcore gamers. There’s nothing hardcore about console games and the gamers that play them, with maybe a very slight exception to fighting games, but I’ll get to that.
You see, there’s a reason there’s a very, very forgiving damage model in most action-packed console games. It’s the limited control scheme that a gamepad gives you. The gamepad are great for platformers like Super Mario 64 and Ratchet & Clank.
Here’s a case in point: My sister’s boyfriend has been playing Call of Duty 2 for months on his Xbox 360 and has beaten it three times. I watched as he took direct hits of 2 grenades and an ungodly amount of bullets, yet he still trekked on, oblivious to all the damage done to his on-screen persona. I was amazed, becaused Call of Duty 2 on my computer was a lot less forgiving (not to mention I play on the hardest difficulty.)

Fast forward it 3 weeks later, as he watched me play Call of Duty 2 on my computer. One direct hit from a grenade sent me to the Load Game screen. He commented that he never died that easily, and then it dawned on him why. Forgiving damage modelling for these games to accomodate the limitations of the gamepad and slow response time for these kind of action games. In fact, it is utterly boring watching anyone play Call of Duty 2 on the console when it is much more fast-paced and visceral on the computer.
Now some fanboys will claim that there are tournaments for console games, but the reason is simple: to make money. There’s no talent or skills involved, it’s just to showcase the games and allow console gamers to compete against each other.
When Quake 3 came out for the Dreamcast, PC gamers and console gamers for the first time to my recollection, could compete against each other. Suffice to say, even the sorriest Quake 3 player on the computer was heads-and-shoulders above those playing the Dreamcast version. Ping wasn’t a factor, either. This isn’t the console gamers’ fault, but as I mentioned above, a severe limitation of the gamepad, plain and simple.
Racing games on the console don’t count, they are just giant memory tests, where you memorize a linear racetrack to beat competitors, with a little twitch hand-eye coordination thrown in (drafting, avoiding collisions, etc.) Fighting games are the only type of games that can be considered hardcore, but not many allow you to go online and compete on any considerable level.
On the other hand, there are numerous tournaments for PC games. There’s the big ones, like Counter Strike (original and Source), Quake 3 and Quake 4, the Battlefield series, and a multitude of RTS games. The mouse and keyboard control scheme allows for a much more fluid and responsive control than gamepads, and is the reason why online and offline tournaments on the computer are lightning fast and insanely competitive.
So as you can see, scoffing at the notion of console gamers as being hardcore has me wondering just what the editors at Electronic Gaming Monthly (and any other console gamers) are smoking when they view themselves as hardcore gamers. Because as it is these days, it’s just not possible.

Vientienne Palace

I just got back from a delightful little dinner with my broseph sean. It was at Vientienne Palace (picture a trailer that crashed into a gas station). There are a few good things about Vientienne Palace and they are as follows: If you want to have to run home puckering your asshole shut then this is the place for you; If you want to affirm the stereotype of fourty-something vietnamese women being the most frightening she-devils alive, this is the place for you.

The second issue of late is my feud with the chestbumping, cromagnon, bi-curious, boys above me. They are constantly peeing onto my porch from their higher balcony, and refusing to respond to my booming awesomeness when I yell "Hey Dickhead stop pissing on my porch!" I even tried adressing him with "That's cute Abercrombie boy" to which he pauses and shyly returns "its a free country." If nothing else I am honing my ability to be assertive. I know what your thinking, and yes I have read Tsun Tsu's The Art of War, and yes I understand that he who has the higher ground wins the battle. However, what if I am able to go above him? Did you ever think of that you bastard!

Finally, I would like you to take a look at this tourism video hosted by the Governator comedic genius. http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-6273516331625693260&q=arnold+brazil&hl=en

Phone Trace Technology

Dudes, check out this phone trace feature www.phonetrace.org . I can't belive that this is possible! Just type in your cell phone number and get ready to be amazed.

Mr. Paul Grant Harper

Here is a letter that was faxed to the front desk of the Best Western in Madison where Giovanna works it reades as follows:

"Dear Corporate President,
Your hotel security could use a little updating, not to mention, admitting the greedy, treasonous embezzlers, into your establishment, who did nothing but take pot shots at my life expectancy. I am a recording artist, with a diploma from the Audio Institute of America. On the front of my appartment window I have a National Trooper and Police sticker. On the back window of my apartment I have a County Police Association sticker. Then there are those who want "dibs", on all of the opportunities in my life, because they are too lazy and greedy to create their own opportunities. Take no shit from anyone on this matter. Its pretty bad when the Best Western staff has to write me a letter, which is un-opened, to prove that I called my Represenative in Peshtigo.
Sincerely Pissed Off,
Paul Grant Harper"

There was no letter written by the Best Western staff to a Mr. Paul Grant Harper