Another Self-Indulgent Rob-Writing

The following is an article I wrote for an online music magazine called Kemiks. If anyone likes to write about music, it's a good place to put your stuff. I'm friends with the guy that runs it and he's desperate for more articles. Also, if you write a few for him, he's good at getting free concert or festival tickets, often press passes that could allow you some front row action. This is a review of the newest album from my favorite rapper, that I incorporated some psychology knowledge into.

Album Review
R.E.B.I.R.T.H. by OneBeLo
By Rob Smith

R.E.B.I.R.T.H. stands for Real Emcees Bring Intelligent Rhymes To Hip hop. There is no doubt that OneBeLo, also known as OneManArmy from the group Binary Star, is bringing intelligent rhymes to hip hop with this and every other album he’s created. He’s the best in the world at it. However, I feel that he didn’t bring as many of these intelligent rhymes that he’s known for to this long-awaited second album. I might also argue that he brought a little extra baggage to the project. So I have a few complaints to go with my high praise for Lo’s music. In this review, I’ll also be bringing some extra baggage as I follow up each statement I make with the psychological basis for it. I think it will add something positive to the review.
Actually, this is more likely an example if intellectual masturbation coupled with my desperation to apply the thousands of hours I have spent reading psychology research to something outside of the classroom. Everyone wants to believe they have something unique to say and that they are living for a coherent reason. These needs increase during mortality salience.

It’s a solid album, but it’s unfortunately short with only 12 tracks. In the song Hip Hop Heaven, one of the best on the album, Lo talks about a day spent entirely devoted to making music. He uses lines like “I guess it’s just another day in the life of OneBeLo, 5 hours of work, an album worth of material.” We lovers of his music wish this were our reality, but this album is only the second “official” release of his nearly 10-year solo career. Yet he does seem capable of this kind of prolific production. Multiple albums have been created entirely of his tracks that weren’t intended for release, and each of these collections (F.E.T.U.S., S.T.I.L.L.B.O.R.N, and the Virus Mixtape) contain tracks of incredible quality. Brilliant rhymes show up on his Myspace page like he wrote them while he was taking a shit and thought them of similar quality. I’m wishing those songs were thrown on the end of an album, and I’m writing this in the hope that maybe I can increase the chances of that happening.
Actually, A major reason I wrote this was to establish myself as an authority by citing his lesser known works. Any advertiser will tell you that its worthwhile to establish a spokesperson as an expert before he makes his statement, and any psychologist or blog reader will tell you that anybody who is an expert of anything will actively seek out avenues to express his expertise.

So after years of waiting, listening to his previous albums in awe, even the unreleased ones, I was in a frenzy of anticipation. I thought it somehow would be even better than the incredible S.O.N.O.G.R.A.M. album. I imagined more time spent in a studio, a better studio, without any detrimental influence from A&Rs or average rappers from his Subterraneous record label. Yet when the album release tour came through and I finally heard the songs live and got my ears on the album, I felt disappointed. Almost cheated. I gave it a few listens, and then took it off the regular rotation and dreaded writing this article.
Here we see the incredible power that expectations hold over satisfaction. A great experience is not enjoyed if engrained expectations are even greater. The expected enjoyment becomes the references point, and anything short of that feels like a loss.

A major source of these expectations were the incredible quality of his other albums. S.O.N.O.G.R.A.M. and Binary Star: Masters of the Universe are two of the best five hip hop albums ever recorded (along with Black on Both Sides, Blazing Arrow, and … Midnight Marauders?). If you’re into undergroup hip hop and you haven’t savored these albums, you need to fix that with a quickness.
This paragraph is a result of an effect known as cognitive dissonance. I love Lo and Lo’s music. I want Lo to succeed; to receive some adequate fragment of the respect and resources that he deserves as a brilliant artist. However, I find myself writing a neutral or negative review of his latest offering. This gives me a mental discomfort known as cognitive dissonance, which I attempt to alleviate by a) affirming my self-concept and b) emphasizing my great respect for his other albums and him as an artist.

One final complaint of the album is the over-use of movie sound-bites. There are over twenty (20) of them, many are long, annoying, and at the front of songs where they are not easily skipped. Most of Lo’s listeners are in the habit of really listening to every word on an album, and by now we’re all probably pretty sick of Rocky III sound-bites that we unfortunately know by heart.
Actually, this complaint is more an example of me exercising the universal need for self-expression. The sound-bites do not ruin the album. They do however provide me with an opportunity to express a self-signaling pet-peeve.

This album might just be another unfortunate case of an artist pushing the boundaries of his art form at the cost of alienating some of his fans.
Actually, that previous sentence is an unfortunate case of stereotyping. Other long-time members of my “brilliant rhymers” mental category such as Andre Benjamin and Mos Def seem to have left me with a thinking shortcut that has all lyrical geniuses releasing some strange shit once they hit their 30s. This album is not an example of Lo exploring an experimental side of the art of rhyming, it’s much more likely an example of creativity and passion fading with age. There’s another stereotype for ya.

Even given these powerful psychological effects, not all fans found this album to be disappointing. A friend of mine who also considers Lo the best rapper in the world and therefore had similarly impossible expectations recently told me that “R.E.B.I.R.T.H. is what hip-hop was meant to be since Erik. B.” I must agree.
Actually that last line is testimony to the power of subconscious social influence. I feel like I agree with the statement because I know the person so well and have so many opinions in common with him that my first reaction is to agree. However, upon rare further review, I now must admit that I’m not quite sure what his quote means. It is true that this is good hip-hop, which should certainly be what hip-hop was meant to be. But why are we beginning with Erik B., a DJ and producer, when this album is marked by its lyrics?

The last statement I’d like to make is that this is an album that requires many listenings. Many of Lo’s lines require a little thought before they can be understood, and many of his songs seem to get better with every listen. As I listen to the album right now, probably my 20th listen, I am absolutely loving it. Every song has great rhymes and energy and the last two songs on the album (Gray and Hip Hop Heaven) are two of the best I’ve ever heard. Get this album.
Here we see the power of emotional context. Researchers have found that a person who has had positive emotional boost, even when its as small as finding a quarter, will rate everything more positively, even if its unrelated and as large as their life satisfaction. They’ve also found that there’s not much better for subjective well-being than creative expression.


Ratings
Beats: 4
Rhymes: 4 1/2
Life: 4

Labor intensive

Looks like we'll be in Snowmass for the labor day jazz fest. What are people [Matt, Jeremy, Adam] thinking in terms of the festival schedule? Widespread Panic I'm guessing? I don't like them at all--the rebel Cournoyer that I am--but would go for the hanging out if that's other's plan. And I know Jeremy loves Xavier Rudd. Bob Dylan is a bit of a dud in concerts, and Dee and I have seen him. Fogerty would be at my top, but then I'd have to see Yoakam. I don't know what Kerry/Ryan would do. It's a puzzle.

In other news, a bear broke into my parent's place last night. Trounced Jeremy's window/room then ate some cookies and steak. Jeremy wasn't there fortunately, though it would have been quite the experience to wake up with a bear climbing over your bed and/or mauling your face.

Call for Adventure

Hello All. I know we're not far off of the excellent backpacking adventure, but I thought I'd post the following with the hope that it might inspire further adventure. I don't know if you'll find it as motivating for randomness as i just found it. Either way, here's me saying we should plan some adventure, and here's my Peru recap i wrote upon return, exactly one year since:

the first night in peru was spent hanging out all night in the hotel in lima, drinking duty free scoth and enjoying the company of my travel mates, my cousin jake and his best friend. we talked to some fellow gringo travelers and shared advice, and got gradually more manic as the night went on. we arrived in cuzco at 7am the next morning, completely disoriented, and enentually found a hostel. a private room with three beds was under $20 and as we sat down to talk about the details we were served coca tea. as in cocaine tea. it would not be my last taste of the leaf.

we spent that day and the next planning our machu picchu journey, sipping the local beer, and getting toursit crap shoved in our face. food and souvenirs are cheap and the people are quite friendly, but the combination can be overwhelming.

muchu picchu journey, day 1: a very confused start. the guide said he'd show up at 7:30 and drive us to the bus station for the 8am 3 hour bus to the start. showed up at 7:50, on a bike. the bus was oversold, so peruvians sat in my lap. after we}ve been climbing a seemingly endless muddy mountain road with attempted construciton and closures for 6 hours through the rain, the guide decides its time to get out and get on bikes. the peruvians happily take our seats and stare dumbfounded as we put on some strange helmets, sit on the bikes, and start riding down to the jungle, instantly covered in mud. expectations were quite low at this point. it was about 40 miles downhill and turned out to be one of my favorite strange adventures. we eventually descended below the clouds, the road and mud on my face dried, no more consturction, great views over the amazon basin. my ass paid the price of entry to this paradise. my cousin{s bike exploded and was stranded in the jungle as night fell.

day 2 and 3 were about 30 miles through the jungle on foot with small packs, picking fruit off trees for snacks, chewing coca leaves and being dominated by mosquitos. we slept in busted hostels in small jungle town and failed to converse with the guide in spanish. we drink heavily one of these nights in a bar that was like an interrogation room from cop movies and are taught a drinking game that involves poking a cigarette into a napkin on a beer and having to drink the ash beer if you do it wrong. we try to explain flippy cup but it deteriorates into drinking a full beer every time you miss the flip. i got zapatos locos (crazy shows) and refused to go to bed when the guide said it was time and ran away while my travel mates convinced the guide to take us to another bar. he said i was a small problem. roosters do not just crow once during sunrise. those fuckers are relentless. we also crossed a rovier by a self propelled zipline and learned the hungry chicken handshake.

day 4 we climbed a moutnain in the dark to get to machu picchu for sunrise, then climbed another mountain to be able to look down on it. absolute beauty. i was really expecting to feel a special power to the place, and i´m a little disappointed that i did not. perhaps it was that there were thousands of tourists and those that pray on them. either way, an incredible place.



Despite sicknesses from the other two travelers, one (cousin's friend) of which resulted in a return to the US and some time in the hospital (pollo loco), we did manage to get to a hike outside of cuzco. We traveled uphill along a lush river meadow to about 14,000 feet, where we encountered a town that didn't even have a road within 5 miles of it. Their 'houses' were made of piles of rocks, the nice ones had roofs made of grass. They spoke Quecha, the language the country spoke before Columbus' "discovery", as did many of the small mountain town people we would later meet. After this difficult 15 mile hike, we got on a bus back to Cusco, which of course didnt have seats for us. It did, however, have a hog-tied goat, a bag of chickens, and a pig in a bag, attached to the luggage compartment (tied to the roof).

We left Cusco and spent a day in Lima. Lima has 8 million people, most of whom are very poor, but we found a cool kinda hippy disctrict. We walked along the beach for most of the morning, and had mystery meat sandwiches. As my cousin showered that afternoon, I wandered out of the hostel and met up with some peruvians and a swede, and within 5 minutes of walking out my door, was staring down the barrell of a cup full of peruvian tap water and san pedro, a psychadelic cactus with mescaline. The swede considered himself a shaman, and proceeded to tell me the way of things for the next several hours, and eventually gave me more san pedro, and a cryptic map to the world he insisted should be tattooed on my heart. He dropped a lot of wisdom, mostly about the power of love and the sun. I liked his phrase "soy un otro tu" (i am another you) quite a lot.

Huaraz was absolutely beautiful. Cool little mountain city. Nestled in the Cordillera Blanca mountain range, the highest tropical range in the world, with a peak towering above it at about 22,000 feet. Found a nice hostel with a great view. Went to a soccer game, whose highlights included the swat team coming out to protect a player on the other team, and a man in the stands near me repeatedly attempting to light a home made celebratory bomb but being too drunk to do so. Also sun burn. We then spent 3 days hiking by ourselves, which involved beautiful camp-sites, views of glacier capped mountains and bright green lakes, and making it to 17,000 feet, much higher than colorado's highest mountains depsite being only a pass through to the next valley. The trip also involved repeated encounters with bulls, and a severe altitude-induced panic while trying to sleep at 15,000 feet. It was among the worst I've ever felt, definitely the most home-sick.

We then spent some time enjoying Huaraz, and found a restaurant called chilli heaven which was the perfect antedote to bland peruvian food. We wandered into a climbing place at one point, trying to scout out another mountain journey, and walked out with our entire remaining 9 days booked, with a 5 day trek up to 6000 meters (about 20,000 feet) that included another 18,000 foot mountain, and an additional 3 day training hike. I became quite depressed by the revelation that we would be spending the entire remainder of our vacation suffering up mountains, and we decided to skip the training hike in favor of a night of drinking. that night we discovered Liquer De Coca and drank an absurd amount of it. we also drank some coke based energy drinks, as we were apparently in the midst of some strange liquid coke binge. Also had a day of rock climbing at a real cool spot, where I learned some skills that probably later saved my life, and a short day hike to another beautiful lake, where we fell asleep because it was after the night of drinking. Also considerable dreading turning to excitement over the impending summit journey.


Summit Journey:
Day 1, easy 4 mile hike up to base camp with mules carrying our shit. Turns out the guide is a big stoner. Decent weed. Base camp is above 14,000 feet, and has something like 50 other tents, yet every single person there was asleep by 7pm. Mt. Toclliaraju (6,032 meters) towers above us.

Day 2. Climb mt. Ishinca. 18,000 feet. Very very very hard. hardest thing i've ever done. leave at 4 am, 7 hours up hill, either carrying a bag of metal, or using it to climb. deep breaths stranglely unsatisfying. none of our equipment fit properly, and the metal spikes that attached to our shoes (crampons) were surprisingly difficult to maneuver. We made it though. The view from the top of the other glacier mountains made it almost worth it, but on the way down, hurting like hell and left behind by my triathlon running cousin and the guide, I decided I didn't want to climb the 6000 meter peak, it just didnt seem as fun as drinking more san pedro with my friends in huaraz. upon arriving at base camp, and experiencing some heaven in the form of my feet being dipped in the cold stream and an orange, eaten like an apple, I decided I might as well go for it.


Day 3. Even worse. Hike the incredible steep and rocky path up to high camp (17,000 feet). By far the biggest, heaviest backpack I've ever carried, food, tent, sleeping bag, clothes, ski boots, ice axes, crampons, climbing shit... fuckin sucked. Decided again that I was going home, i just dont have what it takes. Decided again that I might as well make a run at it. Needed to fix my mind though, replenish my strength reserves. Spent the next several hours sitting bymyself in my rented turqous and purple down coat, melting bags and bags of snow, repeating to myself that I would make it, I would make it, I would not be deterred by exhuastion. Whirled myself into quite an excitement, and slept only about 2 hours that night. Felt ready.

Day 4. Up at 4, prepared to suffer, completely ready, composed, willful. We find a slow hiking rhythm in the dark, going so slow that you almost rest while walking. the slightest move, such as pulling up the harness, leaves you exhuasted for several minutes but you keep walking. I alternate between thinking of my home bed, complete with naked kelly and feisty doggy that await me, and the idea that it is my swarn duty to push my little headlight spot on the snow up the mountain, while singing A Tribe Called Quest. Push it along, just push it along, all you gotta do is push it along... The sun rises, we're about half way there, and i'm starting to run out of energy, I can't eat, but I'm close. We keep pushing it along, and arrive at the last pitch, which gives Toclliaraju its "Difficult" Rating. over 60 degree angle for about 80 yards. We can hardly hear the guide's instructions for tying our harnesses into the rope over the howling wind, which scared my cousin like crazy, as he works in a climbing gym and understood just how many fundamental climbing rules we were breaking. I was just happy to be almost done. We climbed up the wall, clinging to the moutnain for some 15 minutes in the middle as the guide pulled up the rope we had just climbed and set it up again near the top. My cousin had another big freak out after seeing the poor excuse for an anchor and nearly headed down 30 meters short of the summit. But we fucking made it. I kissed the snow at the top and nearly cried. cousin was deeply shaken, convinced we were lucky to be alive and going down would be even sketchier. incredible view. survive the down-hill, sometimes elated to be done, sometimes completely drained, struggling to take the next step. then we got to high camp, packed our shit, and put those fucking bags back on our backs, and I really didnt think i'd make it down. got left behind again, and kinda fell apart. we were basically jumping from boulder to boulder, down a steep hill, with 50 pounds on our backs and no energy, and I just couldnt do it. I fell about every 10 feet and struggled to get back up every time and wanted to cry. at some point a peruvian porter sees me, constantly falling and looking defeated, and offers to help carry my bags, for free, because I clearly cannot. quite a blessing. I tell myself I earned it by going through hell and still trying to focus on enjoying the scenery. We sleep at base camp and I felt basically indifferent. didnt have the energy for emotion. I no longer hated looking at the mountain, became almost infatuated with staring at it, thinking and feeling nothing.

day 5: back downhill, mules carry our shit, we smoke a bunch, and I say goodbye to the rural peru with mixed feelings. i wonder more about why I put myself through these sufferings, and have a good answer, but thats for another blog. I had (and still have) a very clear mind and an iron confidence. That night I met a cute little columbian archeoligist and learned how to salsa dance...

Guess the Cousin

Who is this mysterious cousin?

No guessing allowed for members of this year's expedition.










Much more pictures here:

http://flickr.com/photos/graceandfriends/sets/72157605360332633/

Yo

I can't see any of the old posts on this blog. Where did they go?

Coming soon.......Cuzzin Backpacking Trip 2008 pictures.

New Comments

I changes the way comments work. I think this is better.

G.I. Headache

Kyle was rummaging around for the ibuprofen late the other nigh, but never found it. The next morning he asked Dee where the ibuprofen bottle in their medicine drawer went.

Dee: "You mean the one I filled with Alli?"
Kyle: "Umm..what?"
Dee: "We filled that bottle with Alli for the cruise trip"
Kyle: "Oh. Well, that actually explains some things."

And thus, Kyle realized he had (1) not been treating his headaches for the prior 4 nights as thought, but (2) had instead been taking a diet drug that prevents fat digestion and absorption, resulting in rather unpleasant excretions.

Glasses raised to the original

Overheard Today

Old Boston Man 1: “What, you’re going to by your wife a card last-minute?”
Old Boston Man 2: “You know what I did yesterday? I drove down to Somerville and
bought her one and a half pounds of salami. Best gift you could
give someone.”

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Snooty effeminate Starbucks patron: "I'd like a FULL caramel machiatto."
Clerk: "What?!"

SMITH BROTHERS DEVOUR GIANT RODENT!

Rob got suspicious when his food didn't resemble a chicken carcass...

Kyle got suspicious when his tour guide said, "Did you like the food? Did you think it was chicken? Yeah, OK, keep thinking that was chicken..."

Jeremy ate his lunch innocently, not knowing he was chomping on one of these!!!!!!

Meet the mighty mighty gibnut:

Sean vs. Cucumber

Let me add my favorite Sean moment on the cruise...

We're at an aquarium looking at the handling tank (starfish, etc). My mom yelps and I look down to see that Sean has pulled out a sea cucumber and is squeezing it with a death grip, water shooting out of its end like a fountain. Pretty fantastic.

Dee's least favorite: shielding Sean from a stalking jaguar at the semi-secure Belize animal sanctuary.

My new sport

"Dewey, I'm cut in half pretty bad"

Dewey Cox = comedy gold.

We just returned from a Caribbean cruise. Drinking? Check. Mobile shuffleboarding? Check. Falling off inflatable climbing wall in ocean and injuring side muscle? Check.

World's Dumbest Cop

Backpacking Trip

I'll be posting the details of this years' trip on the blog sometime this week so stay tuned. As of right now its going to be three days, three nights with the first night camping at the trailhead. The dates are: thursday 22nd(get to trailhead), friday, saturday, sunday hiking. Any questions, comments, or suggestions are welcome.

Book Report

I just finished Hell's Angels by Mr. Thompson. At first I wasn't into it because it was just a journalistic approach to the motorcycle club. As I read more and more, however, it grew on me. I now am looking to get an old motorcycle as soon as I have a spare 1000 bucks. More realistically I need a new book to start. I was thinking something kind of philosophical (maybe eastern?), as my heart is currently broken and needs repair. Any suggestions? How are your books?

PackBacking

Rubb, will you be in Colorado already or will you be flying/driving? Who will be going in our car, Math, Catbean, dogs? Sean probably is not going. I am starting to feel this trip in my crotch.

bubbrubb.com

Backpacking

When are we going backpacking? Was May 24 the last date mentioned? I'm down. Jesus crhist get me away from thsi computer and weather i am fucking down.

Starbucks has won the 2008 Kyle Smith Prize for Most Annoying Best Coffee.

Someone needs to order this:

Tall skinny quarter-caf mochachino mocha mocha foam no-foam latte with a single-double shot and extra room for cinnamon.

Scientology

I was in boulder a little over a week ago and was fortunate enough to see one of those scientology pimps hanging out at his scientology table. There he was sitting at his table in the middle of Pearl St. with a sign next to him asking "Are you stressed out?" Complete with that little machine they hook up to your fingers to administer your personality test and a stack of Dianetics books. I've been dying to take one of these tests but unfortunately I was a bit hungover after Adam's wedding and not really up to the task. I'm really pissed I didn't take, especially because I wanted a copy of Dianetics which for some reason is impossible to find in book stores. Anyway, to make a long story short, this story is really going nowhere.....I'm just pissed I didn't take the test.

Interesting side note 1: spell check really wanted me to capitalize scientology but I just accept it as a legitimate religion(discuss?).

Interesting side note 2: spell check didn't recognize Diantetics as even a word, it wanted me to change it to diabetics. So according to spell check scientology is a religion but their so called bible doesn't even exist. Weird!

Cousin party

Who's down for a cousin party on saturday? Any suggestions on what to do, drink, destroy?

As long as the Sinceros are on the jukebox, it'll be a good party.

Awesome Band

Behold............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
The Sinceros

Hey Matt...

Arthur C. Clarke just died - did you ever read Childhood's End? I read it a long time ago, and I'm sure its pretty dated, but it was really good and it should be a candidate for next year's list. Best-Explanation-For-DejaVu-Ever.

How's the reading coming along? I'm at the end of Wuthering Heights (good, and really good if you think about how different it must have been back then) and I'm stuck reading this terrible book by a British man writing as an American woman but I have to finish it for politeness sake.

Orgiastic Fun Friday

Last night I went to a bluegrass band that was playing at my local music venue. I didn't previously associate myself with being an avid bluegrass fan, and I guess I still don't, but that was about as much good clean fun as you can have for 12 bucks. Trampled By Turtles, and Pert' Near Sandstone were the names, both from MN. I don't know how they stacked up against more renown bands but they caved my skull in with pure American boot stompin' fun! I was bounding around the room like an amphetamine strung-out ballerina, shouting and whooping into the fucking frigid bitch Wisconsin night. So if you have a case of seasonal sexless depression, get yourself some bourbon whiskey and bluegrass.

The Ten - comedy gold

I teach English to foreigners

Sometimes I have them bring words/phrases that don't understand, such as "What's up?", to class and write them on the board so we can talk about them.

One day, an evangelical student from El Salvador wrote this on the board:

choke the monkey

I erased it, asked him where he heard it, and kept a totally straight face through this explainantion:

(read slowly with a "Mexican" accent)
I wass walking wi my frenns from the seminary? - seminarians? - seminary? - OK - and we leff a house* and the man yell out the window out his door "Choke the monk-eee!!!!" and I was like "Wha? Choke the monkey? What is choke the monkey mean?"

*after trying to discuss the lord jesus christ with a random stranger

Sayulita

I just got back from Sayulita, Mexico which is my new favorite place on earth. I am now planning to move there next year for awhile. Pictured are a humpback whale that I was 100 feet from and La Playa de los Muertos which means the beach of the dead but should be La Playa de los Touristas Gordas. Anyway, I have more to follow shortly. Hope all is well and I'll see some of you at Adams wedding.

Fun with youtube

I really love youtube. Whenever I have people over, I bring my computer out into the living room, and invariably the conversatoin turns to something along the lines of "Did you see that cupcake dunk?" or "You ever heard that Any Winehouse song called F*** Me Pumps" or "remember that rap song all those football players at Miami made" or "is Alicia Keys getting whiter?" and we're watching that shit in 5 seconds. It's a beautiful thing. I look forward to when I will have internet on my television, which already exists, is probably not actually that difficult, but is still just beyond the reach of the common man.

This post was supposed to start out as a rant about lonelygirl15. I assume most of you have heard of this person. She somehow has the biggest youtube/webcam following of anybody, getting millions of views of her videos. I finally was curious enough to watch one, and here's what I got. I just sat there like, "really?"

this might have then lead into a rant about the lowest common denominator, reality tv, and this thing i saw from msnbc quoting girls who go to the same school as britney spears' sister talking about how she's a slut, and how sad this all is.

But instead, I will post some good videos. First check out all the links in the first paragraph. And you better listen to the whole damn u of miami rap song.

There is one web-cam blogger I like, his page is here. Here's a cool thing he did with his ten favorite martin luther king quotes. And here's the first one that I saw that has been kept in my head. Beat that little hater, fam.

What else. Here is a song that I recently was told about, that is just awesome. Here is a sad, stupid video that recently came up in a conversation. Here is my all-time favorite tazer video. Here is a funny one Jeremy showed me. And another similar one that Jeremy also probably showed me.

Students for Hillary

My response to a mass student e-mail from the Students for Hillary at UW:

Take me off this list! You sold your soul to the scummy She Devil! Jump ship at once comrade, the Beast is closing in. You don't have much more time before your skin will begin sloughing off your limbs. She sweats strychnine and drinks babies blood. It's time to wake up and think for yourself particle! - your classmate wilfred

Summer or Bust!

I started reading Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas...needless to say, it is amazing. I had just finished a book on options trading and figured I would read something a little more leisurely. I was cracking up like a madman on the public bus today reading it. I also broke up with my girlfriend of 5years, so this valentines day is going to be particularly depressing. We decided to take a break from each other because there was no mad love in the relationship. I understand that after being with someone for that long you lose that, but I am not ready to accept it. I still have dreams to take over the goddamn world! I want to be a country music star. We'll probably re-evaluate things after the school year is over. So that's that. I have two tests tomorrow; I should be studying. Mostly pharmacy kids suck, actually I suck, they're fine. I have been hanging out with one a bit lately but he doesn't hold his strong drink well. He already vomited on my floor. The saving grace of all of this is I found this awesome bar by my house. It plays the best music only from 20s and 30s. It is the best place to go on blustery nights. Suck on that.

Want a nerdy halloween costume?

The Mathemaniac

He yells "two plus two equals sixty-nine, ho!"

And has a tattoo across is chest: Divide Or Die

And another across us buttocks: Gotta Hoe to Grow (talkin bout the number 1 green)

Usually he carries a knife in one hand, Pixie Stix in the other.

Goole image seach of "Sean Smith"

Third result:




Fourth result:

I almost posted a sweet post

Pyramid of Craziness

Guess the cousin....

Who Am I?

Why I shaved my beard

I had quite the holiday beard. 3-toned, thick, mature, luxurious. Why did I shave it? Vomit dingleberries, that's why. A nasty virus got ahold of my stomach last week causing me to puke an ungodly number of times. Food and fluid residue in my beard I can handle. But vomit---that's crossing the line.

the bell

www.thegreatestseasonever.com

Sean dealt with Santa on his own terms

Shitty Movie Reviews

For some reason I've been on a shitty movie kick lately. If you decide to watch any of these movies keep in mind that they suck and I told you so first. That being said here is my rating system:

* Only worth watching if you're trapped in a room with only a tv, dvd player, and this movie and you don't feel up to smashing the equipment for enjoyment instead. Probably should never admit to having watched this movie.

** Requires a significant amount of pot, booze, and other illicit drugs to induce a modicum of enjoyment.

*** Fun to watch if you've taken 3 vicodin, drank 4 beers, and smoked some weed.

**** If you go into this movie thinking you're about to see the worst movie ever and alter your state of mind accordingly, you may come out of it thinking it was slightly better than you anticipated. Maybe.

***** This movie would pass for enjoyable sober although it is not advisable to do so.

THE MOVIES

Hot Fuzz **

Not nearly as good as Shaun of the Dead which in my opinion was fantastic.

Best Line: "Before you could say 'gypsy scum' we were knee-deep in dog muck, thieving kids and crusty jugglers."

Accepted ***

This movie sucked but it had some pretty funny moments. The fat kid is hilarious. The other fat kid with the afro makes the movie worth while.

Best Line: "I got fired for making a shrimp slushy."

Superbad *****

I loved this movie. The fat kid is great, he's also in Accepted although he's much fatter. McLovin might be one of the funniest characters ever.

Best Line: "Stay calm, okay? Let's not lose our heads. It's... it's a fine ID; it'll... it's gonna work. It's passable, okay? This isn't terrible. I mean, it's up to you, Fogell. This guy is either gonna think 'Here's another kid with a fake ID' or 'Here's McLovin, a 25 year-old Hawaiian organ donor'. Okay? So what's it gonna be?"

"Sounds like a sexy hamburger!"

I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry *

This movie sucked bad. I would only watch this if had a burning desire to see Jessica Biel in her underwear and you'd never heard of youtube.

Best Line: "Now place the ring on his hand. A ring is like a circle, it goes on forever. It's not like a triangle, triangle have corners. It's like a circle."

Snakes on a Plane ****

This movie really could go down as the worst movie ever made. It had the worst premise and acting I've ever seen. But if look past all that you'll be happy to see such cool things as: a guy getting bit on the penis by a snake, a chick getting bit on the tit by a snake, a fat girl getting off by a snake, and much more. You also get to hear Samuel Jackson scream "Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!"

Best Line: Fucking snake! Get off my dick!

NYE shot

That time of year

I am in the thick of finals right now, but I am going to Colorado from like January 9th to the 16th or something like that. I know that Catbean and company are going. Its going to be a good trip. 'Bunch of guys hangin' out, bonding, having some beers, talking about our feelings and football. It's going to be good. I have got a line picked out that keeps me awake at night. It's just to skiers right of Little Baby Ruth and Baby Ruth. I call it Grandma Ruth. Shits goin' down.

Breaking Cousin News

Cousin Maggie is engaged.

Hopefully this will increase the number of cousin weddings that I can't go to to 3. What happened to you cousin weddings? you used to be cool.

Stick Figures in Peril

I think my brother has a clone from New Zealand who has a show on HBO


















And I've found this to be amusing today if you're bored:

http://flickr.com/groups/stickfiguresinperil/pool/

Rubb, how is school going? Have you decided what your topic of study will be? Are you praying on any nubile Michigan moisties? Africa or Asia summer 2009?

New Year's Resolution Part 2

This is the list I've compiled so far(number of pages in parenthesis), I think I have a good mix of tough reads, easy reads, and a few re-reads:

1. Walden by Thoreau (336)

2. Civil Disobedience by Thoreau(384)

3. The call of the wild by London(160)

4. The Sea Wolf by London (244)

5. Meditations of John Muir by John Muir(144)

6. Stickeen by John Muir (84)

7. In Our Time by Hemingway(160)

8. The Naked and the Dead by Mailer(736)

9. Good Dog, Stay by Quindlen(96)

10. The Adventures of Augie March by Saul Bellow(608)

11. Blood Meridian by McCarthy (337)

12. Catch 22 by Heller (464)

13. Anti-Christ by Moses(396)

14. Neuromancer by Gibson (288)

15. Ragtime by Doctorow(288)

16. Dianetics by L. Ron Hubbard (163)

17. A Piece of Blue Sky: L. Ron Exposed by Atack, Miller (428)

18. Hatchet by Paulsen (one in series of 5) (192)

19. Zan-Gah by Shickman(160)

20. Outlander by Gabaldon(850)

21. Wrinkle in Time by L'Engle (224)

22. A Short History of Nearly Everything by Bryson(560)

23. Quartzsite Trip by Hogon(322)

24. The Testament of Gideon Mack by Robertson (400)

25. The God Delusion by Dawkins (416)

26. White Noise by DeLillo(336)

27. The Waste Land by TS Eliot(120)

28. As I Lay Dying by Faulkner(267)

29. Secret Agent by Conrad (197)

30. The Godfather by Puzo (496)

31. The Sicilian by Puzo(416)

32. The Godfather Returns by Puzo (648)

33. The Last Don by Puzo(502)

34. Jonathon Livingston Seagull by Bach (112)

35. Illusions by Bach(192)

36. There’s No Such Place as Faraway by Bach(48)

37. Jitterbug Perfume by Robbins(352)

38. Another Roadside Attraction by Robbins(352)

39. Galapagos by Vonnegut(336)

40. God Bless You, Dr. Kevorkian by Vonnegut (80)

41. Less than Zero by Ellis(208)

42. Thus spoke Zarathustra by Nietzsche(352)

43. A Spot of Bother by Haddon(354)

44. 100 Years of Solitude by Marquez (448)

45. Hell’s Angels by Thompson(273)

46. The Idiot by Dostoevsky (608)

47. Anti-Christ by Nietzsche (91)

48. The Selfish Gene by Dawkins (360)

49. A Brief History of Time by Hawking (224)

50. Blaming the Brain by Valenstein (292)

51. Breaking the Spell by Dennett (464)

52. Tuva or Bust! By Feyman (256)

53. Steppenwolf by Hesse (224)

54. Laughing Boy by La Farge (208)

55. Arrow of God by Achebe (230)

56. No Longer at Ease by Achebe (194)

57. Electric Kool Aid Acid Test by Wolfe (416)

58. The Reivers by Faulkner (320)

59. Harvest Poems by Sandburg (128)

60. Captain Pamphile by Dumas (200)

61. Count of Monte Cristo by Dumas (634)

62. Lonesome Traveler by Kerouac (192)

63. Into the Forest by Hegland (241)

64. Population Bomb by Ehrlich (201)

65. Monkey Wrench by Levi (176)

66. The Teachings of Buddha (250)

67. Holy Bible (803)

68. The Koran (528)

69. Ficciones by Borges (176)

70. Panic Rising by Nunn (232)

New Years Resolution

I've decided that my new years resolution is to try and read 100 books in a year. I actually tried this about 3 years ago and only got to 70 before I got burnt out. So anywho I need some book suggestions and I'm open to all genres.

Tit for...

Got a tat on my right shoulder-ish. It's the numbers 930 in block letters and mushed together. The numbers signify Dee and Sean's shared birthday: September Thirty.

The tat was inked in San Diego at a place called Church of Steel by a portly German named Marcel, with a mixed rockabilly/goth style. While I was there another artist got a call, and the secretary said "Hey, remember that dude whose face you tattooed yesterday? Well, he's coming in and he's pissed!" I missed the confrontation unfortunately.

Adding to the experience, I saw a screaming load of girls crowded around these guys.

Happy Halloween

Thanks for the invite

Hi everybody

Dear Rob

Dear Rob-

Can you send our cousin Bryan an invite or email or something that tells him how to get back on the cousin blog. He just upgraded his Caleco to a real computer and can now access that new thing called the interweb. You may want to enclose explicit directions and possibly colored drawings to assist him (he also likes pop up books). I know you're busy but if you have the time help a cousin out. Thanks much.

Sincerely,
Cousin Matt

You'v e just been Nard-Dogged

Clearly I love some movies that the cuzzins hate. But do I hate movies that the cuzzins love? Let’s see…

Some movies I really hate, off the top of my head:
Armageddon
Planet of the Apes (new version)
Cruel Intentions
Bridget Jones’ Diary
Patch Adams
Instinct
Roadhouse (not!)
Fracture
Fahrenheit 9/11
Anything involving Dane Cooke in any capacity whatsoever (ditto Matthew Lillard)
Nacho Libre
Fantastic Four

Some recent movies that I found really disappointing:
Apocalypto
Crash
Blood Diamond
Shrek
Super Troopers

Next Friday I head for San Diego. I will stay in a hostel and, perhaps, be burned to death by the California fires. Pray for me. Pray for Mojo.

After some thought, I've decided that my favorite movie in the last while has got to be Children of Men.

Adobe Illustrator kicks ass.

So do the BoSox. Eat it Denver.

The Awesome Power of Clams

For those of you you who need to throw up RIGHT NOW comes the miracle invention that will change the drinking world as we know it. In a breakthrough concept, Budweiser has combined the awesome power of Clamato with a beer once thought to be at its peak. Lets look at the timeline that led to this amazing creation.

2nd day of Creation: God invents water (key ingredient in Budweiser)
3rd day of Creation: God invents tomatoes as well as malts, hops, sugar, etc.
1876: Budweiser Lager Beer is born as the brainchild of Adolphus Busch and Eberhard Anheuser
1969: Walter Chell thinks to himself "You know what would make tomato juice better......mashed clams." Clamato is born.
2007: Anheuser-Busch combines Budweiser and Clamato for the super drink now known as Chelada.
2008: Greenhouse gases produced from Chelada vomit destroys the ozone. Life on this planet ceases to exist.

Cousin Sighting

I saw a cousin last night, and thought I'd share:

I was driving, Kyle was riding shotgun, and Matt was in the backseat. He had a laptop case with weed in it. As we pulled into a parking lot, our cat slid through the open window and escaped. Someone had left a holigram running in the parking lot, and Matt didn't realize it was fake. It was a woman dressed as a nurse and she was asking Matt what he thought about this kitty (motioning toward a holigram cat rubbing up against her leg). I can't see her front but I know she's a kitty porn video, and I'm laughing at the look on Matt's face cuz he still doesn't know its fake. Then I'm gripped with horror at the thought of there being kitty porn people nearby while our cat is missing.

The dream also included a hotel that could blast into outer space like a rocket, a suggestion from our friends that we meet up in Jersey for a wedding even though none of us have anything to do with "Jersey", Owen Wilson as a lifeguard at the pool I belong to (which is in an occupied zone, or maybe a green zone right near battle lines, I could watch bombs and planes and then go swimming), a bat belonging to Owen which I found laying in a bell, exhausted and perhaps wearing shorts, and which I returned to him, and a clarification of the term "Morty" as in "Show it to Morty and he'll show it to God."

Taliban Grace

Anyone drop like a fly at the marathon? Sounded brutal.

Lucy

Call that a depressing Personal Profile?

Underweight yet flabby MWM with terribly itchy eyes seeks like-minded MWM to commiserate over total lack of time to do anything but clean up after messy babies and do laundry once in awhile. No fatties.

Personal profile

SWM. Overweight. currently in the middle of midterms right now. Per Rubb's request has been listening to a ton of Toots on Pandora. Recommends RJD2 station for some chillout study music. Recommends repeating in mantra: there is no limit to how much information I can put in my brain. Best studying gets done when he goes to the library stacks where all of the old books are, he finds it inspiring. For those of you who care, is currently enjoying a cocktail of an anti-parasite medication, an anti-biotic medication, a pro-biotic medication to enhance naturally occurring bacteria, and Prilosec for stomach acid. All-in-all he still prefers gin. Believes Millennium Cousin award should go to Deekyle for their Youtube webpages, modern building pictures, and thousands of other electronic-savy contributions.

Rubb, I accidently left both of the Peru maps at your house. Do you have them? Can I have one? I will listen to your previously posted music selections.

happy birthday sean, etc.

today we celebrate the one year anniversary of sean becoming a person and dee having probably one of the stranger birthdays of her life. happy birthday sean and dee and almost kyle.

www.flickr.com/photos/seanmsmith

true story

the year was 2003. i was probably high. our chinese food had arrived with a small chinese food box full of awful pastries. The word COMPLIMENTARY was written on it in large letters. we had been having very minor problems with our neighbors, mainly them just banging on our wall when the music was too loud. there was only one logical solution.

so i pooped in the box. climbed up their wall and put the box full of pastries and poop on their balcony.

one member of this blog has the necessary skilles to repeat this experiment. climbing skills, neighbor problems, and experience pooping in a box.

that is all

Sean dancing...

...and his mom at the same age...

Moving beyond the previous post

If one were paying attention to the news lately one would notice that the media is reporting on an armed gunman running around Madison threatening to kill. This is, again, an example of there being nothing else to report on in Heartland, USA, and the media blowing it out of proportion. A depressed kid called a suicide helpline and threatened to kill himself this somehow turned into a Virginia tech-esque madman.
In other news my stomach is fucked up. It has been since Peru. I am constantly talking to doctors. All that we have come up with so far is that I can't drink alcohol, drink coffee, or eat anything that is not sawdust. For those of you who didn't know my habits before, they were as follows: binge on whiskey, binge on coffee, then over-eat Mexican food. This new diet strays from my intuition. I was fortunate enough, however, to take a chit in a large plastic container and spoon it into four tiny little vials. The procedure goes against everything that you have learned since you were an infant: Don't play in your own chit! Bryan would have puked just chiting into the larger cup.
My apartment is awesome. I put together a rocking chair, stained it, sanded an end-table, and stained it. There is something incredibly mind numbing about doing minor woodworking. I highly recommend it. Two other stress relieving techniques that I have found are listening to Milt Rosenberg of WGN radio and Pandora Radio while I shower. If you haven't tried Pandora you should now. Fall is coming!

420

Congrats to Kyle for the 420th post. Fuck yeah, getting stoned kicks ass!!!!!

Bits of Kyle

About a month ago our car was broken into while it was parked at the Detroit airport, just days before our move out to Boston. My CD collection was swiped, and the thieves were nice enough to scrape and bend the door and window frame before busting out the window. A nice Detroit-style “good bye” for us.

Ok all of you architecture junkies, what do you think of this building? I walk past it each day. I have mixed thoughts. Mostly “Bitchin!”, but also a little “Wahhh?”, and occasionally "Hmm, I'm strangely aroused."

We live next door to the most popular sandwich shop in Arlington, MA. The sandwiches are delicious and so is the convenience. It’s trouble.

My favorite new food is a whoopie pie. It treats me well.

Am I sweaty and stubbly enough for you?

Green Lake Chillin

BLOG SAVES BOY, BOY NO LONGER TALKS TO HIMSELF

Like a lunch-less portly fellow reaches for puddin'...
Like an AIDS patient scratching his splotchy skin...

I reach for the blog!

Viva el Tequila!

Alright, I'm finally settled down in Boston and I'm back in the blogging spirit.

Let's get this train a-rockin', cause blog come a-knockin'!

Errr...

Yeah!

Blog Salvation

First off, I'd like to congratulate Dee for her new job in her new city. I'd also like to offer congrats to Rob and Jake for taking the next step in their respective educational pursuits. Also to Kate for entering into her final year of school at DU and Molly for being the last cousin in high school. You guys are all smarter than I. Kyle I have no idea what you're doing but kudos for whatever it is, whoever you are. Maggie is also doing something very cool but I don't know if I'm supposed to tell anyone yet although Bryan knows so I'm sure everyone else does.

Anyway, the point of this post is that the blog is in miserable shape and I'm vowing to do my part to rescue it. I'm going to employ a three part plan:

Part 1: Begin with a new blog name to be unveiled later this week.
Part 2: Recruit as many cousins back to the blog with.......
Part 3: .....the promise of a very clever, possibly hilarious post.

So to anyone who may possibly still be reading this, the blog is back on and even if I have to do every post myself it will survive. It has to!

PS- Just so I don't get shit for omitting anyone. Congrats to Bryan and Adam for setting their respective wedding dates and securing future cousin parties. Yay to Jeremy for continuing to keep it real, assuming you still are. And a shout out to Kerry and Ryan for being fellow pot smoking parents.

I GOT A JOB!!!!

I wasn't going to apply for anything until next semester, but an opening came up at Boston University and I gave it a shot, so...I got a job! If the blog weren't in such disrepair, this might not be worth a post, but tough shit, you get to hear about how I got a job!!!!

This be the place: http://www.bu.edu/celop/

I'm gettin $60 an hour to teach a language I've spoken my whole life. Fuck yeah. This is why I don't moan about paying taxes.

On my way to campus I sat next to a guy who just got back from Iraq (Rimaldi) that day, still in his uniform and carrying his duffel bag. He was a Navy SEAL, and pretty high up in the ranks. He just had to talk - HAD TO - about all the weird shit he was going through, and all I could think about was that scene from the beginning of Apocalypse Now where Martin Sheen goes nuts in the hotel room until he sees some blood. He was itching to get back already; I felt bad for him. My cousin's boyfriend is also back for a few weeks, but he's only been there since March and seemed much more well-adjusted. Hopefully his deployment won't last too much longer.

capitol peak

i seem to have started a slump with my poorly worded attempted praise of america. glad you enjoyed it matt. thought i'd nwo break it with some good old adventure.

jake and i climbed capitol peak yesterday. it's considered the most difficult 14er in colorado, and i must agree after spending 13 hours on it. it's hard to describe. there was probably 4 hours where a single mistake would likely mean death. i'm still rattled from it. while climbing it i asked myself repeatedly why i do these things, but afterwards i know. i believe life must be judged in retrospect, and sitting here in a leather chair enjoying a sandwich and the memory, i'm glad i was clinging to those rocks yesterday. this might be the last of this kind of madness for a while for me. might not.

i wrote a trip report for 14ers.com
http://www.14ers.com/php14ers/tripreport.php?trip=3525

how is everybody?

America the...

For many of the previous years I have declared myelf anti-America. I believed we were the center of a growing focus on external wealth and power, the stress capital of the world. And our stress and greed are contagious. We simply should not spend our lives working jobs we hate to buy shit we don;'need, and America's influence can only increase this trend throughout the world. Plus all the small reasons. The war on drugs. The questionable leadership. That we spend so much more on wars than health care. Thet we're arrogant as a country and as most individuals.

While all of these reasons are still present and problematic in my mind, for the first time in my alert life, I now consider myself proud to be an American. Peru was lacking something, something hard to really pinpoint, but something essential. Charisma, individuality, openness, opportunity, hope, and zest are all words that come to mind. The combination of all thse gives us some sort of radiance, a shine to our eyes and smile. The people there were just kind of beaten down and expressionless. It is possible that the presence of a Mcdonalds , once the symbol of our negative ifluence over the world, might actually brighten their faces a little. And there were no Mcdonalds where we were. Our reach is far more limited than I had imagined.

The simplicity of life in a small town with no televisions is a beautiful thing. It's something I had idealized. But the simplicity of life in a small town, with access to information and the understanding that you can leave and pursue something bigger if you wish to is far greater.