Who would you rather have...?

Fluffy Bucket





or Angel Poo?

countdown to fun

i am moving to colorado within the week. i forgot what day we actually leave, but im coming back with rob and the parents. i turn 21 on may 21st, i want to (couzin?) party, i enjoy long walks on the beach, and my ass is quoted as follows: "i looked over and expected a moon, not a jungle."-justin, aka tight-pants-emo-hair-

side note. i want to take our puppy camping. but she still may be too young and rambunctious to let lose in the woods.

side note #2: i enjoy long walks on the beach.

side note #3: Tony's plow has the biggest plow in the state.

Sorry, I just had to

trippin

I just wanted to let you know spring trippers that I have off from May 8-mid june want to plan a trip hike, backpack whatev.

Hee he

CHICAGO -- A judge set bail at $100,000 for a man accused of masturbating in the women's locker room of a downtown health club this weekend.Matthew Williams, 35, of the 1100 block of North State Street was watching several women shower at the Bally Total Fitness, 800 S. Wells St., according to court records.He has been arrested for public indecency several times, Cook County Assistant State's Atty. Lisa Egan said, and has been convicted at least twice, according to court records.A club employee saw Williams at about 1 p.m. Saturday and detained him until police arrived, court records say.

Thinking of you Brain..........

I mean Byron, I mean Catbean, I mean Brawny, shit I'm baked. It doesn't take much for a finger to get stoned.

I submit the following for consideration for Bizzaros Of The Year:

Elias Koteas (aka Casey Jones)
Christopher Meloni (aka that guy from Law and Order SVU)

Y'all Reno 911 fans

Reno movie
I love the fact that Paul Rudd is the druglord. The man is straight up funny.

Don't forget about Kaiser's music request below. The man needs music ASAP (FYI).

Music

I am washed up for music right now so give me your single most favorite band right now. Not of all time...but what is striking your fancy today.

How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop?

"During the 2nd semester of an engineering class at Purdue University,they reported that their 'licking machine,' modeled after a humantongue, took an average of 364 licks to get to the center of aTootsie-Pop. Then they tried to test 20 volunteers and found that ittook the volunteers and average of 252 licks. And then a chemicalengineering doctorate student from the University of Michigan recordedthat his licking machine required an average of 411 licks per TootsiePop. Soon after that, a group of students at Swathmore School usedhuman lickers in a scientific experiment and determined it took anaverage of 144 licks to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop. So thereare the results taken from the only 'official' Tootsie Pop lickingexperiments. The problem we have is the distance of difference thatwas encountered in our studies. But this is the reason for the majordifference in the higher and lower number.......you MUST remember theoverall surface area of everyone's tongue IS NOT the same and thedensity of the papilla(taste buds) IS NOT the same in every person,thus resulting in the difference in the number of licks!"

Vegas Days 3 & 4

I’ll make this one short and sweet.

Day 3: Tour the strip, find beloved “Golden Putti”, take in a ridiculous patriotic light show that I had convinced everyone would be awesome, drink and watch other people gamble.

Day 4: Rent a car, tour the desert, drag self through endless blazing hot desert walk while not of "sound mind", catch the ol’ red-eye, get alternate ride home because car impounded, stress out with Dee about whether or not the desert scorched our fetus.

It didn't, fortunately.

Scorpio

This is my horoscope for today:

If you're invited to a fancy dress ball tonight, dress fancy and go, whether or not you have a partner. (If you don't, chances are you will by the end of the fancy dress ball). Today is a good day for you to get out in public and show yourself. It will remind you, for one thing, just how much stuff you've got. And it will introduce you (and your stuff) to a few new admirers.



Fancy dress ball!?!? What year is this? Where am I? And I'm supposed to go show my stuff in public?

Vegas Day 2

We woke up, took in some theme store window-shopping, and gambled a bit. I was up but Dee was down. Video poker—live the dream. I found a big mother fu$#ing slot machine and swore I’d play it later. It was soooo big. Around this time I began calling Dee a “loose nickel slut” in reference to the nickel slots that peppered the casino floor. She loved it, needless to say. A short while later it was wedding time, and we had some fun dressing up. Dee was “Doll Face”, I was “Tim from accounting”, our hotel mate Steve was “Lime Ricky” (he had a green sportcoat), and Beca was “Tit lips”. Prior to this, we went to a slummy convenient store for our supplies (whisky, eyelashes, etc.). The clerks were makeuped to hell and seemed to be crusty ex- (or failed) showgirls. Depressing place. While shopping we shared stories of Vegas sightings from the previous night including that crotch-pole incident, a middle-of-the-street CPR emergency, and a drug bust.

The wedding took place at one of those quaint and quirky Vegas chapels. Several guests brought whisky, some were wearing jeans and sandals (e.g. the Bride’s father, a pot-crazy DJ from Hawaii), and there was a waiting line for the marriage. Perfect Vegas style. The best moment was when the bride and groom entered--he was wearing the gown and she was wearing the tux (which fit well with his long hair length and her short hair). Big round of applause and laughter. The rest of the ceremony was nice, and afterwards we attended the reception. It was held near the top of the stratosphere tower with an amazing view, delicious food and a free bar to boot (although I brought whisky in case). We would up sitting with the grandparents, but with sober Dee’s help we managed not to embarrass or upset them. After awhile we snuck out to ride the “Get off” ride atop the tower. Another ride, the “Get down”, looked cooler so we opted for that. Big mistake. It was a silly little car that jutted us a few feet off of the tower, and then back and forth a few times. Now that I think about it, our ride should really have the “get off” name. Disappointed but not deterred, we headed to the tower-top lounge for some more drinky-drinky. Some guest tried to lecture me about Absinthe, so I eye-gouged him. Well, I should have at least. That’s Vegas day 2.

Vegas

Dee and I just returned from a whirlwind Las Vegas trip for a wedding. Want to know what we saw? And what saw us? Well, now you can…and more.

Day 1

We arrive to our hotel, the Stratosphere, on Friday evening. After checking in, we seek out dinner at the Hilton Hotel. Lines are ridiculous. I finally eat a pork sandwich, which will haunt my bowels for the remainder of the trip. We then find the bride and groom at a Star Trek bar, complete with costumed hosts and glowing orb drinks. Steve tries to touch some Trek ass. Dee and I go home early—she’s preggers after all. Bride, Groom and crew continue on to a Karaoke bar somewhere down the strip. Although I don’t see it myself, the following scenario is laid out for me the following morning: Two drunken jocky dudes take turns grinding an equally drunken skirted girl on the dance floor, seemingly in competition with each other. One jocky dude starts swing dancing with her. They’re all over the place; no rhythm or control. Then the dude throws the girl up way over his head. You know those poles that hold waiting line rope up? The girl comes down—from 6 feet up, mind you—crotch first onto one of those polls. She reels over in pain while jocky dude scampers off.

That’s Vegas Day 1.

observations

if you ever get a chance to see a spinal tap cover band, see this band.

blackberries are delicious, but unfortunately seedy.

moonkeybone is actually a delightful movie if you can get high enough

breakfast is either overrated or underrated.

kerry's baby is hairy. there's a Harry Karay joke in this somewhere, but I just can't find it.


if you don't own a george foreman grill, you're a terrorist.

q-tipping ears is addictive

the little thing in guinness bottles, that fills my guiness with delicious scottish nitrogen is not worth breaking glass all over your driveway to disect.

curtis is part of my conscience.

spider solitaire, on the difficult setting, is impossible to beat and the scourge of my afternoon.

the simpsons writers, or the cournoyer cuzzin, should write a mcbain movie.

it might be time to start planning a wisconsin cousin party.

Down with Fraggle Rock

Kate's baby mouse. Sprocket the dog from Fraggle Rock. A beer that I found in a Polish grocery store(tastes exactly as advertised). And my dope new ride, The Apollo 3 Speed. Hell yeah!